# Is your romantic partner your "best friend"? **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [July 16, 2012, 7:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-your-romantic-partner-your-best-friend/628435 "2012-07-16T19:26:58Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 10\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![Sudden\_Kestrel](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ecd19e/32.png) [@Sudden\_Kestrel](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sudden_Kestrel)\ **Post date:** [July 17, 2012, 12:48am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-your-romantic-partner-your-best-friend/628435/21 "2012-07-17T00:48:39Z")
> [@diggerwam](#): > > Married 20 years next month and my wife has been my bestie for more than 22 years. Not always been an easy set up but she definitely is. Wouldn’t have it any other way My husband and I celebrate our 20th in the fall and have been best friends since the moment we set eyes on each other in 1990. The friend relationship wasn’t as strong in my earlier romantic entanglements, even the ones that started out as “just” friendships. ---
**Author:** ![drewtwo99](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/d07c76/32.png) [@drewtwo99](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/drewtwo99)\ **Post date:** [July 17, 2012, 2:03am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-your-romantic-partner-your-best-friend/628435/22 "2012-07-17T02:03:57Z")
He’s my best friend, sure. Though he’s not the first person that comes to mind when someone says, “who is your best friend?” ---
**Author:** ![Aji\_de\_Gallina](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/aji_de_gallina/32/260_2.png) [@Aji\_de\_Gallina](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Aji_de_Gallina)\ **Post date:** [July 17, 2012, 2:53am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-your-romantic-partner-your-best-friend/628435/23 "2012-07-17T02:53:05Z")
I could not have married a woman who wasn’t my best friend. Even without sex, kisses, and nakedness she’d still be my best friend. ---
**Author:** ![panache45](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/panache45/32/64_2.png) [@panache45](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/panache45)\ **Post date:** [July 17, 2012, 3:05am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-your-romantic-partner-your-best-friend/628435/24 "2012-07-17T03:05:32Z")
> [@Maggie\_the\_Ocelot](#): > > No. I am closer to Husband than anyone else, and vice versa - however, the relationship is romantic, which is deeper than friendship. Why? 😕 > [@](#): > > A friend, or best friend, is someone you aren’t romantically involved with. Why? 😕 > [@](#): > > A friend with benefits is someone you’re sleeping with, but aren’t romantically involved with. Why? 😕 > [@](#): > > If you’re sleeping with them and in love with them, the relationship has by definition moved beyond friendship. To call it that, IMO, is to cheapen it. Why? 😕 And does your husband feel the same way? ---
**Author:** ![CrazyCatLady](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/dfb087/32.png) [@CrazyCatLady](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/CrazyCatLady)\ **Post date:** [July 17, 2012, 4:03am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-your-romantic-partner-your-best-friend/628435/25 "2012-07-17T04:03:59Z")
> [@Maggie\_the\_Ocelot](#): > > No. I am closer to Husband than anyone else, and vice versa - however, the relationship is romantic, which is deeper than friendship. > > If you’re sleeping with them and in love with them, the relationship has by definition moved beyond friendship. To call it that, IMO, is to cheapen it. That’s a steaming load. I know a lot of people who are sleeping together and in love with each other but if they weren’t involved romantically they wouldn’t have any sort of relationship at all because deep down they don’t really _like_ each other as people all that much. If you stripped all the sex and romance and wanting to spend our lives together and other “in love” stuff out of my relationship with my husband, you’d have a friendship–and it would be something deeper, truer, more beautiful, and more enduring than what those people feel for their spouses. Cheapen it, my fucking ass. ---
**Author:** ![Smashed\_Ice\_Cream](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ed8c4c/32.png) [@Smashed\_Ice\_Cream](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Smashed_Ice_Cream)\ **Post date:** [July 17, 2012, 8:40am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-your-romantic-partner-your-best-friend/628435/26 "2012-07-17T08:40:30Z")
My husband of just over a decade is absolutely, positively my best friend of all time. We are incredible buddies, adventure partners allies, cuddlemates, and we like to think are a comedy duo playing perfectly to our nearly identical sense of humor. We’ve been completely comfortable with each other since the day we met. Zero feelings of uncertianty. I have had relationships in the past where I didn’t feel that aspect at all. In my 20s I believe I thought relationships needed to be dramatic and high excitement. Feeling comfy or content made me think something was missing. When hubby and I got together we both were amazed at how EASY the relationship was. And still is. I’m ecstatically happy. Being married with him is simply the easiest thing I do. My repeated advice to yet unmarried friends is “once you meet ‘the one,’ none of your past relationships will make much sense anymore.” I wish I’d known that earlier… ---
**Author:** ![Anaamika](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/5f9b8f/32.png) [@Anaamika](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Anaamika)\ **Post date:** [July 17, 2012, 1:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-your-romantic-partner-your-best-friend/628435/27 "2012-07-17T13:16:17Z")
> [@Maggie\_the\_Ocelot](#): > > If you’re sleeping with them and in love with them, the relationship has by definition moved beyond friendship. To call it that, IMO, is to cheapen it. Cheapens it?! That’s a bit harsh, isn’t it? As others have implied. Of course he and I are best friends - that means that everything outside of the bedroom we are also compatible in. Love is not just sex, it’s not just a partnership, and I for one would never stay with someone I wasn’t also best friends with. ---
**Author:** ![Engineer\_Dude](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/9fc29f/32.png) [@Engineer\_Dude](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Engineer_Dude)\ **Post date:** [July 17, 2012, 1:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-your-romantic-partner-your-best-friend/628435/28 "2012-07-17T13:50:36Z")
Yes. ---
**Author:** ![Woeg](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/df705f/32.png) [@Woeg](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Woeg)\ **Post date:** [July 17, 2012, 2:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-your-romantic-partner-your-best-friend/628435/29 "2012-07-17T14:36:50Z")
My ex was NOT my best friend. We were married, we loved each other (well, at least, I loved her), but we had so little in common. We had nothing to talk about beyond parental responsibilities, nothing in common interest wise. She hated pretty much everything I loved, so I never talked to her about those things. Looking back, its crazy that I never realized how very little we shared in common. The woman I am married to now is totally my best friend. We have tons in common, share points of view on most everything, have similar interests, and though we both still have hobbies the other may not indulge in, we understand the other’s interest in said hobbies and we support each other. When I have something I want to talk about, she’s the first person I think of. When a new geeky toy comes out, she’s the first person I want to gush about it to. When I’m pissy, she’s the person I turn to when I need to vent. Totally my best friend. ---
**Author:** ![Mr.Slant](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/c57346/32.png) [@Mr.Slant](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mr.Slant)\ **Post date:** [July 17, 2012, 4:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-your-romantic-partner-your-best-friend/628435/30 "2012-07-17T16:49:36Z")
Yup. She is absolutely my best friend. We share a ton of interests, and there is no one I want to hang out with more. She is also the only person that’s ever ‘got’ me and understood what I’m thinking, and had similar challenges growing up to what I had. I was, previously, married to a women with whom I shared less. I wish I had known that the current experience was out there… and that love like this existed. Then I could have avoided wasting time and money on other women, while I squirreled away money to have bad-ass vacations with this one when I met her. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-your-romantic-partner-your-best-friend/628435.md?page=1)