# Its a Columbia, MO dopefest, and you're invited! **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [July 31, 2003, 4:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/its-a-columbia-mo-dopefest-and-youre-invited/192165 "2003-07-31T16:56:23Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 8
**Author:** ![Horseflesh](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/horseflesh/32/7502_2.png) [@Horseflesh](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Horseflesh)\ **Post date:** [September 8, 2003, 5:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/its-a-columbia-mo-dopefest-and-youre-invited/192165/141 "2003-09-08T17:12:23Z")
> [@](#): > > _Originally posted by sperfur_ > **You win, Skippy licks you clean. You lose, I lick you clean.** Hmmm, now I have a real dilemma: Do I lose on purpose to girly-man **SkipMagic** and lose face to my fellow Dopers only so I can get the licking I deserve, or do I trounce him to a pulpy finish and shudder whilst he uses his raspy prehensile forked tongue towards evil ends upon my divine person? Hmmmm… HMMMMMMM… ---
**Author:** ![SkipMagic](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/skipmagic/32/20706_2.png) [@SkipMagic](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SkipMagic)\ **Post date:** [September 8, 2003, 8:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/its-a-columbia-mo-dopefest-and-youre-invited/192165/142 "2003-09-08T20:05:25Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Horseflesh \* > \*\*…whilst he uses his raspy prehensile forked tongue towards evil ends upon my divine person? \*\* Ssssssee, now you’re just being sssssssssssssssilly. ---
**Author:** ![elmwood](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/elmwood/32/3060_2.png) [@elmwood](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/elmwood)\ **Post date:** [September 13, 2003, 6:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/its-a-columbia-mo-dopefest-and-youre-invited/192165/143 "2003-09-13T18:07:38Z")
I can make i on he 20th, but on the 27th I’ll be in Portland, Oregon for a job interview. 'S okay, though. ---
**Author:** ![Enderw24](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/ba9def/32.png) [@Enderw24](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Enderw24)\ **Post date:** [September 14, 2003, 3:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/its-a-columbia-mo-dopefest-and-youre-invited/192165/144 "2003-09-14T15:23:48Z")
'ello all. I definitely will not be able to attend if it’s next weekend. I have a previous engagement with a hot little number down in KC. She’s a little older than I am, but the way she uses her tongue you just forget all about her age I tell you. The best part is that when you get tired of her, you can kick her right off the bed and she’s happy to sleep on the floor. So anyway, yeah. Count the dogsitter out for the 20th. ---
**Author:** ![sperfur](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/a9adbd/32.png) [@sperfur](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/sperfur)\ **Post date:** [September 14, 2003, 7:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/its-a-columbia-mo-dopefest-and-youre-invited/192165/145 "2003-09-14T19:16:30Z")
**Enderw24** - we changed it to the 27th. So you and your tongue-woman-dog can have your fun-filled weekend guilt-free and still make it. **elmwood** , I hope you get the job. But I’m bummed out you can’t come on the 27th. ---
**Author:** ![Horseflesh](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/horseflesh/32/7502_2.png) [@Horseflesh](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Horseflesh)\ **Post date:** [September 14, 2003, 7:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/its-a-columbia-mo-dopefest-and-youre-invited/192165/146 "2003-09-14T19:20:39Z")
But are you available for the 27th? If so, you simply must bring your “hot little number”. We’ll be in dire need of anything that can use their tongue in mysterious ways. ---
**Author:** ![sperfur](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/a9adbd/32.png) [@sperfur](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/sperfur)\ **Post date:** [September 14, 2003, 10:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/its-a-columbia-mo-dopefest-and-youre-invited/192165/147 "2003-09-14T22:08:56Z")
BTW, I want to thank **Skippy** for prompting out date change to the 27th, because I recently found out that a person I haven’t seen in 12 years is coming here next weekend from Chicago and now I’ll be able to spend some time with him. Good job, **Skippy**! I’m going to get to drive a PT Cruiser. Apparently, its all the rage. We’re also going to go to a few junkyards in search of a steering wheel and hood ornament for a '65 Plymouth Fury. Woo-hoo! ---
**Author:** ![Crunchy\_Frog](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/ebca7d/32.png) [@Crunchy\_Frog](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Crunchy_Frog)\ **Post date:** [September 15, 2003, 12:46am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/its-a-columbia-mo-dopefest-and-youre-invited/192165/148 "2003-09-15T00:46:39Z")
I’m back on the maybe list. I wasn’t sure (with the way our LSD-dropping scheduling monkey works out days off around here), but I did manage to get the 27th off (3 Saturdays in a row – woot!), so I may be able to make it. I feel like the Ross Perot of the group. I’ll most likely be there! I’m not going. Ok, maybe I’ll go! ---
**Author:** ![misstee](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/958977/32.png) [@misstee](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/misstee)\ **Post date:** [September 17, 2003, 3:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/its-a-columbia-mo-dopefest-and-youre-invited/192165/149 "2003-09-17T15:51:58Z")
**Wikkit** , we are taking \*\*withaK]/b]'s car. I am back online at home now, I expect this thread will be revived now. So many comments I could make about what I have missed in the last three weeks, so little time. ---
**Author:** ![sperfur](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/a9adbd/32.png) [@sperfur](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/sperfur)\ **Post date:** [September 22, 2003, 2:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/its-a-columbia-mo-dopefest-and-youre-invited/192165/150 "2003-09-22T14:55:53Z")
This weekend! Very exciting! Here’s the list. No one showed up at my house this weekend expecting a party, so I guess those not confirmed at least kept up with the date change: **auntie em** (confirmed) **dfqforever Crunchy Frog** (maybe?) **Epimetheus Erika** (confirmed) **Horseflesh** (confirmed) **Marlitharn** and Marlithubby (confirmed) **misstee** (confirmed) **ouisey** (maybe?) **Rexdart** (confirmed) **SkipMagic** (confirmed) **sperfur** , Maggie, Jasper, Chlozilla Monster Kitty (confirmed) **Tiburon** (maybe?) **Turbo Dog Wikkit** (confirmed) **withaK** (confirmed) I have a rusty old charcoal grill I inherited. I also have a brand new, still-in-the-box gas grill (I won it - I didn’t buy it). I’m thinking about pulling it out of the shed and putting it together. Does anyone object to grilling on a gas grill? I’ve been told the taste is different and blah blah blah, so I’ve never used the thing. So, grillmasters **Wikkit** and **Horseflesh** - do you want to de-virginize my gas grill? Also, who’s staying the night? I need to figure out where to put ya and how much food to fix for breakfast. (Also, will **auntie em** and **SkipMagic** be coming back for breakfast?) I do hope no one’s planning on driving home intoxicated - I have plenty of room for you to stay and sleep it off. 😃 ---
**Author:** ![Horseflesh](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/horseflesh/32/7502_2.png) [@Horseflesh](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Horseflesh)\ **Post date:** [September 22, 2003, 4:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/its-a-columbia-mo-dopefest-and-youre-invited/192165/151 "2003-09-22T16:07:19Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by sperfur \* > **do you want to de-virginize my gas grill?** …la-de-da-de-doo-dum-dum…Whaaaa? Oh…gas grill…ummm, sure, why not? You got the little lava rocks or whatever to put in it too? Why not set up both for some tandem cooking? Then we’ll all be able to judge whether your prize gas grill is the shit, or the shee-yat. How late are you planning on this soire to last? I’d guess it’s about a 3 hour drive for me, but if I don’t have the ponies it doesn’t really matter when I leave. I can just tell my sister to plan on keeping them overnight. ---
**Author:** ![sperfur](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/a9adbd/32.png) [@sperfur](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/sperfur)\ **Post date:** [September 22, 2003, 4:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/its-a-columbia-mo-dopefest-and-youre-invited/192165/152 "2003-09-22T16:41:51Z")
Well, we’re hangin’ out, pudding wrestling and eating, then we’re going to the gay bar. I’m thinking some people won’t want to drive all the way home that late (and some will be too intoxicated to do so), so I’ll be providing some form of sustinance for a morning meal. Tell me more about these lava rocks? Do I need 'em? If so, I’ll try to find some. I have no idea about this grill - so I’ll set up both and we can do a taste test. If I get the lava rocks, we can take them out of the grill and have a firewalking contest after we eat. Maybe while I’m out looking for lava rocks, I’ll find a deal on a charcoal grill and pick it up to replace the eyesore I’m using now - we’ll see. Then I’ll have _two_ grills to de-virginize… ---
**Author:** ![Horseflesh](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/horseflesh/32/7502_2.png) [@Horseflesh](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Horseflesh)\ **Post date:** [September 22, 2003, 5:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/its-a-columbia-mo-dopefest-and-youre-invited/192165/153 "2003-09-22T17:03:58Z")
More than likely your new gas grill will already have a bag of the rocks, but they look like one of [these](http://www.appliancefactoryparts.com/gasgrillparts/bbqparts/acc/rocks/body_rocks.html). I de-virginized **SkipMagic** ’s grill at our first KC dopefest, so I’d be willing to take yours on.As long as nobody minds eating cowflesh cooked by some guy named **Horseflesh**. 😉 ---
**Author:** ![Horseflesh](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/horseflesh/32/7502_2.png) [@Horseflesh](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Horseflesh)\ **Post date:** [September 22, 2003, 5:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/its-a-columbia-mo-dopefest-and-youre-invited/192165/154 "2003-09-22T17:10:51Z")
BTW, how was your visit with your friend from Chicago. Didja cruise around in the Cruiser and go junkyard hopping? ---
**Author:** ![sperfur](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/a9adbd/32.png) [@sperfur](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/sperfur)\ **Post date:** [September 22, 2003, 5:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/its-a-columbia-mo-dopefest-and-youre-invited/192165/155 "2003-09-22T17:21:24Z")
Yup and nope. He found what he needed at the junkyard on Thursday, so we didn’t need to go Saturday. I got to drive the PT Cruiser all day. We went to the boot store and he bought us each a pair of boots. We ate lunch at Red Lobster. Then we drove back to my house and he fixed the broken light switch in my ceiling fan. It was a good day. ---
**Author:** ![Erika](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/47e85d/32.png) [@Erika](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Erika)\ **Post date:** [September 22, 2003, 8:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/its-a-columbia-mo-dopefest-and-youre-invited/192165/156 "2003-09-22T20:52:04Z")
Well, if I’m going to the gay bar [and I am], I’d appricate having a corner of floor to curl up on for the night. Was the PT Cruiser as exciting as it was made out to be? ---
**Author:** ![Horseflesh](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/horseflesh/32/7502_2.png) [@Horseflesh](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Horseflesh)\ **Post date:** [September 22, 2003, 10:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/its-a-columbia-mo-dopefest-and-youre-invited/192165/157 "2003-09-22T22:00:59Z")
Hey, **sperfy** , don’t forget to charge up your propane tank on your new-fangled grill. I doubt it’s packaged already full. You can get them filled at some farm related businesses, or (easier) haul it down to your local convenience store and trade it for a full one (maybe $10-$15). The two times I’ve driven a PT Cruiser it was very plain inside and, being only a 4-banger, did not have as much pep as I’d like (though I’ve heard they were toying with the idea of a 6-cyl. model last year). It’s much more pleasant to look at as you’re passing it on the highway than it is to drive. ---
**Author:** ![Crunchy\_Frog](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/ebca7d/32.png) [@Crunchy\_Frog](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Crunchy_Frog)\ **Post date:** [September 22, 2003, 10:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/its-a-columbia-mo-dopefest-and-youre-invited/192165/158 "2003-09-22T22:43:12Z")
Still can’t confirm if I’ll be there, since I still haven’t gotten my schedule to know what days I’m working next week. If I have to work Sunday, it’s a no-go. ---
**Author:** ![sperfur](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/a9adbd/32.png) [@sperfur](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/sperfur)\ **Post date:** [September 22, 2003, 11:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/its-a-columbia-mo-dopefest-and-youre-invited/192165/159 "2003-09-22T23:05:18Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Crunchy Frog \* > \*\*If I have to work Sunday, it’s a no-go. \*\* 😛 ---
**Author:** ![Horseflesh](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/horseflesh/32/7502_2.png) [@Horseflesh](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Horseflesh)\ **Post date:** [September 22, 2003, 11:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/its-a-columbia-mo-dopefest-and-youre-invited/192165/160 "2003-09-22T23:33:23Z")
Quit teasing us **Crunchy**. If you have to work Sunday here’s what you tell your boss: “Look buddy, I have a party to go to on Saturday. It’ll involve copious amounts of sex, meat, drinking, and gay bars, but not necessarily in that order. I plan on getting too hammered to come in Sunday so you’ll need to cover for me. I’ll call you about Monday if I’m up to it. Capice?” Your boss will cow to your demands, guaranteed. Works for me every time. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/its-a-columbia-mo-dopefest-and-youre-invited/192165.md?page=7) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/its-a-columbia-mo-dopefest-and-youre-invited/192165.md?page=9)