# "It was a really bad ring" **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [January 14, 2009, 5:20am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/it-was-a-really-bad-ring/481219 "2009-01-14T05:20:46Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 5
**Author:** ![pbbth](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/f9ae1b/32.png) [@pbbth](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/pbbth)\ **Post date:** [January 14, 2009, 8:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/it-was-a-really-bad-ring/481219/81 "2009-01-14T20:55:18Z")
> [@Mahna\_Mahna](#): > > - And by ugly, I mean U-G-L-Y in the design sense. The size of the stone doesn’t matter much to me, nor does the cost of the ring… in fact, I’d actually prefer not to get a diamond because I’ve always thought they’re overrated (colour wins over sparkle every time, as far as I’m concerned). I agree. I’ve told my boyfriend that I would much rather have an amethyst or a sapphire or something instead of a diamond. To him having a diamond in an engagement ring is an important tradition, so if and when that time comes I would probably get an amethyst flanked by smaller diamonds on either side, combining things that are important to both of us in the ring design. ---
**Author:** ![Contrary](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/db5fbb/32.png) [@Contrary](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Contrary)\ **Post date:** [January 14, 2009, 9:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/it-was-a-really-bad-ring/481219/82 "2009-01-14T21:27:25Z")
> [@Hazle\_Weatherfield](#): > > If I ask for a divorce, am I supposed to give back my engagement and wedding rings? I guess I’ve never really thought about it before. Unfortunately, I’m having to do just that. What’s the answer? I kept mine and I asked for his back. He was the one who filed and was getting married again in just a couple of months. When he asked for mine back, I said “you filed, I’m keeping them.” Maybe not my most gracious moment, however I did give my younger son the center diamond for his fiancee’s ring and I gave my older son his choice of the remaining rings for his fiancee a few years later (younger one got married three years before the older one, that’s why he got the center stone). ---
**Author:** ![Mahna\_Mahna](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/e47c2d/32.png) [@Mahna\_Mahna](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mahna_Mahna)\ **Post date:** [January 14, 2009, 9:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/it-was-a-really-bad-ring/481219/83 "2009-01-14T21:30:01Z")
> [@pbbth](#): > > I agree. I’ve told my boyfriend that I would much rather have an amethyst or a sapphire or something instead of a diamond. To him having a diamond in an engagement ring is an important tradition, so if and when that time comes I would probably get an amethyst flanked by smaller diamonds on either side, combining things that are important to both of us in the ring design. I think that’s a nice compromise, and I think that’s another key point - as much as you’re the one wearing the ring, he’s the one buying it for you… so really, it should be something that you’re both happy with. Hell, if you can’t come to some compromise when it comes to the ring, it doesn’t bode well for planning the wedding itself, right? 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![Tom\_Tildrum](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/e95f7d/32.png) [@Tom\_Tildrum](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tom_Tildrum)\ **Post date:** [January 14, 2009, 9:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/it-was-a-really-bad-ring/481219/84 "2009-01-14T21:31:04Z")
> [@pbbth](#): > > I agree. I’ve told my boyfriend that I would much rather have an amethyst or a sapphire or something instead of a diamond. To him having a diamond in an engagement ring is an important tradition, so if and when that time comes I would probably get an amethyst flanked by smaller diamonds on either side, combining things that are important to both of us in the ring design. My wife’s ring has a central diamond flanked by a couple of sapphires. It turned out quite nice. ---
**Author:** ![SaharaTea](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/e9a140/32.png) [@SaharaTea](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SaharaTea)\ **Post date:** [January 14, 2009, 9:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/it-was-a-really-bad-ring/481219/85 "2009-01-14T21:47:22Z")
> [@pbbth](#): > > I agree. I’ve told my boyfriend that I would much rather have an amethyst or a sapphire or something instead of a diamond. To him having a diamond in an engagement ring is an important tradition, so if and when that time comes I would probably get an amethyst flanked by smaller diamonds on either side, combining things that are important to both of us in the ring design. Purple is my favorite color and I initially wanted an amethyst for my e-ring. For some reason the jeweler steered us away from amethyst - I can’t remember why exactly, but it may have been something about it being too easily scratched. I ended up going with a purple sapphire, which is exquisite. Unbeknownst to me, you can get sapphires in any color of the rainbow (although some colors are rarer than others). ---
**Author:** ![Swallowed\_My\_Cellphone](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/9d8465/32.png) [@Swallowed\_My\_Cellphone](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Swallowed_My_Cellphone)\ **Post date:** [January 14, 2009, 9:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/it-was-a-really-bad-ring/481219/86 "2009-01-14T21:58:34Z")
> [@XJETGIRLX](#): > > Check out this [Good, Bad, and the Ugly](http://www.pricescope.com/idealbb/view.asp?topicID=18524) thread on a site dedicated to diamonds and gemstones for some examples. Oof, the “ugly setting” [example here](http://www.pricescope.com/idealbb/files/love.jpg) is a doozy. Like something you’d get from your would-be fiance if he was a sixth grader. And [this one](http://www.pricescope.com/idealbb/files/bling%20bling.jpg) can’t possibly be real. That’s from The Onion, right? ---
**Author:** ![Swallowed\_My\_Cellphone](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/9d8465/32.png) [@Swallowed\_My\_Cellphone](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Swallowed_My_Cellphone)\ **Post date:** [January 14, 2009, 10:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/it-was-a-really-bad-ring/481219/87 "2009-01-14T22:02:37Z")
Oh, hey. Don’t mean to hijack, but are _old_ diamonds most likely to be conflict diamonds. Like, my mom has tucked away somehwere my greant grandmother’s engagement ring. Clearly this was imported, cut and set long before the Kimberly Process (international system of controls that track diamonds to certify that they are not conflict diamonds). So would one just assume, “Yeah, people were probably exploited for this diamond” based on the lack of regulatory control at the time. ---
**Author:** ![XJETGIRLX](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/x/9fc29f/32.png) [@XJETGIRLX](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/XJETGIRLX)\ **Post date:** [January 14, 2009, 10:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/it-was-a-really-bad-ring/481219/88 "2009-01-14T22:09:13Z")
> [@SaharaTea](#): > > Purple is my favorite color and I initially wanted an amethyst for my e-ring. For some reason the jeweler steered us away from amethyst - I can’t remember why exactly, but it may have been something about it being too easily scratched. You’re right, amethyst can be too fragile to hold up for everyday wear over the long run. Diamonds aren’t just the standard for engagement rings because of advertising or a monopoly by the DeBeers company. They are also incredibly strong and durable for something many women wind up wearing nonstop for years. ---
**Author:** ![Mahna\_Mahna](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/e47c2d/32.png) [@Mahna\_Mahna](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mahna_Mahna)\ **Post date:** [January 14, 2009, 10:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/it-was-a-really-bad-ring/481219/89 "2009-01-14T22:43:39Z")
> [@Swallowed\_My\_Cellphone](#): > > Oh, hey. Don’t mean to hijack, but are _old_ diamonds most likely to be conflict diamonds. Like, my mom has tucked away somehwere my greant grandmother’s engagement ring. Clearly this was imported, cut and set long before the Kimberly Process (international system of controls that track diamonds to certify that they are not conflict diamonds). > > So would one just assume, “Yeah, people were probably exploited for this diamond” based on the lack of regulatory control at the time. You can probably assume that anything handed down from that many generations back was probably manufactured under less-than ethical conditions, at least by the standards of our time. It’s not necessarily a conflict diamond, but chances are that the miner who dug it out of the ground had a rough life.. colonial Africa wasn’t exactly known for being supportive of human rights unless you were a white European. That said, I’d look at old diamonds the way I look at old furs or antique furniture made from ivory/rare wood/etc. Buying new is one thing, because you’re indirectly financing some very nasty practices (be it the wholesale slaughter of cute furry animals for the sake of vanity, destruction of old-growth forests, or funding warlords in Africa or whatever else). On the other hand, if it’s an heirloom piece, the money was spent at a time where the ethical quandary either didn’t exist or simply wasn’t part of anyone’s worldview. Plus there’s the extra warm-fuzzy that comes from re-using a family heirloom and carrying on tradition, which is never a bad thing. ---
**Author:** ![anu-la1979](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/47e85d/32.png) [@anu-la1979](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/anu-la1979)\ **Post date:** [January 14, 2009, 11:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/it-was-a-really-bad-ring/481219/90 "2009-01-14T23:26:07Z")
> [@SaharaTea](#): > > Purple is my favorite color and I initially wanted an amethyst for my e-ring. For some reason the jeweler steered us away from amethyst - I can’t remember why exactly, but it may have been something about it being too easily scratched. I ended up going with a purple sapphire, which is exquisite. Unbeknownst to me, you can get sapphires in any color of the rainbow (although some colors are rarer than others). Yeah, padparascha are my favourite. **mlerose** (whom I’m friends with IRL) once mentioned something to me about a gemshow where they sell you the gems wholesale such that you can take them elsewhere to have set in a design of your choice. I’m going to have to find out how to get to one because I really really want to buy my mother some padparascha sapphs for a set she can make with gold. She has this amazing golden coloured skin (she is literally yellow) and I know the colour would look amazing on her and it’s a gem colour that goes nicely with either silver or gold. ---
**Author:** ![Malthus](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/85f322/32.png) [@Malthus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Malthus)\ **Post date:** [January 14, 2009, 11:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/it-was-a-really-bad-ring/481219/91 "2009-01-14T23:32:50Z")
I’d like some Alexandrite: [Chrysoberyl - Wikipedia](http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Alexandrite#Alexandrite) Changes colour radically depending on the light. Now, THAT is cool. ---
**Author:** ![Guinastasia](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/guinastasia/32/5751_2.png) [@Guinastasia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Guinastasia)\ **Post date:** [January 15, 2009, 5:03am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/it-was-a-really-bad-ring/481219/92 "2009-01-15T05:03:39Z")
> [@anu-la1979](#): > > Besides, there are ethical diamonds mined out of Canada and lab created diamonds are on the rise. Not to mention vintage diamond rings and family heirlooms (I’m not engaged, but as the oldest granddaughter, I inherited my grandmother’s engagement ring, which I wear on my right hand.) Or, hey-you can even be a rebel and not even buy a diamond! My aunt had an emerald, IIRC. BTW, sometimes I like wearing big, obnoxious cocktail rings-costume jewelry, obviously-just for the fun of it. Mostly old-fashioned looking, “heiress” type stuff. **Swallowed My Cellphone** -the same could be said of a lot of antiques though-child labor, slave labor, etc. Still, I’d never trade my grandmother’s ring, because, well, it was Gramma’s. ---
**Author:** ![Pixilated](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/aeb1de/32.png) [@Pixilated](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Pixilated)\ **Post date:** [January 15, 2009, 8:20am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/it-was-a-really-bad-ring/481219/93 "2009-01-15T08:20:44Z")
> [@acsenray](#): > > Waitaminit. You didn’t marry the guy and you still have the engagement ring? If it was me, I’d expect to get it back. An engagement ring is a conditional gift. It was an engagement/wedding ring. I didnt get his ring back, so I would say it was an even trade. Under different circumstances, I wouldve given the ring back, but this was a less then desireable situation in which I will not go into detail. When I divorced my kids’ dad, I gave my ring ( a simple band with a small diamond) back to him, he then gave it to his next wife & the kids would give her grief because of it. IMO, regifting a ring that belonged to an ex is just tacky. ugh. I was so young and stupid back then…:smack: ---
**Author:** ![EvilTOJ](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/ee59a6/32.png) [@EvilTOJ](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/EvilTOJ)\ **Post date:** [January 15, 2009, 11:35am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/it-was-a-really-bad-ring/481219/94 "2009-01-15T11:35:04Z")
How about a [Goatse ring?](http://www.boingboing.net/__product_images2_948_big.jpg) ---
**Author:** ![Count\_Blucher](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/c5a1d2/32.png) [@Count\_Blucher](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Count_Blucher)\ **Post date:** [January 15, 2009, 12:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/it-was-a-really-bad-ring/481219/95 "2009-01-15T12:23:01Z")
> [@EvilTOJ](#): > > How about a [Goatse ring?](http://www.boingboing.net/__product_images2_948_big.jpg) Wait! That ring has gold on it though… Pbbth- …“…So? Do you expect me to _marry_ you…?” Evil Bad-Ring BF- … “No, Pbbth. I expect you to die…!” _“Pretty girl, beware of his heart of gold This heart is cold…”_ (well, there goes the body-paint fantasy anyway…) ---
**Author:** ![Swallowed\_My\_Cellphone](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/9d8465/32.png) [@Swallowed\_My\_Cellphone](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Swallowed_My_Cellphone)\ **Post date:** [January 15, 2009, 3:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/it-was-a-really-bad-ring/481219/96 "2009-01-15T15:36:45Z")
> [@EvilTOJ](#): > > How about a [Goatse ring?](http://www.boingboing.net/__product_images2_948_big.jpg) That just made my day! Ha! ---
**Author:** ![ouryL](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ouryl/32/6067_2.png) [@ouryL](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ouryL)\ **Post date:** [January 15, 2009, 9:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/it-was-a-really-bad-ring/481219/97 "2009-01-15T21:26:39Z")
I heartily agree. You should not get married.😉 ---
**Author:** ![jharvey963](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/54ee81/32.png) [@jharvey963](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/jharvey963)\ **Post date:** [January 15, 2009, 9:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/it-was-a-really-bad-ring/481219/98 "2009-01-15T21:28:11Z")
Without reading all of the posts (got up to #16 – no time right now to finish) let me express my opinion about this: An engagement ring is NOT A PIECE OF JEWELRY. It is a symbol of the guys love and committment to his partner. Telling him that you don’t like the ring is tantamount to telling him he is not good enough. Suggesting changing the ring would be an absolute deal breaker for me. By giving you a ring, I am giving you me, and you’d be telling me that I don’t quite measure up. J. ---
**Author:** ![Hazle\_Weatherfield](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/e9bcb4/32.png) [@Hazle\_Weatherfield](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Hazle_Weatherfield)\ **Post date:** [January 15, 2009, 11:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/it-was-a-really-bad-ring/481219/99 "2009-01-15T23:32:38Z")
> [@jharvey963](#): > > Without reading all of the posts (got up to #16 – no time right now to finish) let me express my opinion about this: > > An engagement ring is NOT A PIECE OF JEWELRY. It is a symbol of the guys love and committment to his partner. Telling him that you don’t like the ring is tantamount to telling him he is not good enough. Suggesting changing the ring would be an absolute deal breaker for me. By giving you a ring, I am giving you me, and you’d be telling me that I don’t quite measure up. > > J. Giving me a ring that is not something I would ever dream of putting on my own finger suggests that you do not know me very well (at least not well enough to marry.) C’mon you should know your future partner well enough to get a shirt she’ll love, let alone a ring. ---
**Author:** ![Girl\_From\_Mars](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/3da27b/32.png) [@Girl\_From\_Mars](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Girl_From_Mars)\ **Post date:** [January 16, 2009, 9:18am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/it-was-a-really-bad-ring/481219/100 "2009-01-16T09:18:50Z")
> [@anu-la1979](#): > > Yeah, padparascha are my favourite. **mlerose** (whom I’m friends with IRL) once mentioned something to me about a gemshow where they sell you the gems wholesale such that you can take them elsewhere to have set in a design of your choice. I’m going to have to find out how to get to one because I really really want to buy my mother some padparascha sapphs for a set she can make with gold. She has this amazing golden coloured skin (she is literally yellow) and I know the colour would look amazing on her and it’s a gem colour that goes nicely with either silver or gold. You can buy custom cut gemstones online, if you can’t make it to a show - I’m currently sourcing a asscher sapphire from a cutter in the US for my e-ring as I’m not happy with what I can find available in Australia. My stone will be cut by [Jeff White](http://www.whitesgems.com/), but other good cutters include [Gary Braun](http://www.finewatergems.com/), [Gene Flanigan](http://www.precisiongem.com/Blog/PrecisiongemBlog.html) and [Dan Stair](http://www.customgemstones.com/). [Pricescope](http://www.pricescope.com/idealbb/) is an excellent resource as well. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/it-was-a-really-bad-ring/481219.md?page=4) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/it-was-a-really-bad-ring/481219.md?page=6)