# "It's colder than \_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_." **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [November 28, 2005, 8:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/its-colder-than-_________/333102 "2005-11-28T20:39:15Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 4
**Author:** ![AskNott](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/asknott/32/5790_2.png) [@AskNott](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/AskNott)\ **Post date:** [December 1, 2005, 10:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/its-colder-than-_________/333102/61 "2005-12-01T22:28:37Z")
> [@Johnny L.A.](#): > > I’m not a whore! > > I’d do it free. 🙂 A dancer in a local breast bar explained it to me, “A whore will screw anybody; a prostitute will screw anybody for money.” 😃 ---
**Author:** ![Northern\_Piper](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/northern_piper/32/5304_2.png) [@Northern\_Piper](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Northern_Piper)\ **Post date:** [December 4, 2005, 4:28am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/its-colder-than-_________/333102/62 "2005-12-04T04:28:16Z")
> [@5que](#): > > Okay, now I’m really being serious – this is something I have thought about for a couple of years. When it’s real cold outside and you fart, does steam come out your ass? As I get older, I seem to get a lot gassier, and it does become a concern on the cold Chicago mornings walking from the train station to work. In the summer I can sneak a few out crossing Wacker, but in the winter I’m afraid I will be spotted. I would have thought that clothes (pants, coat) would block it enough to dissipate. so it wouldn’t be seen. Dogs, not having such accoutrements, can emit little bursts of steam that can be seen ---
**Author:** ![Northern\_Piper](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/northern_piper/32/5304_2.png) [@Northern\_Piper](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Northern_Piper)\ **Post date:** [December 4, 2005, 4:29am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/its-colder-than-_________/333102/63 "2005-12-04T04:29:36Z")
> [@matt\_mcl](#): > > There’s an excellent phrase book of the Canadian Prairies called [_Cold as a Bay Street Banker’s Heart_](http://www.lib.sk.ca/booksinfo/DailyHerald/Dh2003/dh030518.html). > > It contains other useful expressions such as “useless as tits on a boar” and “CBC sunshine” (rain or other foul weather after the CBC says it will be sunny). My brother-in-law used a real Prairieism the other day: “He’s so crooked he could sleep in a grain auger.” ---
**Author:** ![Derleth](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/b9e5f3/32.png) [@Derleth](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Derleth)\ **Post date:** [December 4, 2005, 5:35am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/its-colder-than-_________/333102/64 "2005-12-04T05:35:21Z")
> [@betenoir](#): > > Winter is icummen in,/ Lhude sing Goddamm,/ Raineth drop and staineth slop,/ And how the wind doth ramm!/ Sing: Goddamm. > > Skiddeth bus and sloppeth us,/ An ague hath my ham./ Freezeth river, turneth liver,/ Damn you, sing: Goddamm./ Goddamm, Goddamn, ‘tis why I am, Goddamm/ So ‘gainst the winter’s balm./ Sing, goddamm, damm, sing Goddamm./ Sing goddamm, sing goddamm, DAMN Where does this come from? It’s wonderful. ObOT: Colder than liquid hydrogen. Colder than a Peltier on Pluto\*. Colder than a submarine’s skin. \*(I know they aren’t Magical Mystery Heat Pumps, or even all that efficient, but the euphony is nice.) ---
**Author:** ![betenoir](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/258eb7/32.png) [@betenoir](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/betenoir)\ **Post date:** [December 4, 2005, 10:51am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/its-colder-than-_________/333102/65 "2005-12-04T10:51:18Z")
> [@Derleth](#): > > Where does this come from? It’s wonderful. I wrote it. Ok, Goddamn it, I didn’t write it, but as it seems to have snowed last night and I have to get up and go to work in it I _could_ have, right now. Actually, Ezra Pound wrote it. ---
**Author:** ![Pythian\_Habenero](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/a6a055/32.png) [@Pythian\_Habenero](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Pythian_Habenero)\ **Post date:** [December 4, 2005, 12:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/its-colder-than-_________/333102/66 "2005-12-04T12:46:32Z")
I’ve always heard “colder than a witch’s… mitt”. And politely assumed that it would obviously have to get very cold before a witch would wear mittens. ---
**Author:** ![El\_Escorpio](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/d07c76/32.png) [@El\_Escorpio](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/El_Escorpio)\ **Post date:** [December 4, 2005, 3:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/its-colder-than-_________/333102/67 "2005-12-04T15:48:03Z")
A friend and I always say, “Colder than a witch’s tit in a brass bra…” then add, “…doing pushups in the snow.” Don’t know why, but the last image always makes me chuckle. ---
**Author:** ![Paul\_in\_Qatar](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/ccd318/32.png) [@Paul\_in\_Qatar](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Paul_in_Qatar)\ **Post date:** [December 6, 2005, 3:09am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/its-colder-than-_________/333102/68 "2005-12-06T03:09:14Z")
Cold, colder than my first wife’s heart. Cool as deep space. ---
**Author:** ![Nature\_s\_Call](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/nature_s_call/32/19006_2.png) [@Nature\_s\_Call](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Nature_s_Call)\ **Post date:** [December 6, 2005, 3:42am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/its-colder-than-_________/333102/69 "2005-12-06T03:42:44Z")
> [@Foreigner](#): > > You’re as cold as ice / You’re willing to sacrifice our love um, duh! ---
**Author:** ![Colibri](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/colibri/32/1841_2.png) [@Colibri](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Colibri)\ **Post date:** [December 6, 2005, 4:17am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/its-colder-than-_________/333102/70 "2005-12-06T04:17:09Z")
Colder’n a huskie’s nuts in a dogsled race. ---
**Author:** ![zhrona](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/z/90db22/32.png) [@zhrona](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/zhrona)\ **Post date:** [January 22, 2013, 3:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/its-colder-than-_________/333102/71 "2013-01-22T15:25:48Z")
Colder than the brass balls on a monkey. ® Colder than a brass monkey. (PG) Colder than a mu’u’fuka out dey. ® ---
**Author:** ![Aspidistra](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/aspidistra/32/3894_2.png) [@Aspidistra](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Aspidistra)\ **Post date:** [January 22, 2013, 3:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/its-colder-than-_________/333102/72 "2013-01-22T15:31:54Z")
…older than a brass archaeological find… ---
**Author:** ![Amateur\_Barbarian](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/59ef9b/32.png) [@Amateur\_Barbarian](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Amateur_Barbarian)\ **Post date:** [January 22, 2013, 3:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/its-colder-than-_________/333102/73 "2013-01-22T15:38:38Z")
Bit of a tangent, but I always liked the phrase “cool as the other side of the pillow.” ---
**Author:** ![Spiderman](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/spiderman/32/230_2.png) [@Spiderman](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Spiderman)\ **Post date:** [January 22, 2013, 5:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/its-colder-than-_________/333102/74 "2013-01-22T17:24:35Z")
> [@Aspidistra](#): > > …older than a brass archaeological find… Are zombies warm blooded or cold blooded creatures? [/hijack] ---
**Author:** ![Enright3](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/enright3/32/2897_2.png) [@Enright3](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Enright3)\ **Post date:** [January 23, 2013, 2:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/its-colder-than-_________/333102/75 "2013-01-23T14:33:33Z")
It’s colder than a witch’s tit in a brass bra. It’s colder than a warlock’s cock in brass jock. ---
**Author:** ![Enright3](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/enright3/32/2897_2.png) [@Enright3](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Enright3)\ **Post date:** [January 23, 2013, 2:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/its-colder-than-_________/333102/76 "2013-01-23T14:36:18Z")
Hotter than a whore on nickle night. ---
**Author:** ![TreacherousCretin](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/treacherouscretin/32/476_2.png) [@TreacherousCretin](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TreacherousCretin)\ **Post date:** [January 23, 2013, 11:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/its-colder-than-_________/333102/77 "2013-01-23T23:47:52Z")
> [@AskNott](#): > > A dancer in a local breast bar explained it to me, “A whore will screw anybody; a prostitute will screw anybody for money.” 😃 And a “slut” will screw anybody but you. ---
**Author:** ![Satchmo](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/satchmo/32/4223_2.png) [@Satchmo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Satchmo)\ **Post date:** [January 24, 2013, 1:06am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/its-colder-than-_________/333102/78 "2013-01-24T01:06:30Z")
My grandpa always used to say “Colder than a well digger’s … destination.” 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![Mr.Me](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/d2c977/32.png) [@Mr.Me](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mr.Me)\ **Post date:** [January 24, 2013, 1:38am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/its-colder-than-_________/333102/79 "2013-01-24T01:38:12Z")
“Our summers are a balmy minus ninety nine degrees When we swagger through the woods, our nipples knock down all the trees” From [We Are The Vikings](http://d.facdn.net/art/kobi-lacroix/music/1284875700.kobi-lacroix_wearethevikings.mp3) by Kobi LaCroix. ---
**Author:** ![stui\_magpie](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/stui_magpie/32/11010_2.png) [@stui\_magpie](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/stui_magpie)\ **Post date:** [January 24, 2013, 4:01am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/its-colder-than-_________/333102/80 "2013-01-24T04:01:32Z")
> [@Trunk](#): > > I’ve heard “tighter than a nun’s cunt” but not colder than. > > One to add: Cold enough to fuck a polar bear. > > Alt: Cold enough to fuck a penguin. > > Eh, let’s make one up: colder’n a penguin popsicle. I’ve usually related the Nun’s hoo haa to Dry. As in when you’re hot and really thirsty I’d say I’m as dry as a Nuns Cnut. At least that’s how I learned it when I was a kid. For Cold, mine have been covered. Cold as a mother in laws kiss cold enough to freeze the balls off a brass monkey [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/its-colder-than-_________/333102.md?page=3) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/its-colder-than-_________/333102.md?page=5)