# It's a slut thing Wabbit--you just don't understand **URL:** \ **Category:** The BBQ Pit\ **Created:** [June 17, 2002, 11:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/its-a-slut-thing-wabbit-you-just-dont-understand/114604 "2002-06-17T23:56:34Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 5
**Author:** ![scott\_evil](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/91b2a8/32.png) [@scott\_evil](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/scott_evil)\ **Post date:** [June 18, 2002, 11:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/its-a-slut-thing-wabbit-you-just-dont-understand/114604/81 "2002-06-18T23:55:32Z")
And, **Kid** (that user name is becoming more and more appropriate), I’ll even go so far as to do something I told myself I’d never do on this board: Reveal the approximate number of sexual partners I’ve had. And if I do, you bloody well keep it in mind that I’m not only HIV-negative, but have never contracted an STD aside from crabs, and even that was only once. - s.e. ---
**Author:** ![Wabbit](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/ba9def/32.png) [@Wabbit](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Wabbit)\ **Post date:** [June 19, 2002, 12:11am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/its-a-slut-thing-wabbit-you-just-dont-understand/114604/82 "2002-06-19T00:11:43Z")
Oops, sorry **scott** (and **matt** ) and I agree with what you said re: the straight community not mobilizing to stop HIV fast enough. Hell, you could make a strong case that they actually hindered it when you factor in resistance to sex ed, needle exchanges and passing out free condoms. All I’d ask is that you don’t rest on your laurels as we’re not out of the woods yet and that you consider that just because you don’t have an STD yet doesn’t mean that you won’t ever get one. And thanks for the advice **SisterCoyote** ; the few times I’ve pulled the ‘sanctimonious sex ed. guy’ (does that sound like a SNL routine or what) routine in real life have been quite memorable so I now only bring it up when it seems to be a pattern of behavior that no-one appears to be voicing concern over. I may be dense, but I ain’t no dummy! 😉 ---
**Author:** ![Miller](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/miller/32/481_2.png) [@Miller](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Miller)\ **Post date:** [June 19, 2002, 12:26am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/its-a-slut-thing-wabbit-you-just-dont-understand/114604/83 "2002-06-19T00:26:39Z")
> [@](#): > > _Originally posted by Jarbabyj_I still would like to know…if, putting Com2Kid and his wackiness aside for a moment…if a friend came up to me and ranted of the details of his or her twelve man train they pulled last Tuesday, can I voice my concerns that they practiced safe sex or is that preachy? And must I automatically voice a hearty appreciation for their endurance and creativity or can I react in some other way? Well, the difference between your hypothetical situation and the one that spawned this thread is that, as far as I know, **Esprix** and **Wabbit** are not friends. A better analogy (although still not perfect, this being a public message board and all) would be if you overheard a stranger talking about all the hot gay sex he’d just had, and you rushed over to ask if he’d been using protection. Showing concern for your friends is okay, butting into the lives of people you don’t even know is rude. **Wabbit** : This really isn’t so hard to understand. All it comes down to is differing levels of threat assessment. You seem to view sex as having an (unreasonably, IMO) high threat level. Others, such as, say, **matt\_mcl** , view it as having a lower threat level. You also value the rewards differently. For some people, and you seem like one of them, sex without an emotional bond is meaningless. For other people, the sex act is seperate from the emotional bond, and is valuable in and of itself. So, if they judge the threat level to be reasonably low, and the rewards to be reasonably high, the risk is worth taking. It seems, based on your posts here, that you’re basing a lot of your preconceptions on this issue on the death of your friend. While I am sorry for your loss, you need to understand that what happened to her is not the automatic and unavoidable result of a promiscuous lifestyle. It’s possible, yes, but it’s far from certain. And what if she had gone away and been crippled in a car accident, and came back home only to eventually die of her permanent injuries? Arguably, a fate no less awful that dying of AIDS. Would you have sworn off automobiles? The simple fact is that every action we take could have fatal consequences. Sex is no different. ---
**Author:** ![SisterCoyote](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/958977/32.png) [@SisterCoyote](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SisterCoyote)\ **Post date:** [June 19, 2002, 12:31am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/its-a-slut-thing-wabbit-you-just-dont-understand/114604/84 "2002-06-19T00:31:33Z")
**Wabbit** , two things: For your last post, 😉 And I’m sorry about your friend. ☹ ---
**Author:** ![SisterCoyote](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/958977/32.png) [@SisterCoyote](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SisterCoyote)\ **Post date:** [June 19, 2002, 12:32am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/its-a-slut-thing-wabbit-you-just-dont-understand/114604/85 "2002-06-19T00:32:38Z")
Also, kisses to **Miller**. You said what I was trying to say, without the temper tantrum. ---
**Author:** ![scott\_evil](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/91b2a8/32.png) [@scott\_evil](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/scott_evil)\ **Post date:** [June 19, 2002, 12:40am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/its-a-slut-thing-wabbit-you-just-dont-understand/114604/86 "2002-06-19T00:40:58Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Wabbit \* > Oops, sorry **scott** (and **matt** ) and I agree with what you said re: the straight community not mobilizing to stop HIV fast enough. Hell, you could make a strong case that they actually hindered it when you factor in resistance to sex ed, needle exchanges and passing out free condoms. _History will recall, Reagan did the least of all._ How many people had to die before that fucker of a president even _mentioned_ the word AIDS let alone provided funding for research and prevention. > [@](#): > > All I’d ask is that you don’t rest on your laurels as we’re not out of the woods yet and that you consider that just because you don’t have an STD yet doesn’t mean that you won’t ever get one. I’m aware of that. Just because I’ve had X number of sexual partners (no one’s asked me to disclose the number yet, so I’ll refrain) and haven’t contracted an STD doesn’t mean I think I’m somehow immune. Look, it’s second nature for me. If I’m gonna fuck a guy, I slap on a condom. Period. And if I see something weird on my dick or have burning discharge, I’ll go the doctor ASAP. I also won’t sleep with someone if I take off his pants and see warts or whatever. I mean, come on, I’m not fucking blind. OK, many are asymptomatic. But that’s not going to stop me from enjoying my sexuality. - s.e. ---
**Author:** ![matt\_mcl](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/7ab992/32.png) [@matt\_mcl](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/matt_mcl)\ **Post date:** [June 19, 2002, 1:17am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/its-a-slut-thing-wabbit-you-just-dont-understand/114604/87 "2002-06-19T01:17:49Z")
> [@](#): > > So you all have my apologies for that but I simply cannot understand how an intelligent person who is well-educated and responsible (and all the people I’m conversing with here are that or they wouldn’t be using protection in the first place) could condone a promiscuous lifestyle. Then let me try it another time. I “condone” a “promiscuous lifestyle” because I am living it, and find it to be in accordance with my ethics, experience, philosophy, aesthetic sense, factual knowledge, and sense of self-preservation. You disagree, which is apparently why we don’t have the same lifestyle. Fine. What I object to is being told repeatedly why I am foolish for living the way I do - because I have not considered the implications of my acts, which in fact I have. > [@](#): > > You are not safe simply because you practice safe sex (this attitude that all is well now that we have protease inhibitors is extremely troubling to me) This is a complete non sequitur. I too deplore the mollifying effect on safe-sex practices of the availability of AIDS treatments to an elite few HIV-positive persons. However, I am not promiscuous because I believe that protease inhibitors will save me; I am promiscuous because the information that has come my way from my doctor, my volunteer work with a variety of gay and AIDS support resources, and the rest of the scientific material I’ve come across, not to mention the experience of friends and acquaintances, has shown me that my behaviour is at low risk. > [@](#): > > I understand that people are just trying to have a good time, but is sex with multiple partners so much better than sex with one that it makes increasing your risk of contracting a STD worth it? My doctor, a gay man, many of whose patients are HIV positive, and who constantly bemoans the number of patients he sees seroconverting, grills me thoroughly about my sexual practices at every checkup. I am perfectly honest with him about the nature, techniques, and frequency of my sexual contacts. Until and unless he indicates distress with that or tells me to do anything other than what I am doing, I will continue. No offense, but I told you about this in the thread you linked to, I consider my personal physician’s opinion more important than yours, and I’m getting a little sick of your presuming I should do otherwise. ---
**Author:** ![musicguy](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/7ba0ec/32.png) [@musicguy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/musicguy)\ **Post date:** [June 19, 2002, 2:32am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/its-a-slut-thing-wabbit-you-just-dont-understand/114604/88 "2002-06-19T02:32:08Z")
**Matt** , I appreciate your post. It’s easy to understand, hard to argue with ( 🙂 ) and makes it very apparent that you have intelligently put some planning and thought into how you choose to live your life. Your post sheds some light (as others have) on why this is such a hot topic, one that until recently I was unaware of. Now, I have couple of questions for you. Sincere questions because I want informed answers from a promiscuous person ie. someone who has met a lot of gay people (hope I’m not being presumptuous. I just haven’t had the fortune 🙂 ). A) Do you think the majority of men that you encounter, have a similar philosophy regarding consulting with their physician and/or being as knowledgable as they can. B) Does the fact that some gay men are not taking safe sex as seriously as they should, cause you to reconsider your choices or reconsider advocating them (if you, in fact, do?) I know these are personal questions but I’m interested in the answers and I respect the source. ---
**Author:** ![matt\_mcl](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/7ab992/32.png) [@matt\_mcl](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/matt_mcl)\ **Post date:** [June 19, 2002, 2:37am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/its-a-slut-thing-wabbit-you-just-dont-understand/114604/89 "2002-06-19T02:37:01Z")
I appreciate that, musicguy. The answer to the questions you pose are 1) I make no assumptions and 2) no, because my doctor and I take both of those factors into account. We should be foolish not to. ---
**Author:** ![matt\_mcl](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/7ab992/32.png) [@matt\_mcl](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/matt_mcl)\ **Post date:** [June 19, 2002, 2:38am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/its-a-slut-thing-wabbit-you-just-dont-understand/114604/90 "2002-06-19T02:38:51Z")
To clarify, I mean, my doctor and I, when discussing my safe sex behaviour, do so in a context which assumes that not everyone I have sex with is as safe as I. (And his conclusions and advice are still the same.) ---
**Author:** ![musicguy](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/7ba0ec/32.png) [@musicguy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/musicguy)\ **Post date:** [June 19, 2002, 2:45am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/its-a-slut-thing-wabbit-you-just-dont-understand/114604/91 "2002-06-19T02:45:21Z")
Fair enough, thanks. **scott, gobear, hamish, esprix or any of the other gay males for that matter** Do you have anything to add or a different response to the questions I posed to Matt? Don’t want to give the impression that I don’t value your opinions as well. ---
**Author:** ![AHunter3](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ahunter3/32/368_2.png) [@AHunter3](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/AHunter3)\ **Post date:** [June 19, 2002, 2:49am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/its-a-slut-thing-wabbit-you-just-dont-understand/114604/92 "2002-06-19T02:49:46Z")
I do not tend to be especially promiscuous, or so I’ve noticed over time. But I live my emotional and sexual life intensely, seeking pleasure and excitement. I do attempt to be responsible, meaning that I take measures to avoid spreading communicable diseases to others. On the other hand, some degree of risk seems unavoidable, and I simply accept that. Being sexually active could kill me. Well, death is inevitable in the long run and I’m not going to lose any sleep over it. Frankly, I don’t see anything at all wrong with promiscuity – for women, for heterosexual people, for gay folk, for guys – my trend is more of a slow-motion “serial monogamy” without promises, your mileage and that of other people may vary, but under any circumstances why point fingers? It isn’t as if people were taking ridiculous risks for something trivial. Sex and love are a long long way from trivial. ---
**Author:** ![SisterCoyote](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/958977/32.png) [@SisterCoyote](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SisterCoyote)\ **Post date:** [June 19, 2002, 3:22am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/its-a-slut-thing-wabbit-you-just-dont-understand/114604/93 "2002-06-19T03:22:59Z")
And, to follow what **Ahunter** said, we all assess risk differently. **Kid** , I think where the communication breakdown is happening is that you’ve made a decision about what is an appropriate risk for you. Which is all well and good, fine, more power to you. What isn’t so well and good is that you’ve come in here, guns ablazing, and basically said, “This is where my line is and so everyone else’s line should be here, too!” This, is not so good. For example. My roommate, who is an Air Force Brat, is comfortable around guns. To her, having a gun in the house is an acceptable risk, and one she’s willing to take. Her sister, with the same upbringing, also has an 8-year-old child in the house with her. To her, having a gun in the house is NOT an acceptable risk. So, she doesn’t take it. **Johnny L.A.** likes motorcycles. (He’d have to explain his reasons to you). So, he considers riding one to be an acceptable risk. I don’t. I would rather have unprotected sex with someone I knew relatively well\* than get on a motorcycle. Again, the line is drawn somewhere different for each of us. \*I wouldn’t have unprotected sex with someone I didn’t know for any amount of money, however. I draw the line there. ---
**Author:** ![gobear](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/8dc957/32.png) [@gobear](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/gobear)\ **Post date:** [June 19, 2002, 3:53am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/its-a-slut-thing-wabbit-you-just-dont-understand/114604/94 "2002-06-19T03:53:46Z")
Even though I’ve said it several times, I’ll repeat myself because nobody seems to be listening: I have for the last year been 100 percent monogamous with my BF. I might be willing to take a (low) risk with my health, but I NEVER would with his. > [@](#): > > A) Do you think the majority of men that you encounter, have a similar philosophy regarding consulting with their physician and/or being as knowledgable as they can. I think so, just because the majority of guys I’ve slept with in the past asked about my sexual history and were conscious about being safe. > [@](#): > > B) Does the fact that some gay men are not taking safe sex as seriously as they should, cause you to reconsider your choices or reconsider advocating them (if you, in fact, do?) Npot at all. My own perspective is that everybody but me is poz. I take it for granted that any guy I might sleep with (if I were single) has HIV, and I act acordingly. I have no patience with guys who relax safer sex precautions because “he looked healthy” or " he said he was negative." Rule No. 1 is “You are responsible for your own health.” ---
**Author:** ![musicguy](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/7ba0ec/32.png) [@musicguy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/musicguy)\ **Post date:** [June 19, 2002, 4:01am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/its-a-slut-thing-wabbit-you-just-dont-understand/114604/95 "2002-06-19T04:01:37Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by gobear \* > \*\*Even though I’ve said it several times, I’ll repeat myself because nobody seems to be listening: I have for the last year been 100 percent monogamous with my BF. I might be willing to take a (low) risk with my health, but I NEVER would with his. > > \*\* **gobear** , Just for the record, I am listening. I appreciate your input. By the way, this thread has a pretty low ignorance level compared to what is going on [in this thread](http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?threadid=121088&perpage=40&pagenumber=1) in case anyone is interested 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![scott\_evil](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/91b2a8/32.png) [@scott\_evil](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/scott_evil)\ **Post date:** [June 19, 2002, 4:07am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/its-a-slut-thing-wabbit-you-just-dont-understand/114604/96 "2002-06-19T04:07:47Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by matt\_mcl \* > \*\*To clarify, I mean, my doctor and I, when discussing my safe sex behaviour, do so in a context which assumes that not everyone I have sex with is as safe as I. (And his conclusions and advice are still the same.) \*\* My doctor is the same with me. He’s gay, and he’s quite straightforward (no pun intended) with his questions about my sex life. He has no problem with my occasional cruising the clubs, or even the baths, if it so strikes me. If, in his **educated medical opinion** , which **Kid** does _not_ have, I’m taking care of myself, and avoiding putting myself at risk, then that’s the last word. I’m not going to listen to some shitfucktard on some message board who portends to know everything. Now go back to naptime and shut the fuck up. Hasn’t summer school started yet? - s.e. ---
**Author:** ![Com2Kid](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/4af34b/32.png) [@Com2Kid](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Com2Kid)\ **Post date:** [June 19, 2002, 8:18am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/its-a-slut-thing-wabbit-you-just-dont-understand/114604/97 "2002-06-19T08:18:40Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by scott evil \* > > But the faggots who contracted HIV and later developed AIDS in the late 70s and early 80s deserved it, even though they had no idea what was going on, and later, what to do. Oh for crying out loud, I said EDUCATED ABOUT THE DANGERS. Before the disease was well known about? Hell yes, that was DEFINATLY a tragedy; After the advertising blitz during the 90s? After it being made standard part of public school education, from; Oh lets see, my local school district does HIV/AIDs education _FROM THE FOURTH GRADE ON UP_\*; I am saying that anybody who CONTINUES with dangerious practices after knowing that there is a risk. . . . Yeesh. And I don’t care if the person is Gay or not. Fact of the matter is, if people stopped f\*cking around so much HIV/AIDs would be removed from the non-third world rather quickly, with needle sharing, blood transfusions, and rape being its only means of transmission. Granted rather signifigent means still, but hell, see any of my rants against drug usage. If people stopped fucking around AND stopped shooting up society would damn nearly have the thing licked. \*well they did when I went there, but public school programs change all the time. ---
**Author:** ![Com2Kid](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/4af34b/32.png) [@Com2Kid](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Com2Kid)\ **Post date:** [June 19, 2002, 8:21am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/its-a-slut-thing-wabbit-you-just-dont-understand/114604/98 "2002-06-19T08:21:23Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by SisterCoyote \* > \*\* > > There are sex acts I can engage in that will have _no_ significant risk of AIDS. Several, that I can think of right off the top of my head. > \*\* Congratulations on NOT paying attention in sex ed class, if you had you would realize that there are plenty of other STDs out there besides AIDs, many of which are transmitted in a far easier manner then AIDs is. Yeesh. Read 'dem books next time, k? :rolleyes: :rolleyes: :rolleyes: ---
**Author:** ![matt\_mcl](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/7ab992/32.png) [@matt\_mcl](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/matt_mcl)\ **Post date:** [June 19, 2002, 12:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/its-a-slut-thing-wabbit-you-just-dont-understand/114604/99 "2002-06-19T12:59:30Z")
Fine: there are several sex acts I can perform (and usually DO) that are at no, or very low, risk of STDs in general. _Also sprach_ the books. And my doctor backs me up on this. Whom I trust somewhat more than you. ---
**Author:** ![jayjay](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/jayjay/32/6765_2.png) [@jayjay](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/jayjay)\ **Post date:** [June 19, 2002, 1:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/its-a-slut-thing-wabbit-you-just-dont-understand/114604/100 "2002-06-19T13:03:29Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Com2Kid \* > \*\* > > Congratulations on NOT paying attention in sex ed class, if you had you would realize that there are plenty of other STDs out there besides AIDs, many of which are transmitted in a far easier manner then AIDs is. > > Yeesh. > > Read 'dem books next time, k? :rolleyes: :rolleyes: :rolleyes: \*\* **Com2Kid** , fuck. off. And take your arrogant attitude with you. You’re no Cecil. jayjay [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/its-a-slut-thing-wabbit-you-just-dont-understand/114604.md?page=4) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/its-a-slut-thing-wabbit-you-just-dont-understand/114604.md?page=6)