# It's gold, Jerry. GOLD. **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [June 23, 2004, 5:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/its-gold-jerry-gold/251830 "2004-06-23T17:16:01Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 4
**Author:** ![Nutty\_Bunny](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/d07c76/32.png) [@Nutty\_Bunny](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Nutty_Bunny)\ **Post date:** [June 25, 2004, 3:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/its-gold-jerry-gold/251830/61 "2004-06-25T15:03:09Z")
> [@Philster](#): > > Snapple? No, too fruity. ---
**Author:** ![TwistofFate](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/cdc98d/32.png) [@TwistofFate](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TwistofFate)\ **Post date:** [June 25, 2004, 3:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/its-gold-jerry-gold/251830/62 "2004-06-25T15:16:34Z")
It’s a festivus miracle! ---
**Author:** ![Mal\_Adroit](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/df788c/32.png) [@Mal\_Adroit](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mal_Adroit)\ **Post date:** [June 25, 2004, 5:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/its-gold-jerry-gold/251830/63 "2004-06-25T17:16:06Z")
_Susan:_ I just want you to know that I love your son very much. _Mrs. Costanza:_ You do? _Susan:_ Yes. _Mrs. Costanza:_ Really? _Susan:_ Yes. (beat) _Mrs. Costanza:_ May I ask why? ---
**Author:** ![Severian](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/49beb7/32.png) [@Severian](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Severian)\ **Post date:** [June 25, 2004, 5:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/its-gold-jerry-gold/251830/64 "2004-06-25T17:20:18Z")
“Purple 23” ---
**Author:** ![Spectre\_of\_Pithecanthropus](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/spectre_of_pithecanthropus/32/12343_2.png) [@Spectre\_of\_Pithecanthropus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Spectre_of_Pithecanthropus)\ **Post date:** [June 25, 2004, 5:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/its-gold-jerry-gold/251830/65 "2004-06-25T17:37:15Z")
Jerry’s mother, when his parents were in town and staying at the apartment: Hello…_Newman_. Kramer: Oh yeah, there’s something in the air. Jerry: You know you’re turning into Burt Lancaster? George: It’s a big hefty stinking faux pas! ( I’ve been using this IRL in certain situations, like earlier this year when we replaced our computer. The old ‘tower’ was a Big Hefty Stinking Tower Of Obsolescence. George: Would a giant rubber ball work? Kramer: Conceivably. George: Well Play Now has all kinds of different rubber balls. Why don’t we test your bladder system at my office? Jerry: You’re not… George: Oh, yes I am. Mr. Thomassoulo likes to play dirty? Well there’s nothing dirtier than a giant ball of oil! Hellooooo! I got beaned by a giant ball of oilllll! I’m as slippery as an eellll! ---
**Author:** ![Mal\_Adroit](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/df788c/32.png) [@Mal\_Adroit](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mal_Adroit)\ **Post date:** [June 25, 2004, 6:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/its-gold-jerry-gold/251830/66 "2004-06-25T18:20:03Z")
Mr. Thomassoulo: _Attention. The bathroom in George Costanza’s office is is now open to all employees._ George: Well played. Mr. Thomassoulo: I’ll see you in hell, Costanza. ---
**Author:** ![DooWahDiddy](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/e9bcb4/32.png) [@DooWahDiddy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DooWahDiddy)\ **Post date:** [June 25, 2004, 10:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/its-gold-jerry-gold/251830/67 "2004-06-25T22:22:57Z")
“This is good fucking yogurt!” “Elaine! You look scrumptious!” “It’s Risk, the game of world domination. Being played by two guys who can barely run their own lives.” “When you control the mail, you control… inforMATION!” By the way, I can’t seem to place this one: > [@Severian](#): > > “Purple 23” ---
**Author:** ![Philster](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/13edae/32.png) [@Philster](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Philster)\ **Post date:** [June 26, 2004, 12:07am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/its-gold-jerry-gold/251830/68 "2004-06-26T00:07:42Z")
Mutton? Beef-a-Reeno! Mango? Did you take the raisins? I didn’t get a roll. Is that a Drake’s coffee cake? I make a spesh-ee-al pizza pie just for you. ---
**Author:** ![Happy\_Lendervedder](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/happy_lendervedder/32/8488_2.png) [@Happy\_Lendervedder](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Happy_Lendervedder)\ **Post date:** [June 26, 2004, 12:38am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/its-gold-jerry-gold/251830/69 "2004-06-26T00:38:03Z")
> [@BiblioCat](#): > > Frank: “Many Christmases ago, I went to buy a doll for my son. I reached for the last one they had, but so did another man. As I rained blows upon him, I realized there had to be another way.” > Kramer: “What happened to the doll?” > Frank: “It was destroyed. But out of that a new holiday was born… A Festivus for the rest of us!” I can’t let the quote end there. Frank’s next line is the funniest part: Kramer: That must’ve been some kind doll. Frank: She was. > [@](#): > > Purple 23 What is the section of the parking garage where Kramer hid his air conditioner so no one would steal it? ---
**Author:** ![Happy\_Lendervedder](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/happy_lendervedder/32/8488_2.png) [@Happy\_Lendervedder](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Happy_Lendervedder)\ **Post date:** [June 26, 2004, 12:45am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/its-gold-jerry-gold/251830/70 "2004-06-26T00:45:47Z")
George: A plane crash? A Heart attack? Lupus? Is it Lupus? ---
**Author:** ![Mal\_Adroit](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/df788c/32.png) [@Mal\_Adroit](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mal_Adroit)\ **Post date:** [June 28, 2004, 12:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/its-gold-jerry-gold/251830/71 "2004-06-28T12:30:43Z")
_“The Protege” girlfriend_: George is teaching me so many things. . . _Jerry_: Like what, how to calculate 8% of a resturant check? ---
**Author:** ![BiblioCat](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/ed8c4c/32.png) [@BiblioCat](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BiblioCat)\ **Post date:** [June 28, 2004, 12:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/its-gold-jerry-gold/251830/72 "2004-06-28T12:40:16Z")
“No, I don’t have a square to spare. I can’t spare a square.” Jerry’s girlfriend Jane, in _The Stall_. ---
**Author:** ![Mal\_Adroit](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/df788c/32.png) [@Mal\_Adroit](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mal_Adroit)\ **Post date:** [June 28, 2004, 1:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/its-gold-jerry-gold/251830/73 "2004-06-28T13:21:36Z")
Been forgetting one of my favorites- from one the last few seasons, at the car dealership. George: _There’s no rules in this place! It’s like Thunderdome!_ ---
**Author:** ![BiblioCat](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/ed8c4c/32.png) [@BiblioCat](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BiblioCat)\ **Post date:** [June 28, 2004, 1:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/its-gold-jerry-gold/251830/74 "2004-06-28T13:31:13Z")
“My boyfriend said I got gonnorhea from riding the tractor in my bathing suit.” One of Jerry’s various girlfriends. ---
**Author:** ![Philster](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/13edae/32.png) [@Philster](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Philster)\ **Post date:** [June 28, 2004, 1:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/its-gold-jerry-gold/251830/75 "2004-06-28T13:36:06Z")
“Dark and disturbed? His whole life revolves around Superman and cereal. I convinced him to act like that so that you would think I was funnier. That’s how disturbed I am! If you want disturbed, that’s disturbed! You can’t find sickness like that anywhere. You think sickness like that grows on trees? Nobody is sicker than me, nobody. He’s pretending, I’m the genuine article.” * * * “That is damn good scotch. I could do a commercial for this stuff. Mmmmm, boy that Hennigans goes down smooth. And afterwords you don’t even smell. That’s right folks. I just had three shots of Hennigans and I don’t smell. Imagine, you can walk around drunk all day. That’s Hennigans, the no-smell, no-tell, scotch.” * * * “I would drape myself in velvet if it were socially acceptable.” * * * “The carpet sweeper is the biggest scam perpetrated on the American public since One Hour Martinizing.” * * * ---
**Author:** ![Mal\_Adroit](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/df788c/32.png) [@Mal\_Adroit](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mal_Adroit)\ **Post date:** [June 28, 2004, 1:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/its-gold-jerry-gold/251830/76 "2004-06-28T13:38:23Z")
I can never remember their damn names. Except “Jenna,” for some reason, sticks in my head- she was Kristen Davis from _Sex and the City._ (Toothbrush in the Toilet Bowl Girl.) _Elaine:_ If you can’t kiss this girl, Jerry, I’m afraid you’re just a quirk or two away from full-on dementia. _Jerry:_ (considers): That could hurt me. ---
**Author:** ![bouv](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/bc8723/32.png) [@bouv](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/bouv)\ **Post date:** [June 28, 2004, 1:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/its-gold-jerry-gold/251830/77 "2004-06-28T13:41:12Z")
“I’m not a lesbian! I hate men, but I’m not a lesbian!” “And this guy here we just call Feldman.” “It’s Feldman…” “…” “From across the hall.” “Get better, Georgie, get better!” “Am I crazy, or is that a lot of gum?” “It’s a lot of gum!” ---
**Author:** ![Severian](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/49beb7/32.png) [@Severian](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Severian)\ **Post date:** [June 28, 2004, 1:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/its-gold-jerry-gold/251830/78 "2004-06-28T13:55:45Z")
“Fredo was weak and stupid, he should never have eaten that key!” ---
**Author:** ![Mal\_Adroit](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/df788c/32.png) [@Mal\_Adroit](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mal_Adroit)\ **Post date:** [June 28, 2004, 1:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/its-gold-jerry-gold/251830/79 "2004-06-28T13:57:48Z")
Jerry: “I don’t see you as a Susie. Sharon, maybe.” Elaine: “_Sharon?_ What am I, a bulimic, chain-smoking stenographer from Staten Island?” Jerry: “You referring to someone in particular?” Elaine: “I’d rather not say.” ---
**Author:** ![carterba](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/85e7bf/32.png) [@carterba](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/carterba)\ **Post date:** [June 28, 2004, 2:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/its-gold-jerry-gold/251830/80 "2004-06-28T14:06:28Z")
Puddy (answering the phone): Puddy. Kramer: Yeah, is David Puddy there? Puddy: This is Puddy. Kramer: Hey, it’s Kramer. Puddy: I know. “You got a question? Ask the eight-ball!” “You stole my Jesus fish!” “Right, Koko. That chimp’s all right. High five.” [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/its-gold-jerry-gold/251830.md?page=3) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/its-gold-jerry-gold/251830.md?page=5)