About the same age also with health issues. Mileage varies widely but even though I can’t imagine life without my wife, I cannot see me going past 6 months the grieving widower. I imagine I would begin at least some sort of casual relationships before a year was gone. As for a serious one, I think that I would have to wait and see.
I can’t absolutely answer this question without some kind of brain scan of you to know your thoughts and emotional state. But if you feel you’re ready, and she’s up for it… as long as you aren’t under the impression it absolutely must lead to marriage, why not? You deserve joy in your life as much as anyone else. Even if it doesn’t go somewhere long-term, it might be a good help in transitioning to a new life. I’m sorry for your previous loss, and hope the future brings you happiness, with this woman or with whatever life brings you.
And cuddling while watching TV sounds lovely for just about anyone.
Hey Turd.
After I got married 21 years ago I never looked at another woman twice. My wife is the woman of my dreams. If she died, I would continue to hold her face in my heart for an eternity.
Looks like you got married for all the wrong reasons, Prick.
Go buy yourself a dog.
OK, so this is confusing. If you were “virtually separated” for almost 20 years, why wait? Sounds like you became friends again in the last few years, but do you feel like you were actually married during that time? It doesn’t sound like it. My only advice would be to deal with the drinking problem and make sure that doesn’t get in the way of new relationships. Do you feel like that’s under control, or that getting involved with someone might help you get it under control? Just be very careful if you start dating someone with a similar problem, is all.
I have a feeling the above post from Little Pig is going to draw some comments…
dropzone, I don’t see that it’s anyone’s business but yours and the woman’s.
Do what makes you both the happiest!
Reported. This is just wrong.
My friend, the minister, who used to work with a lot of old people, and widows, and familes of people who had died, took the other view.
His opinion was that widows were entitled to look for comfort in a meaningful relationship, and were entitled to do so when they needed it most – ie, immediately after the death of their partner.
Got three. We like the same shows but they are lousy conversationalists.
Got married cuz it seemed like a good idea at the time. And it was, for twenty years. Stuck it out for the kids, inertia, and then she got sick.
I am happy for your happiness.
That was seriously wrong.
We all only have one go round on this ball of crap. If your goal isn’t happiness you are living wrong.
If that means for you to be single and cherish your partner until you die and that makes you happy then you go and you do that and I hope you are happy.
But if you wanna get out there and find a new partner to spend your days with on this rock flying through space then you go and do that and I hope you are happy.
If a friend of mine said I found a new partner and they make me happy I wouldn’t judge or care how long it had been since their last partner had passed. I would be happy for them.
So, dropzone, the only right answer is if it makes you happy then do it. Time is a relative bullshit son-of-a-bitch anyways. Your month is many generations of lifetimes to the Mayfly.
My wife and I already agreed, if something happens to the other, we hope that the remaining partner will be happy. By themselves, with someone else, whatever happens. I love her and if she found love after me I’d be happy for her still. From the afterlife, if it exists. If not… well, heck, I still hope she’ll be happy.
I think this is reasonable.
The fuck is wrong with you?
You only live once. Don’t let other people’s judgemental-ism decide your dating decisions. If really need be, you can try to keep the dating surreptitious. There are valid reasons not to date soon after a spouse’s death, but society’s attitudes ain’t one of them. Why care what they think?
Don’t worry so much about other peoples’ opinions.
Go ahead and date, but keep it very casual and informal for at least a little while. Don’t be in a hurry.
While it is not actual “dating” I have been spending time with a man who was a friend of both myself and my late husband. We have some mutual interests, and he, like me, is lonely in life. We both need a friend. Nothing physical at present but that’s certainly possible down the line, and by “possible” I mean we have actually discussed the notion.
As for those who say the widowed shouldn’t seek a new companion - before he died my husband said that he hoped I would find another person to spend my life with because he wanted me to be happy and not alone. It’s OK if I don’t, but if I do, I’ll listen to my late husband’s blessing rather than the negativity of people who haven’t gone through the loss of a spouse.
Finally, let me leave you with A Widow’s Rage Defense of Patton Oswalt’s Engagement. It is applicable to the topic at hand.
To quote the late, great Edna Krabappel: “Don’t worry, children. Most of you will never fall in love, but will marry out of fear of dying alone.”
There’s nothing wrong with temporary companionship. In the end, we are all the keeper of our own souls.
Drop, this is the best you’ve sounded (so to speak) since this whole sad business with your wife started. Go for it.
I got a cavity just reading this. Ugh.
A friend of mine waited six months before actually marrying. Yep, divorced before the year was out.
He did eventually remarry but, IIRC, dated for more than a year first. I think he’s been remarried maybe 4-5 years now?
What a hoot.
Trying to shag a 45 old skirt at 63? So much for enlightening/spiritual relationships which encompassed the past. Here’s the future you are pursuing Drop. After an endless parade of rejections, you’re gonna spend your final days sulking in a cave, naked and alone, masturbating to Hobbit porn.
If you are trying to shag a 45 old skirt at 63, get ready to be taken for a ride, pal. You’re her rent check. (And here you thought it was your muscular build). I got a laundry list of acquaintances who skated down that road and none came out the better. I have a longer list of the grrrrls who took 'em for a ride.
If your “plan” is to have something endearing Drop, I pity you. Better to sell everything you own, buy a kayak and paddle to Tahiti. You just may find, if you’re lucky, what you’re looking for before you get there. And that’s usually how it happens.
No.
My Bolding.
This says it all. I lived in a marriage that wasn’t a marriage. You were with her to the end, whatever the reasons and dynamics. It sounds like you’ve been mourning the loss of the relationship as well as the person for neigh-on 20 years.
You aren’t rushing at all.
You’re released.
I wish you nothing but happiness.