# It would be a pleasure to beat my optometrist to death. **URL:** \ **Category:** The BBQ Pit\ **Created:** [June 19, 2009, 3:48am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/it-would-be-a-pleasure-to-beat-my-optometrist-to-death/500269 "2009-06-19T03:48:57Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![AuntiePam](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/f19dbf/32.png) [@AuntiePam](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/AuntiePam)\ **Post date:** [June 19, 2009, 5:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/it-would-be-a-pleasure-to-beat-my-optometrist-to-death/500269/21 "2009-06-19T17:10:10Z")
At a doctor appointment in my early 50’s, the nurse took my history and then said “You’re in great shape for someone your age!” WTF? I decided to take it as a compliment. ---
**Author:** ![Auntbeast](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/5f9b8f/32.png) [@Auntbeast](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Auntbeast)\ **Post date:** [June 19, 2009, 5:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/it-would-be-a-pleasure-to-beat-my-optometrist-to-death/500269/22 "2009-06-19T17:34:54Z")
I’m with the OP. Hell, I’ll hold the doc down for you. To make you feel better, my pregnancy was considered high risk because of “advanced maternal age.” It was a better term than “geriatric pregnancy” which was the previous terminology. I was 37. ---
**Author:** ![orderfire](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/orderfire/32/10908_2.png) [@orderfire](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/orderfire)\ **Post date:** [June 19, 2009, 5:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/it-would-be-a-pleasure-to-beat-my-optometrist-to-death/500269/23 "2009-06-19T17:57:49Z")
I had an amusing exchange with my chiro (who is kind of hot and fun to flirt with) recently. I’ve been having some problems with my left shoulder, so he took an x-ray and noted that the humerus is migrating into the socket - some muscle groups are pulling it out of alignment and the tendons are getting pinched or something like that. I asked him what the cause was. He starts to say something, pauses and then starts laughing and says “Oh no, I’m not going to say that, I’m not going to tease you that way.” I said, “What is it, heavy purse syndrome or something?” He’s smiling and says, “No, what I was going to say is that this is pretty common in women of a certain age.” Chuckle chuckle. I waited a few beats, allowing an icy, uncomfortable silence to develop, and said, slowly, in my best brittle, dangerously fuming Joan Crawford/Leona Helmsley voice: “So, what you’re saying, then, is that my particular case is highly unusual, an anomaly - is that correct?” He bursts into nervous laughter and says “EXACTLY! That’s what I meant to say. This case is medically unprecedented; I’ve never seen anything like it, ha ha ha!” Like I said, he’s kind of hot, so I don’t want to beat him to death - just make him squirm a little. ---
**Author:** ![corkboard](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/e9bcb4/32.png) [@corkboard](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/corkboard)\ **Post date:** [June 19, 2009, 7:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/it-would-be-a-pleasure-to-beat-my-optometrist-to-death/500269/24 "2009-06-19T19:41:32Z")
See, I don’t get why that comment, had he actually made it, would be offensive. You are what you are. It’s not as if he said, “gee, it says here you’re 27 but I would have guessed 35, 36 minimum”, that I could understand. But if you are at the age that he’s saying that condition tends to occur, well, I’m sure it’s no surprise. ---
**Author:** ![gigi](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/a587f6/32.png) [@gigi](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/gigi)\ **Post date:** [June 19, 2009, 8:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/it-would-be-a-pleasure-to-beat-my-optometrist-to-death/500269/25 "2009-06-19T20:05:58Z")
I thought it was the cutesy formulation “x years young” that the OP was referring to. ---
**Author:** ![EddyTeddyFreddy](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/eddyteddyfreddy/32/18796_2.png) [@EddyTeddyFreddy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/EddyTeddyFreddy)\ **Post date:** [June 19, 2009, 8:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/it-would-be-a-pleasure-to-beat-my-optometrist-to-death/500269/26 "2009-06-19T20:07:56Z")
It’s the “young” that’s offensive – it’s so patronizing. It’s about as flattering as telling a woman not to worry her pretty little head about something. Don’t fucking tell me I’m “60 years young.” Don’t fucking patronize me with that kindly superior smirk as you metaphorically pat me on the head, all the while thinking “Old bat, so afraid of getting old, she’ll lap up my meaningless little compliment and simper with brainless silly delight, yeh.” I am NOT “60 years young.” I am **60 years OLD**. I got here one day, one week, one month, one year at a time, and I have fucking earned every fucking gray hair on my head, and I do NOT fucking appreciate being patronized by some smug bloviating jackass who thinks I’m a vain, stupid pushover for some blatantly phony pseudocompliment! :mad: :rolleyes: :mad: - pant pant pant \* ---
**Author:** ![gigi](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/a587f6/32.png) [@gigi](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/gigi)\ **Post date:** [June 19, 2009, 8:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/it-would-be-a-pleasure-to-beat-my-optometrist-to-death/500269/27 "2009-06-19T20:11:25Z")
You’re only as young as you feel, and age is just a number. ---
**Author:** ![EddyTeddyFreddy](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/eddyteddyfreddy/32/18796_2.png) [@EddyTeddyFreddy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/EddyTeddyFreddy)\ **Post date:** [June 19, 2009, 8:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/it-would-be-a-pleasure-to-beat-my-optometrist-to-death/500269/28 "2009-06-19T20:17:43Z")
> [@gigi](#): > > You’re only as young as you feel, and age is just a number. Tell that to my joints. 😉 ---
**Author:** ![Shodan](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/9f8e36/32.png) [@Shodan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Shodan)\ **Post date:** [June 19, 2009, 8:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/it-would-be-a-pleasure-to-beat-my-optometrist-to-death/500269/29 "2009-06-19T20:52:58Z")
> [@gigi](#): > > You’re only as young as you feel, and age is just a number. Yes, a big number. And if you want to live to be as old as me, you better not patronize me with this “53 years young” crap. In dog years, I’m already dead. Don’t push your luck, you young whipper-snapper. Regards, Shodan ---
**Author:** ![cromulent](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/b4bc9f/32.png) [@cromulent](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/cromulent)\ **Post date:** [June 19, 2009, 10:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/it-would-be-a-pleasure-to-beat-my-optometrist-to-death/500269/30 "2009-06-19T22:30:43Z")
Wow. Next time I refer to presbyopia as “aging eyes” I hope my patient forgoes beating me to death. ---
**Author:** ![bathsheba](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/9e8a1a/32.png) [@bathsheba](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/bathsheba)\ **Post date:** [June 20, 2009, 12:04am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/it-would-be-a-pleasure-to-beat-my-optometrist-to-death/500269/31 "2009-06-20T00:04:00Z")
> [@Kal](#): > > My GP’s practice has a couple of other patients with the same name as me. So when making appointments, my address is verified to make sure they have the correct one. > > Went to have some stitches removed by a nurse a few years ago and after she finished, I noticed the details on her computer were those of one of my namesakes and she’d not realised I wasn’t that patient. > > It wasn’t a big deal and I wouldn’t have minded, but for the fact that the other bloke was 59 and I was 38. Same thing happened to me recently. Admittedly, I had been sick with a kidney stone for a few weeks so didn’t look my best. I booked myself straight in for a non surgical facelift. ---
**Author:** ![Bryan\_Ekers](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/bryan_ekers/32/183_2.png) [@Bryan\_Ekers](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bryan_Ekers)\ **Post date:** [June 20, 2009, 1:27am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/it-would-be-a-pleasure-to-beat-my-optometrist-to-death/500269/32 "2009-06-20T01:27:31Z")
Fifty-two… or three? Two… or three? Two… or three…? ---
**Author:** ![kitemaker\_chuck](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/a88e4f/32.png) [@kitemaker\_chuck](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kitemaker_chuck)\ **Post date:** [June 20, 2009, 2:39am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/it-would-be-a-pleasure-to-beat-my-optometrist-to-death/500269/33 "2009-06-20T02:39:36Z")
I guess you and your optometrist couldn’t see eye to eye!! ---
**Author:** ![Frank](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/3d9bf3/32.png) [@Frank](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Frank)\ **Post date:** [June 20, 2009, 2:50am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/it-would-be-a-pleasure-to-beat-my-optometrist-to-death/500269/34 "2009-06-20T02:50:32Z")
> [@EddyTeddyFreddy](#): > > It’s the “young” that’s offensive – it’s so patronizing. It’s a cult of youth, which I see no particular reason to go along with. Those younger than me have their own culture, and it’s valid, but it’s not mine. I don’t dye my hair, I don’t pretend that President Nixon is not in my personal memory banks, and I can name all four Beatles. I’m growing older, creeping in this petty pace, getting shorter of breath and one day closer to death. And you know what? That’s life. I’d rather enjoy my knowledge and my experience than try to pretend I can keep up with the kids. ---
**Author:** ![dropzone](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/dropzone/32/7515_2.png) [@dropzone](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/dropzone)\ **Post date:** [June 20, 2009, 2:55am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/it-would-be-a-pleasure-to-beat-my-optometrist-to-death/500269/35 "2009-06-20T02:55:49Z")
> [@orderfire](#): > > He bursts into nervous laughter and says “EXACTLY! That’s what I meant to say. This case is medically unprecedented; I’ve never seen anything like it, ha ha ha!” > > Like I said, he’s kind of hot, so I don’t want to beat him to death - just make him squirm a little. That seems like the Correct Answer, so the Correct Question is: So, did you hit on him? Lot to be said for a quick mind and a sense of humor. 😉 ---
**Author:** ![Chief\_Pedant](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/a6a055/32.png) [@Chief\_Pedant](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Chief_Pedant)\ **Post date:** [June 20, 2009, 3:06am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/it-would-be-a-pleasure-to-beat-my-optometrist-to-death/500269/36 "2009-06-20T03:06:25Z")
I am physiologically well into my upper 80s, and proud of it. I can’t figure out why “52 years young” is offensive. Annoying and trite, sure… Anyway, do you know how you can tell if you are making love to an optometrist? ( He keeps asking, “Which is better…this…or this?” ) no charge ---
**Author:** ![Sunspace](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/sunspace/32/1250_2.png) [@Sunspace](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sunspace)\ **Post date:** [June 20, 2009, 3:10am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/it-would-be-a-pleasure-to-beat-my-optometrist-to-death/500269/37 "2009-06-20T03:10:54Z")
Annoying and trite _is_ offensive. ---
**Author:** ![Bam\_Boo\_Gut](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/8c91f0/32.png) [@Bam\_Boo\_Gut](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bam_Boo_Gut)\ **Post date:** [June 20, 2009, 3:17am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/it-would-be-a-pleasure-to-beat-my-optometrist-to-death/500269/38 "2009-06-20T03:17:49Z")
I went to the eye doctor. After the exam he glanced down at my card and said: “Well that’s really amazing, you’re what? 42 and you’ve got 20/20 vision - there’s nothing wrong.” “Oh - is that amazing - why?” says I. “Well,” he says “it all starts deteriorating after 40, you know, muscles start to sag. It’s all downhill really.” Way to deliver the good news buddy! 😃 “So what’s this off-white lumpish stuff then?” He continues the theme with: “Oh eventually that would cover your eye and make you blind if you lived long enough - but you’ll be dead long before then.” :eek: Small print is now getting a little smaller - can’t wait for his response to that one! He’ll probably try to sell me a coffin. ---
**Author:** ![dropzone](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/dropzone/32/7515_2.png) [@dropzone](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/dropzone)\ **Post date:** [June 20, 2009, 3:34am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/it-would-be-a-pleasure-to-beat-my-optometrist-to-death/500269/39 "2009-06-20T03:34:35Z")
As part of explaining that I needed bifocals, mine said, “Welcome to your forties.” I did not think to be offended. ---
**Author:** ![friedo](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/8edcca/32.png) [@friedo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/friedo)\ **Post date:** [June 20, 2009, 3:36am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/it-would-be-a-pleasure-to-beat-my-optometrist-to-death/500269/40 "2009-06-20T03:36:46Z")
> [@Chief\_Pedant](#): > > Anyway, do you know how you can tell if you are making love to an optometrist? > > ( He keeps asking, “Which is better…this…or this?” ) At least he doesn’t ask if you prefer number one or number two. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/it-would-be-a-pleasure-to-beat-my-optometrist-to-death/500269.md?page=1) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/it-would-be-a-pleasure-to-beat-my-optometrist-to-death/500269.md?page=3)