# It's been over a month since my wife died. Too soon to start dating? **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [July 14, 2017, 11:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/its-been-over-a-month-since-my-wife-died-too-soon-to-start-dating/791289 "2017-07-14T23:04:13Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 5
**Author:** ![sleestak](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/919ad9/32.png) [@sleestak](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/sleestak)\ **Post date:** [July 17, 2017, 10:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/its-been-over-a-month-since-my-wife-died-too-soon-to-start-dating/791289/81 "2017-07-17T22:34:16Z")
> [@dropzone](#): > > I’m a prig of a prescriptivist, so of course it is. But when will it stop being tacky? > > I’m 63, with some health issues I’m working on. Co-worker is 45ish and a 2x cancer survivor. In recent months I’ve lost a lot of weight and this week, after mourning, detox, and a hospitalization following a DT-based seizure, I’ve begun to take better care of myself. Wednesday she said, “Hey, you’re looking really good!” > > “You do realize that, after an appropriate period of time and I get some of my stuff back together, I will be asking you out.” > > “And I will be waiting.” > > “I wasn’t joking.” > > “Neither was I.” > > A brother could do a lot worse, and I don’t care what my family or that of my late wife think, but sometimes I think I should. Advice? So you have had two highly emotional losses, the loss of your wife and the loss of alcohol in the very recent past. And yes, losing alcohol is an emotional loss, at least if you are an alcoholic like me. And you are thinking of dating? I would gently suggest that you need to process your losses and ensure that you are emotionally healthy enough to be in a relationship before even thinking of dating. For me, when I quit drinking, it took a little over a year. But I also didn’t have the added loss that you recently experienced. [QUOTE=dropzone] I don’t even think about it. I never really liked alcohol. Drinking was for when I was bored and depressed. I’m neither these days. [/QUOTE] If you had the DTs when you quit drinking, you had to be bored and depressed for a long time. IIRC, you quit drinking rather recently, is that correct? Slee ---
**Author:** ![dropzone](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/dropzone/32/7515_2.png) [@dropzone](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/dropzone)\ **Post date:** [July 18, 2017, 12:09am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/its-been-over-a-month-since-my-wife-died-too-soon-to-start-dating/791289/82 "2017-07-18T00:09:17Z")
Mais oui! FTR, I start shopping a LONG time before I even take a test drive, much less buy. Indecision, thy name is **dropzone**. But I wanted to let her know I’m interested, and to test the waters with her. She knows I have things to work out. ---
**Author:** ![Gatopescado](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/gatopescado/32/5711_2.png) [@Gatopescado](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Gatopescado)\ **Post date:** [July 18, 2017, 12:27am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/its-been-over-a-month-since-my-wife-died-too-soon-to-start-dating/791289/83 "2017-07-18T00:27:00Z")
> [@Kimballkid](#): > > Did you happen to catch the two or three times in the thread that **dropzone** said he already has three dogs? Three dogs are a pain in the ass. I know. I have 4! 😃 And I was never really “a dog person”. ---
**Author:** ![sleestak](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/919ad9/32.png) [@sleestak](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/sleestak)\ **Post date:** [July 18, 2017, 5:20am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/its-been-over-a-month-since-my-wife-died-too-soon-to-start-dating/791289/84 "2017-07-18T05:20:53Z")
> [@Gatopescado](#): > > Three dogs are a pain in the ass. I know. I have 4! 😃 > > And I was never really “a dog person”. I am a cat person. We have three. I am not a dog person. We have four. I never thought I would have kids. We have twins who are 21 months old. Not sure what that means. Slee ---
**Author:** ![Not\_Carlson](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/bc79bd/32.png) [@Not\_Carlson](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Not_Carlson)\ **Post date:** [July 18, 2017, 2:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/its-been-over-a-month-since-my-wife-died-too-soon-to-start-dating/791289/85 "2017-07-18T14:44:59Z")
> [@dropzone](#): > > Got three. We like the same shows but they are lousy conversationalists. > > Got married cuz it seemed like a good idea at the time. And it was, for twenty years. Stuck it out for the kids, inertia, and then she got sick. > > I am happy for your happiness. I realize I’m late to this picnic and all the best cuts have already been eaten, but I just wanted to say that this is one of the classiest responses I have seen on this board. Very good show, sir. We could all learn from your behaviour. You’ve come through a heck of a lot. I feel for the loneliness you have endured and the loss you have suffered, but I hope you will find growing joy in this new chapter of your life. Best of luck to you in your search for a couch buddy/squeeze/intellectual equal. ---
**Author:** ![Dead\_Cat](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/9fc29f/32.png) [@Dead\_Cat](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dead_Cat)\ **Post date:** [July 18, 2017, 5:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/its-been-over-a-month-since-my-wife-died-too-soon-to-start-dating/791289/86 "2017-07-18T17:08:14Z")
No further advice to add, and I haven’t been stalking the OP, but just wanted to say it’s great to see you posting in such a rational, coherent, and indeed entertaining and inspiring fashion. I don’t know you at all but I was concerned from some of your recent posts that you might not be around much longer yourself. Glad to see you seem to have come out the other side. Good luck. ---
**Author:** ![dropzone](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/dropzone/32/7515_2.png) [@dropzone](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/dropzone)\ **Post date:** [July 18, 2017, 11:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/its-been-over-a-month-since-my-wife-died-too-soon-to-start-dating/791289/87 "2017-07-18T23:02:02Z")
And I realized at work that I’ve been in a good mood for better than a week. The HR lady is concerned about it bringing about the apocalypse. ETA: I’m a bit concerned because I’ve been obsessing about her. It’s something I have to watch. ---
**Author:** ![dropzone](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/dropzone/32/7515_2.png) [@dropzone](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/dropzone)\ **Post date:** [July 20, 2017, 12:17am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/its-been-over-a-month-since-my-wife-died-too-soon-to-start-dating/791289/88 "2017-07-20T00:17:39Z")
Oldest figured out the mood issue: My Prozac level finally matches my stress level. Apparently, this is how Normals are supposed to feel. Friend and I will take in a movie in early August. The last time I asked out a woman who I wasn’t already involved with was in HS, and she brought her boyfriend. ---
**Author:** ![dropzone](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/dropzone/32/7515_2.png) [@dropzone](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/dropzone)\ **Post date:** [July 20, 2017, 1:50am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/its-been-over-a-month-since-my-wife-died-too-soon-to-start-dating/791289/89 "2017-07-20T01:50:14Z")
FTR, several times during our marriage Wife said that, if she went first, I’d be married inside a month. Shows what she knew! It’ll be TWO months and it’s just a movie. 😉 ---
**Author:** ![dropzone](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/dropzone/32/7515_2.png) [@dropzone](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/dropzone)\ **Post date:** [July 26, 2017, 11:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/its-been-over-a-month-since-my-wife-died-too-soon-to-start-dating/791289/90 "2017-07-26T23:58:56Z")
If I’m going to play the debonair man about town I need some new clothes, so I went to the Lardass Store and told the guy that I was tired of looking like a six-year-old wearing his daddy’s clothes. He told me I now wear a mumble-mumble waist, eight inches smaller than what I was wearing. Turns out he didn’t lie, though I dasn’t gain an ounce. A potential girlfriend and smaller clothes? What fun! ---
**Author:** ![dropzone](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/dropzone/32/7515_2.png) [@dropzone](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/dropzone)\ **Post date:** [July 29, 2017, 3:06am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/its-been-over-a-month-since-my-wife-died-too-soon-to-start-dating/791289/91 "2017-07-29T03:06:29Z")
She’s having some health issues so it’s the friend zone, especially since we don’t hardly know each other. However, I “intrigue” her. I can’t imagine in what way I could be intriguing. Over-educated/under-employed? Mildly crazy in a couple ways, and working on a Grand Unified Insanity Theory? I dunno. Most people just think I’m a bit odd. Date’s still on with less pressure on me. All I want is to sit and [del]talk[/del] listen and get to know her. And admire the angle of her mandible, which could cut glass. Er, in a very pretty way. 😃 ---
**Author:** ![DSeid](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/dseid/32/20194_2.png) [@DSeid](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DSeid)\ **Post date:** [July 29, 2017, 4:11am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/its-been-over-a-month-since-my-wife-died-too-soon-to-start-dating/791289/92 "2017-07-29T04:11:02Z")
I just wanna say that no matter how this works out for you, you are sounding good man. Good on you. ---
**Author:** ![dropzone](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/dropzone/32/7515_2.png) [@dropzone](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/dropzone)\ **Post date:** [July 29, 2017, 12:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/its-been-over-a-month-since-my-wife-died-too-soon-to-start-dating/791289/93 "2017-07-29T12:12:11Z")
And fairly linear! ---
**Author:** ![dropzone](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/dropzone/32/7515_2.png) [@dropzone](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/dropzone)\ **Post date:** [August 1, 2017, 11:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/its-been-over-a-month-since-my-wife-died-too-soon-to-start-dating/791289/94 "2017-08-01T23:36:46Z")
She canceled last night. Mom problems. I believe her because she’s had mom problems a long time. “How old is your mom?” “70” “A mere child! And just seven years older than I.” :o I guess some people age differently. ---
**Author:** ![purplehorseshoe](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/purplehorseshoe/32/2996_2.png) [@purplehorseshoe](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/purplehorseshoe)\ **Post date:** [August 2, 2017, 1:02am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/its-been-over-a-month-since-my-wife-died-too-soon-to-start-dating/791289/95 "2017-08-02T01:02:15Z")
This is one of the most heartening threads I’ve seen in a bit. 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![Tee](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/73ab20/32.png) [@Tee](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tee)\ **Post date:** [August 2, 2017, 1:56am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/its-been-over-a-month-since-my-wife-died-too-soon-to-start-dating/791289/96 "2017-08-02T01:56:02Z")
> [@dropzone](#): > > She canceled last night. Mom problems. I believe her because she’s had mom problems a long time. > > “How old is your mom?” > > “70” > > “A mere child! And just seven years older than I.” :o > > I guess some people age differently. They do, all it takes is one chronic health condition. My mother is 67 and we’re kind of amazed she is still with us. At times everything gets dropped for a Mom problem, plus we act like whatever got dropped is no big deal, or she’ll pick up on it. ---
**Author:** ![dropzone](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/dropzone/32/7515_2.png) [@dropzone](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/dropzone)\ **Post date:** [August 2, 2017, 2:14am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/its-been-over-a-month-since-my-wife-died-too-soon-to-start-dating/791289/97 "2017-08-02T02:14:47Z")
Good thing my mom died in March. :eek: Yeah, it’s been a shitty year, but I’ve been uncharacteristically upbeat the past month or so. Upbeat enough that I made that impetuous move. Upbeat enough that my PT called me on my return to my normal crankiness this morning (it’s not my fault her trainee couldn’t wrap a leg if his life depended on it). Upbeat enough that my supervisor called me on it, too. I had to fake it 'til I made it, which I did. ---
**Author:** ![dropzone](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/dropzone/32/7515_2.png) [@dropzone](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/dropzone)\ **Post date:** [August 2, 2017, 2:19am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/its-been-over-a-month-since-my-wife-died-too-soon-to-start-dating/791289/98 "2017-08-02T02:19:30Z")
> [@purplehorseshoe](#): > > This is one of the most heartening threads I’ve seen in a bit. 🙂 Heartening? Moi? :dubious: Makes as much sense to me as being intriguing. ☹ ---
**Author:** ![Sunny\_Daze](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/sunny_daze/32/438_2.png) [@Sunny\_Daze](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sunny_Daze)\ **Post date:** [August 2, 2017, 3:06am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/its-been-over-a-month-since-my-wife-died-too-soon-to-start-dating/791289/99 "2017-08-02T03:06:57Z")
Linear indeed! 😃 Glad to hear you are doing well. ---
**Author:** ![dropzone](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/dropzone/32/7515_2.png) [@dropzone](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/dropzone)\ **Post date:** [August 2, 2017, 3:22am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/its-been-over-a-month-since-my-wife-died-too-soon-to-start-dating/791289/100 "2017-08-02T03:22:34Z")
Doing “dandy” was last week’s word. “Ducky” was the week before’s. Don’t have one for this week. “Faking it until I make it” is too long. I need to work on it. ETA: Not just linear, but with short sentences! [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/its-been-over-a-month-since-my-wife-died-too-soon-to-start-dating/791289.md?page=4) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/its-been-over-a-month-since-my-wife-died-too-soon-to-start-dating/791289.md?page=6)