# It's illegal in my state, but ... **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [October 22, 2015, 12:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/its-illegal-in-my-state-but/735449 "2015-10-22T12:46:06Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![Mister\_Rik](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/mister_rik/32/491_2.png) [@Mister\_Rik](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mister_Rik)\ **Post date:** [October 22, 2015, 12:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/its-illegal-in-my-state-but/735449/1 "2015-10-22T12:46:06Z")
… is there really anything morally wrong with me having a crush on my first cousin? ---
**Author:** ![Mister\_Rik](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/mister_rik/32/491_2.png) [@Mister\_Rik](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mister_Rik)\ **Post date:** [October 22, 2015, 12:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/its-illegal-in-my-state-but/735449/2 "2015-10-22T12:47:07Z")
Just for the record, my cousin is an adult. ---
**Author:** ![Slash1972](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/slash1972/32/6461_2.png) [@Slash1972](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Slash1972)\ **Post date:** [October 22, 2015, 12:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/its-illegal-in-my-state-but/735449/3 "2015-10-22T12:48:19Z")
It’s illegal in your state to have a crush on a 1st cousin? ---
**Author:** ![Loach](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/loach/32/350_2.png) [@Loach](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Loach)\ **Post date:** [October 22, 2015, 12:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/its-illegal-in-my-state-but/735449/4 "2015-10-22T12:53:42Z")
Move here it’s legal to marry your cousin. ---
**Author:** ![Mister\_Rik](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/mister_rik/32/491_2.png) [@Mister\_Rik](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mister_Rik)\ **Post date:** [October 22, 2015, 1:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/its-illegal-in-my-state-but/735449/5 "2015-10-22T13:03:27Z")
> [@Slash1972](#): > > It’s illegal in your state to have a crush on a 1st cousin? Well, no, not to have a crush. Just illegal to have sex with her. It doesn’t help that, while she and I are technically of the same generation, she is actually young enough to be my daughter. She is the daughter of my dad’s youngest sister. And my aunt didn’t get married and have children until she was 35. So I was 20 when my aunt got married, and this particular cousin was born a few years later (actually the second of my aunt’s daughters). But she is so, so beautiful. And she’s been married and divorced. ---
**Author:** ![VinylTurnip](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/v/b2d939/32.png) [@VinylTurnip](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/VinylTurnip)\ **Post date:** [October 22, 2015, 1:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/its-illegal-in-my-state-but/735449/6 "2015-10-22T13:55:41Z")
Dude, just fucking stop. ---
**Author:** ![MoonMoon](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/moonmoon/32/2959_2.png) [@MoonMoon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MoonMoon)\ **Post date:** [October 22, 2015, 2:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/its-illegal-in-my-state-but/735449/7 "2015-10-22T14:08:52Z")
> [@Mister\_Rik](#): > > Well, no, not to have a crush. Just illegal to have sex with her. > > It doesn’t help that, while she and I are technically of the same generation, she is actually young enough to be my daughter. She is the daughter of my dad’s youngest sister. And my aunt didn’t get married and have children until she was 35. So I was 20 when my aunt got married, and this particular cousin was born a few years later (actually the second of my aunt’s daughters). > > But she is so, so beautiful. And she’s been married and divorced. I feel like I need a shower after this post. Yuck. ---
**Author:** ![Broomstick](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/broomstick/32/246_2.png) [@Broomstick](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Broomstick)\ **Post date:** [October 22, 2015, 2:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/its-illegal-in-my-state-but/735449/8 "2015-10-22T14:13:59Z")
The 20+ age difference will also tend to skeeve people out, unless you’re both middle-aged or older (45 with 25 makes people skittish. 95 with 75 not so much). Assuming you’re both mature adults (this is a situation where you probably shouldn’t pursue an 18 year old even if she’s technically legal), exploitation is not happening, and no one gets hurt no, I don’t think it’s any more or less morally wrong than any other relationship, but because you’re first cousins and that violates some definitions of “incest” you will get disapproval because of that. If you did get into a serious long-term relationship with her I’d suggest relocating to a place where first-cousin pairings are legal and at least somewhat tolerated. The other downside is that, if the relationship doesn’t last, you’ll still be related to each and likely bumping into each other at family functions for the rest of your lives. Awkward. ---
**Author:** ![WF\_Tomba](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/d9b06d/32.png) [@WF\_Tomba](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/WF_Tomba)\ **Post date:** [October 22, 2015, 2:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/its-illegal-in-my-state-but/735449/9 "2015-10-22T14:16:50Z")
Are you sure it’s illegal to have sex with your first cousin? I know first-cousin marriage is prohibited in some states, but I didn’t think first-cousin intercourse was. Also, there’s nothing wrong with you and it’s perfectly OK to have a crush on your grown-up, beautiful, much-younger-than-you first cousin. ---
**Author:** ![Really\_Not\_All\_That\_Bright](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/e8c25b/32.png) [@Really\_Not\_All\_That\_Bright](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Really_Not_All_That_Bright)\ **Post date:** [October 22, 2015, 2:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/its-illegal-in-my-state-but/735449/10 "2015-10-22T14:35:28Z")
No, it’s just fucking creepy. ---
**Author:** ![Blaster\_Master](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/cab0a1/32.png) [@Blaster\_Master](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Blaster_Master)\ **Post date:** [October 22, 2015, 2:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/its-illegal-in-my-state-but/735449/11 "2015-10-22T14:36:48Z")
Yes. Now, of course, no one can control an immediate visceral reaction, but I also think a crush is more than just “wow, she’s beautiful”. I think it graduates from an admiration of someone’s beauty to a crush when one fantasizes in some fashion about that person and cultivates the physical and/or mental reactions that one has to that person. And it doesn’t have to be that way, but it does take a certain about of discipline, as most moral principles do. And sure, it’s not until fairly recent (last century or two) that society started to really look down on first-cousin relationship, but there’s good reason to that. Perhaps in a more disconnected society, it might be more difficult to find suitable mates, but that just isn’t the case here. There’s the obvious biological reasons, but more importantly, the social issues of creeping your family out are much more important than getting your rocks off. Even if you never say or do anything deliberately to act on it, chances are you’ll look at her, or say or do something accidentally that will creep her out. Oh, and while the age difference isn’t necessarily a deal breaker by itself, though it is still generally ill-advised, that she’s young enough to be your daughter just adds to the creep factor. Seriously, if you’re that much older as a cousin, your relationship is more like that of an uncle, so it just makes you all but literally be the creepy uncle. My advice, stop fostering it, because that stuff you said in post 5 is just creepy as all hell. If you care about your family, make that effort to stop, and if you can’t, seek professional help. Seriously, there’s countless other women you can fixate your sexual energy on, find a celebrity or porn star or whoever and fantasize about her. Your family should be sacred in that sense. ---
**Author:** ![Flyer](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/flyer/32/7298_2.png) [@Flyer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Flyer)\ **Post date:** [October 22, 2015, 2:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/its-illegal-in-my-state-but/735449/12 "2015-10-22T14:37:38Z")
> [@MoonMoon](#): > > I feel like I need a shower after this post. Yuck. > [@Really\_Not\_All\_That\_Bright](#): > > No, it’s just fucking creepy. Even on a place like this, we still have some haters. ---
**Author:** ![Really\_Not\_All\_That\_Bright](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/e8c25b/32.png) [@Really\_Not\_All\_That\_Bright](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Really_Not_All_That_Bright)\ **Post date:** [October 22, 2015, 2:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/its-illegal-in-my-state-but/735449/13 "2015-10-22T14:41:27Z")
I’m not against it in principle. My response was based on post 5. ---
**Author:** ![Slash1972](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/slash1972/32/6461_2.png) [@Slash1972](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Slash1972)\ **Post date:** [October 22, 2015, 2:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/its-illegal-in-my-state-but/735449/14 "2015-10-22T14:57:08Z")
> [@Flyer](#): > > Even on a place like this, we still have some haters. Yeah, I thought this board was more towards the “Consenting adults should be able to do whatever they want with each other without judgment”? If someone responded to a “I saw two gay men kissing at the bus stop” thread with “I feel like I need a shower after this post. Yuck.” or “it’s just fucking creepy.” then they would be called gay-hating bigots or some other such names. ---
**Author:** ![Really\_Not\_All\_That\_Bright](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/e8c25b/32.png) [@Really\_Not\_All\_That\_Bright](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Really_Not_All_That_Bright)\ **Post date:** [October 22, 2015, 2:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/its-illegal-in-my-state-but/735449/15 "2015-10-22T14:58:37Z")
Two consenting adults, sure. What makes you think the cousin is happy being ogled? ---
**Author:** ![MoonMoon](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/moonmoon/32/2959_2.png) [@MoonMoon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MoonMoon)\ **Post date:** [October 22, 2015, 3:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/its-illegal-in-my-state-but/735449/16 "2015-10-22T15:04:44Z")
> [@Slash1972](#): > > Yeah, I thought this board was more towards the “Consenting adults should be able to do whatever they want with each other without judgment”? > > If someone responded to a “I saw two gay men kissing at the bus stop” thread with “I feel like I need a shower after this post. Yuck.” or “it’s just fucking creepy.” then they would be called gay-hating bigots or some other such names. Where do you get the fact that his cousin is consenting, from his post? The post I and others found objectionable was the leering older man talking about a much younger relative like she was a tasty piece of meat. ---
**Author:** ![Slash1972](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/slash1972/32/6461_2.png) [@Slash1972](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Slash1972)\ **Post date:** [October 22, 2015, 3:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/its-illegal-in-my-state-but/735449/17 "2015-10-22T15:06:35Z")
> [@Really\_Not\_All\_That\_Bright](#): > > Two consenting adults, sure. What makes you think the cousin is happy being ogled? I see no mention of “ogling” in the OPs posts. Unless somehow you think calling someone beautiful means ogling. And the OP did say she was an adult. so, yes, two consenting adults. ---
**Author:** ![Slash1972](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/slash1972/32/6461_2.png) [@Slash1972](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Slash1972)\ **Post date:** [October 22, 2015, 3:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/its-illegal-in-my-state-but/735449/18 "2015-10-22T15:08:29Z")
> [@MoonMoon](#): > > Where do you get the fact that his cousin is consenting, from his post? The post I and others found objectionable was the leering older man talking about a much younger relative like she was a tasty piece of meat. Sounds like judging to me. Again, calling someone beautiful is “talking…like she was a tasty piece of meat”? ---
**Author:** ![Muffin](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/muffin/32/4341_2.png) [@Muffin](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Muffin)\ **Post date:** [October 22, 2015, 3:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/its-illegal-in-my-state-but/735449/19 "2015-10-22T15:09:04Z")
Rik, is someone hacking your SDMB account? ---
**Author:** ![Really\_Not\_All\_That\_Bright](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/e8c25b/32.png) [@Really\_Not\_All\_That\_Bright](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Really_Not_All_That_Bright)\ **Post date:** [October 22, 2015, 3:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/its-illegal-in-my-state-but/735449/20 "2015-10-22T15:10:19Z")
> [@Slash1972](#): > > I see no mention of “ogling” in the OPs posts. Unless somehow you think calling someone beautiful means ogling. Fair enough. I may have read too much into “she is so, so beautiful.” Objection withdrawn. Go, young man, and be fruitful, etc. [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/its-illegal-in-my-state-but/735449.md?page=2)