# It used to be my favorite Easter joke... **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [February 27, 2007, 7:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/it-used-to-be-my-favorite-easter-joke/393909 "2007-02-27T19:20:55Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![Litoris](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/9f8e36/32.png) [@Litoris](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Litoris)\ **Post date:** [February 27, 2007, 7:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/it-used-to-be-my-favorite-easter-joke/393909/1 "2007-02-27T19:20:55Z")
> [@](#): > > Didja hear they canceled Easter this year? They found the body. Does [this](http://www.dailymail.com/story/Entertainment/+/2007022757/Filmmakers-used-statistics-to-resolve-question-of-Jesus-remains) mean I can’t laugh at the joke anymore? ---
**Author:** ![Noone\_Special](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/noone_special/32/2863_2.png) [@Noone\_Special](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Noone_Special)\ **Post date:** [February 27, 2007, 7:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/it-used-to-be-my-favorite-easter-joke/393909/2 "2007-02-27T19:24:07Z")
Not living in a Christian society, this is the first time I’ve seen the joke. Dunno if you’ve stopped laughing, but I just seriously nearly split a gut! 😃 So, thanks for the laugh, I needed it. ---
**Author:** ![Litoris](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/9f8e36/32.png) [@Litoris](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Litoris)\ **Post date:** [February 27, 2007, 7:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/it-used-to-be-my-favorite-easter-joke/393909/3 "2007-02-27T19:28:42Z")
I love that joke – one of my Jewish friends told it to me years ago. I love off-color jokes. I durn-near hurt myself trying not to laugh out loud here at work when I read that link. I had just text-messaged that joke to a friend when I saw the link. Talk about timing… ---
**Author:** ![vetbridge](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/v/b5e925/32.png) [@vetbridge](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/vetbridge)\ **Post date:** [February 27, 2007, 7:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/it-used-to-be-my-favorite-easter-joke/393909/4 "2007-02-27T19:30:50Z")
“I can see my house from here” is _my_ favorite Easter joke. ---
**Author:** ![Noone\_Special](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/noone_special/32/2863_2.png) [@Noone\_Special](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Noone_Special)\ **Post date:** [February 27, 2007, 7:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/it-used-to-be-my-favorite-easter-joke/393909/5 "2007-02-27T19:32:39Z")
How do we know Jesus was Jewish? Well, his mother thought he was God; he thought his mother was a virgin; and he lived at home until he was 30 Y.O. ---
**Author:** ![Litoris](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/9f8e36/32.png) [@Litoris](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Litoris)\ **Post date:** [February 27, 2007, 7:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/it-used-to-be-my-favorite-easter-joke/393909/6 "2007-02-27T19:52:04Z")
What did Jesus say when they took the nails out of his hands? _waving arms wildy_ “The feet! The feet!” Oh, and **vetbridge** , that is definitely one of my faves, I tend to draw it out _forevah_, too. I can just say “I can see my house from here” and my husband gets the giggles. **Noone Special** , I love that one, too. Teehee. _always loves to hear new off-color jokes_ ---
**Author:** ![vetbridge](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/v/b5e925/32.png) [@vetbridge](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/vetbridge)\ **Post date:** [February 27, 2007, 8:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/it-used-to-be-my-favorite-easter-joke/393909/7 "2007-02-27T20:16:06Z")
Hey **Litoris**. I draw that joke out also. BTW, I like your name, although I’d rather not discuss why.😉 ---
**Author:** ![cmkeller](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cmkeller/32/118_2.png) [@cmkeller](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/cmkeller)\ **Post date:** [February 27, 2007, 8:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/it-used-to-be-my-favorite-easter-joke/393909/8 "2007-02-27T20:27:27Z")
My favorite is where he goes to a hotel, hands the manager some nails, and asks, “Can you put me up for the night?” ---
**Author:** ![Count\_Blucher](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/c5a1d2/32.png) [@Count\_Blucher](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Count_Blucher)\ **Post date:** [February 27, 2007, 8:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/it-used-to-be-my-favorite-easter-joke/393909/9 "2007-02-27T20:35:43Z")
[QUOTE=Litoris] Does [this](http://www.dailymail.com/story/Entertainment/+/2007022757/Filmmakers-used-statistics-to-resolve-question-of-Jesus-remains) mean I can’t laugh at the joke anymore? [/QUOTE] Can you still assault bald guys with a hammer shouting “I Wanna Easta Egg…! I Wanna Easta Egg…! I Wanna Easta Egg…!” ? 😃 I guess that’s only in Tunesville… ---
**Author:** ![Litoris](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/9f8e36/32.png) [@Litoris](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Litoris)\ **Post date:** [February 27, 2007, 8:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/it-used-to-be-my-favorite-easter-joke/393909/10 "2007-02-27T20:37:29Z")
[QUOTE=vetbridge] Hey **Litoris**. I draw that joke out also. BTW, I like your name, although I’d rather not discuss why.😉 [/QUOTE] Thanks! It is actually my character’s name on Runescape. And yes, it is because of that. 😃 Why did the chicken commit suicide? To get to _the other side._ ---
**Author:** ![Santo\_Rugger](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/e95f7d/32.png) [@Santo\_Rugger](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Santo_Rugger)\ **Post date:** [February 27, 2007, 8:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/it-used-to-be-my-favorite-easter-joke/393909/11 "2007-02-27T20:38:45Z")
Why did all the women love Jesus? Because he was hung like _this_! ---
**Author:** ![lieu](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/c2a13f/32.png) [@lieu](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/lieu)\ **Post date:** [February 27, 2007, 8:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/it-used-to-be-my-favorite-easter-joke/393909/12 "2007-02-27T20:42:16Z")
[QUOTE=Litoris] Thanks! It is actually my character’s name on Runescape. And yes, it is because of that.\* [/QUOTE] The mouthwash? Hey **vet** , can you 'splain yours to a dummy? I’m not getting the Easter/house connection. Never mind, just got it… the vantage. Heh. ---
**Author:** ![Noone\_Special](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/noone_special/32/2863_2.png) [@Noone\_Special](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Noone_Special)\ **Post date:** [February 27, 2007, 8:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/it-used-to-be-my-favorite-easter-joke/393909/13 "2007-02-27T20:56:15Z")
Jesus decides he wants to find his father… so he heads to Heaven for a look-see… asks Peter to help him, and, after a bit of asking around he’s introduced to this old man. Now the guy isn’t _quite_ with it, but when Jesus says “I’m looking for my father…” he starts a spiel… "Oh, you know, I was a carpenter… " “Yes?” says Jesus, intrigued; “and… I wanted children but didn’t have any… but then… I had a boy. But he wasn’t **exactly** a boy…” “Yes!?” prompts Jesus, all excited now… "And then… my boy had a really … **different** conscience, and he got into all kinds of trouble all the time… " “YES???” “And… then … I thought he had died… but he came back to life… but different… better…” Well, at this point Jesus is convinced, throws his arms around the old man and cries “Father!” And the old man hugs Him back, and cries “Pinocchio!” ---
**Author:** ![vetbridge](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/v/b5e925/32.png) [@vetbridge](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/vetbridge)\ **Post date:** [February 27, 2007, 9:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/it-used-to-be-my-favorite-easter-joke/393909/14 "2007-02-27T21:01:17Z")
[QUOTE=lieu] Hey **vet** , can you 'splain yours to a dummy? [/QUOTE] copied/pasted from a web site, ideally you draw it out kinda like “The Aristocrats” joke: It starts with Jesus hung on the cross and shouting to Peter. “JC” - Peter! Peter! “P” - My Lord! I come. Peter runs towards the Nazarene but is intercepted by the legionnaires tasked with security, they batter and bruise Peter to a terrible degree, smashing the bones in his arms to pieces. “JC” - Peter! Come quickly! “P” - My Lord, battered, bruised and disheveled as I may be I will reach your side! Peter again charges his way to the saviour of all mankind flailing his arms like spaghetti but the Roman soldiers again step in to halt his progress, beating him bloody and crushing his legs with the flats of their swords. “JC” - Peter, my favourite disciple you must come to me! “P” (now distinctly the worse for wear) - My Lord I will reach you no matter what, despite the likely lethal beating set before me by your loving Father! Peter flops his way towards Jesus and this time the Legion steps back, astounded at what this man will do to reach his friend. Pulling himself the last few cubits by his chin Peter spits out a clump of dust and says “P” - My Lord! You called for me and I have endured punishment upon punishment to be by your side. Tell me Lord, how I may best serve you in my loving devotion? “JC” - Look yonder, Peter. I can see your house from here. ---
**Author:** ![Montgomery0](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/0ea827/32.png) [@Montgomery0](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Montgomery0)\ **Post date:** [February 27, 2007, 9:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/it-used-to-be-my-favorite-easter-joke/393909/15 "2007-02-27T21:29:28Z")
[QUOTE=vetbridge] copied/pasted from a web site, ideally you draw it out kinda like “The Aristocrats” joke: It starts with Jesus hung on the cross and shouting to Peter. “JC” - Peter! Peter! “P” - My Lord! I come. Peter runs towards the Nazarene but is intercepted by the legionnaires tasked with security, they batter and bruise Peter to a terrible degree, smashing the bones in his arms to pieces. “JC” - Peter! Come quickly! “P” - My Lord, battered, bruised and disheveled as I may be I will reach your side! Peter again charges his way to the saviour of all mankind flailing his arms like spaghetti but the Roman soldiers again step in to halt his progress, beating him bloody and crushing his legs with the flats of their swords. “JC” - Peter, my favourite disciple you must come to me! “P” (now distinctly the worse for wear) - My Lord I will reach you no matter what, despite the likely lethal beating set before me by your loving Father! Peter flops his way towards Jesus and this time the Legion steps back, astounded at what this man will do to reach his friend. Pulling himself the last few cubits by his chin Peter spits out a clump of dust and says “P” - My Lord! You called for me and I have endured punishment upon punishment to be by your side. Tell me Lord, how I may best serve you in my loving devotion? “JC” - Look yonder, Peter. I can see your house from here. [/QUOTE] Soda…nose…keyboard…Damn you! ---
**Author:** ![Kevbo](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/e47774/32.png) [@Kevbo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kevbo)\ **Post date:** [February 27, 2007, 9:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/it-used-to-be-my-favorite-easter-joke/393909/16 "2007-02-27T21:35:53Z")
Little Jesus is playing in the sand outside of his dad’s workshop. Suddenly he jumps up and runs to his father. “What dad, what?” “Oh, nothing, I just hit my thumb with a hammer.” ---
**Author:** ![Litoris](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/9f8e36/32.png) [@Litoris](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Litoris)\ **Post date:** [February 27, 2007, 9:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/it-used-to-be-my-favorite-easter-joke/393909/17 "2007-02-27T21:48:15Z")
[QUOTE=lieu] The mouthwash? Hey **vet** , can you 'splain yours to a dummy? I’m not getting the Easter/house connection. Never mind, just got it… the vantage. Heh. [/QUOTE] Yup, how’d you guess? ---
**Author:** ![Boggette](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/858c86/32.png) [@Boggette](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Boggette)\ **Post date:** [February 28, 2007, 1:31am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/it-used-to-be-my-favorite-easter-joke/393909/18 "2007-02-28T01:31:08Z")
Jesus and Moses are out walking the Earth along a beach for a bit of a leg stretch. Moses says, “You know, I wonder if I ‘still got it’.” Jesus says, “Give it a try!” Moses raises his arms and the water parts. He’s elated. Jesus says, “It’s been a long time for me, too. Wonder if I’ve still got it…” and proceeds to walk out onto the water. But he begins to sink. Dejected, he walks back. Moses puts his arm around Jesus’ shoulders and says, “Don’t worry too much JC. Last time you didn’t have those holes in your feet.” ---
**Author:** ![Dragwyr](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/dragwyr/32/2855_2.png) [@Dragwyr](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dragwyr)\ **Post date:** [February 28, 2007, 2:04am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/it-used-to-be-my-favorite-easter-joke/393909/19 "2007-02-28T02:04:36Z")
Moses and Jesus went out to play a round of golf. They had not made any reservations and asked if there were any openings. “Sure thing,” said the attendant. “We have an old guy here who’s group had to suddenly cancel. He’s all alone and would love the company.” So they joined him and proceeded to play. At the 18th hole, Moses was the first to tee off. On his drive, the ball took a bad bounce and was heading toward the water trap. Quickly, he parted his hands and amazingly the water parted allowing the ball to roll through and onto the green. Jesus was next and coincidentally his tee off was just as bad as Moses’, with his ball heading straight for the water trap. Thinking quickly, Jesus raised his hands and the ball miraculously rolled across the top of the water and onto the green. The old guy teed off and his ball landed smack in the middle of the water trap. As it sank to the bottom, a fish swallowed it up and began to swim away. Then an eagle swooped down, grabbed the fish and started to fly away to her nest. Just as the eagle was getting ready to land, it got struck by a bolt of lightening fell to the ground and dropped the fish onto the green. The jolt of the fish landing onto the green was so great that it dislodged the ball from the fish’s mouth and it rolled into the cup for a hole-in-one. Jesus looked over at the old man and said, “Nice shot, Dad.” ---
**Author:** ![betenoir](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/258eb7/32.png) [@betenoir](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/betenoir)\ **Post date:** [February 28, 2007, 2:41am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/it-used-to-be-my-favorite-easter-joke/393909/20 "2007-02-28T02:41:14Z")
I’ve always liked “No, no, no…Easter is the day where Jesus rises from the dead, emerges from from the cave…and if he sees his shadow we’ll have 6 more weeks of winter.” [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/it-used-to-be-my-favorite-easter-joke/393909.md?page=2)