# It's gold, Jerry. GOLD. **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [June 23, 2004, 5:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/its-gold-jerry-gold/251830 "2004-06-23T17:16:01Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![Mal\_Adroit](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/df788c/32.png) [@Mal\_Adroit](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mal_Adroit)\ **Post date:** [June 23, 2004, 7:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/its-gold-jerry-gold/251830/21 "2004-06-23T19:30:27Z")
George: So my father takes off his shirt. . . (to Kramer) Go ahead. Tell him. Kramer: He had breasts. Jerry: What? George: Y’know! Big. . . breasts! Jerry: Oh, lots of older men have that. Kramer: Not these. These were real hooters. ---
**Author:** ![bouv](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/bc8723/32.png) [@bouv](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/bouv)\ **Post date:** [June 23, 2004, 10:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/its-gold-jerry-gold/251830/22 "2004-06-23T22:37:45Z")
Shant this be in Cafe Society? Jerrry: Now that is one magic lugie. Everyone: Helllooooo! La la la! Jerry: Well, this is all very sophisticated. (from the same ep.) Kramer: I’m at the corner of first and first…how can the same street intersect with itself, Jerry? I must be at the nexus of the universe! Jerry: We’re not gay!..not that there’s anything wrong with that! ---
**Author:** ![BiblioCat](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/ed8c4c/32.png) [@BiblioCat](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BiblioCat)\ **Post date:** [June 23, 2004, 10:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/its-gold-jerry-gold/251830/23 "2004-06-23T22:57:29Z")
“You want to know why you can’t go in front first? I’ll tell you why. Because it signals a breakdown in the social order. Chaos. It reduces us to jungle law.” Newman, in "The Parking Spot. ---
**Author:** ![MysteryFellow63427](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/a88e4f/32.png) [@MysteryFellow63427](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MysteryFellow63427)\ **Post date:** [June 23, 2004, 11:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/its-gold-jerry-gold/251830/24 "2004-06-23T23:09:45Z")
George Costanza: “ah-HAAA!” (if anyone can tell me **what episode** that is from I will love you forever and/or buy you a beer. For the life of me I simply cannot remember.) George, intentionally leaving behind his $8000 Russian fur hat at his date’s house: “Co-STAN-za!” ---
**Author:** ![bughunter](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/aeb1de/32.png) [@bughunter](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/bughunter)\ **Post date:** [June 23, 2004, 11:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/its-gold-jerry-gold/251830/25 "2004-06-23T23:20:18Z")
Frank Costanza: “It was a one in a million shot, Doc. One in a million!” ---
**Author:** ![BiblioCat](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/ed8c4c/32.png) [@BiblioCat](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BiblioCat)\ **Post date:** [June 23, 2004, 11:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/its-gold-jerry-gold/251830/26 "2004-06-23T23:24:24Z")
“It’s more like a full-body dry heave set to music.” George, on Elaine’s dancing. ---
**Author:** ![Kyla](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/eada6e/32.png) [@Kyla](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kyla)\ **Post date:** [June 24, 2004, 2:23am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/its-gold-jerry-gold/251830/27 "2004-06-24T02:23:23Z")
Kramer: “I’m out.” ---
**Author:** ![muldoonthief](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/muldoonthief/32/3188_2.png) [@muldoonthief](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/muldoonthief)\ **Post date:** [June 24, 2004, 3:52am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/its-gold-jerry-gold/251830/28 "2004-06-24T03:52:58Z")
Teri Hatcher: They’re real, and they’re spectacular! Elaine on muscle relaxants: Stella!! Jerry: I don’t wanna be a pirate! ---
**Author:** ![Chefguy](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/chefguy/32/138_2.png) [@Chefguy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Chefguy)\ **Post date:** [June 24, 2004, 4:22am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/its-gold-jerry-gold/251830/29 "2004-06-24T04:22:40Z")
“She’s a low-talker.” “He’s a high-talker.” “He’s a close-talker.” ---
**Author:** ![drm](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/a88e57/32.png) [@drm](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/drm)\ **Post date:** [June 24, 2004, 4:59am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/its-gold-jerry-gold/251830/30 "2004-06-24T04:59:19Z")
“Kramer goes to a fantasy camp. His whole life is a fantasy camp. People should plunk down two-thousand dollars to live like him for a week. Do nothing, fall ass-backwards into money, mooch food off your neighbors, and have sex without dating. _That’s_ a fantasy camp!” “The sea was angry that day, my friends, like an old man trying to send back soup in a deli.” "Have you ever met a proctologist? They usually have a very good sense of humor. You meet a proctologist at a party, don’t walk away. Plant yourself there because you will hear the funniest stories you’ve ever heard. See, no one wants to admit to them that they stuck something up there. Never. It’s always an accident. Every proctologist story ends in the same way… ‘It was a million to one shot, doc, million to one.’ " ---
**Author:** ![Happy\_Lendervedder](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/happy_lendervedder/32/8488_2.png) [@Happy\_Lendervedder](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Happy_Lendervedder)\ **Post date:** [June 24, 2004, 5:01am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/its-gold-jerry-gold/251830/31 "2004-06-24T05:01:20Z")
> [@neuroman](#): > > George Costanza: “ah-HAAA!” > (if anyone can tell me **what episode** that is from I will love you forever and/or buy you a beer. For the life of me I simply cannot remember.) Two times I can think of: 1. George thought his gf was vomiting up all the meals he was paying for. He burst into the restaurant bathroom when he heard wretching, with an “ah-HAA!” 2. The other time was when Jerry broke up with Shmoopy, and George was arguing that they had a pact (to get married) and that Jerry had renegged (sp?). Jerry said there was no pact, but then admitted to shaking George’s hand. George yelled “ah-HAA!” ---
**Author:** ![Critical\_Mass](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/f1d935/32.png) [@Critical\_Mass](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Critical_Mass)\ **Post date:** [June 24, 2004, 5:09am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/its-gold-jerry-gold/251830/32 "2004-06-24T05:09:27Z")
Serenity Now!! ---
**Author:** ![Mal\_Adroit](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/df788c/32.png) [@Mal\_Adroit](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mal_Adroit)\ **Post date:** [June 24, 2004, 12:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/its-gold-jerry-gold/251830/33 "2004-06-24T12:27:40Z")
> [@Happy Lendervedder](#): > > 1. The other time was when Jerry broke up with Shmoopy, and George was arguing that they had a pact (to get married) and that Jerry had renegged (sp?). Jerry said there was no pact, but then admitted to shaking George’s hand. George yelled “ah-HAA!” Yeh, this one was just on TBS last night. Props to **Happy** for pulling up at least two occurences! Elaine (with Urban Sombrero firmly atop head): This is your fault! _You_ told me I could run the catalog myself! Kramer: Then I was WAY OFF. Bald Mike: Suzie didn’t commit suicide! She was _murdered._ By JERRY SEINFELD. Jerry (turning to woman behind him): Not only that- I broke his thumbs! ---
**Author:** ![BiblioCat](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/ed8c4c/32.png) [@BiblioCat](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BiblioCat)\ **Post date:** [June 24, 2004, 1:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/its-gold-jerry-gold/251830/34 "2004-06-24T13:31:15Z")
Kramer: “The Dewey Decimal System… What a scam that was!” ---
**Author:** ![Mal\_Adroit](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/df788c/32.png) [@Mal\_Adroit](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mal_Adroit)\ **Post date:** [June 24, 2004, 1:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/its-gold-jerry-gold/251830/35 "2004-06-24T13:46:36Z")
Puddy: “Feels like an Arby’s night.” ---
**Author:** ![BiblioCat](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/ed8c4c/32.png) [@BiblioCat](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BiblioCat)\ **Post date:** [June 24, 2004, 1:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/its-gold-jerry-gold/251830/36 "2004-06-24T13:51:08Z")
Jerry, to Elaine: “To a woman, sex is like the garbage man. You just take for granted the fact that any time you put some trash out on the street, a guy in a jumpsuit’s gonna come along and pick it up. But now, it’s like a garbage strike. The bags are piling up in your head. The sidewalk is blocked. Nothing’s getting through. You’re stupid.” ---
**Author:** ![Mal\_Adroit](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/df788c/32.png) [@Mal\_Adroit](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mal_Adroit)\ **Post date:** [June 24, 2004, 1:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/its-gold-jerry-gold/251830/37 "2004-06-24T13:57:38Z")
(just pre- that quote) Elaine: “I haven’t had sex in a while- how come I don’t know no Portugese?” ---
**Author:** ![BiblioCat](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/ed8c4c/32.png) [@BiblioCat](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BiblioCat)\ **Post date:** [June 24, 2004, 2:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/its-gold-jerry-gold/251830/38 "2004-06-24T14:03:57Z")
“I always get the feeling that when lesbians look at me, they’re thinking, _'That’s_ why I’m not a heterosexual.” - George, in _“The Subway”_ ---
**Author:** ![Lord\_Ashtar](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/7ea924/32.png) [@Lord\_Ashtar](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lord_Ashtar)\ **Post date:** [June 24, 2004, 2:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/its-gold-jerry-gold/251830/39 "2004-06-24T14:35:25Z")
Jerry: Ya know, 95% of this city is undateable. Elaine: Undateable? Jerry: _ **UNDATEABLE!** _ ---
**Author:** ![BiblioCat](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/ed8c4c/32.png) [@BiblioCat](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BiblioCat)\ **Post date:** [June 24, 2004, 2:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/its-gold-jerry-gold/251830/40 "2004-06-24T14:39:13Z")
> [@Lord Ashtar](#): > > Jerry: Ya know, 95% of this city is undateable. > Elaine: Undateable? > Jerry: _ **UNDATEABLE!** _ _continuing the conversation_ Elaine: “So then how are all these people getting together?” Jerry: “Alcohol.” [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/its-gold-jerry-gold/251830.md?page=1) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/its-gold-jerry-gold/251830.md?page=3)