# Is your cat plotting to kill you? **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [August 10, 2011, 2:02am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-your-cat-plotting-to-kill-you/592156 "2011-08-10T02:02:57Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 17\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![Lynn\_Bodoni](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/e47c2d/32.png) [@Lynn\_Bodoni](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lynn_Bodoni)\ **Post date:** [August 10, 2011, 5:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-your-cat-plotting-to-kill-you/592156/21 "2011-08-10T17:48:04Z")
> [@Daylate](#): > > I looked up and saw my kitty gazing down at me like this. How much time do you think I have left? > > [ImageShack - andyb.jpg](http://imageshack.us/photo/my-images/25/andyb.jpg/) That cat is mentally drawing lines on you like [this](http://www.lonelylanefarms.com/cutchartbw45_copy.gif). Or like this:(mildly NSFW): [spoiler][http://www.google.com/imgres?q=meat+chart&hl=en&newwindow=1&safe=off&client=firefox-a&hs=ylD&sa=X&rls=org.mozilla:en-US:official&tbm=isch&prmd=ivns&tbnid=01igGFGylVG2oM:&imgrefurl=http://animalhusbandry.info/&docid=fdNHn-eRDpLSTM&w=565&h=375&ei=M8NCTrbIOcqtsQK9pOCnCQ&zoom=1&iact=hc&vpx=415&vpy=489&dur=836&hovh=183&hovw=276&tx=195&ty=70&page=1&tbnh=136&tbnw=205&start=0&ndsp=29&ved=1t:429,r:15,s:0&biw=1680&bih=854[/spoiler]](http://www.google.com/imgres?q=meat+chart&hl=en&newwindow=1&safe=off&client=firefox-a&hs=ylD&sa=X&rls=org.mozilla:en-US:official&tbm=isch&prmd=ivns&tbnid=01igGFGylVG2oM:&imgrefurl=http://animalhusbandry.info/&docid=fdNHn-eRDpLSTM&w=565&h=375&ei=M8NCTrbIOcqtsQK9pOCnCQ&zoom=1&iact=hc&vpx=415&vpy=489&dur=836&hovh=183&hovw=276&tx=195&ty=70&page=1&tbnh=136&tbnw=205&start=0&ndsp=29&ved=1t:429,r:15,s:0&biw=1680&bih=854%5B/spoiler%5D) ---
**Author:** ![Duke](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/e8c25b/32.png) [@Duke](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Duke)\ **Post date:** [August 10, 2011, 6:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-your-cat-plotting-to-kill-you/592156/22 "2011-08-10T18:01:01Z")
I got 96% too. But I **know** LBC is evil. I’ve seen her torturing insects by almost killing them, letting them walk away and then _SLAP_ back down with her paw. ---
**Author:** ![Daylate](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/9dc877/32.png) [@Daylate](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Daylate)\ **Post date:** [August 10, 2011, 6:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-your-cat-plotting-to-kill-you/592156/23 "2011-08-10T18:04:53Z")
Thanks for the advice, guys. I figured I was toast. ---
**Author:** ![Springtime\_for\_Spacers](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/a3d4f5/32.png) [@Springtime\_for\_Spacers](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Springtime_for_Spacers)\ **Post date:** [August 10, 2011, 6:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-your-cat-plotting-to-kill-you/592156/24 "2011-08-10T18:14:01Z")
My dear Cammie got 72%, that’s ridiculous: she’s far too stupid to\* plot\*. ---
**Author:** ![Wheelz](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/wheelz/32/5718_2.png) [@Wheelz](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Wheelz)\ **Post date:** [August 10, 2011, 6:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-your-cat-plotting-to-kill-you/592156/25 "2011-08-10T18:15:09Z")
Daphne - 85% Velma - 83% If they decide to start working together, I’m in _big_ trouble. ---
**Author:** ![Dr.Girlfriend](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/dr.girlfriend/32/193_2.png) [@Dr.Girlfriend](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dr.Girlfriend)\ **Post date:** [August 11, 2011, 2:56am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-your-cat-plotting-to-kill-you/592156/26 "2011-08-11T02:56:34Z")
My Riley got an 85%… and he did try to kill me yesterday. Tried to give me a stroke or something anyways, and I think that counts. Here’s the story: I wake up yesterday morning to the distinct sound of the cat barfing. Great… So I stumble out to the living room without grabbing my glasses first. I’m sorta nearsighted. I turn on the light, and I can clearly see the cat puke even sans glasses because it’s red. Bright red. Gulp… OMG my cat’s puking blood… what do I do?? Panic mode. Ok find the cat, see how he’s acting. Cat seems as normal as possible, he’s actually prancing around acting like he’s proud of the gift he left me. Ears and nose are cold, eyes bright, breathing normal. Alright… I decide since the cat seems ok to clean up mess so it doesn’t stain the carpet, then call vet hotline. I grab a napkin from the kitchen and scoop up the barf. Not really what I want to be doing at 6am first thing out of bed. I decide to take a closer look at the barf. Hmm, that’s not a normal blood color, it’s pretty bright. Go get glasses. Now that I can see, I can tell that there’s red pieces in the barf. What the heck did the little monster eat? I look around the room and I remember the flowers my boyfriend sent me for my birthday. Red roses. Upon closer inspection one of the roses is looking somewhat raggedy. Riley at least had the decency to look guilty, and my blood pressure did eventually return to normal. Darn cat… And yes, I moved the roses. ---
**Author:** ![Shirley\_Ujest](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/45deac/32.png) [@Shirley\_Ujest](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Shirley_Ujest)\ **Post date:** [August 11, 2011, 3:04am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-your-cat-plotting-to-kill-you/592156/27 "2011-08-11T03:04:48Z")
91% for Lilly, whom we refer to as StalinKitty. 6 pounds of of pure hatred. ---
**Author:** ![Sailboat](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/sailboat/32/461_2.png) [@Sailboat](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sailboat)\ **Post date:** [August 11, 2011, 1:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-your-cat-plotting-to-kill-you/592156/28 "2011-08-11T13:51:29Z")
Our cat doesn’t _plot_, he just flat-out _attacks_. Plus, he’s a Kitler. ---
**Author:** ![Dread\_Pirate\_Jimbo](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/dread_pirate_jimbo/32/3897_2.png) [@Dread\_Pirate\_Jimbo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dread_Pirate_Jimbo)\ **Post date:** [August 11, 2011, 2:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-your-cat-plotting-to-kill-you/592156/29 "2011-08-11T14:17:38Z")
Max comes in at 80%. No big surprise there – she’s always been a little psychotic, what with the purring while fighting and stuff. ---
**Author:** ![picunurse](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/7bcc69/32.png) [@picunurse](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/picunurse)\ **Post date:** [August 11, 2011, 2:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-your-cat-plotting-to-kill-you/592156/30 "2011-08-11T14:21:36Z")
> [@Malleus\_Incus\_Stapes](#): > > Gee, Tikva fits the least scary option in almost all of the questions, and still she’s got a score of 74%. Gotta wonder what their baseline score is. Cassy is a pillow that eats and poos, and she got 80% :eek: I’m afraid to score the devil cat, or the 'fraidy cat. ---
**Author:** ![legalsnugs](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/45deac/32.png) [@legalsnugs](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/legalsnugs)\ **Post date:** [August 11, 2011, 7:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-your-cat-plotting-to-kill-you/592156/31 "2011-08-11T19:25:54Z")
Hoot the Bad Kitty got a 96%. I think he’s mellowing. ---
**Author:** ![california\_jobcase](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/9d8465/32.png) [@california\_jobcase](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/california_jobcase)\ **Post date:** [August 11, 2011, 7:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-your-cat-plotting-to-kill-you/592156/32 "2011-08-11T19:35:54Z")
Only 72%, but the old boy’s always been a licker. Maybe he’s just getting an appetizer for later. ---
**Author:** ![Asimovian](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/asimovian/32/172_2.png) [@Asimovian](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Asimovian)\ **Post date:** [August 11, 2011, 7:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-your-cat-plotting-to-kill-you/592156/33 "2011-08-11T19:39:22Z")
A friend’s cat, in this case, but I nearly died from [Mirrors glaring at me](http://www.flickr.com/photos/asimovian/6032753191/in/photostream) once. ---
**Author:** ![LH75](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/lh75/32/4438_2.png) [@LH75](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/LH75)\ **Post date:** [August 11, 2011, 7:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-your-cat-plotting-to-kill-you/592156/34 "2011-08-11T19:39:38Z")
Jerry came up as 76%. He actually likes us, and goes from lap to lap to snooze. When he is not sleeping it is apparent that he is planning to kill and eat the dog. Jerry hates strangers. ---
**Author:** ![Bosstrain](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/87869e/32.png) [@Bosstrain](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bosstrain)\ **Post date:** [August 12, 2011, 12:08am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-your-cat-plotting-to-kill-you/592156/35 "2011-08-12T00:08:30Z")
Ping-Ping (fat cat), got a 74%, good thing she doesn’t sleep in my room, but I already knew cats would eventually be deadly, as evidenced in this [video](http://www.hulu.com/watch/209651/saturday-night-live-laser-cats-1). ---
**Author:** ![Tequila\_Mockingbird](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/41988e/32.png) [@Tequila\_Mockingbird](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tequila_Mockingbird)\ **Post date:** [August 12, 2011, 7:30am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-your-cat-plotting-to-kill-you/592156/36 "2011-08-12T07:30:48Z")
Hai only scored 76%. Last night she brought us a live mouse. Luckily she caught it again inside the house and we were able to catch it and set it free outside. (She usually brings us live chipmunks. Completely unharmed. We think she’s trying to convince us she should have a pet.) ---
**Author:** ![Cicero](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cicero/32/3594_2.png) [@Cicero](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cicero)\ **Post date:** [August 12, 2011, 10:52am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-your-cat-plotting-to-kill-you/592156/37 "2011-08-12T10:52:59Z")
83%. This after I saved the rotten cats arse yesterday from being eaten by an eagle in our backyard. Ungrateful wretch. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-your-cat-plotting-to-kill-you/592156.md?page=1)