# It's been 9 months since my husband died

**URL:** <https://boards.straightdope.com/t/its-been-9-months-since-my-husband-died/521189>\
**Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\
**Created:** [December 14, 2009, 4:54am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/its-been-9-months-since-my-husband-died/521189 "2009-12-14T04:54:57Z")\
**Posts on this page:** 3\
**Page:** 3

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**Author:** ![jsc1953](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/5daacb/32.png) [@jsc1953](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/jsc1953)\
**Post date:** [December 18, 2009, 5:47am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/its-been-9-months-since-my-husband-died/521189/41 "2009-12-18T05:47:55Z")

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You got that right.

Everyone’s different, though. For me, I think I went through most of my shock and sorrow a year ago, when she was diagnosed. At the moment, I feel like I’m doing ok.

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**Author:** ![norinew](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/eb9ed0/32.png) [@norinew](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/norinew)\
**Post date:** [December 20, 2009, 12:34am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/its-been-9-months-since-my-husband-died/521189/42 "2009-12-20T00:34:11Z")

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**Brynda** , I cannot even imagine the pain you are going through, and won’t pretend that I can.

But I can say that I _do_ feel for you. Yet, at the same time, I’m glad you got to _experience_ a loving relationship that so many in this world never get to have.

I can’t think of a single damn thing I can do to make your life any easier right now, or your pain any less. But if _you_ can think of anything I could do, please feel free to drop me a PM or email, OK?

You, too, **BiblioCat**.

Many hugs to both of you!

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**Author:** ![as\_u\_wish](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/6f9a4e/32.png) [@as\_u\_wish](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/as_u_wish)\
**Post date:** [December 20, 2009, 2:34am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/its-been-9-months-since-my-husband-died/521189/43 "2009-12-20T02:34:06Z")

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My husband died just over a year ago. We were together nearly all of my life. I’m finding this holiday season much more difficult than last year. Last year I was mostly numb. This year I’m feeling. I guess in some strange way it feels good to be sad–it would be awful if I didn’t miss him. But I’m crying a lot–everything from snow to music reminds me how much I long to share it with him–as does the new grandbaby. I wish I wish I wish I could see her in his arms.

With all that, I have found this year of mourning to be one of spiritual growth and deepening tenderness towards others who are grieving and hurt. It seems to be a time when we admit our need for other humans to touch and to condole. There never really is a satisfactory answer to the “why” questions. Some of us turn to our faith–which often offers comfort but acknowledges that the why remains a mystery. Others find strength in other places or simply let time do the healing.

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