# "It's colder than \_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_." **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [November 28, 2005, 8:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/its-colder-than-_________/333102 "2005-11-28T20:39:15Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 3
**Author:** ![Chanteuse](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/9de053/32.png) [@Chanteuse](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Chanteuse)\ **Post date:** [November 29, 2005, 3:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/its-colder-than-_________/333102/41 "2005-11-29T15:20:00Z")
A little ditty my dad used to say: “Spring has sprung, And fall has fell. Winter is here And it’s colder than usual.” It always got a laugh out of us–and when we were really young, we liked saying it at school just to see the look on the other kids faces when they thought a “bad word” was about to be said! ---
**Author:** ![Beware\_of\_Doug](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/278dde/32.png) [@Beware\_of\_Doug](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Beware_of_Doug)\ **Post date:** [November 29, 2005, 3:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/its-colder-than-_________/333102/42 "2005-11-29T15:20:44Z")
> [@Inigo Montoya](#): > > “Colder than ( **_the nipple on_–BoD** ) a witch’s tit, > Colder than a bucket of penguin shit, > Colder than a hair on a polar bear’s ass > Colder than the frost on a champagne glass” > –Thomas Pynchon, from _Gravity’s Rainbow_ I learned this precious little quatrain from the paperback copy of _GR_ lying around the house in the mid '70s. I would jump from one foot to the other in my orange snowsuit, singing a simple tune to it and clapping my hands on the backbeats. Unfortunately, I got quite the chawing out after I taught it to two school chums during recess. Does anyone else find the last line a little anticlimactic? ---
**Author:** ![Harmonious\_Discord](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/74df32/32.png) [@Harmonious\_Discord](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Harmonious_Discord)\ **Post date:** [November 29, 2005, 3:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/its-colder-than-_________/333102/43 "2005-11-29T15:21:40Z")
They found poor Bill froze to death, arms out stretched and legs spread wide. They built them a fire to thaw poor Bill, but two weeks past and they had to saw. They sawed and they sawed and they boxed him up in a crate 4 by two. They shipped him home to bury him. ---
**Author:** ![Johnny\_L.A](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/johnny_l.a/32/1084_2.png) [@Johnny\_L.A](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Johnny_L.A)\ **Post date:** [November 29, 2005, 4:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/its-colder-than-_________/333102/44 "2005-11-29T16:32:24Z")
You know, I remember one time when it was hot. _It was so hot…_ A farmer, of low mental capacity, was walking next to a field of corn. It was so hot that the corn started popping and flying into the air. Seeing the falling popped corn, the farmer thought it was snowing. He lay down and _froze to death!_ Now that’s hot. ---
**Author:** ![elbows](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/b3f665/32.png) [@elbows](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/elbows)\ **Post date:** [November 29, 2005, 4:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/its-colder-than-_________/333102/45 "2005-11-29T16:39:41Z")
“It’s colder than well digger’s sack.” No, I’m not sure which sack he might be refering to. ---
**Author:** ![AskNott](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/asknott/32/5790_2.png) [@AskNott](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/AskNott)\ **Post date:** [November 29, 2005, 4:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/its-colder-than-_________/333102/46 "2005-11-29T16:57:36Z")
It was so cold, the cusswords froze in mid-air and clattered to the ground. We had to gather them up and take them to the campfire to find out what the other fella had called us. It was so cold, I had to back up while peeing, lest I get stuck. It was so cold, they had to start the Bionic Woman with jumper cables. ---
**Author:** ![Nature\_s\_Call](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/nature_s_call/32/19006_2.png) [@Nature\_s\_Call](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Nature_s_Call)\ **Post date:** [November 29, 2005, 5:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/its-colder-than-_________/333102/47 "2005-11-29T17:11:31Z")
My favourite is still, “It’s as cold as hell” which, I guess technically speaking, it is. The witch tit immediately reminded me of the MST3K episode where hero goes of camera with the witch-like villain. Crow (I think) says, “Hey, that IS cold!” ---
**Author:** ![ElvisL1ves](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/5daacb/32.png) [@ElvisL1ves](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ElvisL1ves)\ **Post date:** [November 29, 2005, 5:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/its-colder-than-_________/333102/48 "2005-11-29T17:18:45Z")
It’s colder than a landlord’s heart. It’s so cold, down on the street corner I saw a politician with his hands in his OWN pockets. I saw 2 dogs with cables trying to jump-start a rabbit. ---
**Author:** ![Trunk](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/87869e/32.png) [@Trunk](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Trunk)\ **Post date:** [November 29, 2005, 5:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/its-colder-than-_________/333102/49 "2005-11-29T17:33:24Z")
> [@Manduck](#): > > Colder than a nun’s cunt. > > I like that one _because_ it’s so offensive. I’ve never used it in front of other people, though. I’ve heard “tighter than a nun’s cunt” but not colder than. One to add: Cold enough to fuck a polar bear. Alt: Cold enough to fuck a penguin. Eh, let’s make one up: colder’n a penguin popsicle. ---
**Author:** ![Jake](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/f475e1/32.png) [@Jake](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jake)\ **Post date:** [November 29, 2005, 9:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/its-colder-than-_________/333102/50 "2005-11-29T21:40:39Z")
Haven’t heard this on yet: “Colder than a whore’s heart.” ---
**Author:** ![betenoir](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/258eb7/32.png) [@betenoir](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/betenoir)\ **Post date:** [November 30, 2005, 12:28am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/its-colder-than-_________/333102/51 "2005-11-30T00:28:48Z")
> [@Jake](#): > > “Colder than a whore’s heart.” Wait a minute. What are you implying about Johnny L.A? ---
**Author:** ![betenoir](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/258eb7/32.png) [@betenoir](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/betenoir)\ **Post date:** [November 30, 2005, 12:34am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/its-colder-than-_________/333102/52 "2005-11-30T00:34:28Z")
> [@Chanteuse](#): > > “Spring has sprung, > And fall has fell. > Winter is here > And it’s colder than usual.” Winter is icummen in,/ Lhude sing Goddamm,/ Raineth drop and staineth slop,/ And how the wind doth ramm!/ Sing: Goddamm. Skiddeth bus and sloppeth us,/ An ague hath my ham./ Freezeth river, turneth liver,/ Damn you, sing: Goddamm./ Goddamm, Goddamn, ‘tis why I am, Goddamm/ So ‘gainst the winter’s balm./ Sing, goddamm, damm, sing Goddamm./ Sing goddamm, sing goddamm, DAMN ---
**Author:** ![Beware\_of\_Doug](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/278dde/32.png) [@Beware\_of\_Doug](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Beware_of_Doug)\ **Post date:** [November 30, 2005, 1:10am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/its-colder-than-_________/333102/53 "2005-11-30T01:10:28Z")
> [@ElvisL1ves](#): > > It’s so cold, down on the street corner I saw a politician with his hands in his OWN pockets. That joke is so old Bob Hope told it during the war. The _first_ war. ---
**Author:** ![Johnny\_L.A](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/johnny_l.a/32/1084_2.png) [@Johnny\_L.A](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Johnny_L.A)\ **Post date:** [November 30, 2005, 4:13am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/its-colder-than-_________/333102/54 "2005-11-30T04:13:43Z")
> [@betenoir](#): > > Wait a minute. What are you implying about Johnny L.A? I’m not a whore! I’d do it free. 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![Northern\_Piper](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/northern_piper/32/5304_2.png) [@Northern\_Piper](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Northern_Piper)\ **Post date:** [November 30, 2005, 4:23am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/its-colder-than-_________/333102/55 "2005-11-30T04:23:29Z")
“Cold enough to see a dog’s fart.” (This is actually a real one - i’ve seen it, while walking my dog in -30 weather and waiting for her to get it done.) ---
**Author:** ![5que](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/5/3bc359/32.png) [@5que](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/5que)\ **Post date:** [December 1, 2005, 4:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/its-colder-than-_________/333102/56 "2005-12-01T16:16:59Z")
> [@Northern Piper](#): > > “Cold enough to see a dog’s fart.” > > (This is actually a real one - i’ve seen it, while walking my dog in -30 weather and waiting for her to get it done.) Okay, now I’m really being serious – this is something I have thought about for a couple of years. When it’s real cold outside and you fart, does steam come out your ass? As I get older, I seem to get a lot gassier, and it does become a concern on the cold Chicago mornings walking from the train station to work. In the summer I can sneak a few out crossing Wacker, but in the winter I’m afraid I will be spotted. ---
**Author:** ![Clock](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/e19adc/32.png) [@Clock](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Clock)\ **Post date:** [December 1, 2005, 7:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/its-colder-than-_________/333102/57 "2005-12-01T19:12:29Z")
> [@yellowval](#): > > I’ve always heard it as “Colder than a witch’s titty on a brass broomstick.” Why she’d put her tit on a brass broomstick, I’ve no idea. Have to confess not having heard the witches tit/colder than here in England. However…we do say “Flatter than a witches tit” when referring to crap beer ---
**Author:** ![matt\_mcl](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/7ab992/32.png) [@matt\_mcl](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/matt_mcl)\ **Post date:** [December 1, 2005, 8:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/its-colder-than-_________/333102/58 "2005-12-01T20:18:51Z")
There’s an excellent phrase book of the Canadian Prairies called [_Cold as a Bay Street Banker’s Heart_](http://www.lib.sk.ca/booksinfo/DailyHerald/Dh2003/dh030518.html). It contains other useful expressions such as “useless as tits on a boar” and “CBC sunshine” (rain or other foul weather after the CBC says it will be sunny). ---
**Author:** ![Batsinma\_Belfry](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/ea5d25/32.png) [@Batsinma\_Belfry](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Batsinma_Belfry)\ **Post date:** [December 1, 2005, 9:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/its-colder-than-_________/333102/59 "2005-12-01T21:03:10Z")
> [@5que](#): > > Okay, now I’m really being serious – this is something I have thought about for a couple of years. When it’s real cold outside and you fart, does steam come out your ass? As I get older, I seem to get a lot gassier, and it does become a concern on the cold Chicago mornings walking from the train station to work. In the summer I can sneak a few out crossing Wacker, but in the winter I’m afraid I will be spotted. I would think that the gas would have to be expeled in a burst, in order to be very noticable. ---
**Author:** ![CalMeacham](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/calmeacham/32/35_2.png) [@CalMeacham](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/CalMeacham)\ **Post date:** [December 1, 2005, 9:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/its-colder-than-_________/333102/60 "2005-12-01T21:30:09Z")
> [@](#): > > Quote: > Originally Posted by Northern Piper > “Cold enough to see a dog’s fart.” > > (This is actually a real one - i’ve seen it, while walking my dog in -30 weather and waiting for her to get it done.) > Okay, now I’m really being serious – this is something I have thought about for a couple of years. When it’s real cold outside and you fart, does steam come out your ass? As I get older, I seem to get a lot gassier, and it does become a concern on the cold Chicago mornings walking from the train station to work. In the summer I can sneak a few out crossing Wacker, but in the winter I’m afraid I will be spotted. Someone started a Thread on the SDMB a year or two ago claiming that they _did_ see one in the winter, generated by a human being. A very unfortunate woman. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/its-colder-than-_________/333102.md?page=2) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/its-colder-than-_________/333102.md?page=4)