# Is your spouse your best friend? **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [August 19, 2010, 2:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-your-spouse-your-best-friend/550739 "2010-08-19T14:16:14Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 13\ **Page:** 3
**Author:** ![Heart\_of\_Dorkness](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/4bbf92/32.png) [@Heart\_of\_Dorkness](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Heart_of_Dorkness)\ **Post date:** [August 19, 2010, 8:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-your-spouse-your-best-friend/550739/41 "2010-08-19T20:15:27Z")
Absolutely. I agree, being a spouse and being a friend are two completely different things. I’m lucky that my guy just so happens to be both. I’m not sure I would have said he was my “best” friend when we first got married, but now, coming up on our third anniversary, he totally is. We are each the Bert to the other’s Ernie. We both have other friends to whom we’re very close, like family, really, but if I had to pick a number-one-buddy, he’s it. I always tell him, “You’re my favorite.” ---
**Author:** ![TheTerribleTako](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/ba8739/32.png) [@TheTerribleTako](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TheTerribleTako)\ **Post date:** [August 19, 2010, 8:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-your-spouse-your-best-friend/550739/42 "2010-08-19T20:42:43Z")
Yup. I call him out on stupid stuff he does and he extends the same courtesy to me. My female friends are great, but they just don’t understand me as fundamentally as he does. It probably helps that I’ve known him longer than all but one of my friends. ---
**Author:** ![Nzinga\_Seated](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/b5ac83/32.png) [@Nzinga\_Seated](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Nzinga_Seated)\ **Post date:** [August 19, 2010, 8:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-your-spouse-your-best-friend/550739/43 "2010-08-19T20:51:19Z")
> [@Heart\_of\_Dorkness](#): > > Absolutely. > > I agree, being a spouse and being a friend are two completely different things. I’m lucky that my guy just so happens to be both. I’m not sure I would have said he was my “best” friend when we first got married, but now, coming up on our third anniversary, he totally is. We are each the Bert to the other’s Ernie. We both have other friends to whom we’re very close, like family, really, but if I had to pick a number-one-buddy, he’s it. > > I always tell him, “You’re my favorite.” Well, Heart of Dorkness, my hubby is my fave too. Because, let’s face it, he can bring me to places of ecstasy that my best friend can’t and wouldn’t. But I got this thing where I like to take a random weekend, find a big city (D.C., NYC, etc.) and rent a hotel, got to all the reggae clubs and eat the soul food, hang out in the slums. Yeah, this would be torture for my husband. But my best friend loves it! On the other hand, my husband and I may debate philosophy (or my _extremely_ limited grasp of it) for hours, whereas my BF would only tolerate that shit from me for about 20 minutes. So yeah, I guess it is about different kinds of relationships. My BF knows that my alliances are with my husband. He and I are in it together. Against the world. But at the same time, he knows how special my BF is to me, and he knows I would do anything at all for her. ---
**Author:** ![Purd\_Werfect](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/e47c2d/32.png) [@Purd\_Werfect](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Purd_Werfect)\ **Post date:** [August 19, 2010, 8:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-your-spouse-your-best-friend/550739/44 "2010-08-19T20:51:58Z")
I don’t have a best friend I don’t think. I have some friends, and a few that I’m very close with, and my spouse is the one that I’m closest with, but I think that’s just because we’ve known each other for almost 30 years and have seen things about the other that no one else has seen. Best friend seems kind of like an idea from when I was younger. Hopefully that doesn’t sound like I’m threadshitting, cause I’m not. It’s an honest IMHO after thinking about the OP’s question. ---
**Author:** ![Smeghead](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/f1d935/32.png) [@Smeghead](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Smeghead)\ **Post date:** [August 19, 2010, 8:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-your-spouse-your-best-friend/550739/45 "2010-08-19T20:56:15Z")
Absolutely. And we were best friends for a long time before considering making it romantic. ---
**Author:** ![Nzinga\_Seated](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/b5ac83/32.png) [@Nzinga\_Seated](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Nzinga_Seated)\ **Post date:** [August 19, 2010, 8:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-your-spouse-your-best-friend/550739/46 "2010-08-19T20:58:30Z")
> [@Purd\_Werfect](#): > > Best friend seems kind of like an idea from when I was younger… > > …Hopefully that doesn’t sound like I’m threadshitting, cause I’m not. It’s an honest IMHO after thinking about the OP’s question. Oh, I don’t think it’s threadshitting at all! As a matter of fact, you may be on to something. My husband has a great sense of humor, but when it comes to downright silliness and goofiness, he has a limit with me. She doesn’t. We are very immature about most things, I think, when we are together. Maybe the type of people that have ‘best friends’ into adulthood have a bit of childishness in them. Well, I shouldn’t say that. I should just speak for myself. I think I am certainly childish in a lot of ways, and my BF is just like me in that regard. It works out though, I think, because I’m mature enough where it counts, I think…hold a steady job, pay my bills, raise my daughter with lots of attention and thoughtfulness. But yeah, definitely on the immature side, overall. ---
**Author:** ![MsWhatsit](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/eb8c5e/32.png) [@MsWhatsit](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MsWhatsit)\ **Post date:** [August 19, 2010, 9:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-your-spouse-your-best-friend/550739/47 "2010-08-19T21:00:34Z")
See, I consider my sister to be my best friend. She is the one who goes to see shitty big-budget disaster movies with me, she goes with me to Mexican restaurants where we eat our own weight in chips and salsa, she is the one who bitches with me about our kids, etc. Does her being my best friend give her higher status than my husband or mean I like her more? No. It’s just a different thing. My husband is my husband and she’s my best friend. ---
**Author:** ![Hilarity\_N.Suze](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/hilarity_n.suze/32/6223_2.png) [@Hilarity\_N.Suze](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Hilarity_N.Suze)\ **Post date:** [August 19, 2010, 9:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-your-spouse-your-best-friend/550739/48 "2010-08-19T21:00:38Z")
My husband isn’t even in the top 5. We were pretty good friends before getting romantically entangled, though. In fact we had a couple of months of discussion about whether a romantic entanglement would end our friendship. In some respects, it did. ---
**Author:** ![Nzinga\_Seated](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/b5ac83/32.png) [@Nzinga\_Seated](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Nzinga_Seated)\ **Post date:** [August 19, 2010, 9:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-your-spouse-your-best-friend/550739/49 "2010-08-19T21:09:04Z")
> [@MsWhatsit](#): > > See, I consider my sister to be my best friend. She is the one who goes to see shitty big-budget disaster movies with me, she goes with me to Mexican restaurants where we eat our own weight in chips and salsa, she is the one who bitches with me about our kids, etc. Does her being my best friend give her higher status than my husband or mean I like her more? No. It’s just a different thing. My husband is my husband and she’s my best friend. I’ve always marveled at people who can be best friends with their sister. I mean, my sisters and I are very close, and I love them to bits, but hanging out with them all the time? Not just on sisters-go-to-the-crab-shack night? Oh no. And I aint a-tellin’ their judgy asses none of my secrets, either! ---
**Author:** ![Infovore](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/infovore/32/420_2.png) [@Infovore](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Infovore)\ **Post date:** [August 19, 2010, 9:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-your-spouse-your-best-friend/550739/50 "2010-08-19T21:39:16Z")
Yes, he’s my best friend. I knew him for 5 years before we got married (21 years ago), and he’s the only person that I can pretty much tell \*anything \*to. I have a hard time getting close to people (I’m a very private person and don’t share many personal details with friends) but with him, I don’t have to worry that he’s going to judge me or think less of me for anything I tell him. I’m pretty sure he feels the same way about me. He \*gets \*me, and not many people do. I can’t really ask more of a best friend. ---
**Author:** ![otternell](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/ecc23a/32.png) [@otternell](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/otternell)\ **Post date:** [August 19, 2010, 9:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-your-spouse-your-best-friend/550739/51 "2010-08-19T21:52:23Z")
He is my best friend - and I can talk to him about anything. I didn’t hang on to any friends from school, and I do have a hard time making new friends. I have a few friends from former jobs that I’ve kept (one is a career friend, the other is my garden friend), but he’s my everything friend. I’m gonna look into joining a local secularist group to try and get some friends more political and in tune with my thoughts. My brother recently had a brain tumor and craniotomy and I am the only person visiting regularly, he’s been quite grumbly about who’s a “true” friend to him. Kinda eye opening. ---
**Author:** ![Tom\_Tildrum](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/e95f7d/32.png) [@Tom\_Tildrum](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tom_Tildrum)\ **Post date:** [August 19, 2010, 10:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-your-spouse-your-best-friend/550739/52 "2010-08-19T22:47:01Z")
Appropriate New Yorker [cartoon](http://www.cartoonbank.com/1995/youre-my-best-male-friend/invt/111742/). ---
**Author:** ![CrazyCatLady](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/dfb087/32.png) [@CrazyCatLady](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/CrazyCatLady)\ **Post date:** [August 19, 2010, 11:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-your-spouse-your-best-friend/550739/53 "2010-08-19T23:38:47Z")
> [@dhkendall](#): > > I like one comedian’s take on it. After making fun of the whole “spouse is best friend” notion, he illustrated it thusly: “My _real_ best friend once said the most idiotic thing in the universe. [He went on to say what it was. I forget, but it was along the lines of things that the SDMB sometimes pick up from the non-Dope population and post on the board for other Dopers to laugh at non-Dopers’ stupidity.] I said to him: ‘That’s the most idiotic thing I ever heard! You’re completely full of shit!’ Now, if my wife had said that, I’d have to go 'mmmm! [obviously biting his tongue] That’s … very profound dear … '” > > Now, I’m sure there’s a few people in this thread who said “yes” to the “spouse=best friend” question who could also feel they can call out spousal stupidity in that manner without fear of reprisal. But to the rest of us, could you _really_ treat your spouse exactly the same way as you treat your next closest friend? If your spouse is a hypersensitive dingleberry who can’t handle any sort of criticism and you have to walk on eggshells around her, you’re not walking on eggshells because she’s your wife. You’re walking on eggshells because she’s a hypersensitive dingleberry who can’t handle criticism. And of course I can’t treat my husband _exactly_ the same as my best girlfriends–I don’t treat them exactly the same as each other, because all three of them are different people with different personalities and respond to things differently. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-your-spouse-your-best-friend/550739.md?page=2)