# Is touching co-workers OK? **URL:** \ **Category:** Great Debates\ **Created:** [May 3, 2019, 3:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-touching-co-workers-ok/833424 "2019-05-03T15:42:12Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 18
**Author:** ![Slash1972](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/slash1972/32/6461_2.png) [@Slash1972](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Slash1972)\ **Post date:** [May 7, 2019, 5:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-touching-co-workers-ok/833424/341 "2019-05-07T17:27:02Z")
> [@DrDeth](#): > > But this _ **IS** _ a slippery slope argument. This whole Thread. Look, everyone agrees that Sexual harassment, including any sort of sexual touching is inappropriate. The slippery slope now moves it down to \*any sort of touching at all, \*including tapping someone on the shoulder to get their attention. But why do you HAVE to tap them on the shoulder? There is no other action that you can take to get someone’s attention? It MUST be tapping them on the shoulder? ---
**Author:** ![DrDeth](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/b487fb/32.png) [@DrDeth](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DrDeth)\ **Post date:** [May 7, 2019, 5:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-touching-co-workers-ok/833424/342 "2019-05-07T17:27:19Z")
> [@begbert2](#): > > After all this discussion, I’m still really failing to see why the pro-touchers believe that they should be allowed to by default _assume_ that touching a co-worker is okay. They’re aware that not everybody likes it, but they feel like they should be able to just go around grabbing people and find out who likes it by waiting to see if they get punched, or whatever. I mean, sure, I understand being selfish and lazy and not caring too much about other people, who might dislike it but suffer in silence so as not to be the bad guy, but really is it _that hard_ not to presume? Because I have never met anyone who objected to being tapped on the shoulder to get their attention. I am sure there are a LOT of things people do that annoy other people- wearing Brut aftershave, having their clothes stink of smoking, whistling in their cube, cooking smelly things or popcorn in the microwave, taking their shoes off under their desk, being a old person in a unit of young people- being a young person in a group of older people, having a odd laugh, constantly telling people about their kids, dogs, whatever, Bragging about their new car, talking loudly on the phone, etc etc: [https://www.inc.com/kevin-daum/34-things-you-do-that-annoy-your-co-workers-but-they-rarely-tell-you.html](https://www.inc.com/kevin-daum/34-things-you-do-that-annoy-your-co-workers-but-they-rarely-tell-you.html) > **[The 26 Most Annoying Things About Working In An Office](https://www.buzzfeed.com/lukelewis/most-annoying-things-about-working-in-an-office)** > > As suggested by this study, and this thread on Facebook. ---
**Author:** ![DrDeth](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/b487fb/32.png) [@DrDeth](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DrDeth)\ **Post date:** [May 7, 2019, 5:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-touching-co-workers-ok/833424/343 "2019-05-07T17:28:47Z")
> [@Czarcasm](#): > > Tired of this bait-and-switch crap, where I specify a specific part of the body and you switch it to a clothed and less intimate other part of the body. Don’t bother doing this any more-it didn’t fool people the first time any more than it did the fourth. You “bait and switched” by adding “bare’ to the Op, and also Grabbing” instead of touching. ---
**Author:** ![DrDeth](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/b487fb/32.png) [@DrDeth](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DrDeth)\ **Post date:** [May 7, 2019, 5:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-touching-co-workers-ok/833424/344 "2019-05-07T17:30:31Z")
> [@Slash1972](#): > > But why do you HAVE to tap them on the shoulder? There is no other action that you can take to get someone’s attention? It MUST be tapping them on the shoulder? Raising your voice is _also_ annoying to many. \*ANYthing \*can be annoying. And tapping them on the shoulder makes it so the whole office isnt alerted. ---
**Author:** ![Czarcasm](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/czarcasm/32/4050_2.png) [@Czarcasm](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Czarcasm)\ **Post date:** [May 7, 2019, 5:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-touching-co-workers-ok/833424/345 "2019-05-07T17:31:06Z")
> [@DrDeth](#): > > You “bait and switched” by adding “bare’ to the Op, and also Grabbing” instead of touching. You already brought this up-Did you forget my response already? ---
**Author:** ![Czarcasm](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/czarcasm/32/4050_2.png) [@Czarcasm](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Czarcasm)\ **Post date:** [May 7, 2019, 5:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-touching-co-workers-ok/833424/346 "2019-05-07T17:33:55Z")
> [@DrDeth](#): > > Raising your voice is _also_ annoying to many. \*ANYthing \*can be annoying. > > And tapping them on the shoulder makes it so the whole office isnt alerted. I don’t suppose whispering ever occurred to you? ---
**Author:** ![Slash1972](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/slash1972/32/6461_2.png) [@Slash1972](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Slash1972)\ **Post date:** [May 7, 2019, 5:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-touching-co-workers-ok/833424/347 "2019-05-07T17:34:13Z")
> [@DrDeth](#): > > Raising your voice is _also_ annoying to many. \*ANYthing \*can be annoying. > > And tapping them on the shoulder makes it so the whole office isnt alerted. Surprisingly, I just had a situation today. Guy in front of me at 7-11 dropped his metro card. I said “Excuse me” and he turned around and I told him he dropped his card. I didn’t raise my voice and didn’t touch anyone without their consent. It just seems so easy. ---
**Author:** ![filmore](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/7993a0/32.png) [@filmore](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/filmore)\ **Post date:** [May 7, 2019, 5:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-touching-co-workers-ok/833424/348 "2019-05-07T17:35:20Z")
> [@DrDeth](#): > > But this _ **IS** _ a slippery slope argument. This whole Thread. Look, everyone agrees that Sexual harassment, including any sort of sexual touching is inappropriate. The slippery slope now moves it down to \*any sort of touching at all, \*including tapping someone on the shoulder to get their attention. > > In any case, some people \*are \*uncomfortable by direct eye contact, etc. That’s not a made up thing. Making eye contact and talking is pretty much essential to a business operations. If employees were prevented from doing basic things like that, it would have a massive impact on the business’s operations. If someone is incapable of interacting with coworkers, then a business office is no the place for them. But if employees touch or don’t touch, the difference would hardly be noticeable to the business. Rather than a touch on the arm, someone could hold up a hand, or say “excuse me” or do something else to get attention. The business operations are pretty much identical either way. But without touching, there’s no worries about all the fallout from unwanted touching. No one has to go to HR, no one has to get reprimanded by HR, no hard feelings, so badmouthing the toucher or touchee, etc. ---
**Author:** ![begbert2](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/begbert2/32/3357_2.png) [@begbert2](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/begbert2)\ **Post date:** [May 7, 2019, 5:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-touching-co-workers-ok/833424/349 "2019-05-07T17:41:36Z")
> [@DrDeth](#): > > Because I have never met anyone who objected to being tapped on the shoulder to get their attention. Define “objected”. > [@DrDeth](#): > > I am sure there are a LOT of things people do that annoy other people- wearing Brut aftershave, having their clothes stink of smoking, whistling in their cube, cooking smelly things or popcorn in the microwave, taking their shoes off under their desk, being a old person in a unit of young people- being a young person in a group of older people, having a odd laugh, constantly telling people about their kids, dogs, whatever, Bragging about their new car, talking loudly on the phone, etc etc: > > [https://www.inc.com/kevin-daum/34-things-you-do-that-annoy-your-co-workers-but-they-rarely-tell-you.html](https://www.inc.com/kevin-daum/34-things-you-do-that-annoy-your-co-workers-but-they-rarely-tell-you.html) > [The 26 Most Annoying Things About Working In An Office](https://www.buzzfeed.com/lukelewis/most-annoying-things-about-working-in-an-office) So, is the argument that all the people in the universe are horrible shit people, so you should get to be horrible too, because the bad actions of other people justify bad behavior on your part? Gotta say, this is a shit argument when the republicans do it, and it’s pretty shit here too. ---
**Author:** ![DrDeth](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/b487fb/32.png) [@DrDeth](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DrDeth)\ **Post date:** [May 7, 2019, 5:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-touching-co-workers-ok/833424/350 "2019-05-07T17:45:10Z")
[QUOTE=DrDeth;21629506… [https://www.inc.com/kevin-daum/34-things-you-do-that-annoy-your-co-workers-but-they-rarely-tell-you.html](https://www.inc.com/kevin-daum/34-things-you-do-that-annoy-your-co-workers-but-they-rarely-tell-you.html) [https://www.buzzfeed.com/lukelewis/most-annoying-things-about-working-in-an-office[/QUOTE]](https://www.buzzfeed.com/lukelewis/most-annoying-things-about-working-in-an-office%5B/QUOTE%5D) You know that is interesting about those two rather long lists? “Tapping someone on the shoulder” or anything like that is not on either. Altho several here have claimed that a desire to not be touched is nigh universal, it’s odd it isnt even mentioned. ---
**Author:** ![DrDeth](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/b487fb/32.png) [@DrDeth](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DrDeth)\ **Post date:** [May 7, 2019, 5:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-touching-co-workers-ok/833424/351 "2019-05-07T17:47:13Z")
> [@Czarcasm](#): > > You already brought this up-Did you forget my response already? You evidently did. ---
**Author:** ![begbert2](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/begbert2/32/3357_2.png) [@begbert2](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/begbert2)\ **Post date:** [May 7, 2019, 5:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-touching-co-workers-ok/833424/352 "2019-05-07T17:51:23Z")
> [@DrDeth](#): > > You know that is interesting about those two rather long lists? > > “Tapping someone on the shoulder” or anything like that is not on either. Altho several here have claimed that a desire to not be touched is nigh universal, it’s odd it isnt even mentioned. Cite on anybody saying that the desire not to be touched is “nigh universal”. And also, so fucking what? Are there things more annoying than being tapped on the shoulder? Yes. I could come up with a top ten list of annoying things that didn’t include touching, and only five of them would be fatal. Does this mean that everything that’s not on that specific list is perfectly okay to do? (The answer’s going to be “yes”, isn’t it. Pantsing other people’s not on your lists, so it’s perfectly okay to do, because the lists are somehow authoritative in this discussion.) ---
**Author:** ![Left\_Hand\_of\_Dorkness](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/left_hand_of_dorkness/32/7156_2.png) [@Left\_Hand\_of\_Dorkness](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Left_Hand_of_Dorkness)\ **Post date:** [May 7, 2019, 6:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-touching-co-workers-ok/833424/353 "2019-05-07T18:00:50Z")
> [@DrDeth](#): > > A mild phobia is not a mental disorder Nothing you’ve said in this thread has risen to the level of a reasonable point, in my opinion, so I’m not especially interested in engaging in discussion with you. Ridiculous statements like this one are a big piece of why. > [@Kimstu](#): > > This is a silly exaggeration of my reasonable point. We’re not talking about universal mandates requiring that all possible physical disturbances be minimized in **all** possible circumstances within a society. Absolutely. This is not a simple conversation, and exaggerating it to make it seem simple is a bad approach. I may disagree with you (for example, I find the distinction you drew earlier between physical problems like shouldertaps and smells, and verbal problems like humor and health discussions, to be arbitrary), but I’ll try to do so by fairly representing what you’re saying. > [@Slash1972](#): > > That’s the same thing I ask myself during and after all the other threads we’ve had on this. Sometimes it seems like a biological imperative to touch other people at work. Y’know what Kimstu said earlier to Ultravires? The part I quoted earlier? Back atcha, manson. How about representing people accurately instead? > [@Slash1972](#): > > But why do you HAVE to tap them on the shoulder? There is no other action that you can take to get someone’s attention? It MUST be tapping them on the shoulder? Of course I don’t have to tap them on the shoulder. However, it’s often the most efficient approach. Yesterday at the meeting when I was trying to gain someone’s attention unobtrusively, it seemed better to me. I could’ve leaned way over and whispered in their ear, thereby avoiding any physical contact; but personally I’d find that more invasive of personal space, more intimate, and would predict a worse reaction. Yesterday during the assembly where there was too much noise and someone needed to get my attention, the backhand tap on my arm was an efficent and low-intrusive way to get my attention: they could’ve tried to stand in front of me, but that would risk stepping on a student, and also would’ve been pretty intrusive. ---
**Author:** ![Slash1972](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/slash1972/32/6461_2.png) [@Slash1972](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Slash1972)\ **Post date:** [May 7, 2019, 6:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-touching-co-workers-ok/833424/354 "2019-05-07T18:03:46Z")
> [@DrDeth](#): > > You know that is interesting about those two rather long lists? > > “Tapping someone on the shoulder” or anything like that is not on either. Altho several here have claimed that a desire to not be touched is nigh universal, it’s odd it isnt even mentioned. I’m sure sexual harassment bothers coworkers, but I don’t see it on those lists. ---
**Author:** ![Slash1972](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/slash1972/32/6461_2.png) [@Slash1972](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Slash1972)\ **Post date:** [May 7, 2019, 6:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-touching-co-workers-ok/833424/355 "2019-05-07T18:04:54Z")
> [@Left\_Hand\_of\_Dorkness](#): > > Of course I don’t have to tap them on the shoulder. Then don’t. ---
**Author:** ![Slash1972](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/slash1972/32/6461_2.png) [@Slash1972](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Slash1972)\ **Post date:** [May 7, 2019, 6:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-touching-co-workers-ok/833424/356 "2019-05-07T18:07:17Z")
> [@Left\_Hand\_of\_Dorkness](#): > > Back atcha, manson. How about representing people accurately instead? Fair enough, but I did say ‘sometimes’ and ‘seems like’. It wasn’t definitive, nor calling any specific people out. However, the sheer determination of will that some people have to defend touching in the workplace is amazing to me. ---
**Author:** ![Czarcasm](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/czarcasm/32/4050_2.png) [@Czarcasm](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Czarcasm)\ **Post date:** [May 7, 2019, 6:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-touching-co-workers-ok/833424/357 "2019-05-07T18:09:31Z")
I’m loving this false dilemma of “Would you rather they be touched, or shouted at?”. ---
**Author:** ![Slash1972](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/slash1972/32/6461_2.png) [@Slash1972](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Slash1972)\ **Post date:** [May 7, 2019, 6:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-touching-co-workers-ok/833424/358 "2019-05-07T18:11:42Z")
> [@Left\_Hand\_of\_Dorkness](#): > > Of course I don’t have to tap them on the shoulder. However, it’s often the most efficient approach. Yesterday at the meeting when I was trying to gain someone’s attention unobtrusively, it seemed better to me. I could’ve leaned way over and whispered in their ear, thereby avoiding any physical contact; but personally I’d find that more invasive of personal space, more intimate, and would predict a worse reaction. Yesterday during the assembly where there was too much noise and someone needed to get my attention, the backhand tap on my arm was an efficent and low-intrusive way to get my attention: they could’ve tried to stand in front of me, but that would risk stepping on a student, and also would’ve been pretty intrusive. Also, I’m not sure if I’ve been clear, but these are people you know, who you’ve worked with, and know who doesn’t like what, and they know you. I don’t think anyone who is advocating “Don’t touch people” means you should immediately stop doing what you are doing with what seem like good friends of yours. Just, if a new person shows up, don’t start touching and whatnot without knowing if they like it. Don’t treat it as “Well, all the other people who work here don’t mind a tap on the arm to get their attention, why should the new person? If he/she doesn’t like it, he/she can tell me to my face, and not run off to HR like a crybaby” ---
**Author:** ![DrDeth](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/b487fb/32.png) [@DrDeth](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DrDeth)\ **Post date:** [May 7, 2019, 6:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-touching-co-workers-ok/833424/359 "2019-05-07T18:18:55Z")
> [@Slash1972](#): > > I’m sure sexual harassment bothers coworkers, but I don’t see it on those lists. Sexual harassment, stealing, racism, physical assaults, etc are not annoying, they are illegal. Thus, they go beyond “annoying” and wouldn’t be including on any sane persons list of “things that bother people”. ---
**Author:** ![raventhief](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/raventhief/32/4_2.png) [@raventhief](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/raventhief)\ **Post date:** [May 7, 2019, 6:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-touching-co-workers-ok/833424/360 "2019-05-07T18:22:19Z")
> [@DrDeth](#): > > Sexual harassment, stealing, racism, physical assaults, etc are not annoying, they are illegal. Thus, they go beyond “annoying” and wouldn’t be including on any sane persons list of “things that bother people”. This list includes it: [https://www.monster.com/career-advice/article/7-bad-habits-that-are-secretly-driving-your-co-workers-crazy](https://www.monster.com/career-advice/article/7-bad-habits-that-are-secretly-driving-your-co-workers-crazy) [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-touching-co-workers-ok/833424.md?page=17) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-touching-co-workers-ok/833424.md?page=19)