# It's good to be the King! **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [December 20, 2000, 1:44am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/its-good-to-be-the-king/46448 "2000-12-20T01:44:56Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 4
**Author:** ![Dr.Pinky](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/848f3c/32.png) [@Dr.Pinky](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dr.Pinky)\ **Post date:** [December 24, 2000, 6:20am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/its-good-to-be-the-king/46448/61 "2000-12-24T06:20:02Z")
Magnus the Wyrd, royal poet and concubine quality control expert reporting for duty. * * * Wombat, kiosk, credenza… moon! ---
**Author:** ![Kricket](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/f14d63/32.png) [@Kricket](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kricket)\ **Post date:** [December 24, 2000, 6:22am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/its-good-to-be-the-king/46448/62 "2000-12-24T06:22:24Z")
Can I be the wickedly evil, drop-dead gorgeous dungeon mistress? I am pretty good with a whip and other torture devices. ---
**Author:** ![wyldelf](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/4491bb/32.png) [@wyldelf](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/wyldelf)\ **Post date:** [December 24, 2000, 7:27am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/its-good-to-be-the-king/46448/63 "2000-12-24T07:27:07Z")
Ohhh - I want to be one of two people: 1. The local **witch** (naturopath, naked dancing, midnight seance etc etc) or the 2 resident **Virgin** daughter of the prince that gets chained up and fed to dragons (unless you have wonderful knight booked in somewhere that could save me and ravish me??). You can decide which. ---
**Author:** ![Freudian\_Slit](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/5daacb/32.png) [@Freudian\_Slit](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Freudian_Slit)\ **Post date:** [December 24, 2000, 9:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/its-good-to-be-the-king/46448/64 "2000-12-24T21:15:49Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Tristan \* > \*\*I just don’t think you’re my type… \*\* ::groan:: Tristan! Not for me, you fool…I’m already a concubine. I meant you could be Jestor’s male concubine! ---
**Author:** ![Tristan](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/tristan/32/18058_2.png) [@Tristan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tristan)\ **Post date:** [December 25, 2000, 8:20am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/its-good-to-be-the-king/46448/65 "2000-12-25T08:20:23Z")
hehehe… well, thanks again, but no thanks. I’m still trying to figure out how this time machine took us to a fantasy past… oh, wait, I read those stories… So I’m either a Defense Minister without portfolio, or a peasant… hoping to hear from the king on my job status. IMPORTANT NOTE: This medieval tactics is with real folks, not a game… SCA combat, the most fun you can have wearing 20 pounds of leather and steel that isn’t sexual… hehehehe ---
**Author:** ![wyldelf](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/4491bb/32.png) [@wyldelf](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/wyldelf)\ **Post date:** [December 25, 2000, 8:25am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/its-good-to-be-the-king/46448/66 "2000-12-25T08:25:03Z")
Fine - ruin my imagination I’ll be a serving wench (a rather fetching (not felching) one) 😉 ---
**Author:** ![Freudian\_Slit](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/5daacb/32.png) [@Freudian\_Slit](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Freudian_Slit)\ **Post date:** [December 25, 2000, 10:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/its-good-to-be-the-king/46448/67 "2000-12-25T22:10:52Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by wyldelf \* > \*\*Fine - ruin my imagination > > I’ll be a serving wench (a rather fetching (not felching) one) 😉 \*\* **Wyldelf** - what’s felching? **Tristan** - What’s an SCR? What was the point of your “Important Note”? ---
**Author:** ![wyldelf](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/4491bb/32.png) [@wyldelf](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/wyldelf)\ **Post date:** [December 25, 2000, 10:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/its-good-to-be-the-king/46448/68 "2000-12-25T22:16:06Z")
I know Nothing!!! ---
**Author:** ![Dr.Pinky](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/848f3c/32.png) [@Dr.Pinky](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dr.Pinky)\ **Post date:** [December 25, 2000, 10:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/its-good-to-be-the-king/46448/69 "2000-12-25T22:32:15Z")
SCA is the Society for Creative Anachronism. As for the other, on the upper right hand corner of this page is a globe and magnifying glass labeled “search”… ---
**Author:** ![Jester](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/jester/32/8223_2.png) [@Jester](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jester)\ **Post date:** [December 26, 2000, 4:08am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/its-good-to-be-the-king/46448/70 "2000-12-26T04:08:41Z")
**wyldelf** : Feel free to take either of the aforementioned positions, but be advised that a) If you are a witch, you will be hunted down by a number of inept peasents, and placed on trial before me in a comical sequence of un-connected logic, ending with you being weighed against a duck. b) If you are the local Virgin/Dragon Bait, you should be wary of the fact that the local dragon and I recently had a fight, and he may not be cooperative tonight to keep from eating you until said gallant knight arrives to save the day. Still, there should be an ample supply of gallant knights standing by to ravish you. Speaking of ravishing, I’m not so sure about these male conucubines. I’m perfectly happy with members of the fairer sex. \ **JestOR** has spoken! \ ---
**Author:** ![Freudian\_Slit](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/5daacb/32.png) [@Freudian\_Slit](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Freudian_Slit)\ **Post date:** [December 26, 2000, 6:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/its-good-to-be-the-king/46448/71 "2000-12-26T18:21:38Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Jester \* > \*\*Speaking of ravishing, I’m not so sure about these male conucubines. I’m perfectly happy with members of the fairer sex. > > \ > > **JestOR** has spoken! > > \ \*\* Jesu- ::decides not to take the lord’s name in vain in a medevial castle:: Um, JestOR, come on. Alexander the Great had sex with guys. And I’m pretty sure Julius Caesar did, too. And look at all the power they had. Is this getting to you? Do you wanna be limited your WHOLE life? ::sigh:: Fine. Oh by the way, did you get my card? ---
**Author:** ![nadin](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/46a35a/32.png) [@nadin](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/nadin)\ **Post date:** [December 26, 2000, 8:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/its-good-to-be-the-king/46448/72 "2000-12-26T20:10:45Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Goose \* > \*\*Neeeeet!!! Can I be Secretary of the DoS? Department of Shrubery. \*\* We are the knights who say Ni. Bring me a shrubbery. Hmmm, as I’m a girl I don’t think I can be a knight who says ni, but I’d still like a shrubbery. And I want to be a witch. In a Granny Weatherwax kind of way, rather than a burnt at the stake kind of way. And I want a Nanny Ogg, Magrat and Agnes to be in my coven. Or I could be the Elf Queen or a vampire or an assassin. I could work in your secret service which would be much more fun than sitting in an Ivory Tower with all the princesses and concubines. ---
**Author:** ![dubs](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/d6d6ee/32.png) [@dubs](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/dubs)\ **Post date:** [December 26, 2000, 8:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/its-good-to-be-the-king/46448/73 "2000-12-26T20:47:49Z")
I’d like to be Mistress of the Library and Keeper of the Forbidden Book of Incredibly Useful Lovemaking Secrets, Hints, and Tips. Oh, and don’t forget your library card… ---
**Author:** ![Freudian\_Slit](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/5daacb/32.png) [@Freudian\_Slit](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Freudian_Slit)\ **Post date:** [December 26, 2000, 9:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/its-good-to-be-the-king/46448/74 "2000-12-26T21:11:25Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by dubs \* > \*\*I’d like to be Mistress of the Library and Keeper of the Forbidden Book of Incredibly Useful Lovemaking Secrets, Hints, and Tips. Oh, and don’t forget your library card… \*\* I’ll need that book. Jester’s hard to satisfy. 😉 So are we at the castle to be educated, or are we too be no better than uneducated simple illiterate peasants? And don’t we need a castle priest or something? ---
**Author:** ![Kricket](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/f14d63/32.png) [@Kricket](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kricket)\ **Post date:** [December 27, 2000, 1:04am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/its-good-to-be-the-king/46448/75 "2000-12-27T01:04:35Z")
Still no answer about being dungeon mistress. Who do I have to tie up around here to get an answer? ---
**Author:** ![SpinneZiege](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/9e8a1a/32.png) [@SpinneZiege](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SpinneZiege)\ **Post date:** [December 27, 2000, 1:16am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/its-good-to-be-the-king/46448/76 "2000-12-27T01:16:11Z")
Ok. Me give up. I’ll join JestOR’s kingdom. I’ll be a lazy prince who does little else but harrass the king and sit around in the castle drinking wine. Seeing as how Jester and I will be dorming soon, this won’t be too far from real life. ---
**Author:** ![Freudian\_Slit](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/5daacb/32.png) [@Freudian\_Slit](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Freudian_Slit)\ **Post date:** [December 27, 2000, 2:34am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/its-good-to-be-the-king/46448/77 "2000-12-27T02:34:10Z")
Dorming soon? Jester! You never told me that. ---
**Author:** ![Kaz](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/ecd19e/32.png) [@Kaz](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kaz)\ **Post date:** [December 27, 2000, 2:42am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/its-good-to-be-the-king/46448/78 "2000-12-27T02:42:53Z")
I can be the fatherly priest, who offers sage advice to any and all who ask. I also do weddings and bar mitzvahs. ---
**Author:** ![absoul](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/bc8723/32.png) [@absoul](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/absoul)\ **Post date:** [December 27, 2000, 3:06am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/its-good-to-be-the-king/46448/79 "2000-12-27T03:06:38Z")
I wanna be the Court Chef! …now where’s my arsenic? ---
**Author:** ![Tristan](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/tristan/32/18058_2.png) [@Tristan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tristan)\ **Post date:** [December 27, 2000, 4:07am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/its-good-to-be-the-king/46448/80 "2000-12-27T04:07:04Z")
Heeeeyyy… note to self : Avoid court dinners. Now then, about my defense ministry… And I’m really interested to know how all this fantasy stuff came into the kingdom. I will be leading an expeditionary force soon, so I would like to have gov’t backing on this… [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/its-good-to-be-the-king/46448.md?page=3) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/its-good-to-be-the-king/46448.md?page=5)