# It's common for 13 year olds to have sex now? **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [December 26, 2009, 11:31am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/its-common-for-13-year-olds-to-have-sex-now/522619 "2009-12-26T11:31:49Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 3
**Author:** ![Electric\_Warrior](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/ee7513/32.png) [@Electric\_Warrior](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Electric_Warrior)\ **Post date:** [December 27, 2009, 3:10am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/its-common-for-13-year-olds-to-have-sex-now/522619/41 "2009-12-27T03:10:22Z")
To add some anecdotal evidence, I was certainly _interested_ in sex in the eighth grade and spent a great deal of my time talking dirty to an older girl from a different state over the internet. Could have been a very stupid decision on my part, thankfully wasn’t, and ended up being a safe way to explore my sexuality. ---
**Author:** ![Alice\_The\_Goon](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/ed8c4c/32.png) [@Alice\_The\_Goon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Alice_The_Goon)\ **Post date:** [December 27, 2009, 3:15am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/its-common-for-13-year-olds-to-have-sex-now/522619/42 "2009-12-27T03:15:32Z")
Yeah, I can certainly attest that most 13 year-olds are _interested_ in sex, but as far as actually \*having \* it, I just can’t see it. At that age, the awkwardness is almost unbearable. Who would even _want_ to have sex with a 13 year-old boy- I bet not even 13 year-old girls! Among my sons and their friends, I have never picked up on this supposed phenomenon. ---
**Author:** ![BigBertha](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/d78d45/32.png) [@BigBertha](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BigBertha)\ **Post date:** [December 27, 2009, 3:23am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/its-common-for-13-year-olds-to-have-sex-now/522619/43 "2009-12-27T03:23:19Z")
Well, it happens. Heck, Kimmy was the town slut in grade school. ---
**Author:** ![Hilarity\_N.Suze](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/hilarity_n.suze/32/6223_2.png) [@Hilarity\_N.Suze](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Hilarity_N.Suze)\ **Post date:** [December 27, 2009, 3:56am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/its-common-for-13-year-olds-to-have-sex-now/522619/44 "2009-12-27T03:56:43Z")
Ha ha. Just last year I was a chaperone at a middle-school dance. In my day we called it junior high, but the dance looked exactly the same. Boys on one side of the room. Girls on the other side of the room. Really good dancers of either sex dancing, sometimes with same-sex partners, sometimes by themselves. Actual couples on the dance floor? Very rare. At one end there were a couple of groups where the sexes apparently found it okay to mingle if sitting at a large table with plenty of reinforcements. One of my son’s friends, the only one who had a girl friend, was there, with his girl friend. There was a lot of head-tossing and glances from the girls’ side, and some leers and speculation from the boys’ side, but not a lot of interaction there. This is not to say they weren’t interested in sex, because I’m pretty sure they were. In the abstract. I guess the ones who are having sex were off having sex, and not at that dance. ---
**Author:** ![Malleus\_Incus\_Stapes](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/malleus_incus_stapes/32/3293_2.png) [@Malleus\_Incus\_Stapes](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Malleus_Incus_Stapes)\ **Post date:** [December 27, 2009, 4:10am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/its-common-for-13-year-olds-to-have-sex-now/522619/45 "2009-12-27T04:10:01Z")
> [@RickJay](#): > > When I was 13, I and everyone else in my class were very interested indeed in sex, and certainly did NOT want to be considered little boys or little girls. That was 25 years ago. > > Are you _sure_ you and your peers were uninterested in sex at age 13? I’ll grant not all 13-year-olds have started getting interested in sex, but most have. They were interested in dating, sure, but sex wasn’t mentioned. I grew up in a sheltered, religious community, so rebellious behavior over here isn’t quite the same as where you’re standing. Edgy was secretly spending a lot of time with your puppy love of the month. Also, I may have worded my earlier post badly. I didn’t mean that they thought of themselves as little kids; I meant that we remained juvenile despite the whole “today I am a (wo)man” thing. I am feeling very dizzy now so if this isn’t coherent it’s becausen the room seems to be foggy I think I’ll go lie down now ---
**Author:** ![susan](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/susan/32/17537_2.png) [@susan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/susan)\ **Post date:** [December 27, 2009, 6:46am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/its-common-for-13-year-olds-to-have-sex-now/522619/46 "2009-12-27T06:46:42Z")
I was sexually active earlier than I was willing to dance in public. ---
**Author:** ![BigT](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/bigt/32/12044_2.png) [@BigT](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BigT)\ **Post date:** [December 27, 2009, 7:54am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/its-common-for-13-year-olds-to-have-sex-now/522619/47 "2009-12-27T07:54:10Z")
> [@susan](#): > > I was sexually active earlier than I was willing to dance in public. Ah. That would make me still a virgin, then. Unless holding a girl in your arms and swaying back-and-forth counts as dancing… ---
**Author:** ![Nava](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/da6949/32.png) [@Nava](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Nava)\ **Post date:** [December 27, 2009, 8:04am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/its-common-for-13-year-olds-to-have-sex-now/522619/48 "2009-12-27T08:04:24Z")
> [@RickJay](#): > > If oral sex was popular because it “doesn’t count” then why wasn’t it as popular 40 or 50 years ago, when teenagers would have been just as likely to come up with the “it doesn’t count” rationalization? > [@Sage\_Rat](#): > > And I’m not sure that if a young girl says, “_Everyone_ has had sex.”, that she doesn’t mean it. The only thing is that “everyone” ignores everyone who is ugly, uncool, or doesn’t hang out with her, which might well be a majority of everyone. And of course some percentage of them are going to be lying. First, it hasn’t been so long since we had people saying in these same boards that “oral sex isn’t sex;” that appears to be an Anglo-American peculiarity but it’s still quite extended. Are these teenagers now counting it the same way as p-v intercourse? Second, another thing that leads to the “everyone” mindset is that teen mags sell it that way. They have periodic articles (and already had them in the '80s) saying “girls in [insert country here] are having sex at [insert number here]!”; those articles make it sound as if your age is number+1 and you’ve still got an intact hymen, you’re a loser. A complete loser. Zero. You’ve still got your hymen that _old_, you’ll _never_ get laid. They don’t bother going into details like what’s the %, their socio/economical/cultural background, etc. ---
**Author:** ![Rigamarole](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/77aa72/32.png) [@Rigamarole](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Rigamarole)\ **Post date:** [December 27, 2009, 8:15am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/its-common-for-13-year-olds-to-have-sex-now/522619/49 "2009-12-27T08:15:46Z")
While we’re on the subject, I remember going to the doctor when I wasn’t but 10 or 11 years old and had just discovered the wonders of masturbation. As part of the routine checkup the doc asked me if I was “sexually active”. I didn’t know exactly what that meant, and I thought masturbating would certainly constitute activity of a sexual nature. So I shyly said “yes”. Although he was very professional and didn’t make any comments I can only imagine how he must have went home that day shaking his head and saying to himself “Kids these days…”. ---
**Author:** ![AboutAsWeirdAsYouCanGet](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/22d042/32.png) [@AboutAsWeirdAsYouCanGet](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/AboutAsWeirdAsYouCanGet)\ **Post date:** [December 27, 2009, 10:02am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/its-common-for-13-year-olds-to-have-sex-now/522619/50 "2009-12-27T10:02:01Z")
> [@](#): > > and told him about a boy he knew in school who bragged a lot about all the sex he’d had, but in fact that boy had never had sex at all. Willis asked, “Well how did you know he was lying?” and Mr. Drummond answered, “Because he was me.” Yes. Seems like a lot of reporting about sex among young folks has a lot of empty boasting about it. Like young teens seem to think that the only important thing is superfical appearances… Then too, some of it might be due to sexual abuse. There are a lot of epephiles who deliberately seek out teen girls to have sex with, b/c they can be pressured into sex. Also a lot of teens may be looking for “love” They’re not getting it for whatever reason (from dysfunctional families or just intense friendships) so they think they HAVE to have sex. God…at 13 I still thought I was straight. ---
**Author:** ![Rushgeekgirl](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/rushgeekgirl/32/3715_2.png) [@Rushgeekgirl](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Rushgeekgirl)\ **Post date:** [December 27, 2009, 2:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/its-common-for-13-year-olds-to-have-sex-now/522619/51 "2009-12-27T14:55:08Z")
I was thirteen my first time, and I wasn’t the first of my circle of friends. (early eighties) I did it because I wanted to tell everyone I’d done it, and I wanted the 14 year old boy to like me. He did, for about 3 days then he moved on to another girl. So I got him back by telling him I was pregnant. Because it’s common to know you’re pregnant four days after sex. We had no idea what we were doing. We were kids playing. I’m surprised he even got it in the right place. ---
**Author:** ![chappachula](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/d2c977/32.png) [@chappachula](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/chappachula)\ **Post date:** [December 27, 2009, 7:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/its-common-for-13-year-olds-to-have-sex-now/522619/52 "2009-12-27T19:17:05Z")
> [@Incref](#): > > I asked where all these kids were having sex? She replied matter of factly “Mostly at the movies”. . At the movies? ??? Is it possible that this girl is very, very naive? Maybe even so naive that she thinks the word “Sex” just means kissing and petting? There seem to few a mechanical obtacles… like, ya know, armrests and movie seats. Maybe it can be done, (and bragged about) by one couple. But it’s a little hard to believe that “all the kids” get away with it, and the manager at the mall doesnt notice. She may honestly believe that all her friends are “doing it” at the movies. But how much does she understand about how to do it? ---
**Author:** ![joyfool](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/df788c/32.png) [@joyfool](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/joyfool)\ **Post date:** [December 27, 2009, 8:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/its-common-for-13-year-olds-to-have-sex-now/522619/53 "2009-12-27T20:58:33Z")
Another vote for mostly bragging. I used to have a friend that lost her virginity at 13, but she’s been the only person I’ve known in all my 41 years that was that young. Other than that though, I do think there are more instances of really young teens engaging in oral sex, much for the same reason that I did when I was older… 1) it didn’t get you pregnant but still let you be sexual and 2) it allowed you something to talk about gaining experience from. ---
**Author:** ![lindsaybluth](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/90db22/32.png) [@lindsaybluth](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/lindsaybluth)\ **Post date:** [December 27, 2009, 11:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/its-common-for-13-year-olds-to-have-sex-now/522619/54 "2009-12-27T23:58:21Z")
> [@Curtis LeMay](#): > > I can testify under oath that no kid in my Eighth Grade class has had sex. Are you implying that you are in the eighth grade right now? ---
**Author:** ![jayjay](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/jayjay/32/6765_2.png) [@jayjay](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/jayjay)\ **Post date:** [December 28, 2009, 12:21am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/its-common-for-13-year-olds-to-have-sex-now/522619/55 "2009-12-28T00:21:48Z")
> [@lindsaybluth](#): > > Are you implying that you are in the eighth grade right now? **Curtis** is 13. I think that’s about right for 8th grade, isn’t it? ---
**Author:** ![jayjay](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/jayjay/32/6765_2.png) [@jayjay](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/jayjay)\ **Post date:** [December 28, 2009, 12:23am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/its-common-for-13-year-olds-to-have-sex-now/522619/56 "2009-12-28T00:23:40Z")
> [@Argent\_Towers](#): > > How can you be so certain of that? He’s home-schooled and therefore comprises the whole of his 8th grade class? (I think I remember him posting something like that…could be wrong.) ---
**Author:** ![BigBertha](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/d78d45/32.png) [@BigBertha](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BigBertha)\ **Post date:** [December 28, 2009, 12:37am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/its-common-for-13-year-olds-to-have-sex-now/522619/57 "2009-12-28T00:37:59Z")
> [@Rushgeekgirl](#): > > Because it’s common to know you’re pregnant four days after sex. . It is most likely! I knew. google implantation spotting. ---
**Author:** ![nashiitashii](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/7c8e57/32.png) [@nashiitashii](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/nashiitashii)\ **Post date:** [December 28, 2009, 2:48am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/its-common-for-13-year-olds-to-have-sex-now/522619/58 "2009-12-28T02:48:10Z")
> [@lindsaybluth](#): > > That said…I’d like to get him a book, because I’m not sure how comprehensive sex ed is at his school (I’m 8 years older and 9 grades ahead of him). Any doper recommendations? Something straightforward and factual - and not websites, because I want him to be able to read it in the privacy of his own room. Something that covers contraceptive devices (and a STRONG emphasis on not having sex until the other party is firmly on a hormonal form of BC), STD’s, anatomy, etc. If it could convey the message that people should only have sex with someone they love, that would be a big help as well. Absolutely nothing even VAGUELY religious. > > I don’t care if he fucks tons of things when he’s older, but I’d like him to at least start out with a good moral compass - and the girl to be on a hormonal BC. > > Parents are religious, but he’s pretty open with me about things. I don’t doubt that once he went through the book that he would ask me questions he had about it. I really doubt he’ll have sex before college (or even before he thinks he’s going to marry a girl), but I’d like him to be prepared. There are a few books I saw on Amazon with good reviews that look like they might fit your needs: [Changing Bodies, Changing Lives](http://www.amazon.com/Changing-Bodies-Lives-Expanded-Relationships/dp/081292990X/ref=sr_1_5?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1261967333&sr=1-5) [S.E.X.](http://www.amazon.com/S-E-X-All-You-Need-Know-Progressive-Sexuality/dp/1600940102/ref=sr_1_12?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1261967333&sr=1-12) [The Guy Book: An Owner’s Manual](http://www.amazon.com/Guy-Book-Owners-Manual/dp/0679890289/ref=pd_ts_b_13?ie=UTF8&s=books) If he were younger, I’d recommend something like this: [American Medical Association Boy’s Guide to Becoming a Teen](http://www.amazon.com/American-Medical-Association-Guide-Becoming/dp/0787983438/ref=sr_1_21?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1261967855&sr=1-21) Your best bet may be going to a bookstore or your local library for resources (Check out the 306.7 and 616.95 areas if it’s Dewey organized-- one deals with the social aspects, the other deals with the medical aspects). As for my own experience as a teenager, I recall that most people were not having sex until high school, and even then, most of the kids who were engaging in sex beyond oral sex were also engaging in other risky behavior; IIRC, one of the girls I knew was sexually active had also gone to rehab before she got to high school for xanax abuse. I recall many people lying about their experience, and I recall lying at one point when I’d been asked point-blank by one of the more experienced classmates about various sexual acts I’d engaged in. I will admit, though, that it was more embarrassment at my lack of experience that made me fib about one act-- I caught up quickly enough a year or two later. ---
**Author:** ![Nicolas\_Bourbaki](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/ecc23a/32.png) [@Nicolas\_Bourbaki](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Nicolas_Bourbaki)\ **Post date:** [December 28, 2009, 2:51am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/its-common-for-13-year-olds-to-have-sex-now/522619/59 "2009-12-28T02:51:38Z")
> [@chappachula](#): > > At the movies? ??? Handjobs at the movies are a time-honored icky tradition. Provided the gentleman brings a jacket to cover his lap and they sit in the back, there’s not much risk of getting caught. ---
**Author:** ![msmith537](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/d9b06d/32.png) [@msmith537](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/msmith537)\ **Post date:** [December 28, 2009, 4:00am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/its-common-for-13-year-olds-to-have-sex-now/522619/60 "2009-12-28T04:00:26Z")
> [@Nicolas\_Bourbaki](#): > > Handjobs at the movies are a time-honored icky tradition. Provided the gentleman brings a jacket to cover his lap and they sit in the back, there’s not much risk of getting caught. Kids don’t cut holes in the bottom of popcorn boxes anymore?😃 [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/its-common-for-13-year-olds-to-have-sex-now/522619.md?page=2) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/its-common-for-13-year-olds-to-have-sex-now/522619.md?page=4)