# Isaac Hayes quits South Park **URL:** \ **Category:** Cafe Society\ **Created:** [March 13, 2006, 10:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/isaac-hayes-quits-south-park/348245 "2006-03-13T22:59:37Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 6
**Author:** ![Miller](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/miller/32/481_2.png) [@Miller](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Miller)\ **Post date:** [March 14, 2006, 8:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/isaac-hayes-quits-south-park/348245/101 "2006-03-14T20:21:58Z")
> [@carnivorousplant](#): > > He’s a complicated alien… …but no one understands him like his clams. ---
**Author:** ![Marley23](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/45deac/32.png) [@Marley23](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Marley23)\ **Post date:** [March 14, 2006, 8:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/isaac-hayes-quits-south-park/348245/102 "2006-03-14T20:25:47Z")
Who’s the cat who won’t cop out When there’s thetans all about? ---
**Author:** ![Cervaise](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cervaise/32/16693_2.png) [@Cervaise](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cervaise)\ **Post date:** [March 14, 2006, 9:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/isaac-hayes-quits-south-park/348245/103 "2006-03-14T21:00:02Z")
> [@What Exit?](#): > > That would be okay for one episode as a joke, but I rather not hear him as a regular. I think it would be hilarious if they had a different actor do it every time, without any comment. This week: Gilbert Gottfried. Next week: Bronson Pinchot. Then Michael Clarke Duncan. Then, oh, I don’t know, Fran Drescher. Personally, since his Saturday Night Live appearance showed him to have a pretty good sense of humor, I think Al Gore would make a great Chef. “Hello children! Let me explain to you the nutritive content of today’s lunch, as required by the official district food plan, in the context of our monthly nourishment matrix objective, which is defined by the Tri-County Executive Youth Diet Committee’s semiannual Guidance Manuscript, third revision—” “Yeah yeah. Listen, Chef, we want to ask you: Where’s the clitoris?” “Ah yes, excellent question, children. The clitoris is a small nub of erectile tissue, found at the top intersection of the labia minora…” ---
**Author:** ![Skywatcher](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/skywatcher/32/254_2.png) [@Skywatcher](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Skywatcher)\ **Post date:** [March 14, 2006, 9:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/isaac-hayes-quits-south-park/348245/104 "2006-03-14T21:06:54Z")
If they get a new Chef, I think Jon “Bowser” Bauman would be good for the role. ---
**Author:** ![What\_Exit](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/what_exit/32/10652_2.png) [@What\_Exit](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/What_Exit)\ **Post date:** [March 14, 2006, 9:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/isaac-hayes-quits-south-park/348245/105 "2006-03-14T21:08:13Z")
> [@Cervaise](#): > > I think it would be hilarious if they had a different actor do it every time, without any comment. This week: Gilbert Gottfried. Next week: Bronson Pinchot. Then Michael Clarke Duncan. Then, oh, I don’t know, Fran Drescher. > > Personally, since his Saturday Night Live appearance showed him to have a pretty good sense of humor, I think Al Gore would make a great Chef. > > “Hello children! Let me explain to you the nutritive content of today’s lunch, as required by the official district food plan, in the context of our monthly nourishment matrix objective, which is defined by the Tri-County Executive Youth Diet Committee’s semiannual Guidance Manuscript, third revision—” > > “Yeah yeah. Listen, Chef, we want to ask you: Where’s the clitoris?” > > “Ah yes, excellent question, children. The clitoris is a small nub of erectile tissue, found at the top intersection of the labia minora…” That would be awesome. Let’s not forget at least one epsiode with a Hawkings voice then. ---
**Author:** ![The\_Flying\_Dutchman](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/9fc348/32.png) [@The\_Flying\_Dutchman](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/The_Flying_Dutchman)\ **Post date:** [March 14, 2006, 9:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/isaac-hayes-quits-south-park/348245/106 "2006-03-14T21:13:05Z")
Has South Park ever taken on Islam? ---
**Author:** ![detop](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/bcef8e/32.png) [@detop](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/detop)\ **Post date:** [March 14, 2006, 9:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/isaac-hayes-quits-south-park/348245/107 "2006-03-14T21:14:31Z")
Let him get a sex change operation and get Pam Grier to be his/her voice. ---
**Author:** ![ISiddiqui](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/97f17d/32.png) [@ISiddiqui](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ISiddiqui)\ **Post date:** [March 14, 2006, 9:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/isaac-hayes-quits-south-park/348245/108 "2006-03-14T21:16:55Z")
> [@The Flying Dutchman](#): > > Has South Park ever taken on Islam? They’ve taken on Arabs, for sure… and Matt and Trey said they portrayed Muhammed in South Park well before the whole Danish hubbub, but I can’t recall it. ---
**Author:** ![Mollie\_Magill](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/mollie_magill/32/20882_2.png) [@Mollie\_Magill](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mollie_Magill)\ **Post date:** [March 14, 2006, 9:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/isaac-hayes-quits-south-park/348245/109 "2006-03-14T21:59:39Z")
> [@ISiddiqui](#): > > They’ve taken on Arabs, for sure… and Matt and Trey said they portrayed Muhammed in South Park well before the whole Danish hubbub, but I can’t recall it. The Super Best Friends episode. He had fire breath, IIRC. ---
**Author:** ![The\_Scrivener](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/eada6e/32.png) [@The\_Scrivener](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/The_Scrivener)\ **Post date:** [March 14, 2006, 10:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/isaac-hayes-quits-south-park/348245/110 "2006-03-14T22:19:28Z")
> [@Cervaise](#): > > I think it would be hilarious if they had a different actor do it every time, without any comment. This week: Gilbert Gottfried. Next week: Bronson Pinchot. Then Michael Clarke Duncan. Then, oh, I don’t know, Fran Drescher. > > Personally, since his Saturday Night Live appearance showed him to have a pretty good sense of humor, I think Al Gore would make a great Chef… This is the best idea yet! The possibilities are endless, with various celebs mocking their own image while continuing to deconstruct the Chef character. I nominate James Woods at his most irrascible and over-the-top, although Matt and Trey may have to use a crowbar to pry him away from the poker tables. Least Hayes-like substitute Chefs: Larry the Cable Guy, Margaret Cho, Frank Oz’s “Yoda” voice, Sarah Jessica Parker… ---
**Author:** ![Sampiro](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/2acd7d/32.png) [@Sampiro](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sampiro)\ **Post date:** [March 14, 2006, 11:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/isaac-hayes-quits-south-park/348245/111 "2006-03-14T23:43:14Z")
I would have a different celebrity Chef voice each week (Jerry Seinfeld, Ellen Degeneres, Bea Arthur, etc.). The plotline could be that Chef has lost his voice and has to speak through a machine that only draws words from classic TV shows. (I wonder how much you’d have to pay Andy Griffith… I’m guessing there’s no amount of money.) ---
**Author:** ![Askia](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/96bed5/32.png) [@Askia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Askia)\ **Post date:** [March 15, 2006, 12:16am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/isaac-hayes-quits-south-park/348245/112 "2006-03-15T00:16:50Z")
Permanently de-age Chef so that he’s now a sex-crazed fourth grader who macks on older women. He’ll still call his classmates, “children.” Eric will be convinced it’s his duty to prevent Chef from going up to be poor white trash. Reveal Chef’s full name to be Rastus Ben “Sugar Bear” Jemima, just so I can hear this joke: Kyle: Dude! Your last name is Jemima? Stan:Like Aunt Jemina? Erik: Sweet! The pancake lady is your aunt! Chef: Goddamn it, Children. I’m a man. I ain’t cha mama! Stan: Dude. Did he say, " I ain’t cha mama" or “I Aunt Jemima?” Erik: Either way, his diction’s pretty weak. Hey, hey Chef? YOU. NEED. TO. SPEAK. CLEARER. CHEF! This way you might actually make something of yourself when you grow up this time. * * * Have a two-part crossover episode with “Boondocks” and watch Huey go apoplexic over Token’s existence and Riley bond with Eric about abusive school bullying. ---
**Author:** ![What\_Exit](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/what_exit/32/10652_2.png) [@What\_Exit](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/What_Exit)\ **Post date:** [March 15, 2006, 1:11am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/isaac-hayes-quits-south-park/348245/113 "2006-03-15T01:11:01Z")
> [@Sampiro](#): > > I would have a different celebrity Chef voice each week (Jerry Seinfeld, Ellen Degeneres, Bea Arthur, etc.). The plotline could be that Chef has lost his voice and has to speak through a machine that only draws words from classic TV shows. (I wonder how much you’d have to pay Andy Griffith… I’m guessing there’s no amount of money.) I want to hear Christopher Walken play Chef for an episode or two. I want him at his maximum psychotic. To the point where Cartman is actually afraid of him. That would be cool. I leave it to Matt & Trey to work out the details. Jim ---
**Author:** ![Syntropy](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/65b543/32.png) [@Syntropy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Syntropy)\ **Post date:** [March 15, 2006, 2:12am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/isaac-hayes-quits-south-park/348245/114 "2006-03-15T02:12:41Z")
I would pay to see that. Of course, now it’s stuck in my head. Christopher Walken telling Eric “You’re really a very disturbed little boy, aren’t you, children? Come with me and we’ll talk about this problem you have.” ---
**Author:** ![Guinastasia](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/guinastasia/32/5751_2.png) [@Guinastasia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Guinastasia)\ **Post date:** [March 15, 2006, 3:53am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/isaac-hayes-quits-south-park/348245/115 "2006-03-15T03:53:55Z")
> [@Johnny L.A.](#): > > I thought she was referring to the episode bashing the RCC, where they said that molesting boys was part of the foundation of the RCC. Sadly no, as I’m not a regular viewer of the show. I’ve only seen the Scientology episode and the one with Michael Jackson. ---
**Author:** ![Guinastasia](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/guinastasia/32/5751_2.png) [@Guinastasia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Guinastasia)\ **Post date:** [March 15, 2006, 5:01am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/isaac-hayes-quits-south-park/348245/116 "2006-03-15T05:01:52Z")
[I just found this!](http://popwatch.ew.com/popwatch/2006/03/isaac_hayes_qui.html) ---
**Author:** ![Little\_Nemo](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/little_nemo/32/3120_2.png) [@Little\_Nemo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Little_Nemo)\ **Post date:** [March 15, 2006, 5:07am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/isaac-hayes-quits-south-park/348245/117 "2006-03-15T05:07:52Z")
I was reading one of the articles about this today and Trey Parker said that they had never made any jokes about Scientology because they’ve always liked Hayes personally and didn’t want to offend him. But they finally decided that Scientology was too big a target for them to refuse to satirize so they did last season’s episode. ---
**Author:** ![What\_Exit](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/what_exit/32/10652_2.png) [@What\_Exit](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/What_Exit)\ **Post date:** [March 15, 2006, 5:12am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/isaac-hayes-quits-south-park/348245/118 "2006-03-15T05:12:37Z")
> [@Guinastasia](#): > > [I just found this!](http://popwatch.ew.com/popwatch/2006/03/isaac_hayes_qui.html) Pretty good rework of Shaft. Cool. Good Find. Jim ---
**Author:** ![Eleusis](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/f4b2a3/32.png) [@Eleusis](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Eleusis)\ **Post date:** [March 15, 2006, 6:59am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/isaac-hayes-quits-south-park/348245/119 "2006-03-15T06:59:00Z")
> [@What Exit?](#): > > I want to hear Christopher Walken play Chef for an episode or two. I want him at his maximum psychotic. To the point where Cartman is actually afraid of him. > That would be cool. I leave it to Matt & Trey to work out the details. > > Jim Man, I could listen to Christopher Walken all day long. Anybody see that Conan Obrien skit where they put his words on paper? It looked something like this: > [@](#): > > He fucked > **[COLOR=Red]up** > once too often[/COLOR] > > **so I put** > > _a bullet in his eye_ > two more to be sure. > > Now, that was somebody > I loved. > _I LOVED him!!!_ > But I got the call, > I put him down like a sick animal. ---
**Author:** ![Skywatcher](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/skywatcher/32/254_2.png) [@Skywatcher](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Skywatcher)\ **Post date:** [March 15, 2006, 6:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/isaac-hayes-quits-south-park/348245/120 "2006-03-15T18:45:09Z")
I’ve got it! Replace Chef with an ex-Army mess hall cook–voiced by R. Lee Ermey! [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/isaac-hayes-quits-south-park/348245.md?page=5) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/isaac-hayes-quits-south-park/348245.md?page=7)