# Is viewing porn cheating? **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [January 5, 2001, 5:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-viewing-porn-cheating/48594 "2001-01-05T17:07:14Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 3
**Author:** ![Kricket](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/f14d63/32.png) [@Kricket](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kricket)\ **Post date:** [January 6, 2001, 2:03am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-viewing-porn-cheating/48594/41 "2001-01-06T02:03:07Z")
Oh, Chef love. You didn’t let me know about this thread. (BTW when you get a chance I would love one of those letters) One more question and then I am done with my hijack here. dpr and Chef, the rules in the marriage thread state that you can be proposed to anywhere on the board. So, I am asking you both to be my virtual husbands. Oh, wait would that be cheating? Now, imho porn is not cheating. Of course this is comming from a person who believes alot of things aren’t cheating, but I had a different marriage than most. What about the 1-800-callme lines? Is that cheating. Even in my mariage the way it is if one or the other of us went out and slept with someone with out the other persons knowledge than that is cheating. Thoughts are thoughts, and until you act on them they are nothing more. ---
**Author:** ![Chef\_Troy](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/85f322/32.png) [@Chef\_Troy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Chef_Troy)\ **Post date:** [January 6, 2001, 3:50am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-viewing-porn-cheating/48594/42 "2001-01-06T03:50:26Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Kricket \* > **Oh, Chef love. You didn’t let me know about this thread. > (BTW when you get a chance I would love one of those letters)** Do you mean THIS thread, about viewing porn, or the letters thread? Gee, I thought every single woman ON the SDMB, and a goodly number of the men, not only knew about the love-letter thread but had demanded a letter therein. I’ll do one for you as soon as I clear out the backlog. Unless you wanted an NC-17 one… those I send via e-mail to avoid running afoul of the SDMB’s admittedly lax standards of decency. It may take a little while though, unless I’m inspired by some naughty pix… _hopeful grin_ > [@](#): > > \*More from Kricket \* > **One more question and then I am done with my hijack here. dpr and Chef, the rules in the marriage thread state that you can be proposed to anywhere on the board. So, I am asking you both to be my virtual husbands.** Where’s the ring? 😃 All kidding aside, I deliriously, ecstatically accept your proposal, Kricket. Does this mean I’m virtually married to Mr. Kricket too? (or would that be a Virtual Civil Union?) ---
**Author:** ![DocDaneeka](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/c68b51/32.png) [@DocDaneeka](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DocDaneeka)\ **Post date:** [January 6, 2001, 3:51am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-viewing-porn-cheating/48594/43 "2001-01-06T03:51:42Z")
My friend and I actually got into a similar discussion the other day. I may get stupid and post the basis of that discussion as another topic, but part of it applies here. There seems to be mixed feelings as to whether cybersex is cheating. I have mixed feelings myself. Technologically, we are not far from the time when very realistic sex simulations will be possible. For those of you who feel that cybersex is NOT cheating, what about participating with someone via a virtual sex simulation? Is this cheating? There’s no actual touching of the other person’s body, but the senses may not know that. How about a sex simulation that’s controlled by a computer and not a human, like a Holodeck fantasy or VR simulation. Is that cheating? In this case, there’s no interaction with another person. Merely a machine. This seems to me to be the high-tech equivalent of erotica or pornography and masturbation, or at worst (or best), masturbation with an extremely sophisticated vibrator. How about if machines were to become sentient? (Ok, I know, I’m going WAY out there now. Next I’ll be bringing up aliens). If machines were concious, does that move sex acts from masturbation to cheating, all of a sudden? I’m not sure how I’d feel about this myself. My grandchildren may have a lot of new things to worry about. **TroubleAgain** , thanks for the reference. In the discussion I had, he didn’t focus on adultery. ALL evil thoughts were basically evil deeds in God’s eyes, according to what he was saying. AND, as I said, good thoughts weren’t as powerful. Again I say, what a gyp. You made a great point about your self doubts contributing to your feelings about this issue. That’s my main problem. In theory, I believe in total sexual freedom. As long as all parties involved are honest and not out to hurt one another, everyone should be able to do what they want with their own bodies without any hurt feelings or apologies. In practice, however, I’m not even close emotionally. I may never be. Ah well. I’ll just have to settle for crazy holodeck sex. 😃 ---
**Author:** ![dpr](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/8797f3/32.png) [@dpr](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/dpr)\ **Post date:** [January 6, 2001, 4:13am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-viewing-porn-cheating/48594/44 "2001-01-06T04:13:23Z")
\*\* Mermaid: \*\*My apologies if I inadvertantly directed anything towards you. I knew your view and didn’t mean to even hint it was anything else. As has been mentioned it was another poster that inspired my rant. I should also say that I agree with \*\* Jack \*\*and \*\* Simetra \*\* in that porn CAN be a bad thing when it becomes addictive and replaces instead of complements. As with so many addictions, too much - especially to the exclusion of others - is far from desirable. However the initial question didn’t relate to the addiction - just to whether it constituted cheating. _applauds \*\* jarbabyj’s \*\* wonderfully honest appraisal and relationship_ I also like \*\* Chef Troy’s \*\* questioning which asks where the line is. Is physical contact required? Or is it only cheating when some form of interaction takes place? Certainly if we graded it on a scale then surely his love letters would be closer to being unfaithful than a magazine or video of people you don’t know and probably won’t meet. The letters - and chatrooms - introduce a personal interaction and take it to the next level introudcing emotional responses and attachments. Another topic for another time perhaps. > [@](#): > > \*posted by Tygr \* > The ultimate defining of the levels of cheating is determined, not by his morality, but by his wife’s. All too true which brings me to my next point. How often is a female’s condemnation (and I’m not taling about neutrality) of porn based on her self-image and insecurities? Add in so-called moral upbringing to the mixture and we have a rather potent mix of intolerance and fear. So while I agree to a certain extent to all those who posted that it depends ont he arbritary rules agreed by the couple, I’d also encourage an exploration of exactly WHY the rules are set the way they are. The hypocrisy of porn being evil in the eyes of a girl who then reads escapist romances annoys the hell out of me. IMHO all too often it comes down to her insecruties “Why does he want to look at other women? What’s wrong with me?” She simply doesn’t know or realise that most of the time porn is an exercise for the imagination and NOT a wish for an alternative to her. Perhaps this is another reflection of the lack of honesty and open communication all too prevelant in today’s society. Oh look, \*\* jarbabyj \*\* said the same thing much more concisely than I. _sighs_ > [@](#): > > _posted by Kricket_ > Thoughts are thoughts, and until you act on them they are nothing more. Amen \*\*Kricket. \*\* [tangent] And although I haven’t ventured into the Marriage thread I’m deeply touched by your proposal and accept it forthwith. Incidentally, you should check out the results of the quiz in tatertot’s thread: if you’re the same Kricket then we compared very well… btw did you ever get those ghost pictures? [/tangent] ```auto 1948: Gandhi was assassinated, The U.S. Supreme Court ruled that religious instruction in public schools is unconstitutional, The point-contact transistor was introduced as a replacement for the vacuum tube (miniaturisation begins), Babe Ruth died, first Olympics since 1936, IRS chief Joseph Nunan was convicted of tax evasion ``` ---
**Author:** ![Kricket](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/f14d63/32.png) [@Kricket](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kricket)\ **Post date:** [January 6, 2001, 4:33am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-viewing-porn-cheating/48594/45 "2001-01-06T04:33:36Z")
dpr I am so flattered that you remembered the ghosts! That was from when I first got here. And yeah, I saw that we are pretty compatable. Look me up if you have ICQ #16971971. As for you guys having to put up with the RL hubby, don’t worry about it he says this mb is all mine and he only reads the home page and nothing else. He doesn’t get the message boards. And now, nobody has had any thoughts on what is going on with all of the virtual marriages. I told Mr. Kricket that I proposed to two men on the boards and he didn’t even bat an eye. He has a few different web sites of pictures, and I have some of stories. And if anyone has a good site for erotic stories let me know. I have literotica and whiteshadow already. ---
**Author:** ![tiny\_ham](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/a183cd/32.png) [@tiny\_ham](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/tiny_ham)\ **Post date:** [January 6, 2001, 2:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-viewing-porn-cheating/48594/46 "2001-01-06T14:35:04Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by dpr \* > \*\* > _applauds \*\* jarbabyj’s \*\* wonderfully honest appraisal and relationship_ > > Oh look, \*\* jarbabyj \*\* said the same thing much more concisely than I. _sighs_ Hey guys! My first SDMB compliment from a seasoned user!!! ::clapping, dancing, stripping:: What’s the protocol? Do I send you a card or a dirty story now? or just the naked pictures that were required to join the board? (I think that may have been a scam) jarbaby ---
**Author:** ![dewt](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/9dc877/32.png) [@dewt](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/dewt)\ **Post date:** [January 6, 2001, 9:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-viewing-porn-cheating/48594/47 "2001-01-06T21:58:41Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by DocDaneeka \* > \*\*Oh well. Guess I’m stuck just being me. \*\* Doc, what an interesting life you haven’t lived. 😉 We can all agree that somewhere there is a line drawn that separates cheating from not-cheating. That line can be blurry and even move depending on a couple/individuals beliefs and/or state of mind. My personal definition of where that line lays is determined by the level of sexual/romantic interaction with someone other than my wife. For me it’s a pretty clear line. If there’s **any** interaction of a sexual/romantic nature, then it’s cheating. For example: sex with someone else - cheating kissing someone else - cheating kissing Aunt Mary on the cheek - not cheating Flirting with someone else - cheating phone sex - cheating cyber sex - cheating looking at porn - not cheating looking at too much porn - not cheating writing porn - not cheating doing research for writing porn - cheating going out for a romantic dinner with someone else - cheating Intimite email relationship - cheating etc… Anyway, that’s my definition of it. The other thing I keep in mind… I ask myself “Would my SO be comfortable with this?” That settles it very simply." An ‘open’ relationship wherein the couples agree that they will pursue other physical relationships doesn’t neccesarily comprise itself of cheaters. ---
**Author:** ![dewt](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/9dc877/32.png) [@dewt](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/dewt)\ **Post date:** [January 6, 2001, 10:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-viewing-porn-cheating/48594/48 "2001-01-06T22:01:06Z")
Here’s one to consider? What about those IRL married folk who are virtually married to someone else? ---
**Author:** ![iampunha](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/74df32/32.png) [@iampunha](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/iampunha)\ **Post date:** [January 6, 2001, 11:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-viewing-porn-cheating/48594/49 "2001-01-06T23:03:50Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Medea’s Child \* > \*\*Of course, maybe if I understood the attraction porn has I’d be worried. As it is, pictures don’t do much for me. \*\* Welcome to the club. I tried explaining that in #straightdope one night . . . ---
**Author:** ![Kricket](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/f14d63/32.png) [@Kricket](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kricket)\ **Post date:** [January 7, 2001, 4:56am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-viewing-porn-cheating/48594/50 "2001-01-07T04:56:58Z")
Dewt, I mentioned that in my last post, but nobody has answered me either, so it must be okay. 😃 ---
**Author:** ![dpr](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/8797f3/32.png) [@dpr](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/dpr)\ **Post date:** [January 7, 2001, 5:10am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-viewing-porn-cheating/48594/51 "2001-01-07T05:10:41Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by jarbabyj \* > \*\* > > > [@](#): > > > > \*Originally posted by dpr \* > > \*\* > > _applauds \*\* jarbabyj’s \*\* wonderfully honest appraisal and relationship_ > > > > Oh look, \*\* jarbabyj \*\* said the same thing much more concisely than I. _sighs_ > > \*\* > Hey guys! My first SDMB compliment from a seasoned user!!! ::clapping, dancing, stripping:: > > What’s the protocol? Do I send you a card or a dirty story now? or just the naked pictures that were required to join the board? (I think that may have been a scam) > > jarbaby \*\* Yes you now have to send me a dirty story &/or naked pictures. What!!! A scam? You haven’t done that yet??? You’ll get found out you know!!! And then you’ll be in trouble!!! Quick send some nude pics to a reg ASAP!!! And Kricket - I don’t have ICQ atm (this is a borrowed puter and I don’t get mine back till next week) but my ICQ # is 27362333. I hoep to back on next week. We can trade erotic sites - and call it a cyber honeymoon… 😉 ```auto 1951: Mel Gibson born, first commercial colour telecast took place, "The Catcher in the Rye," was first published, Evonne Goolagong, Australian tennis player and first aborigine in an international sport, was born, Joe DiMaggio retires ``` ---
**Author:** ![Kricket](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/f14d63/32.png) [@Kricket](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kricket)\ **Post date:** [January 7, 2001, 5:15am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-viewing-porn-cheating/48594/52 "2001-01-07T05:15:38Z")
Sounds great to me! I will count the hours until you message me my love. ---
**Author:** ![dewt](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/9dc877/32.png) [@dewt](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/dewt)\ **Post date:** [January 7, 2001, 6:11am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-viewing-porn-cheating/48594/53 "2001-01-07T06:11:39Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Kricket \* > \*\*Dewt, I mentioned that in my last post, but nobody has answered me either, so it must be okay. 😃 \*\* Well, _ **I’m** _ not taking any chances! Virtual Celibacy sounds good to me. ---
**Author:** ![beerman](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/85e7bf/32.png) [@beerman](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/beerman)\ **Post date:** [January 7, 2001, 7:47am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-viewing-porn-cheating/48594/54 "2001-01-07T07:47:37Z")
test making sure new stuff works ---
**Author:** ![Quadzilla](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/q/a4c791/32.png) [@Quadzilla](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Quadzilla)\ **Post date:** [January 7, 2001, 8:30am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-viewing-porn-cheating/48594/55 "2001-01-07T08:30:45Z")
I don’t think it is. Simply watching it doesn’t really present any sort of problem for me. Now, if there were action with someone other than my SO while watching, yes. Oh - and just for a brief inquiry/hijack… > [@](#): > > wanna borrow one? Very inspirational, some of them. Back when I worked in a used bookshop, we had a Christian romances section. Has anyone read one of those? I’m curious, but not curious enough to pay $2. [/hijack] ---
**Author:** ![Nymysys](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/f6c823/32.png) [@Nymysys](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Nymysys)\ **Post date:** [January 9, 2001, 1:23am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-viewing-porn-cheating/48594/56 "2001-01-09T01:23:08Z")
\ I just had to read this thread to remind myself of why I miss **dpr** so much. Not that I’d _forgotten,_ but it’s nice to have a reminder. 😃 ---
**Author:** ![vanilla](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/v/f19dbf/32.png) [@vanilla](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/vanilla)\ **Post date:** [January 9, 2001, 2:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-viewing-porn-cheating/48594/57 "2001-01-09T14:40:29Z")
Apologies for not finding this thread til now. Lemme explain. I don’t think Ms. DeAngelis is “out-of-touch”. Every female I’ve ever known in person has felt that their SO’s viewing porn was cheating; after all, what was wrong with her? This must be a female thing, though the females online don’t seem to think so. Its kind of a question of “I’m not enough?” But I don’t think its low self-esteem either. The people in the porn are real people, that turn on the real SO. Maybe its just me; when I have a SO, they are all I need; in fact, I don’t view porn becasue I don’t need to. I don’t masturbate, but thats just me, apparently. ---
**Author:** ![TwistofFate](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/cdc98d/32.png) [@TwistofFate](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TwistofFate)\ **Post date:** [January 9, 2001, 3:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-viewing-porn-cheating/48594/58 "2001-01-09T15:04:07Z")
Just to reiterate the question… the _ **STOVEPIPE?** _ ---
**Author:** ![vanilla](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/v/f19dbf/32.png) [@vanilla](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/vanilla)\ **Post date:** [January 9, 2001, 3:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-viewing-porn-cheating/48594/59 "2001-01-09T15:11:47Z")
I think he’s making it up… ---
**Author:** ![porcupine](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/ac91a4/32.png) [@porcupine](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/porcupine)\ **Post date:** [January 9, 2001, 3:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-viewing-porn-cheating/48594/60 "2001-01-09T15:35:39Z")
**vanilla** , by logical extension of your statement, it seems to me that you would think that masturbating is cheating, as well as fantasizing. After all, the SO shouldn’t need anything else right? [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-viewing-porn-cheating/48594.md?page=2) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-viewing-porn-cheating/48594.md?page=4)