# It's just a piece of fucking wet paper you stupid twat. **URL:** \ **Category:** The BBQ Pit\ **Created:** [December 12, 2003, 5:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/its-just-a-piece-of-fucking-wet-paper-you-stupid-twat/218624 "2003-12-12T17:25:40Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![spogga](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/3ab097/32.png) [@spogga](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/spogga)\ **Post date:** [December 12, 2003, 5:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/its-just-a-piece-of-fucking-wet-paper-you-stupid-twat/218624/1 "2003-12-12T17:25:40Z")
So there I am going about my job delivering mail. It’s pissing down, I’m cold, wet, hungry, thirsty and I’ve been up since 4 in the morning and it’s now getting on for 2 in the afternoon. I am therefore not in a very happy state of mind. I have almost finished my delivery when Agnes Asshole opens her front door and complains that the mail I have just delivered is wet. “I’m sorry ma’am but I’m afraid I’ve tried my best to keep everyones mail as dry as possible but as you can see it’s raining pretty hard and the task I set myself was just not possible” [the merest touch of sarcasm was injected into this little speech] “Well what if it’s raining tomorrow” quoth she “I guess we’ll be stood here having this little chat all over again” was my quick riposte. “Anyway” I said “All you need do is just run an iron lightly over the mail and bingo, good as new” [again the sarcasm, well I was cheesed off at the stupidity of the woman.] “I’m going to have to report this” she said. Stone me when I get back to the office she had done just that, I didn’t believe it. Anyway, Mervyn one of the supervisors had asked for her name and address in order to mark her down for no delivery if it is raining. She hung up. Cheez, some people. ---
**Author:** ![Lyllyan](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/b2d939/32.png) [@Lyllyan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lyllyan)\ **Post date:** [December 12, 2003, 5:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/its-just-a-piece-of-fucking-wet-paper-you-stupid-twat/218624/2 "2003-12-12T17:35:05Z")
Cheese and crackers! Let’s recap…this woman, Ms. Asshole, has her mail delivered directly to her door by a nice young man who walks tireslessly through all kinds of weather to make sure she gets her daily delivery, and she has the audacity to complain because her mail is a little damp! Does she realize that where she lives it (reportedly) rains almost non stop this time of year. Would she like the mail service to hold all of her mail until summer, where there is no chance of her precious mail getting wet? Or, perhaps she would prefer to come down to the Post Office herself, walk inside and pick up her mail? I would be happy to send her a letter, telling her how stupid she is, and You could deliver it! HA, take that, Ms. Asshole!:wally ---
**Author:** ![SJSB](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/848f3c/32.png) [@SJSB](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SJSB)\ **Post date:** [December 12, 2003, 5:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/its-just-a-piece-of-fucking-wet-paper-you-stupid-twat/218624/3 "2003-12-12T17:35:08Z")
Spogga, I love your threads! 😃 ---
**Author:** ![Ferret\_Herder](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/e47774/32.png) [@Ferret\_Herder](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ferret_Herder)\ **Post date:** [December 12, 2003, 5:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/its-just-a-piece-of-fucking-wet-paper-you-stupid-twat/218624/4 "2003-12-12T17:40:57Z")
Hah, my husband hears that all the time. “My mail is wet” while staring at him, obviously soaked to the skin, either from a faulty US Postal Service-issued rainjacket that didn’t keep the rain out, or one that made him sweat buckets underneath it. He takes the mail out in small batches, but the mailbags that they’re issued aren’t water-tight by any means. He just tries his best, and it’s uncommon that anything’s actually unreadable, just moist. I like your supervisor’s solution, though - perhaps I should suggest that. 😉 ---
**Author:** ![matt\_mcl](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/7ab992/32.png) [@matt\_mcl](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/matt_mcl)\ **Post date:** [December 12, 2003, 5:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/its-just-a-piece-of-fucking-wet-paper-you-stupid-twat/218624/5 "2003-12-12T17:44:46Z")
People complain vehemently about anything having to do with the postal service, and I’ve never understood it. I can give someone a piece of paper and two quarters, and they will _take it to the other side of the country_. For the price of a fairly good chocolate bar, they will _take it to Madagascar_ if I want. I find that pretty impressive. ---
**Author:** ![Siege](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/dbc845/32.png) [@Siege](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Siege)\ **Post date:** [December 12, 2003, 5:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/its-just-a-piece-of-fucking-wet-paper-you-stupid-twat/218624/6 "2003-12-12T17:47:52Z")
Her last name wouldn’t happen to have been Bucket, pronounced “Bouquet” would it? If not, how about a relative’s? :rolleyes: CJ ---
**Author:** ![lieu](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/c2a13f/32.png) [@lieu](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/lieu)\ **Post date:** [December 12, 2003, 5:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/its-just-a-piece-of-fucking-wet-paper-you-stupid-twat/218624/7 "2003-12-12T17:54:07Z")
I’d imagine she doesn’t enjoy her “stupid twat” getting too moist either. Watta bitch. ---
**Author:** ![spogga](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/3ab097/32.png) [@spogga](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/spogga)\ **Post date:** [December 12, 2003, 5:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/its-just-a-piece-of-fucking-wet-paper-you-stupid-twat/218624/8 "2003-12-12T17:55:36Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by SJSB \* > \*\*Spogga, I love your threads! 😃 \*\* Thank you SJSB Monetary contributions are accepted. [all denominations] 😃 ---
**Author:** ![spogga](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/3ab097/32.png) [@spogga](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/spogga)\ **Post date:** [December 12, 2003, 6:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/its-just-a-piece-of-fucking-wet-paper-you-stupid-twat/218624/9 "2003-12-12T18:01:18Z")
\*\* Ferret Herder \*\* It would appear that the US Postal Service and Royal Mail order the ::ahem:: raincoats and mailbags from the same company then. You would have thought after all these years they would have come up with something that ACTUALLY kept rain out. ---
**Author:** ![furlibusea](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/aca169/32.png) [@furlibusea](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/furlibusea)\ **Post date:** [December 12, 2003, 6:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/its-just-a-piece-of-fucking-wet-paper-you-stupid-twat/218624/10 "2003-12-12T18:30:59Z")
I once had one lady suggest I put everyone’s mail in individual baggies for just such occasions. I told her to phone my supervisor to put in that recomendation. She did. They were all still laughing when I got back to the station. ( I worked an inner city route with 900 stops and was supposed to be pulling mail from up to four different bundles.) ---
**Author:** ![furlibusea](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/aca169/32.png) [@furlibusea](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/furlibusea)\ **Post date:** [December 12, 2003, 6:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/its-just-a-piece-of-fucking-wet-paper-you-stupid-twat/218624/11 "2003-12-12T18:30:59Z")
I once had one lady suggest I put everyone’s mail in individual baggies for just such occasions. I told her to phone my supervisor to put in that recomendation. She did. They were all still laughing when I got back to the station. ( I worked an inner city route with 900 stops and was supposed to be pulling mail from up to four different bundles.) ---
**Author:** ![spogga](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/3ab097/32.png) [@spogga](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/spogga)\ **Post date:** [December 12, 2003, 6:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/its-just-a-piece-of-fucking-wet-paper-you-stupid-twat/218624/12 "2003-12-12T18:47:37Z")
900 sodding stops?!!! You gotta be shitting me here, nine bloody hundred!!! I have, ahem 203 delivery points but in mitigation have to point out that I have to go to each and every door whereas you American chappies only go to the bottom of the drive and bung the mail in the box waiting there so conveniently for you. Just a minute, I nearly forgot, you collect mail as well from those same boxes don’t you? I don’t have that problem, no sir, our noble van drivers do that crappy task. ---
**Author:** ![BubbaDog](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/bubbadog/32/333_2.png) [@BubbaDog](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BubbaDog)\ **Post date:** [December 12, 2003, 7:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/its-just-a-piece-of-fucking-wet-paper-you-stupid-twat/218624/13 "2003-12-12T19:43:11Z")
I carried as a summer replacement (casual carrier) years ago and had to deliver 200 bars of soap (bulk sample mailing). I had one lady complain that the box was damp when she got it. _ **IT’s FUCKING SOAP!!!** _ It doesn’t work unless its wet! And it was FREE! It was a bulk mailing and I had 10 more bars than address cards so I dropped off another one at her address the next day. She never said a word about it. and **spogga** , most but not all US routes have common boxes. Some still go door to door. Bubba ---
**Author:** ![Ferret\_Herder](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/e47774/32.png) [@Ferret\_Herder](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ferret_Herder)\ **Post date:** [December 12, 2003, 7:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/its-just-a-piece-of-fucking-wet-paper-you-stupid-twat/218624/14 "2003-12-12T19:50:04Z")
My husband has a walking route, as opposed to a “mounted” (driving, stuff the mail in the box at the foot of the drive, drive to next box) route. He drives the vehicle, parks it somewhere, takes out enough mail for that section of the route, and walks a few blocks, including up and down driveways (and often up and down several steps at each house to get to their front door, where there’s a door slot for the mail). As for the manufacturer of the postal gear, is yours made in the US? The US Postal Service takes great pride in buying only the “best” garbage equipment from US manufacturers and factories. If not, perhaps they simply use similar design specifications at the Royal Mail. ---
**Author:** ![troub](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/troub/32/14802_2.png) [@troub](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/troub)\ **Post date:** [December 12, 2003, 8:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/its-just-a-piece-of-fucking-wet-paper-you-stupid-twat/218624/15 "2003-12-12T20:09:44Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Ferret Herder \* > **My husband has a walking route, as opposed to a “mounted” (driving, stuff the mail in the box at the foot of the drive, drive to next box) route. He drives the vehicle, parks it somewhere, takes out enough mail for that section of the route, and walks a few blocks, including up and down driveways (and often up and down several steps at each house to get to their front door, where there’s a door slot for the mail).** That’s exactly how they do it around here, too. Only in really rural places have I seen the mailbox at the end of the driveway a general practice. ---
**Author:** ![DeaganTheWolf](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/49beb7/32.png) [@DeaganTheWolf](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DeaganTheWolf)\ **Post date:** [December 12, 2003, 8:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/its-just-a-piece-of-fucking-wet-paper-you-stupid-twat/218624/16 "2003-12-12T20:16:32Z")
I’m not sure if you have to wear a uniform issue coat; but if all you need is the appropriate insignia on it, may I reccomend an oilskin duster coat? I’ve got one and I stay dry and warm even here in soggy ol’ florida. ---
**Author:** ![zoid](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/zoid/32/336_2.png) [@zoid](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/zoid)\ **Post date:** [December 12, 2003, 9:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/its-just-a-piece-of-fucking-wet-paper-you-stupid-twat/218624/17 "2003-12-12T21:52:26Z")
I love the last part of the OP. I can just picture John Cleese asking for a name and address and casually saying into thre phone… “Right then! Mrs. Sourpuss, 123 AllBitchy way, no deliveries when raining. Good day!” (click) ---
**Author:** ![whiterabbit](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/cab0a1/32.png) [@whiterabbit](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/whiterabbit)\ **Post date:** [December 12, 2003, 10:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/its-just-a-piece-of-fucking-wet-paper-you-stupid-twat/218624/18 "2003-12-12T22:02:08Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Ferret Herder \* > \*\*My husband has a walking route, as opposed to a “mounted” (driving, stuff the mail in the box at the foot of the drive, drive to next box) route. He drives the vehicle, parks it somewhere, takes out enough mail for that section of the route, and walks a few blocks, including up and down driveways (and often up and down several steps at each house to get to their front door, where there’s a door slot for the mail). \*\* Yep, it’s like that for us. I think some of the houses have their boxes down by the street, but ours is by the door. I’ve lived in neighborhoods where they were all on the street, and where there were mass mailboxes at the ends of blocks. (For housing developments, not apartments, I hate that!) I would never get on our mailman’s case for the mail getting damp when it rains; it rains far too much here for that to be avoided. Speaking of which, I need to go check the mail. ---
**Author:** ![Mangetout](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/mangetout/32/19_2.png) [@Mangetout](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mangetout)\ **Post date:** [December 12, 2003, 10:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/its-just-a-piece-of-fucking-wet-paper-you-stupid-twat/218624/19 "2003-12-12T22:07:10Z")
Next time she says “Hey, you got rain on my letters again!”, mutter “It’s not rain, it’s semen” under you breath. Go on, I dare ya! ---
**Author:** ![furlibusea](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/aca169/32.png) [@furlibusea](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/furlibusea)\ **Post date:** [December 12, 2003, 10:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/its-just-a-piece-of-fucking-wet-paper-you-stupid-twat/218624/20 "2003-12-12T22:30:20Z")
\*\* Spogga \*\* said [quote] 900 sodding stops?!!! You gotta be shitting me here, nine bloody hundred!!! [quote] Nope. Some of those were appartment buildings, and some fourplexes and duplexes, and each of those mailboxes does count as single. In terms of individual houses I had to walk up to maybe it was only maybe 500. That was an inner city route, so mostly they didn’t get alot of mail, except for thee two days a week there was a mass mailing, and the twice a month food stamps came out. Those days were kind of misserable. Food stamps were all certified, so they had to have slips filled out and they had to be signed for. I think in our station we had one route that got 130 certified letters for three consecutive days, when it was time for food stamps. Our state finaly went to the credit card like things a couple of years ago. I never did mind the snow, but rain, particularly early spring or late fall rain, was the very worst. Except perhaps the heat in the summer. The only thing worse was staying in when I got hurt. [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/its-just-a-piece-of-fucking-wet-paper-you-stupid-twat/218624.md?page=2)