# It's evolution or it's Jesus, Janet. **URL:** \ **Category:** The BBQ Pit\ **Created:** [February 28, 2001, 4:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/its-evolution-or-its-jesus-janet/56225 "2001-02-28T16:31:12Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 7
**Author:** ![jab1](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/ee7513/32.png) [@jab1](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/jab1)\ **Post date:** [March 1, 2001, 11:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/its-evolution-or-its-jesus-janet/56225/121 "2001-03-01T23:59:44Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Satan \* > \*\* > > > [@](#): > > > > \*Originally posted by Corvus \* > > > > \*\*Do you suppose that there are any Jack Chick Message Boards? \*\* > > [Sure there is.](http://cgi.leftbehind.com/cgi-ubb/Ultimate.cgi) \*\* You forgot [The Pizza Parlor.](http://thebruces.stormbirds.org) ---
**Author:** ![Monty](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/monty/32/47_2.png) [@Monty](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Monty)\ **Post date:** [March 2, 2001, 4:25am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/its-evolution-or-its-jesus-janet/56225/122 "2001-03-02T04:25:13Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by jab1 \* > > > [@](#): > > > > \*Originally posted by vix \* > > “Traveling overseas? Don’t forget to take foreign language Chick tracts with you.” > > If your travel plans include Syria, Indonesia, Egypt, Lebanon, Saudi Arabia, Morocco, Iraq, Iran or Afghanistan, I heartily recommend [“Allah Had No Son.”](http://www.chick.com/reading/tracts/0042/0042_01.asp) (Depending on the country, a one-way ticket may be quite enough.) And if you do so, I heartily recommend you swear out your will first. After all, passing that stuff around in Saudi Arabia will get you executed.\* \*Any way of getting Jack Chick to fly there? ---
**Author:** ![Badtz\_Maru](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/e36b37/32.png) [@Badtz\_Maru](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Badtz_Maru)\ **Post date:** [March 2, 2001, 4:45am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/its-evolution-or-its-jesus-janet/56225/123 "2001-03-02T04:45:55Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by redtail23 \* > \*\*RE: space for animals > > In figuring _average_ space per animal, you’re failing to calculate space _needed_ per animal. I’ve forgotten all statistics & math terminology, so work with me here. > > Some of those animals were **vewy, vewy small**. I mean, since God chose to save fleas, ticks, roaches, mosquitos, tapeworms, silverfish, so on and et cetera, some very large percentage of those 50,000 (?right?) didn’t need much space. All the parasites, for instance, must have traveled on or in the other animals, thereby giving up their .75m for the greater good. > > Of course that leaves us with another question: > > If evolution doesn’t occur, and Noah only had 50,000 animals / 2 animals per species = 25,000 species > > … > > Where did all the rest of them come from?? > > 😃 > > Somewhere I’ve got a collection of Chicks; dunno where they’ve gotten off to, probably in the garage with the rest of my library. They used to be easy to find 'round here - public restrooms were a common drop point. Actually, you’d see them just about anywhere they wouldn’t be immediately thrown away. Don’t see them much any more. That sort of thing gives me hope, on my better days. > \*\* Silly, the new species evolved AFTER the Flood. ---
**Author:** ![LazarusLong42](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/87869e/32.png) [@LazarusLong42](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/LazarusLong42)\ **Post date:** [March 2, 2001, 6:01am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/its-evolution-or-its-jesus-janet/56225/124 "2001-03-02T06:01:14Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Ben \* > \*\*Call me ignorant, but don’t gluons hold quarks together into protons and neutrons? I thought pions were the mediating particles of the strong nuclear force. > > You know, it takes real talent to be this stupid. I don’t think I could have come up with the Jesus=Strong Nuclear Force argument, myself.\*\* I actually came up with that one quite a while ago. Not “Jesus”, _per se_, but “god(s).” My “god(s)” is/are fourfold: four forces that govern the universe and how it runs. I needn’t believe in anything else, that’s enough for me. I guess I’m going to Hell. Too bad it’s not there. 🙂 LL ← apologizes for witnessing in the Pit, but had to respond… ---
**Author:** ![Gyrate](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/gyrate/32/3588_2.png) [@Gyrate](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Gyrate)\ **Post date:** [March 2, 2001, 9:54am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/its-evolution-or-its-jesus-janet/56225/125 "2001-03-02T09:54:26Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Satan \* > \*\*I praise **jr8** for one of the best posts EVER!! > > Carry on… \*\* Thenk kyew, thenk kyew, I shall… _There’s something I want you to know, Jack (oh Jack) You’re a sad fundamentalist throwback (oh Jack) And your lies are more bald-faced than Kojak (oh Jack); Oh Jack – go back – to the zooooooo…_ I’ll stop now. To have a brief rant (this is the Pit, after all), I suppose what irks me most is the attempt to use science to justify the Bible, and then use God to excuse any bad science (no really, God actually gave tigers and giraffes gills so they could survive outside the Ark, and then took them away afterwards). I know God works in mysterious ways, but apparently He’s bad at forward planning too. ---
**Author:** ![Steve\_Wright](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/848f3c/32.png) [@Steve\_Wright](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Steve_Wright)\ **Post date:** [March 2, 2001, 1:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/its-evolution-or-its-jesus-janet/56225/126 "2001-03-02T13:17:32Z")
I have this fantasy. It’s only a fantasy. It’ll never happen. But… \*(Scene: Jack Chick at home. He has just finished his 491st tract, “People with Functioning Brain Cells Go to Hell”. Suddenly! The door bursts open! In strides **Steve Wright** , 300 pounds of non-Fundamentalist blubber, with a fierce look upon his face. Behind him are legions of other Christians, all equipped with intellects, or some sense of compassion, or just good taste in art.)\* Me: Jack Chick! Prepare to pay for your misdeeds!! Chick: _(cowers)_ wh-what? What misdeeds? _(The massed legions advance menacingly_ Me: _What misdeeds??_ You have consistently shown us Christians as arrogant, humorless, hate-filled morons! You have made a mockery of our religion!! You have presented a view of Christianity which makes anyone with a germ of compassion, or even simple common sense, curl up and vomit!!! And you have goaded me into using multiple exclamation marks at the ends of my sentences!!! Prepare to meet thy doom… Chick: But you’re Christians! You should forgive me! Me: Ha!!! It says in Matthew 18: 21-22, "Then Peter came up and said to him, “Lord, how often shall my brother sin against me, and I forgive him? As many as seven times?” 22 Jesus said to him, “I do not say to you seven times, but seventy times seven”. That’s 490, and you’ve just brought out number 491. Your ass is _ours_, pal. Chick: But that’s not right… seventy times seven is just a metaphor, it really means you should _always_ forgive… Me: Oh, so now your sorry backside is on the line, you drop the literalist stuff and start using your God-given critical intelligence to interpret the text, huh? Forget it… \*(Turns to massed legions)\*Vengeance is ours!! _(Chick wails. The massed legions close in on him and - in the finest traditions of the Church of England - have a cup of tea and a nice chat with him.)_ It’s just a fantasy. ---
**Author:** ![Gyrate](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/gyrate/32/3588_2.png) [@Gyrate](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Gyrate)\ **Post date:** [March 2, 2001, 1:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/its-evolution-or-its-jesus-janet/56225/127 "2001-03-02T13:28:53Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Steve Wright \* > _(Chick wails. The massed legions close in on him and - in the finest traditions of the Church of England - have a cup of tea and a nice chat with him.)_ I thought you were supposed to offer him “Cake or death?” 😃 ---
**Author:** ![Sublight](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/439d5e/32.png) [@Sublight](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sublight)\ **Post date:** [March 2, 2001, 1:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/its-evolution-or-its-jesus-janet/56225/128 "2001-03-02T13:57:07Z")
I must say I’m rather disappointed that “Allah Had No Son” is not available in Arabic. Kind of defeats the purpose, doesn’t it? –sublight. ---
**Author:** ![redtail23](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/3e96dc/32.png) [@redtail23](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/redtail23)\ **Post date:** [March 2, 2001, 3:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/its-evolution-or-its-jesus-janet/56225/129 "2001-03-02T15:34:50Z")
**Badtz** - no sirree, no can do. ‘Macro-evolution’ or the creation of new species _doesn’t happen_ according to these yahoos. New question: OK, there was a water vapor canopy englobing the earth, out in orbit a bit, right? (Or whatever they called it - I’m not gonna go look again.) Then god used that water to deluge the entire earth, flooding everything thousands of feet deep (all the mountains were covered). That’s a lot of water. Where did it go? I mean, I know it says the water dried up, but _where did it go_? And why didn’t god just put it back where he got it? Hee hee hee. This is like shooting rubber duckies in a bathtub, ain’t it? Can I bring a bigger shotgun next time? ---
**Author:** ![vanilla](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/v/f19dbf/32.png) [@vanilla](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/vanilla)\ **Post date:** [March 2, 2001, 3:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/its-evolution-or-its-jesus-janet/56225/130 "2001-03-02T15:38:16Z")
Maybe it evaporated! Wouldn’t it be prohibitive if there was a water canopy over the earth? I mean, wouldn’t it have fallen immediately? Maybe it went into the Grand Canyon… ---
**Author:** ![Kyberneticist](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/dc4da7/32.png) [@Kyberneticist](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kyberneticist)\ **Post date:** [March 2, 2001, 4:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/its-evolution-or-its-jesus-janet/56225/131 "2001-03-02T16:16:12Z")
What I find particularly amusing about the concept of a water canopy is the idea of it “shielding us from the sun’s harmful rays” - presumably there was no ozone layer or Van Allen belts before the flood, but that’s not the main problem. Anyone ever dived down, say, 15 feet into a fairly clean body of water? The “harmful rays” a layer of water in orbit would shield us from would leave the earth in perpetual darkness. And of course, unless God was keeping the water liquid, it would only take a few inches of orbiting ice to do the same trick, turning our “hothouse” into more of a fridge. As for someone actually experimenting with extending lifespan through increasing oxygen content and heat, I would be very interested in hearing about it, if you could find a link. Hopefully the fundy doing it will stay on a steady diet of antioxidants, as well as codliver oil (since they have shielded themselves from those “harmful rays” :rolleyes: Here’s a short examination of some of the physics of the vapour canopy… [http://www.talkorigins.org/faqs/canopy.html](http://www.talkorigins.org/faqs/canopy.html) ---
**Author:** ![Telemark](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/telemark/32/372_2.png) [@Telemark](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Telemark)\ **Post date:** [March 2, 2001, 4:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/its-evolution-or-its-jesus-janet/56225/132 "2001-03-02T16:26:45Z")
Here’s the Book to prove, no need to fear it And there’s three ways that God can show That’s the Father, Son, and Holy Spirit Oh J-E-S-U-S I love you so! So lets go read the verse that began it (Janet) When God made the world and then ran it (Janet) With no dinosaurs so just can it (Janet) I’ve got one thing to say and that’s Dammit Janet You’re going to hell Sorry. Really, I’m sorry. I feel dirty. ---
**Author:** ![tiggeril](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/tiggeril/32/7234_2.png) [@tiggeril](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/tiggeril)\ **Post date:** [March 2, 2001, 4:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/its-evolution-or-its-jesus-janet/56225/133 "2001-03-02T16:29:40Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by jr8 \* > \*\*I thought you were supposed to offer him “Cake or death?” 😃 \*\* 😃 Having once been a volunteer in a small Midwestern hospital, I’ve been handed more than my share of these puppies. I’m Indian, but I look Hispanic. Many of the “kind-hearted” Pod People who shoved these tracts in my face while I was wheeling their grandmothers/ newborn children out to the car figured I was Catholic. I swear their heads about exploded when I had made sure the patient was safely in the car, and as I was walking back inside said simply, “First of all, I’m not Mexican, I’m Indian. Second of all, there is no God. Have a nice day!” I almost miss working there. ---
**Author:** ![Gyrate](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/gyrate/32/3588_2.png) [@Gyrate](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Gyrate)\ **Post date:** [March 2, 2001, 4:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/its-evolution-or-its-jesus-janet/56225/134 "2001-03-02T16:54:33Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Telemark \* > \*\*Sorry. Really, I’m sorry. I feel dirty. \*\* Yes, but do you _want_ to feel dirty? 😉 [sub]Oh no…[/sub] _Tract-a tract-a tract-a tract me, I wanna be hoooooo-lyyyy. Preach me, reach me, come teach me, Preacher from the Right…_ Oh man…I am so hellbound, I’ve just sprouted a third eye. ---
**Author:** ![Sealemon88](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/c68b51/32.png) [@Sealemon88](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sealemon88)\ **Post date:** [March 2, 2001, 5:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/its-evolution-or-its-jesus-janet/56225/135 "2001-03-02T17:02:19Z")
Unless there’s a passage in the Bible that says that God somehow kept the salt water and fresh ater seperated during the flood, that means you also have to account for the really, really big ass aquariums you’d need to transport two of each salt water or fresh water fish, crustatian, ect. Also, what about plant life? Last time I checked, most trees don’t do well when they’re submurged for a month or more. That must have been one BIG boat… ---
**Author:** ![TwistofFate](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/cdc98d/32.png) [@TwistofFate](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TwistofFate)\ **Post date:** [March 2, 2001, 5:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/its-evolution-or-its-jesus-janet/56225/136 "2001-03-02T17:16:07Z")
[Dusty Harlot Springfield] The only man who could ever reach me, Was a tract writin’ Preacherman. [/dusty harlot Springfield] Is it just me or does anyone else picture Jack Chick actually looking like Bob? Does anyone else get the impression that Bob likes to impure himself over the Sears catalog? ---
**Author:** ![tiggeril](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/tiggeril/32/7234_2.png) [@tiggeril](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/tiggeril)\ **Post date:** [March 2, 2001, 5:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/its-evolution-or-its-jesus-janet/56225/137 "2001-03-02T17:20:46Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by jr8 \* > \*\*Oh man…I am so hellbound, I’ve just sprouted a third eye. > > \*\* Might I use that in my sig, kind sir? ---
**Author:** ![Telemark](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/telemark/32/372_2.png) [@Telemark](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Telemark)\ **Post date:** [March 2, 2001, 5:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/its-evolution-or-its-jesus-janet/56225/138 "2001-03-02T17:23:56Z")
From the day we are born We are sinful We are the thorn In our Fathers side (or crown) He tried in vain But we never caused him nothing but pain We were saved the day he died From the day man was born We’ve been trouble All that Internet porn Gay sex and pride Weak willed and vain, Audaciously using our brains, Hopelessly drawn to the evil side When Jesus said you’d better use your head You knew he’s in a pissy mood He’ll make your afterlife Full of sorry and strife Makes you pray Lest your gay Then your screwed Must do work. Leave thread alone. Brain hurts. ---
**Author:** ![Gyrate](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/gyrate/32/3588_2.png) [@Gyrate](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Gyrate)\ **Post date:** [March 2, 2001, 5:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/its-evolution-or-its-jesus-janet/56225/139 "2001-03-02T17:33:30Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by tiggeril \* > \*\*Might I use that in my sig, kind sir? \*\* Be my guest. You are most welcome to it. **Telemark** , I think for the sake of both our sanities – and the reduction of potential incidences of beverage damage to electronic equipment – we’d better quit now… 🆒 ---
**Author:** ![inor](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/f475e1/32.png) [@inor](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/inor)\ **Post date:** [March 2, 2001, 6:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/its-evolution-or-its-jesus-janet/56225/140 "2001-03-02T18:01:01Z")
**Tel ehhh mark and jr8, a-and you too-oo, Fate** I loove it when you’re committing blasphemy together. Babies babies, o you guys, you-oo three and yo third eyes you gonna fly away, glad you’re goin my way I loooove it when we’re hellbound forever (sorry smokey- that really is one of the best songs ever, hope you don’t mind…) [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/its-evolution-or-its-jesus-janet/56225.md?page=6) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/its-evolution-or-its-jesus-janet/56225.md?page=8)