I use my kukri for splitting kindling and chopping down Christmas trees instead of for its intended purpose of close order zombie slaying. That said, at least that way it gets to go outside, since the zombies have been quiet lately. On a related note, I was touching it up and oiling the blade after yesterday’s Christmas tree expedition when I noticed (by filleting my left third finger) that I’ve got that sucker razor-sharp - Zombies beware. Hell, I’d even risk taking on one of them killer Q-tips if I had to.
Who said anything about your orifices?
How to calm a cat in heat.
My wife had a roommate that used Q-tips to clean her nose.
Also, Q-tips are fine for cleaning ears… just not inside the ear canal.
They’re also good for cleaning small optics, taking loose tissue samples, applying ointment in a sterile manner, etc.
Anyway…
Circular gravity filter papers as radiological survey material to detect loose surface contamination.
I’ve never used a yardstick for measurement. It is used to retrieve things that have been lost under the stove or refrigerator. I have a heavy candle holder, and some antique cast iron bookends that are only ever used as doorstops. My bathroom trash can is actually a large planter. My nightstands are an empty sewing machine cabinet, and a stand for putting plants on.
Next time you’re at the zoo, look for one of those stick-claws. They usually have alligator or shark heads on them. They’re great for grabbing things, although in my experience they’re used most often for annoying others 
Most people that even remotely know their way around a computer know that a paperclip is most useful as a CD/DVD Extraction Tool.
I use an old turkey baster bulb to prime the carburetor on my lawnmower. The bulb that came with the mower would rip off about three mowings into the spring after getting caught on a bush.
The bulb fits and works perfectly.
Next time you are in the shower, wrap a washcloth around your finger and go at it like you’re digging for gold.
I’ll remember that, although I’ve never been to a zoo in my life, and wouldn’t even know where to find one. 
/hijack
TMI Warning … when I don’t have a needle handy, I will often use one of my dental picks to lance and drain skin blemishes and, on rare occasions, to hook and pull out ingrown hairs. That probably sounds worse than it is, but I think squeezing at zits and ingrown hairs with your fingernails is a positively stupid way to make a bad problem even worse.
We like to slice cheese with a vegetable peeler.
I once used a splitting maul to chop down a moderately large spruce. It turns out that splitting mauls are not very good for that sort of thing.
Oddly enough, I peel vegetables with a cheese slicer.
I have a crockpot that I use for paraffin manicures. I melted three bags of paraffin wax from the beauty supply store and now if I feel my hands are feeling dry, I give my self a manicure, rub on rich hand cream and seal it in with melted paraffin. I leave this mixture on my hands for as long as it’s warm and then I peel off the paraffin. My hands are smooth for about a week and then I repeat the process.
I had a roommate who was deaf in one ear because he goofed around with a Q-Tip in his ear, and instead of taking it out neatly, he shoved it in. He then didn’t go directly to the doctor, and the infection froze his eardrum (or something).
Don’t screw around with things in your orifices, kids.
While not technically an orifice, if you have a deep innie belly button like I do, Q-Tips are useful for cleaning out the lint and dead skin and gunk that sometimes accumulates within.
I have exactly one metal kebab skewer. I don’t know where it came from, but it has always been in one of the utensil drawers. I have never made kebabs. About the only use I’ve found for it is that it is a good size and weight for repeatedly dropping down a long vacuum hose to help punch through stubborn dust clogs. It’s also long enough so that when the dust plug gets near the end of the hose, I can poke the skewer up there and kinda scrape bits of it out, making the rest easier to shake loose.
I also have a telescopic, magnetic pickup tool. My wife uses it to scratch her back.
I have also used my iPod Touch as a level. (Hey, it has an accelerometer. And a program called “iLevel.”)
I use the metal spring from old floppy discs to do this and it works GREAT! I have told my friends to give it a try and it works great. Anyone should try this for black/white heads
Drops the ladle
Well, there go my plans for the day!
Drops the gerbil
Well, there go my plans for the day!