# It used to be my favorite Easter joke... **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [February 27, 2007, 7:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/it-used-to-be-my-favorite-easter-joke/393909 "2007-02-27T19:20:55Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 11\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![Shoeless](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/shoeless/32/7099_2.png) [@Shoeless](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Shoeless)\ **Post date:** [February 28, 2007, 3:24am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/it-used-to-be-my-favorite-easter-joke/393909/21 "2007-02-28T03:24:52Z")
**vetbridge** , are you familiar with the British rock group [Camel](http://www.progreviews.com/reviews/display.php?rev=cam-icsyhfh) ? ---
**Author:** ![vetbridge](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/v/b5e925/32.png) [@vetbridge](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/vetbridge)\ **Post date:** [February 28, 2007, 1:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/it-used-to-be-my-favorite-easter-joke/393909/22 "2007-02-28T13:53:59Z")
Thanks, **Shoeless** 😃 ---
**Author:** ![Rockwell](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/c0e974/32.png) [@Rockwell](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Rockwell)\ **Post date:** [March 1, 2007, 2:00am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/it-used-to-be-my-favorite-easter-joke/393909/23 "2007-03-01T02:00:27Z")
What is the difference between Jesus and a picture of Jesus? It only takes one nail to hang the picture! ---
**Author:** ![Litoris](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/9f8e36/32.png) [@Litoris](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Litoris)\ **Post date:** [March 1, 2007, 4:15am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/it-used-to-be-my-favorite-easter-joke/393909/24 "2007-03-01T04:15:19Z")
[QUOTE=Rockwell] What is the difference between Jesus and a picture of Jesus? It only takes one nail to hang the picture! [/QUOTE] My husband **demanded** that I tell him this one when he heard me laughing. I am one of those people who rarely ever laugh out loud, especially while reading, this is one of my new favorite jokes. ---
**Author:** ![BunnyTVS](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/977dab/32.png) [@BunnyTVS](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BunnyTVS)\ **Post date:** [March 1, 2007, 3:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/it-used-to-be-my-favorite-easter-joke/393909/25 "2007-03-01T15:30:51Z")
When Jimmy Carr was an Letterman. “If we’re all God’s children. What’s so special about Jesus?” I just wish there was someway to do the “Jesus catching Smarties” or “Jesus biting his nails” jokes in writing. ---
**Author:** ![Finagle](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/b19c9b/32.png) [@Finagle](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Finagle)\ **Post date:** [March 1, 2007, 4:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/it-used-to-be-my-favorite-easter-joke/393909/26 "2007-03-01T16:04:45Z")
[QUOTE=Dragwyr] Jesus looked over at the old man and said, “Nice shot, Dad.” [/QUOTE] Alternate punch line: “Dad, did you come here to screw around, or did you come here to play golf?” ---
**Author:** ![Typo\_Knig](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/cdc98d/32.png) [@Typo\_Knig](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Typo_Knig)\ **Post date:** [March 1, 2007, 5:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/it-used-to-be-my-favorite-easter-joke/393909/27 "2007-03-01T17:18:53Z")
Damn beavers! I am SOOOOO going to hell! ---
**Author:** ![Dragwyr](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/dragwyr/32/2855_2.png) [@Dragwyr](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dragwyr)\ **Post date:** [March 1, 2007, 8:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/it-used-to-be-my-favorite-easter-joke/393909/28 "2007-03-01T20:04:58Z")
[QUOTE=Finagle] Alternate punch line: “Dad, did you come here to screw around, or did you come here to play golf?” [/QUOTE] Another alternate punchline to my joke posted above: “Quit showing off, Dad!” ---
**Author:** ![Litoris](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/9f8e36/32.png) [@Litoris](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Litoris)\ **Post date:** [March 2, 2007, 3:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/it-used-to-be-my-favorite-easter-joke/393909/29 "2007-03-02T15:48:37Z")
It’s a well-known fact that Jesus was a transvestite – he was overheard complaining to Peter “man, these spikes are _killing_ my feet!” ---
**Author:** ![pravnik](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/8edcca/32.png) [@pravnik](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/pravnik)\ **Post date:** [March 2, 2007, 4:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/it-used-to-be-my-favorite-easter-joke/393909/30 "2007-03-02T16:24:46Z")
Johnson owns a nail factory. He makes the best nails around, and takes great pride in his craft. The only problem is, nobody knows it, and sales aren’t what they should be. He talks it over with the missus and decides to hire the biggest ad agency in town to make a commercial for him. The ad execs meet with him, and they talk for a long time about his product and expanding his market. The execs tell him they think they know just the ad for him and tell him they’ll have it ready for him in a week. So he comes back in a week and they sit him down in front a a television screen. They tell him they’ve gt just the ad for him, and they think he’s really going to be pleased. They pop a tape in and hit start. The scene is Calvary, Jesus on the cross with the two thieves on either side, two Roman soldiers at the foot of the cross, pointing up at Jesus, chuckling and poking him with a spear. A voiceover comes on and says “When you’ve got an important job, you need…Johnson’s Nails!” The ad executives ask him “so what do you think?” Johnson is speechless. “That…you…it…what in God’s name are you thinking!!! I don’t want my nails to be known as the nails that hung up Jesus!! I run a family business, I can’t…you…that’s just…” “So, you don’t like it?” “_No_, I don’t like it! Are you insane?!?” “Okay, tell you what. I’ve got another idea, we’re going to go a completely different direction. Come back next week, I think you’re going to really like this one.” So Johnson comes back next week and they sit him down in front of the screen again. “You guys don’t have my nails hanging up Jesus again, do you?” he asks. “Oh no, not at all. Totally different direction.” They pop the tape in ahd hit play. It’s the same scene: Calvary, Jesus on the cross with the two thieves on either side, two Roman soldiers at the foot of the cross, pointing up at Jesus, chuckling and poking him with a spear. All of a sudden, Jesus starts straining his legs _ngggggggh_ and pulls the nail out hodling his feet in. He strains his right arm _ngggggggh_ and pulls the nail out. He strains his left arm _ngggggggh_ and pulls the nail out. He jumps down off the cross, hits the ground, looks around, and legs it. Just _books_ it. He takes off running across the sand and is on the horizon and out of sight in seconds. The two Roman soldiers are shocked. “Wow,” says one. “Didn’t see that coming.” “I know,” says the other. “I guess we should have used…_Johnson’s Nails!_” ---
**Author:** ![Malacandra](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/45deac/32.png) [@Malacandra](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Malacandra)\ **Post date:** [March 2, 2007, 4:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/it-used-to-be-my-favorite-easter-joke/393909/31 "2007-03-02T16:36:24Z")
Isn’t it weird how I don’t believe in Thor, and yet I only know one joke about him? You know, it ends “You’re thor? I’m tho thor I can hardly pith!” [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/it-used-to-be-my-favorite-easter-joke/393909.md?page=1)