# "It doesn't do anything. That's the beauty of it!" Pt. 2 **URL:** \ **Category:** Cafe Society\ **Created:** [September 2, 2009, 2:43am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/it-doesnt-do-anything-thats-the-beauty-of-it-pt-2/508597 "2009-09-02T02:43:18Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![ExTank](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/35a633/32.png) [@ExTank](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ExTank)\ **Post date:** [September 2, 2009, 2:43am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/it-doesnt-do-anything-thats-the-beauty-of-it-pt-2/508597/1 "2009-09-02T02:43:18Z")
So I’m (re)reading a book this evening (weird, I know, but hey, it’s my thing) and I stumble across something. It jogs a neuron, then another, then a whole cascade of memory later I’m flogging the hamsters to dig up [this](http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?t=413962) old thread. In particular, [this](http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showpost.php?p=8413869&postcount=65) post stuck in my craw. 'Cause I knew with certainty that I had heard, in some variation, the phrase “That’s the beauty of it; it doesn’t do anything.” I’d like to direct our dear readers to the book _Crashlander_ by Larry Niven (copyright 1994), set in Known Space. On page 192 in the short story _The Borderland of Sol_ is the following exchange: > [@](#): > > I [Beowulf Shaeffer] asked, “What does it do?” > Carlos [Wu] laughed, “It’s beautiful! Why does it have to do anything?” While it doesn’t closely resemble **Earl Snake-Hips Tucker’s** quote in his OP, it is thematically close enough that upon reading that thread, it jogged my memory of my previous read of _Crashlander._ That book is a seriocomic collection of short stories detailing the adventures and exploits of Beowulf Shaeffer, of WeMadeIt. Carlos Wu is an eccentric genius in Niven’s works. So my guess that it was from Futurama, while incorrect, is also thematically close to my imperfect recollection. Tell me my memory’s faulty, and playing tricks? Why I oughta…let me just find my glasses and I’ll tell you a thing or two…where did I put those damned things…what were we talking about? ---
**Author:** ![Cat\_Fight](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/90ced4/32.png) [@Cat\_Fight](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cat_Fight)\ **Post date:** [September 2, 2009, 2:45am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/it-doesnt-do-anything-thats-the-beauty-of-it-pt-2/508597/2 "2009-09-02T02:45:31Z")
Damn you damn you damn you. My mind occasionally drifts to this (non) quote and now it’s back! ---
**Author:** ![Ponch8](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ponch8/32/9883_2.png) [@Ponch8](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ponch8)\ **Post date:** [September 2, 2009, 3:01am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/it-doesnt-do-anything-thats-the-beauty-of-it-pt-2/508597/3 "2009-09-02T03:01:39Z")
Probably not what you’re working for, but there’s a scene in _Office Space_ where they’re discussing a way to steal money from the company they work for. Peter mentions that they collect a fraction of a cent on each transaction (like in _Superman III_), so Samir remarks that it’s not much money. Peter answers, “that’s the beauty of it,” because it’ll make the scheme less likely to be noticed. ---
**Author:** ![lissener](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/lissener/32/6139_2.png) [@lissener](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/lissener)\ **Post date:** [September 2, 2009, 3:58am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/it-doesnt-do-anything-thats-the-beauty-of-it-pt-2/508597/4 "2009-09-02T03:58:37Z")
“It’s beautiful! Why does it have to do anything?” != “It doesn’t do anything, that’s the beauty of it!” ---
**Author:** ![PetW](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/d2c977/32.png) [@PetW](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/PetW)\ **Post date:** [September 2, 2009, 4:08am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/it-doesnt-do-anything-thats-the-beauty-of-it-pt-2/508597/5 "2009-09-02T04:08:23Z")
> [@lissener](#): > > “It’s beautiful! Why does it have to do anything?” > > != > > “It doesn’t do anything, that’s the beauty of it!” … [QUOTE=ExTank] While it doesn’t closely resemble Earl Snake-Hips Tucker’s quote in his OP, it is thematically close enough that upon reading that thread, it jogged my memory of my previous read of Crashlander. [/QUOTE] ---
**Author:** ![gaffa](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/e68b1a/32.png) [@gaffa](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/gaffa)\ **Post date:** [September 2, 2009, 6:31am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/it-doesnt-do-anything-thats-the-beauty-of-it-pt-2/508597/6 "2009-09-02T06:31:32Z")
I’d have to listen to their entire output again to find it, but I’m pretty sure it was on a Firesign Theater album somewhere. I’m sure I can hear Phil Austin saying it. ---
**Author:** ![mr.jp](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/48db29/32.png) [@mr.jp](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/mr.jp)\ **Post date:** [September 2, 2009, 8:40am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/it-doesnt-do-anything-thats-the-beauty-of-it-pt-2/508597/7 "2009-09-02T08:40:49Z")
I saw a Blondie strip with that punchline. That might easily be older. ---
**Author:** ![Biffy\_the\_Elephant\_Shrew](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/e47c2d/32.png) [@Biffy\_the\_Elephant\_Shrew](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Biffy_the_Elephant_Shrew)\ **Post date:** [September 2, 2009, 12:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/it-doesnt-do-anything-thats-the-beauty-of-it-pt-2/508597/8 "2009-09-02T12:45:09Z")
> [@gaffa](#): > > I’d have to listen to their entire output again to find it, but I’m pretty sure it was on a Firesign Theater album somewhere. I’m sure I can hear Phil Austin saying it. Nope, it’s not from FT. You’re possibly thinking of the sequence on _I Think We’re All Bozos on This Bus_ about the invention of the Pushover. ---
**Author:** ![Sampiro](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/2acd7d/32.png) [@Sampiro](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sampiro)\ **Post date:** [December 9, 2009, 8:25am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/it-doesnt-do-anything-thats-the-beauty-of-it-pt-2/508597/9 "2009-12-09T08:25:54Z")
I noticed this when re-reading THE PICTURE OF DORIAN GRAY by Oscar Wilde: Basil Hallward is the artist who paints the title portrait and is in love with Dorian. (It never uses those terms but it all _but_ uses them.) He is speaking to his friend and patron Lord Henry Wotton (aka Sir Harry), an extremely wealthy and dissipated, cynical, world weary playboy, how he first met Dorian at a boring salon hosted by Lady Brandon (a pretentious and silly aristocrat) and ‘simply had to meet him’. The editing, _emp **h** asis_, and [anything in brackets] are mine. > [@](#): > > “Conscience and cowardice are really the same things, Basil. Conscience is the trade-name of the firm. That is all.” > > "I don’t believe that, Harry, and I don’t believe you do either. However, whatever was my motive–and it may have been pride, for I used to be very proud–I certainly struggled to the door. There, of course, I stumbled against Lady Brandon. ‘You are not going to run away so soon, Mr. Hallward?’ she screamed out. _You know her curiously shrill voice?"_ > > “Yes; she is a peacock in everything but beauty,” > said Lord Henry… > > … > [Basil resumes] > > “Suddenly I found myself face to face with the young man whose personality had so strangely stirred me. We were quite close, almost touching. Our eyes met again. It was reckless of me, but I asked Lady Brandon to introduce me to him. Perhaps it was not so reckless, after all. It was simply inevitable. We would have spoken to each other without any introduction. I am sure of that. Dorian told me so afterwards. He, too, felt that we were destined to know each other.” > > * * * > > You are hard on her, Harry!"said Hallward listlessly. > > “My dear fellow, she tried to found a salon, and only succeeded in opening a restaurant. How could I admire her? But tell me, what did she say about Mr. Dorian Gray?” > > “Oh, something like, ‘Charming boy–poor dear mother and I absolutely inseparable. Quite forget what he does–afraid he-- _doesn’t **do** anything_–oh, yes, plays the piano–or is it the violin, dear Mr. Gray?’ Neither of us could help laughing, and we became friends at once.” So here’s what I’m wondering: Two Englishmen, one gay and one trisexual, are bitchily gossiping about an old lady with an annoying aristocratic accent. The entire book revolves around the beauty of Dorian Gray. I am wondering if perhaps this was once a radio play, or a stage play, or a movie (it’s been filmed several times- a remake aired this year- but this would have been a very early version) in which the actor playing Hallward, imitating a foolish old aristocratic biddy, said “he doesn’t… dooo… anything” in such a way that the audience laughed, and then a line about his beauty followed. Just a theory. In Wilde’s lectures on decorative arts and design he said several things close to “it doesn’t have to dooo anything but be beautiful”, but since he wasn’t recorded I’m guessing that wasn’t the source of the meme, though it may have been of the Dorian Gray line. ---
**Author:** ![aruvqan](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/aruvqan/32/2891_2.png) [@aruvqan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/aruvqan)\ **Post date:** [December 9, 2009, 8:50am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/it-doesnt-do-anything-thats-the-beauty-of-it-pt-2/508597/10 "2009-12-09T08:50:41Z")
> [@Sampiro](#): > > So here’s what I’m wondering: > > Two Englishmen, one gay and one trisexual, are bitchily gossiping about an old lady with an annoying aristocratic accent. The entire book revolves around the beauty of Dorian Gray. I am wondering if perhaps this was once a radio play, or a stage play, or a movie (it’s been filmed several times- a remake aired this year- but this would have been a very early version) in which the actor playing Hallward, imitating a foolish old aristocratic biddy, said “he doesn’t… dooo… anything” in such a way that the audience laughed, and then a line about his beauty followed. > > Just a theory. > > In Wilde’s lectures on decorative arts and design he said several things close to “it doesn’t have to dooo anything but be beautiful”, but since he wasn’t recorded I’m guessing that wasn’t the source of the meme, though it may have been of the Dorian Gray line. [This](http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jUObQv5guR8) rather scritchy recording purports to be Oscar Wilde. Towards the end the voice does seem to do a sort of rise like you indicate in the ‘doooo anything’ part. Whether or not it actually is Oscar Wilde, I do not know, however many times notable people are copied in vocal patterns for various reasons, and if it is not actually him, it may be someone parodying his vocal mannerisms. He was rather notable and his speech patterns were supposedly parodied by people, as was his hand fluttering. I do actually find it interesting that the actor in the 1945 version of Dorian actually _looks_ like Oscar Wilde… ---
**Author:** ![sohvan](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/96bed5/32.png) [@sohvan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/sohvan)\ **Post date:** [December 9, 2009, 8:51am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/it-doesnt-do-anything-thats-the-beauty-of-it-pt-2/508597/11 "2009-12-09T08:51:31Z")
Not an exact quote, but close enough. [http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tWlMNltHIYI](http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tWlMNltHIYI) ---
**Author:** ![cactus\_waltz](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/74df32/32.png) [@cactus\_waltz](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/cactus_waltz)\ **Post date:** [December 9, 2009, 10:18am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/it-doesnt-do-anything-thats-the-beauty-of-it-pt-2/508597/12 "2009-12-09T10:18:07Z")
> [@sohvan](#): > > Not an exact quote, but close enough. [http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tWlMNltHIYI](http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tWlMNltHIYI) Actually pretty close to how I picture the scene in my head. The problem with most sources you can dig up though, is that it still has to be common and well-known enough to get half of Cafe Society up and scratching the back of their heads. Perhaps Oscar Wilde, but not Larry Niven, IMHO. ---
**Author:** ![Sampiro](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/2acd7d/32.png) [@Sampiro](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sampiro)\ **Post date:** [December 9, 2009, 8:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/it-doesnt-do-anything-thats-the-beauty-of-it-pt-2/508597/13 "2009-12-09T20:45:06Z")
One day one of us is going to be watching TV at 4:15 a.m. and see this in a movie. When that happens it will be on a place that has no internet access of any kind, and we’ll be there for 4 months. We will age 39 years in that 4 months. The Burgess Meredith is the closest I’ve seen, but “the truth is out there”. (It just doesn’t doooo anything.) ---
**Author:** ![Telemark](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/telemark/32/372_2.png) [@Telemark](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Telemark)\ **Post date:** [December 9, 2009, 9:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/it-doesnt-do-anything-thats-the-beauty-of-it-pt-2/508597/14 "2009-12-09T21:31:32Z")
> [@Sampiro](#): > > The Burgess Meredith is the closest I’ve seen, but “the truth is out there”. (It just doesn’t doooo anything.) The Burgess Meredith clip is from the TV show Burke’s Law. One of our posters here found it (and may be responsible for it being up on YouTube). Once that clip was posted people seem to have generally assumed that it is indeed the origin, and people’s memories have been playing tricks on them ever since. I don’t think there is anything else out there. ---
**Author:** ![Sampiro](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/2acd7d/32.png) [@Sampiro](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sampiro)\ **Post date:** [December 9, 2009, 10:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/it-doesnt-do-anything-thats-the-beauty-of-it-pt-2/508597/15 "2009-12-09T22:11:06Z")
> [@Telemark](#): > > …and people’s memories have been playing tricks on them ever since. My own memory trick hears it in a voice similar to Frank Nelson (best remembered probably for being the obnoxious “Yessss?!” man on\* Jack Benny \*and later _Sanford & Son_) or (Mel Blanc as) Mr. Spacely. ---
**Author:** ![Chronos](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/chronos/32/134_2.png) [@Chronos](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Chronos)\ **Post date:** [December 9, 2009, 11:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/it-doesnt-do-anything-thats-the-beauty-of-it-pt-2/508597/16 "2009-12-09T23:57:45Z")
> [@](#): > > The Burgess Meredith clip is from the TV show Burke’s Law. One of our posters here found it (and may be responsible for it being up on YouTube). Once that clip was posted people seem to have generally assumed that it is indeed the origin, and people’s memories have been playing tricks on them ever since. I don’t think there is anything else out there. I think the assumption is that some radio DJ had it in a collection of sound clips to play between songs, and that that’s where it got the broad exposure, but that Burke’s Law is the ultimate origin. ---
**Author:** ![Earl\_Snake-Hips\_Tucker](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/earl_snake-hips_tucker/32/3269_2.png) [@Earl\_Snake-Hips\_Tucker](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Earl_Snake-Hips_Tucker)\ **Post date:** [December 10, 2009, 2:38am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/it-doesnt-do-anything-thats-the-beauty-of-it-pt-2/508597/17 "2009-12-10T02:38:11Z")
> [@Telemark](#): > > One of our posters here found it (and may be responsible for it being up on YouTube). . That is indeed my exact snippet; however, I’m not the one who uploaded it to youtube. Someone lifted it from my photobucket account and did the honors, althought it might have passed thru numerous hands along the way. I’ve seen it on other websites that were not linking to my photobucket account, so it wouldn’t be the first time. But, yes, I am the ultimate source of that exact clip. ---
**Author:** ![Nzinga\_Seated](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/b5ac83/32.png) [@Nzinga\_Seated](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Nzinga_Seated)\ **Post date:** [December 10, 2009, 11:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/it-doesnt-do-anything-thats-the-beauty-of-it-pt-2/508597/18 "2009-12-10T23:52:55Z")
> [@Earl\_Snake-Hips\_Tucker](#): > > But, yes, I am the ultimate source of that exact clip. And just as proud as you can be, too! Good work. ---
**Author:** ![Johnny\_L.A](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/johnny_l.a/32/1084_2.png) [@Johnny\_L.A](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Johnny_L.A)\ **Post date:** [March 27, 2011, 6:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/it-doesnt-do-anything-thats-the-beauty-of-it-pt-2/508597/19 "2011-03-27T18:21:42Z")
_No Highway In The Sky_ (1951) is playing now. Theodore Honey (Jimmy Stewart) tries to solve Goldbach’s conjecture: **Dennis Scott:** Sounds interesting, but, isn’t it a little pointless? **Theodore Honey:** Oh, quite. That’s the beauty of it. ---
**Author:** ![Roderick\_Femm](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/roderick_femm/32/14875_2.png) [@Roderick\_Femm](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Roderick_Femm)\ **Post date:** [March 27, 2011, 7:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/it-doesnt-do-anything-thats-the-beauty-of-it-pt-2/508597/20 "2011-03-27T19:08:05Z")
> [@aruvqan](#): > > I do actually find it interesting that the actor in the 1945 version of Dorian actually _looks_ like Oscar Wilde… Really? Which one, Dorian or the artist? Here is a [clip](http://www.fancast.com/movies/The-Picture-of-Dorian-Gray/141898/1207041057/The-Picture-of-Dorian-Gray----Clip/videos?cmpid=syn_rss) that shows both of them in pretty good closeup, and I don’t think either one bears any resemblance at all to [Wilde](http://www.google.com/imgres?imgurl=http://danliterature.files.wordpress.com/2010/06/oscar-wilde.jpg&imgrefurl=http://danliterature.wordpress.com/oscar-wilde-the-picture-of-dorian-gray/oscar-wilde-for-love-of-the-king/&h=350&w=349&sz=45&tbnid=s0aDJ1_wR7UpJM:&tbnh=225&tbnw=224&prev=/search%3Fq%3Doscar%2Bwilde%2Bpictures%26tbm%3Disch%26tbo%3Du&zoom=1&q=oscar+wilde+pictures&hl=en&usg=__mwHj1YTEFLdl-zsv5vKrCSvTA3g=&sa=X&ei=AoqPTdqgJoOisAOV-dSRCQ&ved=0CBgQ9QEwAA). Just curious. Roddy [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/it-doesnt-do-anything-thats-the-beauty-of-it-pt-2/508597.md?page=2)