A couple years ago, a co-worker was planning to do a bike ride as a fund-raiser for AIDS research. He had to raise $2500 (or something like that) in order to join the ride. He went to his local church to ask the pastor if he’d spread the word. The answer was no…because apparently, AIDS is a plague that God sent to punish gay people, prostitutes, adulterers, and drug users. Oh, and apparently innocent children and unfortunate transfusion recipients? Oh, okay, I get it…
I hate when so-called “people of God” are so hateful and closed-minded.
Sorry about the rant.
Kelli…I’m sorry about your mom. I will be thinking of you and your family.
My take on thanking god for touchdowns and gold records :
Yes sometimes they take it a little too far, but what I think they really mean is that their faith has been a driving force that keeps them kicking extra points and keeps them churning out the hit singles. Not so much “god is on my side” but “god gave me the strength to do it myself.”
Also, how many times have you said to yourself “thank god I wasn’t late for that meeting” or “thank god I got to the store to buy beer at 1:59 instead of 2?” I don’t think anything anyone else says could cheapen whatever prayer you’re currently saying, but then I could be wrong seeing as how I live a secular, agnostic lifestyle and think religion is hogwash.
Kelli
My thoughts are with you.
Although I don’t and can’t know how you feel, I can and do empathize. Don’t worry about these insensitive folks calling upon God – microphones do have that effect – I’m sure She understands.
Can you tell us a little more about your Mum? Is she in any pain?
As for R&B singers thanking God: Yeah, well, it’s chic but sounds stupid.
What bugs me is that you doubt the possibility of god --because your mother is dying? Um… I think part of the reason people turn to religion is for hope of life aftr death. If anyone has been telling you that god guarantees the earthly survival of your mother, their theology is–well, crap.
OK, that wasn’t fair. This is something you have to go through, and i know you feel horrible–every childhood assumption about what was safe and good comes crashing down, and the world seems ungoverned, loose form its moorings.
So let me try to say this gently:
Honey, we’re mortals. We die. Part of the deal, i’m afraid, along with having children and getting to watch them grow up. I once wanted to believe that my family would survive indefinitely. But that’s not the case. The big moment for me was when my aunt Mary on my ma’s side died in a car crash. My cousin Shan–a teen at the time–was driving. I imagine he was really shaken by that. I was shaken, a thousand miles away–she was the closest relative i’d had die on me since i could remember (except my paternal grandmother, who was diabetic, and i didn’t like much after all).
This is part of the deal. I could say something analytical and weird about the biological and philosophical reasons for death, but i think you’d shut it–and me–out; too cold, right?
Yeah. But (i believe) God (if something like the Judeo-Christian God exists) isn’t there to override nature, or keep our families in the shape we first found them. Whatever we believe about the transcendent–God, the Tao, whatever–religion, at its best, gives us a hope in something greater than ourselves, our fragile little families, our fragile little lives. And, i think, can remind us that it’s ok, that life is flux, but there are still things worth loving and defending.
Unfortunately, some well-meaning (?) religious people miss this truth, and say utter nonsense like “Jesus won’t let your dad/mom/brother/gerbil die.” And some religious traditions seem determined to make people more inept at living in reality, not better-adjusted.
Anyway, i hope you don’t sour on the idea of God permanently 'cos of your loss. Not that i’m a raging theist. But i think the transcendent is there; there are things worth loving and believing in; and the understanding of these–the true good of the universe–is what i might call “the mind of God.” Of course, the Christians and i might disagree on what God is about…
foolsguinea
<Follow her down
to worship some god
Who never speaks to me–
I wonder if that’s odd.
well, toecutter, she got out of the hospital on saturday, the doctor beleives the radiation led to a lung infection. she is on more medication - steroids for her lungs.
She isnt in pain, just really really tired from the treatments.This week they will decide on her next course of chemo.She is still working a few days a week, less that she was a month ago. She is hoping to hold on to her business till university lets out, then my cousin is going to run it for the summer, and mom is going to spend as much time as possible in their camper at the beach. Last june they gave her 1-2 years, so every time she gets sick, its like getting the ‘news’ all over again. She doesnt even look sick.Most of my family, my grandparents especially, are in denial, expecting her to either last forever, or get ‘cured’. My brother is very cold and technical about the whole thing. I am trying to walk the line between hope and self-delusion. Its a tough spot, and I am less hopefull all the time.
As for the whole business, I just dont know. Its hard to beleive there is a deity which would kill off decent folks and let monsters live. Or these 102 year old people, why cant THEY cet cancer? They are old and will die soon anyway.
I like to think there is something after the end…but I dont know what I think anymore. I know every one and every thing has to die…but it makes more sense when its not happening to me. Thanks for the post foolsguinea, you are right, and it sure gives me food for thought.
Kelli my mom was sick for two years before she passed away. She was the picture of health one day, and the next she was lying in the hospital. She was 64, looked 50, when she was taken ill. She was a strong Christian woman, I cannot remember ever hearing her say anything about anyone in a bad way. She helped everyone as much as she could. No, I haven’t made her a saint just because she is dead. She was truly that kind of woman. I hope that I can be half of what she was. I have a strong faith. It doesn’t bother me what people on the board say for or about God. Each person has to work out their own salvation.
Your statement about why can’t 102 year old people be the ones that get cancer? They are someone’s mom or dad too. Your pain is evident and I can relate. My prayers are with you to give you the strength you need in the upcoming times, with both your mom and your children.
I’ve learned that if someone says something unkind about me, I must live so that no one will believe it.
An opposing POV on victors who have overcome huge odds to win a Grammy, win the Super Bowl, win the lottery, etc…
In the music industry, anyone who makes it who has any degree of honesty knows there were dozens of performers/groups/act with more talent & possibly more desire that didn’t make it. Is Shania Twain the most talented female vocalist in the country genre? Or is she well-connected, slickly packaged, and does she have great crowd appeal? Winning a Grammy then is a reflection of a combination of luck and talent. What to say up on the stage is always tricky. To say this proves that one is the most talented creature on the face of the earth is transparently false, and unlikely to endear them to the wide range of people who might be unfamiliar with their work. To give all the credit to luck denies the degree to which talent did play a role, and all the hard they have put in along the way. To thank God for giving them the talent they have, and putting them in the right place place at the right time to break through to get a recording contract & consideration for an award like a Grammy would seem to be a gracious compromise. Some people carry it off with a little more grace and sincerity than others.
kelli, NONE of this has anything to do with the suffering you & your family are going through. In good times, it is easy to believe in an omniscient, omnipotent supreme being who is guiding our lives. In bad times, one is left to ponder the question of this this is happening. There appear to be three choices.
The person involved has angered God and lost his protection.
God doesn’t know that this is going on.
God isn’t actually capable of intervening, even if he knew.
When all of these choices seem impossible, it is reasonable to question the underlying belief in God. I don’t know how to resolve this this dilemma myself, but know of a book that has brought comfort to lot of people whose bad times were made harder because they were losing their faith just when they needed it most. I’ve forgotten the name of the author, but he is/was a rabbi in NYC, and the title of the book is “When Bad Things Happen To Good People”.
Hang in there.
Sue from El Paso
Experience is what you get when you didn’t get what you wanted.
Major, I think there may be another possibility, that God allows such things to happen because of a greater good that might result.
Each time I miscarried (three in all), I raged against God. I just could not believe He would let this happen to me, then I couldn’t believe He would let it happen again, and then the third time…you get the picture.
The idea that God took my babies, or let them die, is still a little hard for me to take, and yet -
I am a stronger, wiser person for what I went through. I’ve been able to help comfort other women, when no one else knew what to say. I’ve been able to appreciate the children I did give birth to much more than I would have otherwise. And when I finally do become a nurse, I know that I will be a better care-giver for it.
Kelli, I’m so sorry for what you are going through, and I don’t pretend to know what it is like, and I certiantly don’t mean to suggest you should be glad for what is happening, but I will say that when you’ve come through this and survived, you will have had a profound life experience that may allow you to understand and relieve some one else’s suffering at some time in the future.
Larry, a friend of mine and father of a 5 year old and a 2 year old, died of Hodgkins disease last year at the ripe old age of 38. I kept saying, “It just isn’t fair.”
My husband, who lost both of his parents when he was a teenager, said to me, “Maybe Larry’s children will be better off for losing him.” I gave him a dirty look and he said, “Seriously. Look at a lot of the really successful people. They all have something in common and that is pain. Martin Luther King, Prince, Rosie O’Donnell, George Washington, Elvis, Dave Thomas, Madonna, the list goes on and on. They didn’t CHOOSE that path. It was chosen for them. What they DID with the pain was what set them apart. It gave them a drive that the average person just doesn’t have.”
Pain either crushes you or it makes you stronger. And I suspect you are a lot stronger than you give yourself credit for.
Maybe the hole in your heart that is being created by the loss of your mother will ultimately help you find your path, Kelli. Maybe one day you’ll look back at this time as a turning point in your life. I hope so.
After all you’ve been through in this past year - now your Mother? I feel so sorry for you. I almost lost my Mother twice in the past three years - once to a botched operation and once to gallbladder complications. So, while she did eventually recover, I did have to deal with the possiblity of losing her. It was one of the hardest times of my life. I will keep you and your Mother in my thoughts.
I’m not going to add my opinion about why these singers/actors/athletes thank God - because, as usual, Sue beat me to the punch. She said exactly what I was thinking - only much more eloquently.
Although, God is a Yankee fan (but then, what reasonable person isn’t)
I’ve been trying to avoid this topic, because I never know what to say in these situations. Particularly when it involves losing a mother. I lost mine when I was 12.
You never get over it. Never. Oh, the hurt lessens over time, but it never goes away.
Like I said, I don’t know what to say.
Kelli, you’re tough and soft at the same time and I’ve always admired you for it. My thoughts are with you. Be strong.
