# It's evolution or it's Jesus, Janet. **URL:** \ **Category:** The BBQ Pit\ **Created:** [February 28, 2001, 4:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/its-evolution-or-its-jesus-janet/56225 "2001-02-28T16:31:12Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 3
**Author:** ![Sofa\_King](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/58956e/32.png) [@Sofa\_King](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sofa_King)\ **Post date:** [February 28, 2001, 8:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/its-evolution-or-its-jesus-janet/56225/41 "2001-02-28T20:44:42Z")
Dang, **Fenris** , those are some hilarious citations. I wonder if our buddy the **Bad Astronomer** has been turned onto them. "No, Bob. You’re a _ **little** _ mixed up. You _ **need** _ help. I want you to _ **listen** _ to me… …because I’m taking college courses!" ---
**Author:** ![John\_Corrado](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/a88e4f/32.png) [@John\_Corrado](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/John_Corrado)\ **Post date:** [February 28, 2001, 8:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/its-evolution-or-its-jesus-janet/56225/42 "2001-02-28T20:46:37Z")
My God, JeffB, you’ve opened up an entirely new category of reasons to mock Chick tracts. Here’s the original [Hi There!](http://www.chick.com/reading/tracts/0076/0076_01.asp) Now, here’s the same tract in [Chinese](http://www.chick.com/reading/tracts/0810/0810_01.asp). Notice some differences? Notice what’s the same? I find it amusing that Chick (or some flunky) changes the poor sinner’s faces, but doesn’t mind leaving the angel and Jesus as obviously Anglo-Saxon in features. And Fenris- I hadn’t seen the “The Holocaust” tract before. It’s _horrible_. But I guess I should have expected that from Jack “Jesuits are out to destroy humanity at the hands of the Satanic Catholic Church” Chick. John [Edited by John Corrado on 02-28-2001 at 02:50 PM] ---
**Author:** ![pldennison](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/9fc29f/32.png) [@pldennison](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/pldennison)\ **Post date:** [February 28, 2001, 9:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/its-evolution-or-its-jesus-janet/56225/43 "2001-02-28T21:03:10Z")
Wow! “That Crazy Guy” _is_ a winner! What do we learn from this? Well, let’s see: –Being HIV+ means you’re “dying and there’s no cure,” despite not manifesting a single symptom of AIDS; –The “Focus on the Family” newsletter is an accepted medical reference; –Old Testament prohibitions against adultery were to protect people from VD; –STDs, even virally-induced ones, respect the sanctity of marriage; –Doctors don’t know the difference between HAV and AIDS, and neither do their patients; –It’s not a breach of medical ethics to take advantage of emotionally distraught patients and convert them to your religion. Thank you, Jack Chick, thank you so much! “The Holocaust” is even **better**. We learn that: –Jewish people actually refer to Nazis as “filthy Christians” rather than, well, “filthy Nazis”; –Hitler, despite practically liquidating the clergy, was a faithful Catholic; –In an incredibly ironic, topsy-turvy reversal, the Catholics rather than the Jews control the media; –Hey, the Catholics have all the money, too! –You’d think the all-powerful Catholics might have elected more than one Catholic President, no? ---
**Author:** ![lno](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/a8b319/32.png) [@lno](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/lno)\ **Post date:** [February 28, 2001, 9:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/its-evolution-or-its-jesus-janet/56225/44 "2001-02-28T21:05:15Z")
Dark Dungeons has been [MSTed](http://www.fecundity.com/darkdung/) somewhat humorously. But I still feel alternately sick and outraged after reading “The Holocaust”. [sub]If the Jesuits can topple nations and conspire to kill millions, how come Notre Dame doesn’t win every game? And why does Boston College lose to the secular Boston University in hockey almost all the time?[/sub] ---
**Author:** ![Satan](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/e9bcb4/32.png) [@Satan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Satan)\ **Post date:** [February 28, 2001, 9:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/its-evolution-or-its-jesus-janet/56225/45 "2001-02-28T21:12:56Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Rocket88 \* > > **Er, water is more dense than both oxygen and nitrogen, right? So what held this here “vapor canopy” up over the atmosphere?** Aren’t you paying attention? GOD, silly! ---
**Author:** ![minty\_green](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/f6c823/32.png) [@minty\_green](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/minty_green)\ **Post date:** [February 28, 2001, 9:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/its-evolution-or-its-jesus-janet/56225/46 "2001-02-28T21:16:30Z")
You’re welcome, **Eve**. Glad you and **pl** liked that one. I’m actually the proud owner of an original “That Crazy Guy!”, which for no good reason I use as a bookmark in my complete Shakespeare volume. I especially love that part where Mrs. Damien chases Suzi out of the house with a can of air freshener. And **John** , thanks so much for opening the thread and linking to the Chick web site. Now I’ve got days and days worth of comic relief! ---
**Author:** ![Alessan](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/alessan/32/465_2.png) [@Alessan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Alessan)\ **Post date:** [February 28, 2001, 9:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/its-evolution-or-its-jesus-janet/56225/47 "2001-02-28T21:27:18Z")
OK, I’ve gone over the foreign-language tracts - and I see there’s a couple in Hebrew. In Hebrew._URGE TO KILL GROWING… GROWING…_ The thing is, what bothers me the most is not the fact that these motherfuckers are once again trying to convert Jews; neither is it the ludicrous fact that they’re using bible (“OT”) verses _in the original language_ to support their drivel. It’s the fact that it’s written in modern, colloquial Hebrew. This thing was translated by an Israeli… an Israeli whose face needs an urgent and vigorous introduction to asphalt. Oh, yes indeed. For the sake of my own sanity, I’m not going to read the one about the holocaust. ---
**Author:** ![inor](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/f475e1/32.png) [@inor](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/inor)\ **Post date:** [February 28, 2001, 9:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/its-evolution-or-its-jesus-janet/56225/48 "2001-02-28T21:50:07Z")
I’m with **LNO** - alternately rolling in hysteria and nausea. Did anyone read the one where the nasty professor is losing to the nice christian boy? Didn’t the kid say something about the surrounding matrix of the fossils being 212M yrs old? (The argument he uses to refute the prof’s assertion of the age of the fossils). I’d bet somewhere in his ludditerature he makes a claim for a much younger earth… Doesn’t this kind of conflict with creationism’s ideas of the age of the world? **Ender** - I’m sueing yer ass for the damages… ---
**Author:** ![monster](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/7ab992/32.png) [@monster](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/monster)\ **Post date:** [February 28, 2001, 9:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/its-evolution-or-its-jesus-janet/56225/49 "2001-02-28T21:50:39Z")
> [@](#): > > _Directly from the description of Chick Tract, No Fear_ > Suicide…The subject is common among teens today. But when Lance decides it is the only way out of his troubles, he discovers that **hell is not the party place described in popular songs**. Yes, hell is often described in popular songs as a party place. :rolleyes: I don’t think I’ve ever wanted to laugh and cry at the same time before visiting this site. What’s scary is that there are people who actually buy these and hand them out. ---
**Author:** ![El\_Kabong](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/el_kabong/32/496_2.png) [@El\_Kabong](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/El_Kabong)\ **Post date:** [February 28, 2001, 9:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/its-evolution-or-its-jesus-janet/56225/50 "2001-02-28T21:55:33Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Satan \* > \*\* > > > [@](#): > > > > \*Originally posted by Rocket88 \* > > > > **Er, water is more dense than both oxygen and nitrogen, right? So what held this here “vapor canopy” up over the atmosphere?** > > Aren’t you paying attention? > > GOD, silly! \*\* Yeah, and like I’m going to believe anything Satan tells me about what God did with the vapor canopy. As if.😃 [Hijack] BTW, I know that people are supposed to order hundreds of these things cheap and scatter them around like confetti, but how often does this really happen? In my whole miserable godless life I think I’ve only ever seen one Chick Tract “in the wild”, so to speak. [/Hijack] ---
**Author:** ![Kyberneticist](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/dc4da7/32.png) [@Kyberneticist](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kyberneticist)\ **Post date:** [February 28, 2001, 10:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/its-evolution-or-its-jesus-janet/56225/51 "2001-02-28T22:02:55Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Enderw24 \* > \*\* > 450 feet long, 75 feet wide, and 40 feet tall is enough room for 50,000 animals with room to spare? Ya…right. > So then how come the dinosaurs didn’t make the cut? I mean, there’s a stegosaurus and pterodactyl. Where they wicked too? > > Ring of water creating a hot house effect? ‘Scuse me while I mentally run through 8 years of Jewish Day School. Nope, sorry. What the fuck are you talking about? > \*\* Yeah, that works out to [sup]3[/sup]/[sub]4[/sub] of a meter cubed per animal. Given they have to live for a year on the water, most of that must be food… The hot-house effect is particularly amusing since you’d think that if they really believed that, they’d try duplicating the hothouse effect at home to live for 900 years. Oh, and Corrado, to be charitible, he might not have changed God and Satan so as to leave them with Aramaicish features, given the culture they sprang from. ---
**Author:** ![pepperlandgirl](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/f17d59/32.png) [@pepperlandgirl](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/pepperlandgirl)\ **Post date:** [February 28, 2001, 10:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/its-evolution-or-its-jesus-janet/56225/52 "2001-02-28T22:39:12Z")
When I lived in Utah, we went to the local outlet mall to trick-or-treat. There were a few people passing 2 tracks out to everybody. [The Visitors](http://www.chick.com/reading/tracts/0061/0061_01.asp) was one of them. I can’t remember the other one though. Wow, I’m looking through the list of tracks and I notice there are a few new ones since the last time I’ve been over there… ---
**Author:** ![Protesilaus](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/82dd89/32.png) [@Protesilaus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Protesilaus)\ **Post date:** [February 28, 2001, 10:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/its-evolution-or-its-jesus-janet/56225/53 "2001-02-28T22:40:35Z")
From “Big Daddy?” (the professor and evolution): > [@](#): > > _Heroic Christian student_: _ **Wrong** _ sir! Gluons are a made-up dream. No one has seen or even measured them… they don’t exist! It’s a desperate theory to explain away truth! I suppose the irony is lost on Mr. Chick. I though “No Fear” (the suicide one) was strange too. (Well, yes, they’re **all** strange and disturbing, but this one hasn’t by commented on much here.) For those who haven’t seen it, here’s a summary. The heroine of the story originally loves the kid who kills himself (Lance?) so much that she also plans to kill herself so they can be together forever. Then when she’s stopped and learns that if she kills herself, she’ll be tormented for eternity, she rejoices in her new faith but _ **completely forgets** _ that if what she’s been told is true, Lance, who she supposedly loved so much, is already being unbearably tortured forever, with no hope of respite. ---
**Author:** ![red\_dragon60](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/ce73a5/32.png) [@red\_dragon60](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/red_dragon60)\ **Post date:** [February 28, 2001, 10:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/its-evolution-or-its-jesus-janet/56225/54 "2001-02-28T22:46:10Z")
Why haven’t we found any of their cities, much less the uber-humans riding dinosaurs? Sorry if it has been mentioned already. ---
**Author:** ![SPOOFE](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/c5a1d2/32.png) [@SPOOFE](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SPOOFE)\ **Post date:** [February 28, 2001, 11:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/its-evolution-or-its-jesus-janet/56225/55 "2001-02-28T23:05:00Z")
> [@](#): > > Yeah, that works out to 3/4 of a meter cubed per animal. Given they have to live for a year on the water, most of that must be food… 3.12 feet, to be exact. Apparently, Mr. Chick hasn’t even bothered the check the calculations. Also, this assumes zero width to the walls and floors. So let’s see… we’ve got 3.12 feet available for an animal… which must also hold it’s food, water, urine and defecation. Basically, the calculations Mr. Chick provides are physically impossible. ---
**Author:** ![minty\_green](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/f6c823/32.png) [@minty\_green](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/minty_green)\ **Post date:** [February 28, 2001, 11:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/its-evolution-or-its-jesus-janet/56225/56 "2001-02-28T23:15:24Z")
The word of the Lord cannot be stopped! Even since the thread started this morning, there’s a _brand new_ tract featured at the top of the [Chick catalog page](http://www.chick.com/catalog/tractlist.asp). This time, it’s [“Sin City,”](http://www.chick.com/reading/tracts/5003/5003_01.asp) which is about the Village People beating up a righteous protestor at a gay pride parade. We also get to meet Ray, the homosexual minister, and his invisible sidekick, the demon Zanah. (“Hi! I’m Zanah and I hate your guts!”) It ends with Ray bent over on all fours, but as you might suspect, that’s not quite the happy ending that **Esprix** and **matt\_mcl** may be hoping for. 😉 ---
**Author:** ![inor](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/f475e1/32.png) [@inor](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/inor)\ **Post date:** [February 28, 2001, 11:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/its-evolution-or-its-jesus-janet/56225/57 "2001-02-28T23:28:16Z")
I find it hilarious almost beyond belief- that little anal mustache the narrator has in the tracts I’ve seen so far. I can jsut tell- that guy _would_ wanna be one of flatty’s [CoPs](http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?threadid=61735). Can I get the Amen? ---
**Author:** ![pantom](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/34f0e0/32.png) [@pantom](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/pantom)\ **Post date:** [February 28, 2001, 11:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/its-evolution-or-its-jesus-janet/56225/58 "2001-02-28T23:29:57Z")
Never seen a Chick Tract “in the wild”, but at least now I know why Catholics aren’t Christians. Truly horrific stuff, that Holocaust one. ---
**Author:** ![Kyberneticist](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/dc4da7/32.png) [@Kyberneticist](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kyberneticist)\ **Post date:** [February 28, 2001, 11:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/its-evolution-or-its-jesus-janet/56225/59 "2001-02-28T23:41:06Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by SPOOFE Bo Diddly \* > \*\* > > > [@](#): > > > > Yeah, that works out to 3/4 of a meter cubed per animal. Given they have to live for a year on the water, most of that must be food… > > 3.12 feet, to be exact. Apparently, Mr. Chick hasn’t even bothered the check the calculations. Also, this assumes zero width to the walls and floors. > > So let’s see… we’ve got 3.12 feet available for an animal… which must also hold it’s food, water, urine and defecation. > > Basically, the calculations Mr. Chick provides are physically impossible. \*\* Ok, on the problem with his calculations we are in agreement… But how much space _does_ each animal get? 450_75_40=1,350,000 cubic feet. Divide that by 50,000 and get 27 cubic feet per animal which does equal a cube of just under 3 feet per side (although we’ve now changed units again, to 3 feet in size cubes, which may not fit in original dimensions). On the other hand, he has 137_23_13 meters as the dimensions in meters (just noticed it now, had tried converting it myself earlier at 2.54 centimeters to an inch) which equals .82 or so meters, which works out to around 2.7 feet. I think you were being overly generous with 3.12. And if we round down a tad for compartments and walls, it is indeed a miserable .75 meters per animal or about 2 and a half feet. ---
**Author:** ![Necros](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/necros/32/11086_2.png) [@Necros](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Necros)\ **Post date:** [February 28, 2001, 11:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/its-evolution-or-its-jesus-janet/56225/60 "2001-02-28T23:51:57Z")
I think I might have to cut and paste that image of Death saying, “Hi there!” I love it. And as to what held the vapor cloud up? Magnets. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/its-evolution-or-its-jesus-janet/56225.md?page=2) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/its-evolution-or-its-jesus-janet/56225.md?page=4)