# Is your wake-up set to Alarm, Music or Fart? **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [May 16, 2002, 6:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-your-wake-up-set-to-alarm-music-or-fart/109428 "2002-05-16T18:57:47Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![lieu](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/c2a13f/32.png) [@lieu](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/lieu)\ **Post date:** [May 16, 2002, 6:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-your-wake-up-set-to-alarm-music-or-fart/109428/1 "2002-05-16T18:57:47Z")
Is your wake-up set to Alarm, Music or Fart? I think it’s important to get the day off to a rippin’ good start. In this quest, I’ve noticed that waking up to the sound of a shrill alarm is way too harsh. In the first place, it’s just a very mean sound. Nothing at all even remotely organic about it. And forget rolling back over for another 5 minutes with that clatter replaying in your head. Plus, has anyone ever seen a volume control for the darn thing? Music? Well yes, it can be pretty pleasant if you’re lucky enough to catch a song you like but often times in the AM it’s the commercials or a yaking DJ that dominate. For me, nothing says “Wake up Sunshine” quite like adding the cold cuts to a big sheet sandwich. In the first place, there’s the whole comfort thing… your body had a request and you’ve just fulfilled it. Then there’s the practicality of it… if you want to sleep longer you just seal the covers like a Ziplock and if you want to get up immediately you take a deep whiff of your noxicity. Simple. For volume control, I remember to adjust the separation between my legs last thing before I drift off each night. The only drawback as I see it is that whether it be the clock or my ass, my wife’s gonna bitch slap one of the two when it goes off. About the only time this method had failed me is when I’ve woken to the mix of abundant gas _and_ diarrhea. Oooh. I just hate it when I Pollock paint my pants. You can’t really keep your shorts after such an event and $14.00 shits get expensive. Plus, just try and win an argument with your wife after you shit the bed. Her: _I think I’ll paint the bathroom pink._ Me: _How about a tope or something._ Her: \* Didn’t you just crap the bed?\* Me: \* Which shade of pink?\* Still, even with the occasional setbacks, it’s a damn fine little device to get me on my way in the morning. ---
**Author:** ![Jman](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/jman/32/4416_2.png) [@Jman](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jman)\ **Post date:** [May 16, 2002, 7:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-your-wake-up-set-to-alarm-music-or-fart/109428/2 "2002-05-16T19:05:19Z")
You are one scary individual. Do not sleep near me. ---
**Author:** ![lieu](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/c2a13f/32.png) [@lieu](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/lieu)\ **Post date:** [May 16, 2002, 7:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-your-wake-up-set-to-alarm-music-or-fart/109428/3 "2002-05-16T19:13:04Z")
Seriously, do you know of another alarm that can self-adjust? If it’s a Saturday and you’ve slept all relaxed that night, your wake-up flattus will likely be a low-pitched melodious rumble… easy to sleep through. But if you’ve got a meeting that day and you’ve fretted about it all night, you’re shit ain’t gonna be right that morning and the calling will likely be more imperative. See? The butt gods had a master plan. ---
**Author:** ![scout1222](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/34f0e0/32.png) [@scout1222](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/scout1222)\ **Post date:** [May 16, 2002, 7:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-your-wake-up-set-to-alarm-music-or-fart/109428/4 "2002-05-16T19:14:51Z")
I’ve got my wake-up set to music. I agree, the alarm is much too harsh. My boyfriend would tell you that his is also set to music, but for some reason the fart wake-up is always sounding off instead. You know, if that wife of yours ever wises up and leaves your smelly ass…well…birds of a feather, as they say. 😃 You crack me up. “adding cold cuts to a big sheet sandwich” - I’m going to remember this. And use it. ---
**Author:** ![lieu](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/c2a13f/32.png) [@lieu](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/lieu)\ **Post date:** [May 16, 2002, 7:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-your-wake-up-set-to-alarm-music-or-fart/109428/5 "2002-05-16T19:20:40Z")
Actually, it’s my ass that’s wise and my wife that’s smelly. But that’s okay… she smiles real purty. 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![Bumbazine](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/bumbazine/32/362_2.png) [@Bumbazine](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bumbazine)\ **Post date:** [May 16, 2002, 7:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-your-wake-up-set-to-alarm-music-or-fart/109428/6 "2002-05-16T19:27:18Z")
I’d be waking up every 5 minutes. I’ve got my alarm set to a radio station I really dislike. Kinda the carrot-and-stick approach. ---
**Author:** ![lieu](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/c2a13f/32.png) [@lieu](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/lieu)\ **Post date:** [May 16, 2002, 7:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-your-wake-up-set-to-alarm-music-or-fart/109428/7 "2002-05-16T19:33:07Z")
Yeah, I do try and harmonize with the radio sometimes. My favorite is Gary Glitter’s _Rock 'n Roll_, commonly known as the _Hey_ song. _Na Nana nana na… Ppprrrrrrrrttttt! Nana nana na na Na Nana nana na… Ppprrrrrrrrttttt! Nana na na_ ---
**Author:** ![rjung](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/45deac/32.png) [@rjung](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/rjung)\ **Post date:** [May 16, 2002, 8:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-your-wake-up-set-to-alarm-music-or-fart/109428/8 "2002-05-16T20:10:28Z")
I use the alarm, myself, but it’s one of those _beepbeepbeepbeep_ alarms, so that’s not too harsh. **lieu** scares me. ---
**Author:** ![lieu](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/c2a13f/32.png) [@lieu](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/lieu)\ **Post date:** [May 16, 2002, 8:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-your-wake-up-set-to-alarm-music-or-fart/109428/9 "2002-05-16T20:20:00Z")
Around 5:45 I often scare myself. ---
**Author:** ![Francesca](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/9fc348/32.png) [@Francesca](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Francesca)\ **Post date:** [May 16, 2002, 8:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-your-wake-up-set-to-alarm-music-or-fart/109428/10 "2002-05-16T20:49:51Z")
But can you SET the fart alarm? That would involve some very precise eating habits. **Sid:** Darling, did you set the alarm? **Nancy:** Onion sandwich at 11.31, sweepea. ---
**Author:** ![lieu](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/c2a13f/32.png) [@lieu](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/lieu)\ **Post date:** [May 16, 2002, 9:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-your-wake-up-set-to-alarm-music-or-fart/109428/11 "2002-05-16T21:14:20Z")
The rumbly in my tumbly is so predictable, you might as well call me Pooh Bare. ---
**Author:** ![Parrothead](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/59ef9b/32.png) [@Parrothead](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Parrothead)\ **Post date:** [May 17, 2002, 1:42am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-your-wake-up-set-to-alarm-music-or-fart/109428/12 "2002-05-17T01:42:10Z")
Sorry for the ALMOST duplicate post from another thread… But there are some things you just cannot un-hear. Blecch. ---
**Author:** ![Flamsterette\_X](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/41988e/32.png) [@Flamsterette\_X](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Flamsterette_X)\ **Post date:** [May 17, 2002, 1:57am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-your-wake-up-set-to-alarm-music-or-fart/109428/13 "2002-05-17T01:57:24Z")
My alarm is set to music. It’s not too bad if it’s a song I like, but if it’s an annoying commercial, it can get pretty bad. **lieu** , do not sleep next to me, man… you scare me! :eek: ---
**Author:** ![Larry\_Mudd](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/f14d63/32.png) [@Larry\_Mudd](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Larry_Mudd)\ **Post date:** [May 17, 2002, 2:42am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-your-wake-up-set-to-alarm-music-or-fart/109428/14 "2002-05-17T02:42:58Z")
I used to wake up to the CBC news. Made for some alarming dreams, though, so I quit that. Now I use a randomly generated playlist from my .mp3 folder. Less risk involved. **lieu** , I’m going to stand next to **Flamsterette\_X** , and formally request that you refrain from sleeping in Vancouver, period. Don’t make me get a restraining odour. ---
**Author:** ![Ringo](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/779978/32.png) [@Ringo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ringo)\ **Post date:** [May 17, 2002, 3:08am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-your-wake-up-set-to-alarm-music-or-fart/109428/15 "2002-05-17T03:08:14Z")
**lieu** actually sounds like he thinks like me. Scary, but comfortable. ---
**Author:** ![MsRobyn](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/90ced4/32.png) [@MsRobyn](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MsRobyn)\ **Post date:** [May 17, 2002, 3:22am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-your-wake-up-set-to-alarm-music-or-fart/109428/16 "2002-05-17T03:22:48Z")
I have none of these. I wake up to a full bladder, usually at between four to six a.m. My alarm clock is set to NPR, however. Nothing like waking up to Bush’s latest idiocy to start the day off right. 😉 Lieu, you are one sick, evil person. And I say that with all sincerest affection. 😃 Robin ---
**Author:** ![Soul\_Brother\_Number\_Two](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/soul_brother_number_two/32/3515_2.png) [@Soul\_Brother\_Number\_Two](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Soul_Brother_Number_Two)\ **Post date:** [May 17, 2002, 3:22am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-your-wake-up-set-to-alarm-music-or-fart/109428/17 "2002-05-17T03:22:52Z")
i have woken myself up out of a sound sleep on occasion with a real cheek-flapper. its damn disconcerting. you look around wildly, ‘wuh? huh?’ and then… the aroma hits. if i were a dog, i’d bark at my asshole. ---
**Author:** ![Jurhael](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/cab0a1/32.png) [@Jurhael](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jurhael)\ **Post date:** [May 17, 2002, 4:00am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-your-wake-up-set-to-alarm-music-or-fart/109428/18 "2002-05-17T04:00:47Z")
Lieu sounds like my dad! HEEEE!!! “if i were a dog, i’d bark at my asshole.” That is VERY quotable…ahahahahaah ---
**Author:** ![butter\_pie](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/aca169/32.png) [@butter\_pie](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/butter_pie)\ **Post date:** [May 17, 2002, 4:07am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-your-wake-up-set-to-alarm-music-or-fart/109428/19 "2002-05-17T04:07:09Z")
The colour is spelled “taupe.” ---
**Author:** ![The\_Mermaid](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/a183cd/32.png) [@The\_Mermaid](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/The_Mermaid)\ **Post date:** [May 17, 2002, 4:12am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-your-wake-up-set-to-alarm-music-or-fart/109428/20 "2002-05-17T04:12:32Z")
We wake to The Bob and Tom Show around here. I love these guys. Comedy songs, pretty cool guests, and mindless chatter. I don’t want to think that much that early in the morning and this fits the bill. Side note, any one like Tim Wilson? [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-your-wake-up-set-to-alarm-music-or-fart/109428.md?page=2)