# It's good to be the King! **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [December 20, 2000, 1:44am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/its-good-to-be-the-king/46448 "2000-12-20T01:44:56Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 5
**Author:** ![Freudian\_Slit](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/5daacb/32.png) [@Freudian\_Slit](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Freudian_Slit)\ **Post date:** [December 27, 2000, 5:11am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/its-good-to-be-the-king/46448/81 "2000-12-27T05:11:25Z")
Aaand…::lounging on a velour pillow (did they HAVE such earthly delights in an average middle aged castle?):: I would like to know when Jestor will be getting his royal…ah…you know, into…um…you know. In other words, when shall I expect his highness for a little sex? 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![Dr.Pinky](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/848f3c/32.png) [@Dr.Pinky](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dr.Pinky)\ **Post date:** [December 27, 2000, 7:14am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/its-good-to-be-the-king/46448/82 "2000-12-27T07:14:10Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Kricket \* > \*\*Still no answer about being dungeon mistress. > Who do I have to tie up around here to get an answer? \*\* Yeah, no response on concubine quality control, either… Hey, Kricket, how YOU doin? ---
**Author:** ![Jester](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/jester/32/8223_2.png) [@Jester](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jester)\ **Post date:** [December 27, 2000, 3:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/its-good-to-be-the-king/46448/83 "2000-12-27T15:30:08Z")
Alrighty, since I’m kinda in a rush and don’t have time to address everyone individually, all I can say is that all of your posts have been granted. Now get to work, already, I gotta write out some execution orders! **JesOR** has spoken! ---
**Author:** ![Freudian\_Slit](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/5daacb/32.png) [@Freudian\_Slit](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Freudian_Slit)\ **Post date:** [December 28, 2000, 3:10am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/its-good-to-be-the-king/46448/84 "2000-12-28T03:10:09Z")
Get to WORK? I can’t do that without you, honey…sigh. I’ll be waiting. ---
**Author:** ![andyman](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/8491ac/32.png) [@andyman](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/andyman)\ **Post date:** [December 28, 2000, 3:28am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/its-good-to-be-the-king/46448/85 "2000-12-28T03:28:09Z")
Just point me at ‘em boss! Who needs mutilatin’??? ---
**Author:** ![Scotticher](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/e9c0ed/32.png) [@Scotticher](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Scotticher)\ **Post date:** [December 28, 2000, 4:05am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/its-good-to-be-the-king/46448/86 "2000-12-28T04:05:44Z")
Well, sheesh, **Jestor** , I said I wanted to be a princess, I didn’t say I wanted to be DEAD! Can’t you think of SOMETHING for me to do? ---
**Author:** ![nashiitashii](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/7c8e57/32.png) [@nashiitashii](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/nashiitashii)\ **Post date:** [December 28, 2000, 4:14am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/its-good-to-be-the-king/46448/87 "2000-12-28T04:14:57Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by ssskuggiii \* > \*\*ok sweetie, it’s your choice: > > Would you rather have me as your concubine or as a princess? I think I’d do rather well in both positions, so I’m leaving it up to you to decide. \*\* Please pick one, before I decide to become a shrew who bites off what you hold so dear. 🙂 thanks. ---
**Author:** ![Jester](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/jester/32/8223_2.png) [@Jester](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jester)\ **Post date:** [December 28, 2000, 4:53am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/its-good-to-be-the-king/46448/88 "2000-12-28T04:53:04Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by ssskuggiii \* > \*\* > > > [@](#): > > > > \*Originally posted by ssskuggiii \* > > \*\*ok sweetie, it’s your choice: > > > > Would you rather have me as your concubine or as a princess? I think I’d do rather well in both positions, so I’m leaving it up to you to decide. \*\* > > Please pick one, before I decide to become a shrew who bites off what you hold so dear. 🙂 thanks. \*\* :eek: Well, with that…errrrr…_revelation_ in mind, I choose you to be a princess, as well as **Scotti**. Your major tasks will be lounging around on overstuffed pillows, attracting errant knights, and picking posies in the fields. Now get to work. Them posies ain’t gonna pick themselves. As for who to execute, hmmmmmmmmmmmm…tough choice. Well, since I’m the king, I can have anybody I want to killed, no? But wait, this is MPSIMS, so no personal attacks. Well, in that case, I’ll give you a hint. My first order is for you to execute a certain inarticulate western poster whose name rhymes with **Childest Will**. **Jestor has spoken!** (Damn I’m slick…) ---
**Author:** ![Ogre](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/ecb155/32.png) [@Ogre](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ogre)\ **Post date:** [December 28, 2000, 5:03am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/its-good-to-be-the-king/46448/89 "2000-12-28T05:03:57Z")
Oh hey, JestOR! Can I be the intimidating bodyguard and strong-arm bully-ogre? My qualifications: 1. I’m eighteen feet tall. 2. I can squeeze a rock until it cries. 3. I drank your moat on the way in. I hope you don’t mind. The moat monsters looked a bit put out, though. ---
**Author:** ![Freudian\_Slit](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/5daacb/32.png) [@Freudian\_Slit](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Freudian_Slit)\ **Post date:** [December 28, 2000, 5:19am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/its-good-to-be-the-king/46448/90 "2000-12-28T05:19:53Z")
Oh boy, Jestor. I’m sure he won’t be at all put off that you wanna execute him. He’ll cheerfully go to the serving block, lay his neck on it, and tip the executioner a dubloon. (Do we use dubloons?) Come on, my legs are spread and I am waiting, man. Take off your robe and your crown, and lets get moving! ---
**Author:** ![Ogre](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/ecb155/32.png) [@Ogre](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ogre)\ **Post date:** [December 28, 2000, 5:26am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/its-good-to-be-the-king/46448/91 "2000-12-28T05:26:38Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Zoggie \* > \*\*Oh boy, Jestor. I’m sure he won’t be at all put off that you wanna execute him. He’ll cheerfully go to the serving block, lay his neck on it, and tip the executioner a dubloon. (Do we use dubloons?) > > Come on, my legs are spread and I am waiting, man. Take off your robe and your crown, and lets get moving! \*\* I think I wandered into the wrong thread. Just be careful about the gratuitous PDA, **JestOR**. We wouldn’t want to have you ending up sitting in puke in the back of a police cruiser, now would we? ---
**Author:** ![Guinastasia](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/guinastasia/32/5751_2.png) [@Guinastasia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Guinastasia)\ **Post date:** [December 28, 2000, 9:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/its-good-to-be-the-king/46448/92 "2000-12-28T21:26:05Z")
Hmmm…well, I’m BORED here in my little corner. I want to have some fun! Can’t we have a madrigal, or a banquet? ---
**Author:** ![andyman](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/8491ac/32.png) [@andyman](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/andyman)\ **Post date:** [December 28, 2000, 9:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/its-good-to-be-the-king/46448/93 "2000-12-28T21:36:39Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Zoggie \* > \*\*Oh boy, Jestor. I’m sure he won’t be at all put off that you wanna execute him. He’ll cheerfully go to the serving block, lay his neck on it, and tip the executioner a dubloon. (Do we use dubloons?) > > \*\* I get paid!? Cool! Were is he? Or is he a job for **Gunslinger**? ---
**Author:** ![Jester](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/jester/32/8223_2.png) [@Jester](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jester)\ **Post date:** [December 28, 2000, 9:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/its-good-to-be-the-king/46448/94 "2000-12-28T21:44:54Z")
I believe that he is a job for whoever gets to him first. As long as it gets done. And, I suppose that Guin is right, and things ARE a bit slow in the castle. We _could_ had gone and teased the moat monsters, buy _somebody_ drank all the water, and they are now dead. No hard feelings, though, **Ogre** , I’m sure that you’ll be able to make up for it as my new guard. But, since the aforementioned monster teasing is out, we shall have to have a ball. The grand hall is now open, mead is being served out, banners have been hung, and alla dem purty posies that you ladies picked are on glorious display. That said, let’s kick it, medeiveil style! And for the love of God, **Zoggie** , if you’re that desperate, then I’ll see you in my chamber in 15 minutes. Geez. **Jestor has spoken!** ---
**Author:** ![Freudian\_Slit](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/5daacb/32.png) [@Freudian\_Slit](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Freudian_Slit)\ **Post date:** [December 28, 2000, 9:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/its-good-to-be-the-king/46448/95 "2000-12-28T21:47:54Z")
You’re the one supposed to be desperate, Jestor! But okay. In fifteen then. 🙂 (Like my sig?) ---
**Author:** ![MissBHaven](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/missbhaven/32/7170_2.png) [@MissBHaven](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MissBHaven)\ **Post date:** [December 28, 2000, 10:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/its-good-to-be-the-king/46448/96 "2000-12-28T22:03:02Z")
Zoggie, as the castle Sorceress, I’m mixing up a special love potion for you: You need to start with a warm bath and then bath your body in the erotic oil Ylang Ylang. When you are finished, light some candles and begin to focus all of your sexual energy and frustration and begin to chant the name of king. Drink my lovely brew and then blow out the candles. ---
**Author:** ![Pammipoo](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/87869e/32.png) [@Pammipoo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Pammipoo)\ **Post date:** [December 28, 2000, 10:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/its-good-to-be-the-king/46448/97 "2000-12-28T22:41:55Z")
Ooh, can I be a tavern girl? Give me a lowcut dress, and a boob booster, and I’m all set! Pretty please? ---
**Author:** ![Freudian\_Slit](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/5daacb/32.png) [@Freudian\_Slit](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Freudian_Slit)\ **Post date:** [December 28, 2000, 11:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/its-good-to-be-the-king/46448/98 "2000-12-28T23:55:31Z")
Ohhh!! 🙂 Thank you! That is too too sweet. I will most definitely use it, right away. Jestor will not know what hit him. ---
**Author:** ![racinchikki](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/eada6e/32.png) [@racinchikki](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/racinchikki)\ **Post date:** [December 29, 2000, 12:20am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/its-good-to-be-the-king/46448/99 "2000-12-29T00:20:13Z")
**Tristan** – > [@](#): > > And I’m really interested to know how all this fantasy stuff came into the kingdom. ::hangs head in shame:: That was me. I smuggled it in, inside my coat pocket. With a Razor scooter and a pack of Trojans. Please don’t be mad. ---
**Author:** ![SpinneZiege](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/9e8a1a/32.png) [@SpinneZiege](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SpinneZiege)\ **Post date:** [December 29, 2000, 12:27am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/its-good-to-be-the-king/46448/100 "2000-12-29T00:27:20Z")
No offense about the ball or anything, but did they really know how to party back then. From all of the period films I’ve seen, they just dance these really dull numbers to music that I’d normally fall asleep to. We are putting a little spin on this ball, right? [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/its-good-to-be-the-king/46448.md?page=4) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/its-good-to-be-the-king/46448.md?page=6)