# It's common for 13 year olds to have sex now? **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [December 26, 2009, 11:31am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/its-common-for-13-year-olds-to-have-sex-now/522619 "2009-12-26T11:31:49Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![Electric\_Warrior](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/ee7513/32.png) [@Electric\_Warrior](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Electric_Warrior)\ **Post date:** [December 26, 2009, 7:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/its-common-for-13-year-olds-to-have-sex-now/522619/21 "2009-12-26T19:43:29Z")
16% is still one in six. Not a majority, but still a good number. When I was in eighth grade (I am a college freshman), I was at a choir competition when another girl in my group’s water broke. I think **kanicbird** is right (which is surprising as I never expected I would agree with **kanicbird** on anything) and that it depends very much on what is considered the norm in one’s social group. My friends and I were largely not sexually active through highschool, but I definitely knew what was going on peripherally in middle and high school, and if you told me that one in every six girls in my middle school had had sexual intercourse, I would not be surprised. I do totally agree that kids lie on surveys though. I’m sure that’s where a lot of these rumors like rainbow parties and bracelet codes get started. ---
**Author:** ![The\_Second\_Stone](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/bbe5ce/32.png) [@The\_Second\_Stone](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/The_Second_Stone)\ **Post date:** [December 26, 2009, 7:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/its-common-for-13-year-olds-to-have-sex-now/522619/22 "2009-12-26T19:46:29Z")
I was in middle school in the 70s and one “couple” had sex and let everyone know it. People were having sex in high school in the 70s, but they did not talk about it. I would think the access of sex videos on the internet would make more teenagers comfortable with sex, but no upwards of 50 percent. In my opinion. What the hell do I know? ---
**Author:** ![Mahaloth](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/mahaloth/32/1079_2.png) [@Mahaloth](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mahaloth)\ **Post date:** [December 26, 2009, 8:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/its-common-for-13-year-olds-to-have-sex-now/522619/23 "2009-12-26T20:14:43Z")
I teach 7th Grade, which is the age of 12 or 13. I’d say it is highly rare, but not unheard of. Especially if the girl was raised in a household that does not even discourage it. I know it’s weird, but some parents don’t discourage sexiness and sexual activity in their own kids as young as 12. ---
**Author:** ![Sage\_Rat](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/sage_rat/32/399_2.png) [@Sage\_Rat](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sage_Rat)\ **Post date:** [December 26, 2009, 9:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/its-common-for-13-year-olds-to-have-sex-now/522619/24 "2009-12-26T21:48:22Z")
One thing I’d point out is that if you could get honest answers, it would almost certainly be true that the number of girls who have had sex at 13 is higher than the number of boys. Most girls talking about their first time, it’s usually with boys a good 5 years older. If I was more prone to sociological/evolutionary BS, I’d propose that it’s a natural mechanism for girls to seek out experienced partners for their first time so that they can then initiate partners their own age later. And I’m not sure that if a young girl says, “_Everyone_ has had sex.”, that she doesn’t mean it. The only thing is that “everyone” ignores everyone who is ugly, uncool, or doesn’t hang out with her, which might well be a majority of everyone. And of course some percentage of them are going to be lying. ---
**Author:** ![lindsaybluth](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/90db22/32.png) [@lindsaybluth](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/lindsaybluth)\ **Post date:** [December 26, 2009, 10:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/its-common-for-13-year-olds-to-have-sex-now/522619/25 "2009-12-26T22:30:02Z")
Just chiming in to say it’s not terribly common, but like **Mahaloth** said, definitely a function of the parents’ involvement and educational levels. I’m slightly - but not terribly - embarassed to say that I went through my younger brother’s (he’s 14 year) text messages while he was out of the room yesterday. He’s very smart (top 10 in his class) and oddly (it’s odd to me) very popular - he was president of his class last year. His friends are split between being the “smart” crowd and the “popular” crowd, and there’s even a tiny bit of overlap in the two groups as well. Long story short, a girl he’s taking to the formal dance in a few weeks - a sophomore from a different school - told him that she’d like to “give him a kiss under the mistletoe” and he said that he’d really enjoy that the night of the dance. No naked pictures, no sexually explicit stuff, just kids kissing. _ **WHEW** _. A far cry from our other brother, who may have had a dozen partners by now - and will turn 19 in a month. That said…I’d like to get him a book, because I’m not sure how comprehensive sex ed is at his school (I’m 8 years older and 9 grades ahead of him). Any doper recommendations? Something straightforward and factual - and not websites, because I want him to be able to read it in the privacy of his own room. Something that covers contraceptive devices (and a STRONG emphasis on not having sex until the other party is firmly on a hormonal form of BC), STD’s, anatomy, etc. If it could convey the message that people should only have sex with someone they love, that would be a big help as well. Absolutely nothing even VAGUELY religious. I don’t care if he fucks tons of things when he’s older, but I’d like him to at least start out with a good moral compass - and the girl to be on a hormonal BC. Parents are religious, but he’s pretty open with me about things. I don’t doubt that once he went through the book that he would ask me questions he had about it. I really doubt he’ll have sex before college (or even before he thinks he’s going to marry a girl), but I’d like him to be prepared. ---
**Author:** ![Alice\_The\_Goon](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/ed8c4c/32.png) [@Alice\_The\_Goon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Alice_The_Goon)\ **Post date:** [December 26, 2009, 11:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/its-common-for-13-year-olds-to-have-sex-now/522619/26 "2009-12-26T23:07:30Z")
::thinks of all the times her teenaged sons have gone to the “movies”:: :eek: Those little shits! ---
**Author:** ![jayjay](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/jayjay/32/6765_2.png) [@jayjay](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/jayjay)\ **Post date:** [December 26, 2009, 11:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/its-common-for-13-year-olds-to-have-sex-now/522619/27 "2009-12-26T23:19:03Z")
> [@Mister\_Rik](#): > > Anybody remember the episode(s?) of _Different Strokes_ where Willis was going to have sex with Janet Jackson, but ended up chickening out? Later, Mr. Drummond had a talk with Willis and told him about a boy he knew in school who bragged a lot about all the sex he’d had, but in fact that boy had never had sex at all. Willis asked, “Well how did you _know_ he was lying?” and Mr. Drummond answered, “Because he was _me_.” Thank you SO much for making me imagine Conrad Bain as a horny teenager… ---
**Author:** ![Malleus\_Incus\_Stapes](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/malleus_incus_stapes/32/3293_2.png) [@Malleus\_Incus\_Stapes](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Malleus_Incus_Stapes)\ **Post date:** [December 27, 2009, 12:13am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/its-common-for-13-year-olds-to-have-sex-now/522619/28 "2009-12-27T00:13:35Z")
I honestly can’t understand what is going through the heads of sexually active kids. I don’t mean that as in, “kids these days, what’s wrong with 'em”, I literally mean I cannot comprehend the mindset involved. At thirteen I’d just given up playing with Barbie dolls, fer Og’s sake! Sure, we all felt grown up because we were getting Bat Mitzva’d, but we went back to being little girls after. ---
**Author:** ![kanicbird](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/5f8ce5/32.png) [@kanicbird](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kanicbird)\ **Post date:** [December 27, 2009, 12:21am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/its-common-for-13-year-olds-to-have-sex-now/522619/29 "2009-12-27T00:21:10Z")
> [@Malleus\_Incus\_Stapes](#): > > I honestly can’t understand what is going through the heads of sexually active kids. Perhaps what one feels as a adult who is with someone that they desire and the feeling is mutual, after all even 12-13 yr olds are ‘people’. ---
**Author:** ![elfkin477](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/a9a28c/32.png) [@elfkin477](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/elfkin477)\ **Post date:** [December 27, 2009, 12:39am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/its-common-for-13-year-olds-to-have-sex-now/522619/30 "2009-12-27T00:39:50Z")
> [@Omega\_Glory](#): > > We were given one of those surveys at that age, too, except ours was about drugs, and we were just as serious about answering the questions as you were. > > Put me in the “kids lie” camp. When I was in high school they **promised** that such surveys were secret - you can imagine what kids answered. Later there was an article in the local paper about how 40% of kids had engaged in anal sex and 10% had snorted coke… ---
**Author:** ![Malleus\_Incus\_Stapes](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/malleus_incus_stapes/32/3293_2.png) [@Malleus\_Incus\_Stapes](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Malleus_Incus_Stapes)\ **Post date:** [December 27, 2009, 12:53am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/its-common-for-13-year-olds-to-have-sex-now/522619/31 "2009-12-27T00:53:11Z")
> [@kanicbird](#): > > Perhaps what one feels as a adult who is with someone that they desire and the feeling is mutual, after all even 12-13 yr olds are ‘people’. But not ‘adults’. ---
**Author:** ![Nicolas\_Bourbaki](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/ecc23a/32.png) [@Nicolas\_Bourbaki](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Nicolas_Bourbaki)\ **Post date:** [December 27, 2009, 1:14am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/its-common-for-13-year-olds-to-have-sex-now/522619/32 "2009-12-27T01:14:14Z")
Yes, but at thirteen, all the plumbing’s installed and they’re no different from adults in the ‘wanting to sex up attractive people’ department. Given that you’ve stated, repeatedly, that you don’t understand what’s going through the heads of sexually active _anybodies_, you may just want to take it on faith. To be fair, it’s worth noting that there’s usually a lack of parental involvement associated with sexually active middle schoolers, so that might be why they don’t share your beliefs about just being kids. If they didn’t have as happy a childhood as you did, then being a kid has nothing but negatives. ---
**Author:** ![BigT](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/bigt/32/12044_2.png) [@BigT](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BigT)\ **Post date:** [December 27, 2009, 1:40am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/its-common-for-13-year-olds-to-have-sex-now/522619/33 "2009-12-27T01:40:25Z")
> [@Malleus\_Incus\_Stapes](#): > > But not ‘adults’. Yeah. It’s not the same feeling at all. It’s the puppy love feelings we all had as a kid, combined with a more sexualized culture. Kids think they are in love, and think sexual stuff is what you do when you are in love. Even the fourteen-year-old girl I know who is getting counseled for her sexual addiction seems to think that she and all her partners are “in love.” Furthermore, there does seem to be an earlier start of puberty, so the age where young women find themselves sexually attracted to young men seems to be decreasing. I’ve always found this odd, as I’d think it would be more likely to increase in response to our longer lifespans, if anything. ETA: Nicolas Bourbaki, are you actually saying that you had the same sexual feelings as a kid as you do as an adult? I didn’t, and, based on the actions of the kids I know, it doesn’t seem to be the same. There’s too much black and white thinking invovled–it’s either the best thing ever and I should be able to do it with anyone I find attractive, or horrible, immoral act that will condemn you to the pit of hell. ---
**Author:** ![joebuck20](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/74df32/32.png) [@joebuck20](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/joebuck20)\ **Post date:** [December 27, 2009, 1:40am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/its-common-for-13-year-olds-to-have-sex-now/522619/34 "2009-12-27T01:40:58Z")
> [@elfkin477](#): > > When I was in high school they **promised** that such surveys were secret - you can imagine what kids answered. Later there was an article in the local paper about how 40% of kids had engaged in anal sex and 10% had snorted coke… I had to fill out one of those surveys my senior year of high school. I answered that I snorted coke everyday (in reality I’ve never touched the stuff) and started smoking weed when I was five. ---
**Author:** ![BigBertha](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/d78d45/32.png) [@BigBertha](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BigBertha)\ **Post date:** [December 27, 2009, 2:02am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/its-common-for-13-year-olds-to-have-sex-now/522619/35 "2009-12-27T02:02:16Z")
> [@Malleus\_Incus\_Stapes](#): > > I honestly can’t understand what is going through the heads of sexually active kids. I don’t mean that as in, “kids these days, what’s wrong with 'em”, I literally mean I cannot comprehend the mindset involved. At thirteen I’d just given up playing with Barbie dolls, fer Og’s sake! Sure, we all felt grown up because we were getting Bat Mitzva’d, but we went back to being little girls after. When i was young, it was because we felt so darn mature and more likely, wanted to be popular. Heck, i even wanted to do it beofre I was able to become pregnant because i sure didn’t want to get pregnant. ---
**Author:** ![Nicolas\_Bourbaki](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/ecc23a/32.png) [@Nicolas\_Bourbaki](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Nicolas_Bourbaki)\ **Post date:** [December 27, 2009, 2:11am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/its-common-for-13-year-olds-to-have-sex-now/522619/36 "2009-12-27T02:11:32Z")
> [@Shakes](#): > > I heard one the radio once that now girls of about 13 or so will hang out in malls, looking for guys they can give BJ’s to. Apparently some with older men. The “code” for finding these girls would be that they had a sucker in their mouth. That seems . . . oddly specific. ---
**Author:** ![RickJay](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/bb73d2/32.png) [@RickJay](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/RickJay)\ **Post date:** [December 27, 2009, 2:18am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/its-common-for-13-year-olds-to-have-sex-now/522619/37 "2009-12-27T02:18:55Z")
> [@Malleus\_Incus\_Stapes](#): > > I honestly can’t understand what is going through the heads of sexually active kids. I don’t mean that as in, “kids these days, what’s wrong with 'em”, I literally mean I cannot comprehend the mindset involved. At thirteen I’d just given up playing with Barbie dolls, fer Og’s sake! Sure, we all felt grown up because we were getting Bat Mitzva’d, but we went back to being little girls after. When I was 13, I and everyone else in my class were very interested indeed in sex, and certainly did NOT want to be considered little boys or little girls. That was 25 years ago. Are you _sure_ you and your peers were uninterested in sex at age 13? I’ll grant not all 13-year-olds have started getting interested in sex, but most have. ---
**Author:** ![Qin\_Shi\_Huangdi](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/q/f04885/32.png) [@Qin\_Shi\_Huangdi](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Qin_Shi_Huangdi)\ **Post date:** [December 27, 2009, 3:02am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/its-common-for-13-year-olds-to-have-sex-now/522619/38 "2009-12-27T03:02:07Z")
I can testify under oath that no kid in my Eighth Grade class has had sex. ---
**Author:** ![Argent\_Towers](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/e8c25b/32.png) [@Argent\_Towers](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Argent_Towers)\ **Post date:** [December 27, 2009, 3:07am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/its-common-for-13-year-olds-to-have-sex-now/522619/39 "2009-12-27T03:07:22Z")
How can you be so certain of that? ---
**Author:** ![Alice\_The\_Goon](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/ed8c4c/32.png) [@Alice\_The\_Goon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Alice_The_Goon)\ **Post date:** [December 27, 2009, 3:09am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/its-common-for-13-year-olds-to-have-sex-now/522619/40 "2009-12-27T03:09:15Z")
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