# It's Always Monday Somewhere: The MMP **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Tags:** mmp\ **Created:** [May 28, 2012, 5:22am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/its-always-monday-somewhere-the-mmp/623323 "2012-05-28T05:22:43Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 5
**Author:** ![dogbutler](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/dogbutler/32/428_2.png) [@dogbutler](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/dogbutler)\ **Post date:** [May 30, 2012, 11:03am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/its-always-monday-somewhere-the-mmp/623323/81 "2012-05-30T11:03:18Z")
Up, caffieinated, off to irk. Stanley Cup Finals start tonight.🆒 ---
**Author:** ![Man\_With\_a\_Cat](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/cab0a1/32.png) [@Man\_With\_a\_Cat](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Man_With_a_Cat)\ **Post date:** [May 30, 2012, 11:25am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/its-always-monday-somewhere-the-mmp/623323/82 "2012-05-30T11:25:48Z")
SCHOOL’S OUT FOR THE SUMMER! Well after a three hour today it is, but still… ---
**Author:** ![VunderBob](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/v/839c29/32.png) [@VunderBob](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/VunderBob)\ **Post date:** [May 30, 2012, 11:40am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/its-always-monday-somewhere-the-mmp/623323/83 "2012-05-30T11:40:29Z")
A rerun, in honor of **Kanga**. How can you not become a 911 dispatcher, when you’ll have days like this? > [@](#): > > **That must have been some killer weed, dude; June 2009** > > Bear with me while I do the background development for a secondhand tale. > > Last night, VWife and I went to the county Emergency Management planning meeting, where the various emergency departments and other interested parties meet to do disaster response planning. This was the first one for this year, and the topic for the night was hurricanes, naturally. > > As a sidebar before I move on to the entertainment portion of this tale, I volunteered for a multi-agency swift water rescue team that’s being formed. VWife, of course, was not amused, but she never is. “I think you’re developing an adrenaline addiction.” > > No shit, Sherlock? > > Cottonfield County has just installed a state of the art 911 system, with recorded calls, a GIS database to map call locations, and once we get the grant for the transponders, the ability to map in real time the location of fire, rescue, and law enforcement vehicles within the county. Our first payoff with the new equipment happened last night. > > It was the end of the meeting. Billy, the Emergency Management director said, “I apologize for the bad audio from my computer, but y’all have to hear this.” It started playing, and Lynette, one of the 911 dispatchers at the meeting, started oozing down in her chair. > > **Lynette:** “Cottonfield County 911. What is your emergency?” > > **Caller:** “Yeah, Hi. A UFO just landed in my yard.” > > **Lynette:** “A UFO landed in your yard?” > > **Caller:** “Yes ma’am. Landed right there in my front yard, and 3 little green men got out.” > > \*\*Lynette: \*\*“What were they doing?” > > **Caller:** “They were acting kinda hostile.” > > **Lynette:** “Did you shoot at them, or something?” > > **Caller** : “No, but I sicced my dog after them.” > > \*\*Lynette: \*\*“What happened?” > > \*\*Caller: \*\*“The dog bit one of them, and all three started fighting my dog. I had to help my dog out, so I started fighting them, too.” > > **Lynette:** “Are you alright? Did you get hurt? Were there any weapons?” > > \*\*Caller: \*\*“I’m OK, and so is my dog. I used kah-RAH-tay.” > > \*\*Lynette: \*\*“Then what happened?” > > \*\*Caller: \*\*“They all got back in their UFO and took off.” > > **Lynette:** “Do you need the Sheriff or Rescue?” > > \*\*Caller: \*\*“No. I just wanted to tell you a UFO landed in my front yard.” > > \*\*Lynette: \*\*“I’ll let the proper people know.” > > **Caller:** “Thank you.” \ > > Lynette got a standing ovation for keeping a straight face and refusing to laugh during the entire call. The dude must have gotten ahold of some reallllllly good weed that night. > > But wait, there’s a kicker. After Lynette got home from that shift, she turned on the morning news. One of the stories reported by WVEC in Norfolk was that a UFO was spotted over King’s Mill in Williamsburg, VA, about 20 minutes after the call ended. That’s about 80 miles north of Cottonfield County. [cue Twilight Zone theme music] > > I haven’t yet discussed making a flying saucer cake for the next EM meeting with VWife… > > **Epilogue, the following Saturday** : > > Cottonfield County news flash: the UFO guy from last week is presently leading 2 deputies in a chase. He’s riding a scooter, nekkid, and the deputies were called when he was standing in the middle of a semi-busy road naked, shouting, “Die Die Die!!!” > > Unknown if he wanted vengeance on the green men for giving him an anal probe. > > Nekkid UFO guy is in custody. We don’t know if he’s headed for the jail or the loony bin. Probably both. ---
**Author:** ![VunderBob](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/v/839c29/32.png) [@VunderBob](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/VunderBob)\ **Post date:** [May 30, 2012, 12:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/its-always-monday-somewhere-the-mmp/623323/84 "2012-05-30T12:46:49Z")
I killded the thread. It’s dead, **Jim!** ---
**Author:** ![anyrose](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/54ee81/32.png) [@anyrose](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/anyrose)\ **Post date:** [May 30, 2012, 12:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/its-always-monday-somewhere-the-mmp/623323/85 "2012-05-30T12:50:02Z")
Naw. It’s nawt dead. It’s pinin’ for the fkords! ---
**Author:** ![swampbear](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/swampbear/32/467_2.png) [@swampbear](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/swampbear)\ **Post date:** [May 30, 2012, 1:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/its-always-monday-somewhere-the-mmp/623323/86 "2012-05-30T13:06:30Z")
**BBBobbio** it would just be beyond me why, after readin’ that tale of UFOs, green men, dawgs who apparently know kay-RAH-tay, _and_ nekkidness, **kanga** would not want to be anything but a 911 dispatcher. I don’t think we even need to put it to a vote. 😃 Not only does the MMP keep MPSIMS neat and tidy, it now comes with career counselin’! ---
**Author:** ![2gigch1](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/2gigch1/32/3313_2.png) [@2gigch1](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/2gigch1)\ **Post date:** [May 30, 2012, 1:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/its-always-monday-somewhere-the-mmp/623323/87 "2012-05-30T13:47:37Z")
Crappy I feel. Home I stay. Yoda I emulate. ---
**Author:** ![VunderBob](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/v/839c29/32.png) [@VunderBob](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/VunderBob)\ **Post date:** [May 30, 2012, 2:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/its-always-monday-somewhere-the-mmp/623323/88 "2012-05-30T14:01:18Z")
VWife just called. She was scheduled for an MRI today (not her first, BTW), and freaked out inside the tube. She goes back Firday morning with a prescription to massively suppress her givadammer. Naturally, I will have to drive to home because she will be flying in the stratosphere. After listening to her nag for a couple of weeks, I fixed a curtain rod over the kitchen sink on Monday. Last night, while making my lunch for today, I started smelling smoke. Long story short, the repaired rod pushed the poufy part of her curtains up into the halogen sink light, and it burned a hole the size of a golfball in the material. :rolleyes: I hate that light, and I will soon replace it with something much easier to maintain and generates much less heat. ---
**Author:** ![phouka](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/c5a1d2/32.png) [@phouka](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/phouka)\ **Post date:** [May 30, 2012, 2:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/its-always-monday-somewhere-the-mmp/623323/89 "2012-05-30T14:06:01Z")
Hey, guys, I’m all for it. I just need to convince some local municipal government that I’m the candidate for them. 😃 ( **BBBobbio** , _love_ the story. Love it.) Hey, **tugig** , feel better, okay? Wooly weather out here. Several rainstorms have been through the past night. I kept waking up from dreams, talking about how something wasn’t going to work, and then being _really_ confused as to where I was. My phone interview this morning was a very short “so you know what Active Directory is?” “Yep!” “Ever done anything on Windows 7?” “Yep!” “Great. Dress code is business casual. I’ll have HR call your temp agency.” So, it looks like I have two weeks of work coming up. Hurray! ---
**Author:** ![2gigch1](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/2gigch1/32/3313_2.png) [@2gigch1](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/2gigch1)\ **Post date:** [May 30, 2012, 2:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/its-always-monday-somewhere-the-mmp/623323/90 "2012-05-30T14:06:01Z")
> [@phouka](#): > > Hey, **tugig** , change is hard, okay? I’m just twisting your tail a bit. Even though it’s scary the tone of your posts is a lot happier. It makes me look forward to hearing more tales. Oh, and my 2 cents, you’d make a great 911 op - compassion & level headed thinking is a great combination. And that is a job that needs good people! SIMULPOST!!! ---
**Author:** ![swampbear](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/swampbear/32/467_2.png) [@swampbear](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/swampbear)\ **Post date:** [May 30, 2012, 5:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/its-always-monday-somewhere-the-mmp/623323/91 "2012-05-30T17:07:43Z")
**gigity** you left out the most important quality that would make **kanga** a great 911 dispatcher, the MMP entertainment value. 😃 Chawklit covered peanuts are a good and healthy **N.O.L.** I have decided. After all, they are packed full of protein! ---
**Author:** ![phouka](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/c5a1d2/32.png) [@phouka](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/phouka)\ **Post date:** [May 30, 2012, 5:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/its-always-monday-somewhere-the-mmp/623323/92 "2012-05-30T17:26:32Z")
You guys realize that if I get to an interview and they ask me “so, why do you want to become a 911 dispatcher?”, answering “because everybody on my board says I should so they can get the wacky stories,” is not going to help. ---
**Author:** ![FairyChatMom](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/fairychatmom/32/21906_2.png) [@FairyChatMom](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/FairyChatMom)\ **Post date:** [May 30, 2012, 5:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/its-always-monday-somewhere-the-mmp/623323/93 "2012-05-30T17:30:15Z")
Still waiting to hear from the guy who’s supposed to give me an estimate on the yard. I’ve been playing in clay. I’m scheduled to take stuff to sell over to [the store](http://www.keepinitlocal.biz/) on June 11. I decided to try to finish up what I’ve got in the studio so I’ll have more stuff to take. We’ll see how that goes. Just made reservations for the inlaws to fly up here for their cruise. They insist they’re going to pay us back. We’re going to fight 'em about that. We’ll see how it goes. \*\*Kanga \*\*- just be honest: _I heard it’s a good way to meet hot men!_😃 Back to the studio with me - I have some glazing to do. ---
**Author:** ![swampbear](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/swampbear/32/467_2.png) [@swampbear](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/swampbear)\ **Post date:** [May 30, 2012, 7:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/its-always-monday-somewhere-the-mmp/623323/94 "2012-05-30T19:55:00Z")
Howdy Y’all! Home from irk. YAY! I put a beast roast in the slow cooker this mornin’ and it smells yummerific! Sides shall be butterbeans, peas and okra cooked together and smashed **N.O.T.** I even have some of those good thaw and bake rolls. Dindin shall be teh nummers! > [@phouka](#): > > You guys realize that if I get to an interview and they ask me “so, why do you want to become a 911 dispatcher?”, answering “because everybody on my board says I should so they can get the wacky stories,” is not going to help. Just print out this thread and take it as a reference. You’ll be hired on the spot! 😃 ---
**Author:** ![ems](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/cdc98d/32.png) [@ems](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ems)\ **Post date:** [May 30, 2012, 9:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/its-always-monday-somewhere-the-mmp/623323/95 "2012-05-30T21:22:41Z")
LibbyCat and I made it through last night. She hid under the covers tight up next to me all night. The thunder boomers started again at about 5AM but phased out about 9AM. Second big round is expected this evening. I dislike Oklahoma. Lots of damage in the city from last nights weather. They have advised everyone at work to leave early to get home before it starts. North West Oklahoma already has the first of the Tornado Watches issued On the plus side it is almost Friday! ---
**Author:** ![anyrose](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/54ee81/32.png) [@anyrose](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/anyrose)\ **Post date:** [May 30, 2012, 9:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/its-always-monday-somewhere-the-mmp/623323/96 "2012-05-30T21:37:07Z")
Hey, **Li-Li** , does the artist of [this comic](http://potluckcomics.com/the-tale-of-the-monster-that-was-insane/) know TomKitten? ---
**Author:** ![Catamount](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/catamount/32/2840_2.png) [@Catamount](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Catamount)\ **Post date:** [May 30, 2012, 9:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/its-always-monday-somewhere-the-mmp/623323/97 "2012-05-30T21:57:03Z")
[I’m open for suggestions in this forum as well.](http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showpost.php?p=15116257&postcount=609) I’m seriously sick of this mooching asshole. He’s building up for a hard crotch-punch from karma in a few years when the universe finally decides to let him know he doesn’t know everything. Four more days until I move. Four. More. Days. And yes, I’ve budgeted for him not having any money for the cable bill. He has had money exactly ONCE. Last month. However, he has enough money to eat at Wendy’s or McDonalds several times a week. ---
**Author:** ![dogbutler](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/dogbutler/32/428_2.png) [@dogbutler](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/dogbutler)\ **Post date:** [May 30, 2012, 10:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/its-always-monday-somewhere-the-mmp/623323/98 "2012-05-30T22:46:12Z")
At the laudromat, soon to head across the street to the bar. ---
**Author:** ![anyrose](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/54ee81/32.png) [@anyrose](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/anyrose)\ **Post date:** [May 30, 2012, 10:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/its-always-monday-somewhere-the-mmp/623323/99 "2012-05-30T22:51:42Z")
Your laundry and you will both be gettin’ sloshed ---
**Author:** ![dogbutler](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/dogbutler/32/428_2.png) [@dogbutler](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/dogbutler)\ **Post date:** [May 30, 2012, 10:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/its-always-monday-somewhere-the-mmp/623323/100 "2012-05-30T22:56:19Z")
> [@anyrose](#): > > Your laundry and you will both be gettin’ sloshed I’m gonna try to avoid the spin cycle. 😉 [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/its-always-monday-somewhere-the-mmp/623323.md?page=4) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/its-always-monday-somewhere-the-mmp/623323.md?page=6)