# It's been over a month since my wife died. Too soon to start dating? **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [July 14, 2017, 11:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/its-been-over-a-month-since-my-wife-died-too-soon-to-start-dating/791289 "2017-07-14T23:04:13Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 17\ **Page:** 7
**Author:** ![asahi](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/asahi/32/8693_2.png) [@asahi](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/asahi)\ **Post date:** [August 20, 2017, 3:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/its-been-over-a-month-since-my-wife-died-too-soon-to-start-dating/791289/121 "2017-08-20T15:52:46Z")
> [@dropzone](#): > > I’m enjoying getting to know him. He went out and bought five plaid shirts because for years he received nothing but shit for liking them. And I have had several women tell me how good I’m looking now that I’m taking better care. I’m enjoying that and am in no rush for anything, except getting back on a bicycle. I think you should date. You know more about your relationship with your wife than anyone else. You know that you weren’t on best of terms when she started dying, but your honored the bond that you had and stayed loyal until she died. You’ve been living your life for other people for a while. Live it for yourself now. ---
**Author:** ![actualliberalnotoneofthose](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/e79b87/32.png) [@actualliberalnotoneofthose](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/actualliberalnotoneofthose)\ **Post date:** [August 20, 2017, 8:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/its-been-over-a-month-since-my-wife-died-too-soon-to-start-dating/791289/122 "2017-08-20T20:39:27Z")
> [@Chimera](#): > > I don’t think anyone can answer that but you. > > But be prepared for everyone to be critical no matter how long you wait. Patton Oswalt’s wife died 16 months ago and people are giving him shit about his new relationship, saying it is too soon. :rolleyes: That’s because they are already acting like they are married, not because they are dating. ---
**Author:** ![dropzone](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/dropzone/32/7515_2.png) [@dropzone](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/dropzone)\ **Post date:** [August 20, 2017, 10:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/its-been-over-a-month-since-my-wife-died-too-soon-to-start-dating/791289/123 "2017-08-20T22:00:30Z")
Who? Me? Us? Yeah, cold shoulder I can see, but she hasn’t yet thrown me out of the room for clearing my throat. ---
**Author:** ![dropzone](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/dropzone/32/7515_2.png) [@dropzone](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/dropzone)\ **Post date:** [August 22, 2017, 2:02am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/its-been-over-a-month-since-my-wife-died-too-soon-to-start-dating/791289/124 "2017-08-22T02:02:45Z")
It’s official, “but nothing’s written in stone,” which I think means she’ll date him, again, until he pisses her off, again. Or it could mean anything. I give up. I’m not going to waste my life mooning over a woman who doesn’t want me. Shit, I spent a lot of my marriage doing that. ☹ I really need to broaden my group of acquaintances. ---
**Author:** ![Tee](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/73ab20/32.png) [@Tee](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tee)\ **Post date:** [August 22, 2017, 4:53am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/its-been-over-a-month-since-my-wife-died-too-soon-to-start-dating/791289/125 "2017-08-22T04:53:04Z")
Yikes, was that a game? Nobody needs that. ---
**Author:** ![bobkitty](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/c67d28/32.png) [@bobkitty](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/bobkitty)\ **Post date:** [August 22, 2017, 9:14am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/its-been-over-a-month-since-my-wife-died-too-soon-to-start-dating/791289/126 "2017-08-22T09:14:38Z")
> [@dropzone](#): > > I really need to broaden my group of acquaintances. You need to stop trying to shit where you eat. ---
**Author:** ![dropzone](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/dropzone/32/7515_2.png) [@dropzone](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/dropzone)\ **Post date:** [August 22, 2017, 12:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/its-been-over-a-month-since-my-wife-died-too-soon-to-start-dating/791289/127 "2017-08-22T12:07:23Z")
It’s the only place I go besides home and, sometimes, church. And Walmart. :eek: ---
**Author:** ![dropzone](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/dropzone/32/7515_2.png) [@dropzone](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/dropzone)\ **Post date:** [August 22, 2017, 10:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/its-been-over-a-month-since-my-wife-died-too-soon-to-start-dating/791289/128 "2017-08-22T22:44:55Z")
And my doctors. :eek: :eek: I was saved from embarassing myself too much because one, though quirky hot and freshly divorced from a Trump clone, is too young. I take the Rule of Seven seriously. ---
**Author:** ![Shagnasty](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/9dc877/32.png) [@Shagnasty](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Shagnasty)\ **Post date:** [August 22, 2017, 11:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/its-been-over-a-month-since-my-wife-died-too-soon-to-start-dating/791289/129 "2017-08-22T23:22:17Z")
> [@dropzone](#): > > It’s official, “but nothing’s written in stone,” which I think means she’ll date him, again, until he pisses her off, again. Or it could mean anything. I give up. I’m not going to waste my life mooning over a woman who doesn’t want me. Shit, I spent a lot of my marriage doing that. ☹ > > I really need to broaden my group of acquaintances. If it makes you feel any better, a work friend told me this afternoon that someone he met on Twitter a few days ago and exchanged, ummm, suggestive photos with had to cancel their date this past weekend on short notice. The reason? Her husband killed himself last week and she had to go pick up his ashes during the time they planned for a date. She did not mention any of that until pressed. Sometimes you are better off just skipping the batshit insane ones. ---
**Author:** ![dropzone](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/dropzone/32/7515_2.png) [@dropzone](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/dropzone)\ **Post date:** [August 23, 2017, 12:11am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/its-been-over-a-month-since-my-wife-died-too-soon-to-start-dating/791289/130 "2017-08-23T00:11:34Z")
But The Crazy is just so damned hot! There’s a reason why some men (me) need to be told repeatedly where to not put it. ---
**Author:** ![TokyoBayer](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/tokyobayer/32/13989_2.png) [@TokyoBayer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TokyoBayer)\ **Post date:** [August 23, 2017, 5:17am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/its-been-over-a-month-since-my-wife-died-too-soon-to-start-dating/791289/131 "2017-08-23T05:17:51Z")
Been there. Did that one. Of course, I was the crazy one half the time. ---
**Author:** ![Enright3](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/enright3/32/2897_2.png) [@Enright3](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Enright3)\ **Post date:** [August 23, 2017, 2:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/its-been-over-a-month-since-my-wife-died-too-soon-to-start-dating/791289/132 "2017-08-23T14:38:32Z")
> [@Tee](#): > > Hmm. There’s 20 different conflicting thoughts in my head. > > The simplest is “Companionship is a good thing.” Please make sure its a good thing. > [@FairyChatMom](#): > > An old friend of mine actually got married within a week of burying his wife. I tried not to be judgemental. He was divorced before the year was out. > > So, yeah, take your time. When you’re ready, you won’t have to ask anyone if it’s too soon. As someone with personal experience of losing a spouse I think these two posts sum up the best advice. In my case, about a year after my wife died I wanted companionship. I wasn’t wanting to ‘date’ and God help me, I knew I never wanted to get married again. My social life consisted of drinking beer with other umpire buddies of mine. I didn’t want to date; but I wanted a female to go see a movie with. We just had our 11th wedding anniversary this past Saturday (Aug 19th). So, to sum up what I get from Tee and FairyChatMom: Take your time. Don’t go into it looking for the final result; just spend some time together to see if you really enjoy each others company. Good Luck ---
**Author:** ![BigT](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/bigt/32/12044_2.png) [@BigT](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BigT)\ **Post date:** [August 23, 2017, 4:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/its-been-over-a-month-since-my-wife-died-too-soon-to-start-dating/791289/133 "2017-08-23T16:18:59Z")
My grandpa wound up never actually marrying again, even though he had a girlfriend who we basically still consider part of the family after his passing. My uncle, on the other hand, has went through several wives afterwards. So that does seem to be the best way. ---
**Author:** ![dropzone](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/dropzone/32/7515_2.png) [@dropzone](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/dropzone)\ **Post date:** [August 24, 2017, 12:21am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/its-been-over-a-month-since-my-wife-died-too-soon-to-start-dating/791289/134 "2017-08-24T00:21:41Z")
Which one? Never remarrying or serial remarrying? Plan B and I are working together now, and she’s fond of blouses with a bit of cleavage that becomes a lot of cleavage when I lean over her wall and talk with her. Maybe she’s not too old to be cured of her mild racism… 😛 ---
**Author:** ![dropzone](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/dropzone/32/7515_2.png) [@dropzone](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/dropzone)\ **Post date:** [September 4, 2017, 1:16am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/its-been-over-a-month-since-my-wife-died-too-soon-to-start-dating/791289/135 "2017-09-04T01:16:26Z")
[http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?p=20457154&posted=1#post20457154](http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?p=20457154&posted=1#post20457154) Good God! I don’t know how to replace her. ☹ ---
**Author:** ![dropzone](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/dropzone/32/7515_2.png) [@dropzone](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/dropzone)\ **Post date:** [September 4, 2017, 1:22am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/its-been-over-a-month-since-my-wife-died-too-soon-to-start-dating/791289/136 "2017-09-04T01:22:12Z")
This is love, admiration, and respect. Nice boobs are fun, but they are not what a relationship, no matter how shallow, is built on. ---
**Author:** ![Tee](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/73ab20/32.png) [@Tee](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tee)\ **Post date:** [September 4, 2017, 2:00am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/its-been-over-a-month-since-my-wife-died-too-soon-to-start-dating/791289/137 "2017-09-04T02:00:24Z")
You can’t replace that decades-long relationship and fill every empty space. But you can spend time with people who are different but in many ways to your liking. That might not be today. Maybe that’s for later. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/its-been-over-a-month-since-my-wife-died-too-soon-to-start-dating/791289.md?page=6)