# It looks like I am going to be homeless and unemployed **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [April 10, 2014, 4:45am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/it-looks-like-i-am-going-to-be-homeless-and-unemployed/685780 "2014-04-10T04:45:56Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 4
**Author:** ![Imasquare](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/5f9b8f/32.png) [@Imasquare](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Imasquare)\ **Post date:** [April 14, 2014, 3:14am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/it-looks-like-i-am-going-to-be-homeless-and-unemployed/685780/61 "2014-04-14T03:14:00Z")
> [@Superhal](#): > > My advice is based on Yoda’s “Try not, Do; or Do not” saying. > > Another expression: Whether you believe you “can” or “can’t” do something, it will come true. > > It seems to me you have an excuse for everything. You can’t get a job because you can’t do interviews because you can’t get interviews because you can’t talk on the phone because you have a social disorder. I never said I can’t get a job. I said it will be difficult and will take longer than someone who is younger and better able to sell them self. > [@Superhal](#): > > Also, you can’t live with your sister because THEY’re weary of you. What did you do to make yourself wanted? I think it is just a case if them wanting their home back. I know from experience that it’s hard to feel at home when you have a guest. I try to be unobtrusive. I always pay my way, I clean up after myself and I’m usually only there to sleep. > [@Superhal](#): > > The number one situation I see this is math. I say, math is easy. They say, “they can’t do math.” If you think you can’t do math, you never will. If you stop thinking “can’t,” then at least you will try. Once you try, it is possible. Until you try, it is truly impossible. Yes, I know that from experience. When I was in year 8 I was failing Maths. After receiving 39% for my end of year assessment I decided to just pretend I liked maths. The following year I was promoted to the top class and I scored highest in that class. > [@Superhal](#): > > There’s tons of books on how to deal with interviews. How many have you read? Do you own even one? I have one from a job search 10 years ago. I’ve read plenty. My social phobia is of the nature that I freeze up when meeting people so that I come across as mentally deficient. So knowing what to say and do and actually putting it into action are two different things for me. > [@Superhal](#): > > How many jobs are you applying to per week? Are you applying to those at the top of your abilities or at the bottom? My coworker’s daughter, within months of getting her BA, got a job as president of a company. > > Let’s say you were a professional boxer. How would you win a match? Wait for the other guy to fall over? If you were a salesman, would you wait for customers to come to you? If you were a racecar driver, would you retire after your first crash? > > Try this: pick something you’re not good at, and try it for a week. It might be something like parallel parking. Let’s say you fail a few times. Then what do you do? I’ll tell you what you do: learn how to do it better. Look in the library, look on the Internet, watch videos and ask people. Then, practice like crazy. Get out of your car and check. If you aren’t within 2 inches of the curb, do it again. And again. And again. After one week, surprise: you’ll be able to do it better than the week before. All because you tried. Thanks for your advice. You put a lot of thought into it and I appreciate that. ---
**Author:** ![Imasquare](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/5f9b8f/32.png) [@Imasquare](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Imasquare)\ **Post date:** [April 14, 2014, 3:17am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/it-looks-like-i-am-going-to-be-homeless-and-unemployed/685780/62 "2014-04-14T03:17:13Z")
> [@terentii](#): > > Forgive me if I missed this above, but what marketable skills do you possess? > > I don’t like working in an office environment either, but I’ve always been able to find work in one field or another (broadcasting, publishing, education) with my language skills (native and foreign). I currently edit scientific journals on-line (i.e., telecommute). Software development. More specifically .NET web and desktop apps in C# and VB. Also SQL Server to the level of creating databases, stored procedures, views, and functions and consuming the stored procedures from C# code in the app. ---
**Author:** ![Imasquare](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/5f9b8f/32.png) [@Imasquare](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Imasquare)\ **Post date:** [April 14, 2014, 3:22am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/it-looks-like-i-am-going-to-be-homeless-and-unemployed/685780/63 "2014-04-14T03:22:40Z")
I now have an alternative to living in my car. My friends have allowed me the use of the living space they have in a warehouse / factory unit. I have lived in there before. The only thing that bothers me about it is that it’s across the road from the biggest cemetery in the southern hemisphere and there is no one else in any of the other units at night. It’s not ideal but better than living in a car. ---
**Author:** ![actualliberalnotoneofthose](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/e79b87/32.png) [@actualliberalnotoneofthose](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/actualliberalnotoneofthose)\ **Post date:** [April 14, 2014, 4:59am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/it-looks-like-i-am-going-to-be-homeless-and-unemployed/685780/64 "2014-04-14T04:59:24Z")
> [@LibrarySpy](#): > > Social phobia is an easily treatable medical condition. It is not a disability. Go see your doctor. Treatment might help you with other aspects of your life, the ones **epbrown01** mentions. That would be news to 100s of people I know, including my wife and other close relatives. I am 35 years old and have been “treated” for mental illness (counseling/therapy, medication), including treatments that had nothing to do with it when people refused to acknowledge it- speech therapy (when I had no speech issues), hospitalization,etc. For the most part, I have been in treatment consistently since 1992, more intense help since 2002, and current regimen of weekly therapy and meds since 2010. Honestly, most people I know with social phobia take meds and stay at home. I’m not saying they are all doing the best they can, but I’ve been trying for decades with marginal improvement. I could probably never be hired for a job at this point. I was laid off from a job I had for 10 years when the owners decided to cash out. I received nothing but praise, but I could not get hired for anything else. Fortunately, I have been able to get by not being employed for the last 10 years, and my most recent business idea has been profitable for 6 months and provides me a residual income at least equal to what I could make working a full-time service industry job. I went back to school (in-person) and graduate soon. I was the top student in most of my classes, including notoriously difficult ones (“no one gets an A”…except me, apparently) in multiple subjects. It leads nowhere, however, because I have social phobia w/ no social capital and I am pretty much invisible and not considered for invitations to the things that matter in society. Even in business, I have people refuse to take my money because I have social phobia. So, I’ve been there- hanging on to a job and residence (my aunt/uncle invited me to live with them during a previous attempt at college and kicked me out when I was having debilitating panic attacks) you know is going to end at some point, and not seeing a clear rebound opportunity. So, I hope the OP gets whatever treatment is available and hopefully finds something else very soon, but it’s probably not that easy. As far as some other comments: I can’t imagine not being depressed while having social anxiety. They pretty much go together. And things like doing interview prep and resume cleanup and that sort of thing doesn’t help with irrational fear- at least not on its own. I’ve experienced having all the right skills, knowing all the right things to say, being trained/prepped, and having my anxiety show through regardless and disqualify me for plenty of jobs/interviews. I find that a lot of people have an extreme negative reaction to any sort of uncontrollable anxiety, and that it makes it difficult to try to cognitively attack the anxiety when people really are judging (often on traits that have nothing to do with performing the job)… And now, since I have terrible SA, I will probably post this and never come back. OP-hope it works out for you. ---
**Author:** ![Telemark](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/telemark/32/372_2.png) [@Telemark](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Telemark)\ **Post date:** [April 14, 2014, 11:19am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/it-looks-like-i-am-going-to-be-homeless-and-unemployed/685780/65 "2014-04-14T11:19:07Z")
> [@Imasquare](#): > > These people saved me once several years ago so I am not going to abandon them. If you’re willing to become homeless and unemployed as a result of them then you’re a fool. Sorry to be harsh, but you’re first obligation is to take care of yourself. Once you do that you can help others. How are you helping them by becoming homeless, losing your income, and being unable to contribute to their lives? ---
**Author:** ![Mind\_Your\_Head](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/c5a1d2/32.png) [@Mind\_Your\_Head](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mind_Your_Head)\ **Post date:** [April 14, 2014, 12:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/it-looks-like-i-am-going-to-be-homeless-and-unemployed/685780/66 "2014-04-14T12:30:02Z")
> [@Duckster](#): > > Australia is known for having families with multiple generations on the dole, never having worked all their lives. It was that way when I was living there. Another bit of British culture the Aussies took with them. ---
**Author:** ![Captain\_Ektar](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/58956e/32.png) [@Captain\_Ektar](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Captain_Ektar)\ **Post date:** [April 14, 2014, 1:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/it-looks-like-i-am-going-to-be-homeless-and-unemployed/685780/67 "2014-04-14T13:36:31Z")
I have to say, this is the first time in my life I have ever heard of an experienced software developer that is worried about being homeless. ---
**Author:** ![LibrarySpy](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/f9ae1b/32.png) [@LibrarySpy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/LibrarySpy)\ **Post date:** [April 14, 2014, 9:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/it-looks-like-i-am-going-to-be-homeless-and-unemployed/685780/68 "2014-04-14T21:20:25Z")
> [@actualliberalnotoneofthose](#): > > That would be news to 100s of people I know, including my wife and other close relatives. I am 35 years old and have been “treated” for mental illness (counseling/therapy, medication), including treatments that had nothing to do with it when people refused to acknowledge it- speech therapy (when I had no speech issues), hospitalization,etc. For the most part, I have been in treatment consistently since 1992, more intense help since 2002, and current regimen of weekly therapy and meds since 2010. Honestly, most people I know with social phobia take meds and stay at home. I’m not saying they are all doing the best they can, but I’ve been trying for decades with marginal improvement. I’m really sorry to hear that. It sucks. I’m on a drug that was only released in 1998, so there’s new treatments happening all the time. Don’t give up. For me the right combination of medication and cognitive therapy made me capable of making friends and posting on message boards, things I was unable to do before. It made me a bit of a true believer. I apologize for how annoying that is. > [@actualliberalnotoneofthose](#): > > And now, since I have terrible SA, I will probably post this and never come back. OP-hope it works out for you. Exactly! ---
**Author:** ![Imasquare](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/5f9b8f/32.png) [@Imasquare](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Imasquare)\ **Post date:** [April 15, 2014, 12:28am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/it-looks-like-i-am-going-to-be-homeless-and-unemployed/685780/69 "2014-04-15T00:28:27Z")
> [@Telemark](#): > > If you’re willing to become homeless and unemployed as a result of them then you’re a fool. Sorry to be harsh, but you’re first obligation is to take care of yourself. Once you do that you can help others. How are you helping them by becoming homeless, losing your income, and being unable to contribute to their lives? OK. I’m a fool. ---
**Author:** ![Imasquare](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/5f9b8f/32.png) [@Imasquare](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Imasquare)\ **Post date:** [April 15, 2014, 12:29am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/it-looks-like-i-am-going-to-be-homeless-and-unemployed/685780/70 "2014-04-15T00:29:55Z")
> [@Puddleglumm](#): > > I have to say, this is the first time in my life I have ever heard of an experienced software developer that is worried about being homeless. If you’re still cutting code at 52 employers wonder why. Most have gone on to management positions or at least team leader positions by then. ---
**Author:** ![Imasquare](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/5f9b8f/32.png) [@Imasquare](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Imasquare)\ **Post date:** [April 15, 2014, 12:31am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/it-looks-like-i-am-going-to-be-homeless-and-unemployed/685780/71 "2014-04-15T00:31:08Z")
> [@actualliberalnotoneofthose](#): > > That would be news to 100s of people I know, including my wife and other close relatives. I am 35 years old and have been “treated” for mental illness (counseling/therapy, medication), including treatments that had nothing to do with it when people refused to acknowledge it- speech therapy (when I had no speech issues), hospitalization,etc. For the most part, I have been in treatment consistently since 1992, more intense help since 2002, and current regimen of weekly therapy and meds since 2010. Honestly, most people I know with social phobia take meds and stay at home. I’m not saying they are all doing the best they can, but I’ve been trying for decades with marginal improvement. > > I could probably never be hired for a job at this point. I was laid off from a job I had for 10 years when the owners decided to cash out. I received nothing but praise, but I could not get hired for anything else. Fortunately, I have been able to get by not being employed for the last 10 years, and my most recent business idea has been profitable for 6 months and provides me a residual income at least equal to what I could make working a full-time service industry job. I went back to school (in-person) and graduate soon. I was the top student in most of my classes, including notoriously difficult ones (“no one gets an A”…except me, apparently) in multiple subjects. It leads nowhere, however, because I have social phobia w/ no social capital and I am pretty much invisible and not considered for invitations to the things that matter in society. Even in business, I have people refuse to take my money because I have social phobia. > > So, I’ve been there- hanging on to a job and residence (my aunt/uncle invited me to live with them during a previous attempt at college and kicked me out when I was having debilitating panic attacks) you know is going to end at some point, and not seeing a clear rebound opportunity. So, I hope the OP gets whatever treatment is available and hopefully finds something else very soon, but it’s probably not that easy. > > As far as some other comments: I can’t imagine not being depressed while having social anxiety. They pretty much go together. And things like doing interview prep and resume cleanup and that sort of thing doesn’t help with irrational fear- at least not on its own. I’ve experienced having all the right skills, knowing all the right things to say, being trained/prepped, and having my anxiety show through regardless and disqualify me for plenty of jobs/interviews. I find that a lot of people have an extreme negative reaction to any sort of uncontrollable anxiety, and that it makes it difficult to try to cognitively attack the anxiety when people really are judging (often on traits that have nothing to do with performing the job)… And now, since I have terrible SA, I will probably post this and never come back. OP-hope it works out for you. Thank you for your comments. I know it was difficult for you. ---
**Author:** ![Telemark](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/telemark/32/372_2.png) [@Telemark](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Telemark)\ **Post date:** [April 15, 2014, 12:38am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/it-looks-like-i-am-going-to-be-homeless-and-unemployed/685780/72 "2014-04-15T00:38:00Z")
> [@Imasquare](#): > > OK. I’m a fool. Are you interested in being less foolish? Because being homeless means you won’t be able to continue helping them. ---
**Author:** ![Imasquare](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/5f9b8f/32.png) [@Imasquare](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Imasquare)\ **Post date:** [April 15, 2014, 12:38am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/it-looks-like-i-am-going-to-be-homeless-and-unemployed/685780/73 "2014-04-15T00:38:16Z")
> [@Imasquare](#): > > If you’re still cutting code at 52 employers wonder why. Most have gone on to management positions or at least team leader positions by then. Also, there are plenty of IT people with varying levels of experience unable to find suitable work down here. Australia isn’t the big IT market that the US or UK is and there has been a lot of outsourcing as well as a lot of developers coming here on 457 visas who are prepared to work longer hours for lower pay. The 457 visa is meant to be used when no suitable local candidates can be found but employers get around that by advertising a job, interviewing for it and then declaring that none of the candidates were suitable. Then they sponsor a low cost worker from another country. The flip side of this is that a lot of Australian software developers move to the US on the E3 visa. ---
**Author:** ![Imasquare](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/5f9b8f/32.png) [@Imasquare](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Imasquare)\ **Post date:** [April 15, 2014, 12:40am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/it-looks-like-i-am-going-to-be-homeless-and-unemployed/685780/74 "2014-04-15T00:40:30Z")
> [@Telemark](#): > > Are you interested in being less foolish? Because being homeless means you won’t be able to continue helping them. No. Even if I stopped helping them right now I would still be facing unemployment and therefore no ability to rent a place to live. I do not abandon my friends no matter what names people want to call me. ---
**Author:** ![Shalmanese](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/45deac/32.png) [@Shalmanese](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Shalmanese)\ **Post date:** [April 15, 2014, 12:51am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/it-looks-like-i-am-going-to-be-homeless-and-unemployed/685780/75 "2014-04-15T00:51:11Z")
> [@Imasquare](#): > > Software development. More specifically .NET web and desktop apps in C# and VB. Also SQL Server to the level of creating databases, stored procedures, views, and functions and consuming the stored procedures from C# code in the app. Why not look for contract work on Odesk or similar sites? Most clients there typically prefer not having to talk on the phone and all co-ordination is via email or IM. ---
**Author:** ![Imasquare](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/5f9b8f/32.png) [@Imasquare](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Imasquare)\ **Post date:** [April 15, 2014, 12:54am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/it-looks-like-i-am-going-to-be-homeless-and-unemployed/685780/76 "2014-04-15T00:54:54Z")
> [@Shalmanese](#): > > Why not look for contract work on Odesk or similar sites? Most clients there typically prefer not having to talk on the phone and all co-ordination is via email or IM. That looks interesting. Thanks for that. ---
**Author:** ![Dangerosa](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/22d042/32.png) [@Dangerosa](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dangerosa)\ **Post date:** [April 15, 2014, 1:03am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/it-looks-like-i-am-going-to-be-homeless-and-unemployed/685780/77 "2014-04-15T01:03:30Z")
> [@Imasquare](#): > > I pay my sister to stay there. I provide my own food. > > They didn’t cheat the tax man out of $20 million dollars. It was somewhere around $300,000. These people saved me once several years ago so I am not going to abandon them. > > Because one of them was charged with fraud their bank decided it didn’t want to do business with them any more and called in their loans payable immediately. They couldn’t pay immediately so the bank placed their business in receivership and it and all assets owned by the business were sold. > > The receivers the bank appointed to run the business before it was sold charged exorbitant fees per day which were taken from the proceeds of funds realised from the sale of the business. It took them quite a while to sell that business and all assets. > > That as well as legal fees - the barrister charged $2,000 per day and charged a full day even if he only spent a couple of hours on their case - ate up most of what was left over from the sale. In that case, they owe you. Move in with them. ---
**Author:** ![Imasquare](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/5f9b8f/32.png) [@Imasquare](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Imasquare)\ **Post date:** [April 15, 2014, 1:12am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/it-looks-like-i-am-going-to-be-homeless-and-unemployed/685780/78 "2014-04-15T01:12:32Z")
> [@Dangerosa](#): > > In that case, they owe you. Move in with them. I was living with them for a while but the 85 year old mother of one of them does not like me and they were having shouting matches with her over me being there. That’s when I first moved to the warehouse that I am going to be moving back to. ---
**Author:** ![Telemark](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/telemark/32/372_2.png) [@Telemark](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Telemark)\ **Post date:** [April 15, 2014, 1:12am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/it-looks-like-i-am-going-to-be-homeless-and-unemployed/685780/79 "2014-04-15T01:12:38Z")
> [@Imasquare](#): > > I do not abandon my friends no matter what names people want to call me. Saying your actions are foolish isn’t calling you names. I admire your dedication to your friends, loyalty is a trait to be admired. But right now you need to consider your options for the future. If you find a job and have to live out of your car instead of saving money for a place to stay will you continue to give them money that would otherwise go to rent? ---
**Author:** ![Eyebrows\_0f\_Doom](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/eyebrows_0f_doom/32/3119_2.png) [@Eyebrows\_0f\_Doom](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Eyebrows_0f_Doom)\ **Post date:** [April 15, 2014, 4:31am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/it-looks-like-i-am-going-to-be-homeless-and-unemployed/685780/80 "2014-04-15T04:31:07Z")
> [@Imasquare](#): > > No. Even if I stopped helping them right now I would still be facing unemployment and therefore no ability to rent a place to live. > > I do not abandon my friends no matter what names people want to call me. If you want to give all your money away to other people so that you have nothing left to take care of yourself, then don’t complain when you have nothing left for yourself. Not giving them any more money is not “abandoning your friends,” it’s you growing a backbone and stopping from behaving like a doormat who exists only for others. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/it-looks-like-i-am-going-to-be-homeless-and-unemployed/685780.md?page=3) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/it-looks-like-i-am-going-to-be-homeless-and-unemployed/685780.md?page=5)