I too have gotten myself in hot water by implying that people were doofuses for not knowing things.
Then I subbed long-term at an inner-city type high school. I discovered that I had to use my 6th grade vocabulary to be fully understood, and that I could not be surprised by anything at all. I got so good at it, that when someone as a joke claimed they couldn’t read the analog clock in the kitchen, I just pointed at the microwave.
“I mean, there’s a REASON so many people voted for Bush.”
Yes. The people who wanted Gore couldn’t figure out the ballot. There should be a law or something.
A few years ago I had a friend ask me to explain the difference between a state, county, country, etc. This totally blew my mind. I mean, he can read and write and talk and everything. This whole geography business had somehow slipped through the cracks.
The mention of war chronology brought another to mind; A guy once tried to tell me he was a Korean War veteran. Not very convincing considering he was younger than me, and I was born in '65. I have come to expect that some or even most people don’t know when the Korean War happened, but you would kind of expect a guy to know better than to claim to have been a part of something his father probably wasn’t old enough to have been involved in.
Hmmm, Jefferson Davis’s portrait doesn’t appear on any of my money…
Seriously, though, I’d have mentioned the Confederacy’s leader unless the professor had specified “President of the United States of America”. Then again, maybe I’d have been flunked for being a smart-ass.
Responses to some other posts:
Here is a sample Jack Chick tract.
The leap year rule: Years divisible by 4 are leap years, with the exception of “century years” not divisible by 400. Thus, 1800 and 1900 each had 365 days, while 1600 and 2000 each contained 366.
“30 days hath September,
April, June and November;
All the rest have 31,
Excepting February alone,
And that has 28 days clear
And 29 in each leap year.”
your kidding me right? please say that your kidding me? The jews would not have known a religious holiday that they had observed since thier leaving egypt? Pentecost is one of seven israelite holidays celebrated because of thier ability to leave egypt. according to the bible they celebrate it 50 days after “passover” not 50 days after easter, because easter is a PAGEN holiday set up almost 300 years after the death of Christ by Constintine. Yes the disciples were in fear for thier lives. but they still had jewish customs to observe. What better way to observe them than hanging out with your buddies?
your kidding me right? please say that your kidding me? The jews would not have known a religious holiday that they had observed since thier leaving egypt? Pentecost is one of seven israelite holidays celebrated because of thier ability to leave egypt. according to the bible they celebrate it 50 days after “passover” not 50 days after easter, because easter is a PAGEN holiday set up almost 300 years after the death of Christ by Constintine. Yes the disciples were in fear for thier lives. but they still had jewish customs to observe. What better way to observe them than hanging out with your buddies? :wally
Last week, I read about a mystery creature, about 40 foot plus, washing up on the beach off the coast of Chile. See Discovery.com - discovery news. SCIENTISTS were trying to figure out what it was. Giant Squid? Some sort of previously undiscovered giant jellyfish? The marine world was baffled. You can also see same link provided by mhendo (thank you, mhendo).
Turned out it was a whale carcass. It seems the Scientist they found that figured it out KNEW that when whales die in deep sea, their bodies float around for awhile while they rot. Eventually, the skin and tissue rot sufficiently to rip and the bones drop out and drift to the ocean floor. That leaves the gray blobby bits, mostly made up of skin and blubber at this point, to float completely to the surface, find a nice current and land on a distant shore somewhere where they presumably feed a whole nother population of birds and whatnot that think this is great takeout.
I’m sure THAT scientist was amazed at what other people didn’t know that either.
It’s amazing how many people think Joan of Arc was Noah’s wife . . . .
It’s like I always say, “By definition, half of humanity is dumber than the average person”
Well, I think you’re trying to say my phrase: “Half the population is below the median intelligence.”
Don’t you know the difference between average and median? Sheesh. I thought everyone knew that.
Well, thanks for the “not a random schmuck” caveat at least.
In my defense, it’s been many, many years since I took basic anatomy in high school, and I was under some rather serious gastrointestinal stress at the time I posted that message…
Besides, I did know that squids and octopi/puses/podae have beaks, that Martin Luthor was the founder of the Reformation, and that Pentacost was originally a Jewish feast before being co-opted by early Christians. Oh – and I pronounce it “nuclear” and not “nuculer.” 
On a completely unrelated note, one summer I was sitting on the stairs outside my apartment with a friend watching the cars drive by, and she remarked, “Have you ever noticed how everybody plays their car stereos much louder in the summer than in the winter?” She was suitably embarassed when I mentioned that perhaps it had something to do with the fact that people tend to drive with their windows open in the summertime…
Barry
Something just as frightening as encountering someone who doesn’t know something they easily should - is when someone assumes you DON’T know it.
I have this amazingly pompous and arrogant coworker. He is probably between the ages of 38-45, not really sure. One day when a few of us were just standing around, he starts to tell a story. He says to me, and the other girl next to me, “You’re both too young to know what this is (we’re 29 and 32, respectively) but I was cleaning out my files at home and found my old draft card.” And he begins to pull it out of his wallet to show us his treasure. Both of us yelled at him “WHY wouldnt we know what The Draft was!!! Of COURSE we know what that is!!” and he said to us, in all seriousness, no smile: “You can’t know what that is, it wasn’t in effect when you were born!”
I’m telling this to all of you so that when I off him, at least one of you will come to my defense citing this story. Right? RIGHT?
sigh.
We were cleaning out our mosquito traps at work the other day, and for the first time this summer we found a lightning bug in a trap. I showed it to the stupid girl I work with:
“Hey look, a lightning bug.”
She looked puzzled. “That’s what lightning bugs look like up close?”
My turn to look puzzled. “Yeah, you never went around catching lightning bugs when you were a kid?”
“No, because we would only have one or two around my house in the summer.”
Granted, she grew up in a Detroit suburb, but you’d think a 20-year-old would have caught at least ONE lightning bug in her life, or at least seen a picture of one!
Sigh
Actually there are about 10 or so. Apparently the original makers of the tower made more, smaller ones that were sent around the world. I have seen the one in Mombusho, a small town in rural Northern Japan.
Sorry 'bout that!
Also, I knew the prime minister of Ireland’s niece. She was well educated and apparently intelligent. Let’s just say that she came from a priveledged background. She swore that women were totally liberated in Ireland, that they earned the same as men and no Irish women were treated badly by men!?!
I’ll add another structure to the ongoing Eiffel Tower discussion: Tokyo Tower in Japan. It’s actually taller than the one in Paris.
I wonder if the Eiffel Tower could set some sort of record as the most imitated arcitectural structure in the modern world?
I can recall an occasion where a friend revealed the surprise ending to a movie we had been talking about to another friend that hadn’t watched it (though he said he never planned to see it anyway).
I said, “Nice going Mike, why don’t you tell him ‘Rosebud’ is the name of a sled too”.
All three of my friends gave me blank stares, none of them had even heard of Citizen Kane. These were 3 kids in college (all Juniors or further) including an English major graduate student. But then, I figgured it had been a book before it had been a movie and was wrong, so I don’t know everything either 
I had a girl friend, with whom I once went camping. I was grilling meat on the little propane stove, and she wanted to open a can of chili or beans or something.
“Oh no! We forgot to bring a can opener!”
“No worries,” I say, “use the can opener on my pocket knife.” I carefully hand her the knife, after pulling the can opener blade out.
She stares it at doubtfully. “Does this work?” she asks.
“Absolutely” I say. “It’s a bit of a pain, but it works.”
She goes to work on the can; I continue grilling.
“I’m not sure this is going to work,” she says. “It’s taking forever.”
“Just be patient; it’ll work. Take your time.”
After several minutes, during which she is obviously growing more and more frustrated, she says, “I really don’t think this is going to work.” I come over and see what she is doing.
To my astonishment, she has made a series of jagged radial incisions through about a third of the can’s circumfrence. Bits of ragged metal are everywhere. :smack:
With effort, I choke back my laughter, and gently show her how to open a can with the can opener. She starts to cry, realizing her mistake.
Later, she makes me promise NEVER to tell anyone about this; this is a promise I’ve kept, until now. Two years ago, after she and I had been together for about 5 years, she dumped me to move in with some guy. To hell with the promise!
Knorf
My wife used to work in a day care center associated with a major university. Every day, she and her co-teacher (I’ll call her “M”) had “circle time” with the kids, where the kids would be taught about basic science and such.
One day, M is in charge of circle time, and my wife is watching from the side of the room. M is talking about astronomy, and, since these are little kids she’s teaching, she’s sticking with the basics:
“Right now, the sun is slowly moving around the Earth, and the Earth is slowly moving around the moon.”
My wife doesn’t usually contradict her co-teachers in front of the kids, but she couldn’t let that go. “I think you said that backwards,” she said.
“I don’t think so,” M said, and repeated herself exactly.
My wife said “No, that’s not right. The Earth revolves around the sun, and the moon revolves around the Earth.”
“Are you sure?” asked M incredulously.
“I’m very sure,” my wife said.
Several weeks later, M told the kids that penguins were fish, and could not be convinced that not only were they birds, but that they in fact eat fish.
Cut the poor girl some slack, why don’t you?
I grew up in Ann Arbor and never saw a single lightning bug throughout my childhood. I grew up looking at those cute storybook illustrations of gangs of little boys running after big fat glowing lightning bugs, jar poised, but I never actually saw one.
When I moved out East, I finally got to see what all the hubbub is all about. If you drive down a dark Jersey road on a summer night, there are thousands of little pinpricks of light whizzing past both sides of your car. It is not uncommon to strike a few and have their remains continue to glow for a few moments on the windscreen.
They are definitely cool insects. The only time I don’t like them is when I run into one that is not lit – their body weight is similar to wasps and other icky things, so there is a moment of panic before the silly thing lights up and identifies itself as a harmless lightning bug.
I’ve had a Swiss Army knife (Victorinox officer’s model) since I was seven… I’m now nearly 21, and I’ve never actually had to use the can opener… how DOES it work?