# "It's Beginning to Look a Lot Like Syphilis" and other seasonal parodies **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [December 16, 2003, 9:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/its-beginning-to-look-a-lot-like-syphilis-and-other-seasonal-parodies/219398 "2003-12-16T21:27:21Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![Jonathan\_Chance](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/jonathan_chance/32/701_2.png) [@Jonathan\_Chance](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jonathan_Chance)\ **Post date:** [December 17, 2003, 1:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/its-beginning-to-look-a-lot-like-syphilis-and-other-seasonal-parodies/219398/21 "2003-12-17T13:37:08Z")
Bob Rivers did a great one… > [@](#): > > Wreck the malls this Christmas season > Blow your cash for no good reason > > Etc ---
**Author:** ![astorian](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/ad7895/32.png) [@astorian](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/astorian)\ **Post date:** [December 17, 2003, 1:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/its-beginning-to-look-a-lot-like-syphilis-and-other-seasonal-parodies/219398/22 "2003-12-17T13:49:39Z")
Another classic: “The Rest Room Door said Gentlemen” [http://website.lineone.net/~mredman/christmas/carols/comedy/comedy11.htm](http://website.lineone.net/~mredman/christmas/carols/comedy/comedy11.htm) ---
**Author:** ![N.Sane](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/f19dbf/32.png) [@N.Sane](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/N.Sane)\ **Post date:** [December 17, 2003, 2:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/its-beginning-to-look-a-lot-like-syphilis-and-other-seasonal-parodies/219398/23 "2003-12-17T14:49:10Z")
_Who put the stump in my rump-de-bump-de-bump? Who took and jammed it in my rama-lama-ding-dong? Who stuck the shoot where I poop-she-poop-she-poop? Who was that man who rammed it in my can And left me stranded on this Christmas tree?_ It’s not quite accurate, but you get the general sense. Sung, of course, from the perspective of the angel on top of the tree. 😃 ---
**Author:** ![pohjonen](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/pohjonen/32/423_2.png) [@pohjonen](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/pohjonen)\ **Post date:** [December 17, 2003, 3:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/its-beginning-to-look-a-lot-like-syphilis-and-other-seasonal-parodies/219398/24 "2003-12-17T15:00:46Z")
Da Yoopers Rusty Chevrolet: [http://www.stlyrics.com/songs/y/yoopersda5389/rustychevrolet224122.html](http://www.stlyrics.com/songs/y/yoopersda5389/rustychevrolet224122.html) ---
**Author:** ![EddyTeddyFreddy](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/eddyteddyfreddy/32/18796_2.png) [@EddyTeddyFreddy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/EddyTeddyFreddy)\ **Post date:** [December 17, 2003, 5:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/its-beginning-to-look-a-lot-like-syphilis-and-other-seasonal-parodies/219398/25 "2003-12-17T17:07:38Z")
Chipmunks roasting on an open fire Jackals ripping at your throat; You’ll tell Carol, “You’re a skunk and a liar, And you smell like a billy goat!” Everybody knows some turkey under mistletoe Helps to make the party blight. Tiny sots with their red eyes aglow Will find the pavement hard tonight. They know that Santa’s been delayed; He’s overloaded, overworked, and underpaid. And every mother-F is gonna try To shoot a reindeer with his piece as they fly by. And so I’m offering this special phrase: “Buy now! Just $19.92!!!” You know you’ve been had, many times, many ways; Merry merchants screw you. Yes, I wrote it. No, I don’t get coal in my stocking every Christmas – I don’t hang a stocking. ---
**Author:** ![Rico](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/rico/32/3582_2.png) [@Rico](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Rico)\ **Post date:** [December 17, 2003, 5:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/its-beginning-to-look-a-lot-like-syphilis-and-other-seasonal-parodies/219398/26 "2003-12-17T17:26:49Z")
**sing to the tune of "The Little Drummer Boy…"** _Said the night wind to the little lamb, “Do you see the Scotsman? Hiding in the bushes little lamb, Watch out for the Scotsman! A kilt he wears, a zipper you can hear He will come up on you from the rear, Sneaking quietly from the rear.”_ I wrote that two days ago listening to the 24 hour Christmas music station in the car with **cadolphin**. I’m Scottish. I don’t schtupp sheep. ---
**Author:** ![V.bis\_and\_Baudhead](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/v/85f322/32.png) [@V.bis\_and\_Baudhead](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/V.bis_and_Baudhead)\ **Post date:** [December 17, 2003, 5:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/its-beginning-to-look-a-lot-like-syphilis-and-other-seasonal-parodies/219398/27 "2003-12-17T17:44:38Z")
ABC, DEFG HIJ, KMNOP QRSTUVWXYZ No ‘L’, No ‘L’… OK, maybe it’s lame, but I thought it was pretty funny when I was a kid… ---
**Author:** ![dangermom](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/e274bd/32.png) [@dangermom](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/dangermom)\ **Post date:** [December 17, 2003, 5:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/its-beginning-to-look-a-lot-like-syphilis-and-other-seasonal-parodies/219398/28 "2003-12-17T17:57:27Z")
By some guys I hung out with in college: _Cthulu the tentacled Old One Had a very evil brain And if you ever saw him You would go completely insane All of the puny mortals Used to laugh and call him names They never let poor Cthulu Join in any mortal games Then one hellish deadly day Cthulu came to say Mortals with your souls so bright I will dine on you tonight Then all the mortals feared him As they shouted out with pain Cthulu the tentacled Old One yeeeearararghhghgh!_ It ain’t great art, but it’s very catchy. ---
**Author:** ![Skywatcher](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/skywatcher/32/254_2.png) [@Skywatcher](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Skywatcher)\ **Post date:** [December 17, 2003, 7:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/its-beginning-to-look-a-lot-like-syphilis-and-other-seasonal-parodies/219398/29 "2003-12-17T19:11:53Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Jonathan Chance \* > \*\*Bob Rivers did a great one… \*\* [Two](http://www.twin-music.com/lyrics_file/christmas/humor/12.html). ---
**Author:** ![Bosda\_Di\_Chi\_of\_Tricor](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/bosda_di_chi_of_tricor/32/16845_2.png) [@Bosda\_Di\_Chi\_of\_Tricor](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bosda_Di_Chi_of_Tricor)\ **Post date:** [December 17, 2003, 10:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/its-beginning-to-look-a-lot-like-syphilis-and-other-seasonal-parodies/219398/30 "2003-12-17T22:17:12Z")
[LINK to complete “Boston Charlie” lyrics](http://www.nauticom.net/www/chuckm/bark.htm) ---
**Author:** ![Mtgman](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/b5a626/32.png) [@Mtgman](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mtgman)\ **Post date:** [December 17, 2003, 10:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/its-beginning-to-look-a-lot-like-syphilis-and-other-seasonal-parodies/219398/31 "2003-12-17T22:36:22Z")
There’s one I remember from when I was in high school but I only saw it as a printed page my brother’s friend had given him and I’ve long since misplaced it. It was a parody of “The Night Before Christmas” and it was all bathroom humor. I only vaguely half-remember snatches of it. Santa farting, falling off the roof(when out on the lawn we heard such a yell, we knew all at once the fat fucker’d fell" One of these day’s I’ll go googling for it. Enjoy, Steven ---
**Author:** ![teela\_brown](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/d9b06d/32.png) [@teela\_brown](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/teela_brown)\ **Post date:** [December 18, 2003, 12:30am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/its-beginning-to-look-a-lot-like-syphilis-and-other-seasonal-parodies/219398/32 "2003-12-18T00:30:32Z")
Well, it’s an original song, not a parody, but I can’t help putting in a vote for “I Yust Go Nuts At Christmas,” and this link will take you to the lyrics and an audio performance of the song: [Yogi Yorgesson’s Carol](http://www.stinalisa.com/NutsAtChristmas.html) ---
**Author:** ![earthpuppy](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/8c91f0/32.png) [@earthpuppy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/earthpuppy)\ **Post date:** [December 18, 2003, 12:36am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/its-beginning-to-look-a-lot-like-syphilis-and-other-seasonal-parodies/219398/33 "2003-12-18T00:36:42Z")
Check the balls on Howard’s collie Fa la la la la… la la la la ---
**Author:** ![Pelleas](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/e8c25b/32.png) [@Pelleas](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Pelleas)\ **Post date:** [December 18, 2003, 1:12am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/its-beginning-to-look-a-lot-like-syphilis-and-other-seasonal-parodies/219398/34 "2003-12-18T01:12:50Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Zap\_Rowsdower \* > \*\*[Maybe this time](http://62.189.42.125/12stisofchristmas/12-stis.swf) \*\* ---
**Author:** ![Pelleas](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/e8c25b/32.png) [@Pelleas](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Pelleas)\ **Post date:** [December 18, 2003, 1:14am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/its-beginning-to-look-a-lot-like-syphilis-and-other-seasonal-parodies/219398/35 "2003-12-18T01:14:53Z")
I don’t know what happened to my comment but I said: Hey, **Zap** , that was priceless. ---
**Author:** ![RealityChuck](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/realitychuck/32/195_2.png) [@RealityChuck](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/RealityChuck)\ **Post date:** [December 18, 2003, 2:55am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/its-beginning-to-look-a-lot-like-syphilis-and-other-seasonal-parodies/219398/36 "2003-12-18T02:55:20Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by epolo \* > **Good King Sauerkraut** > Good King Sauerkraut did look out > On his feets uneven… \*\* Winklehoff! Winklehoff is king! ---
**Author:** ![Mama\_Tiger](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/6de8d8/32.png) [@Mama\_Tiger](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mama_Tiger)\ **Post date:** [December 18, 2003, 3:15am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/its-beginning-to-look-a-lot-like-syphilis-and-other-seasonal-parodies/219398/37 "2003-12-18T03:15:12Z")
Or to quote the immortal Cheech & Chong: _Santa Claus wears a red suit; he’s a Communist. And a beard and long hair, must be a pacifist. What’s in that pipe that he’s smoking?_ ---
**Author:** ![CalMeacham](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/calmeacham/32/35_2.png) [@CalMeacham](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/CalMeacham)\ **Post date:** [December 18, 2003, 1:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/its-beginning-to-look-a-lot-like-syphilis-and-other-seasonal-parodies/219398/38 "2003-12-18T13:23:05Z")
What about Allan Sherman’s **Twelve Days of Christmas**? (,“Aand a Japanese Transistor Radio”) and isn’t it Jerry _Mendlebaum_? ---
**Author:** ![Myron\_Van\_Horowitzski](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/9de053/32.png) [@Myron\_Van\_Horowitzski](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Myron_Van_Horowitzski)\ **Post date:** [December 18, 2003, 7:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/its-beginning-to-look-a-lot-like-syphilis-and-other-seasonal-parodies/219398/39 "2003-12-18T19:38:16Z")
The Restaurant Song Chestnuts roasting in the microwave Hash browns burning on the grill Off-color jokes being told by the chef And waitresses looking for a thrill When you have to work With turkeys and with imbeciles It helps to make you lose your mind Coffee-swilling busboys With their eyes all aglaze Will find it hard to sleep tonight They know the owner’s on his way He’s gonna yell and scream and stomp his foot all day And all the kitchen crew is gonna sigh They’re going to go and drink like fish until they die And so I’m offering this simple phrase To all us groveling restaurant crew Although it’s been said many times, many ways This job sucks, and the boss does too. ---
**Author:** ![Myron\_Van\_Horowitzski](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/9de053/32.png) [@Myron\_Van\_Horowitzski](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Myron_Van_Horowitzski)\ **Post date:** [December 18, 2003, 7:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/its-beginning-to-look-a-lot-like-syphilis-and-other-seasonal-parodies/219398/40 "2003-12-18T19:54:21Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Mtgman \* > \*\*There’s one I remember from when I was in high school but I only saw it as a printed page my brother’s friend had given him and I’ve long since misplaced it. It was a parody of “The Night Before Christmas” and it was all bathroom humor. I only vaguely half-remember snatches of it. Santa farting, falling off the roof(when out on the lawn we heard such a yell, we knew all at once the fat fucker’d fell" > > One of these day’s I’ll go googling for it. > > Enjoy, > Steven \*\* I remember something like that too, only a little different… Let’s see: \*'Twas the night before Christmas and all through the shack The whole damn family was drunk off its ass Grandma and Grandpa were singing a song The kid was in bed flogging his dong Ma, just home from the cathouse and I out of jail Had just settled down for a good piece of tail When out in the yard there arose such a clatter I jumped off of ma to see what was the matter Away to the window I flew like a flash Threw open the window and fell on my ass And what to my bloodshot eyes appeared A rusty old sleigh and a bunch of reindeer And a little old driver holding on to his dick I knew in a moment the bastard was Saint Nick Slower than snails his charges they came He bitched and he moaned as he called them by name "Now Dasher, now Dancer, up over the walls! “Quick now, dammit or I’ll cut off your balls!”\* The rest I forget but it ends with: _I heard him exclaim as he drove out of sight: “PISS ON YOU ALL, IT’S A HELL OF NIGHT!”_ [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/its-beginning-to-look-a-lot-like-syphilis-and-other-seasonal-parodies/219398.md?page=1) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/its-beginning-to-look-a-lot-like-syphilis-and-other-seasonal-parodies/219398.md?page=3)