# It Doesn't Get Much Worse Than This **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [March 23, 2001, 9:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/it-doesnt-get-much-worse-than-this/59221 "2001-03-23T21:22:04Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 13\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![Eutychus](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/a3d4f5/32.png) [@Eutychus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Eutychus)\ **Post date:** [March 23, 2001, 9:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/it-doesnt-get-much-worse-than-this/59221/1 "2001-03-23T21:22:04Z")
Once upon a time there was a young man in ancient Rome who desired to become a wizard. He searched far and wide for someone to teach him the secrets but couldn’t find anyone. Finally, he came upon the last of a long line of wizards known as the Emeritans. This elderly wizard took the young man under his wing. For thirty years the young man studied and trained until finally the elder wizard decided he was ready and called him into his lair. “You are ready for your last test. It is now Winter here in Rome. To prove your wizardry, you must go and grow seven leaves on seven trees on each of the seven hills of Rome.” The boy, now a man, gets a little cocky and says “No problem” and begins to head out the door. “But wait” the elder wizard says. Before you go I must give you this." He opens his hands and inside is a small shard of silver. “This has been in our order for centuries. Keep it in your pocket. If anything goes wrong, grasp it tightly in your hand and it will restore order to anything you might have done wrongly.” The student leaves and goes to the first hill of Rome, and it’s a disaster. Instead of leaves, he makes monkeys fall out of the trees. Then the trees fall over. The earth cracks open. In a panic, the student runs away and back to the elder wizard who merely waves his hands and restores order. He speaks, “Do you know what you did wrong?” “No, what?” The wizard opens his hands and inside is the small shard of silver. “Ah,” the student says, “The Emeritan Distress Shard.” “Aye,” the wizard says, “Don’t leaf Rome without it.” ---
**Author:** ![iampunha](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/74df32/32.png) [@iampunha](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/iampunha)\ **Post date:** [March 23, 2001, 9:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/it-doesnt-get-much-worse-than-this/59221/2 "2001-03-23T21:33:18Z")
Euty, can I send this to some friends of mine? ---
**Author:** ![Persephone](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/ecc23a/32.png) [@Persephone](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Persephone)\ **Post date:** [March 23, 2001, 9:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/it-doesnt-get-much-worse-than-this/59221/3 "2001-03-23T21:36:33Z")
Oh, two snaps UP on that one, Euty! Wonderful bulidup to a delightfully groany pun. LOVED it! 😃 ---
**Author:** ![Jodi](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/7feea3/32.png) [@Jodi](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jodi)\ **Post date:** [March 23, 2001, 9:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/it-doesnt-get-much-worse-than-this/59221/4 "2001-03-23T21:39:27Z")
_:::cheep cheep cheep:::_ [sub]sound of crickets chirping[/sub] ---
**Author:** ![TruePisces](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/truepisces/32/13628_2.png) [@TruePisces](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TruePisces)\ **Post date:** [March 23, 2001, 9:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/it-doesnt-get-much-worse-than-this/59221/5 "2001-03-23T21:41:35Z")
OMG, Euty! You’re right. It **doesn’t** get any worse than that. I think I need to go wash my brain to try to remove the horror! 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![Arden\_Ranger](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/b487fb/32.png) [@Arden\_Ranger](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Arden_Ranger)\ **Post date:** [March 23, 2001, 10:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/it-doesnt-get-much-worse-than-this/59221/6 "2001-03-23T22:10:59Z")
**Euty** , that was naughty, naughty, naughty. Go to my room. ---
**Author:** ![Darwinself](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/9d8465/32.png) [@Darwinself](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Darwinself)\ **Post date:** [March 23, 2001, 10:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/it-doesnt-get-much-worse-than-this/59221/7 "2001-03-23T22:22:01Z")
What in the world have you been doing while I was gone? Well, stop it!!! Mama Maroon ---
**Author:** ![iampunha](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/74df32/32.png) [@iampunha](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/iampunha)\ **Post date:** [March 23, 2001, 10:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/it-doesnt-get-much-worse-than-this/59221/8 "2001-03-23T22:29:03Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Persephone \* > \*\*Wonderful bulidup to a delightfully groany pun. LOVED it! 😃 \*\* ::groans:: There. Now I feel better:) [sub]Have fun in there, you two[/sub] ---
**Author:** ![Baker](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/bb73d2/32.png) [@Baker](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Baker)\ **Post date:** [March 23, 2001, 10:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/it-doesnt-get-much-worse-than-this/59221/9 "2001-03-23T22:31:11Z")
My turn! I have permission. There once was a Roman named Herman. Now you may not know it but the favorite hobbie of all Romans was picking berries in season, and Herman was one of the best. One time he found the most perfect berry anyone had ever seen. Instead of selling it he decided to put it on display and charge admission to see it. Everyone told him what a WONDERFUL berry it was He became a rich man this way, and even married a patrician woman(he being a plebian). For a wedding present he gave his wife the berry. Late one night there was a tremendous pounding on his door. It was way past the hours for berry viewing. But he did open up and a group of men, holding all sorts of weapons, were standing there. In some apprehension he told them to come back later to admire his wife’s berry, and they replied “We’ve come to sieze her berry, not to praise it!” ---
**Author:** ![SINsApple](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/eb8c5e/32.png) [@SINsApple](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SINsApple)\ **Post date:** [March 23, 2001, 10:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/it-doesnt-get-much-worse-than-this/59221/10 "2001-03-23T22:53:58Z")
Baker: Maybe I’m just overly tired and burned out from my Latin midterm, but I’m just not getting it. Eutychus55: I’ve gotta share that one with my Latin classmates and professors, I’m sure they’ll get a kick out of it. 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![Celyn](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/9dc877/32.png) [@Celyn](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Celyn)\ **Post date:** [March 23, 2001, 11:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/it-doesnt-get-much-worse-than-this/59221/11 "2001-03-23T23:00:24Z")
Oh, oh it is going to get worse - I can tell. ---
**Author:** ![Baker](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/bb73d2/32.png) [@Baker](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Baker)\ **Post date:** [March 23, 2001, 11:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/it-doesnt-get-much-worse-than-this/59221/12 "2001-03-23T23:00:36Z")
Julius Caesar, Act III, scene 2, Antony’s oration. Maybe I was just too obscure. ---
**Author:** ![callie](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/2acd7d/32.png) [@callie](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/callie)\ **Post date:** [March 24, 2001, 12:06am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/it-doesnt-get-much-worse-than-this/59221/13 "2001-03-24T00:06:46Z")
ummmm – don’t quite know what to say about that **Euty** … 🙂 However, you did create a funny sequential thead title: It doesn’t get much worse than this [sub]and[/sub] Bernse’s wedding pics