# It's May! It's May! The merry month of mini-rants! **URL:** \ **Category:** The BBQ Pit\ **Created:** [May 1, 2011, 12:48am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/its-may-its-may-the-merry-month-of-mini-rants/580336 "2011-05-01T00:48:06Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 16
**Author:** ![Sierra\_Indigo](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/f0a364/32.png) [@Sierra\_Indigo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sierra_Indigo)\ **Post date:** [May 17, 2011, 8:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/its-may-its-may-the-merry-month-of-mini-rants/580336/301 "2011-05-17T20:15:56Z")
> [@Ferret\_Herder](#): > > I don’t see why - at least, not in comparison to any other field of medicine. > > Unless you mean the general body horror related to anything affecting eyes, that is. I’ve seen oncologists cringe at the mention of such things, and I used to feel that way until I got into the field. Eyeballs are tougher than you think! I still get wiggy about depictions of eye surgery or cutting, but yeah. Those little bastards are TOUGH. We had to dissect bull eyeballs in biology in high school, and the scalpels weren’t the sharpest… Bull eyes went flying on more than one occasion. ---
**Author:** ![purplehorseshoe](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/purplehorseshoe/32/2996_2.png) [@purplehorseshoe](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/purplehorseshoe)\ **Post date:** [May 17, 2011, 8:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/its-may-its-may-the-merry-month-of-mini-rants/580336/302 "2011-05-17T20:59:32Z")
> [@rachelellogram](#): > > … She regularly has needles inserted into her eyes… All the very best to your mom, but this was a phrase I could have gone the rest of my [del]day[/del] life without ever knowing. ---
**Author:** ![Morgyn](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/morgyn/32/3041_2.png) [@Morgyn](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Morgyn)\ **Post date:** [May 17, 2011, 9:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/its-may-its-may-the-merry-month-of-mini-rants/580336/303 "2011-05-17T21:52:27Z")
> [@jayjay](#): > > Putting it here because I don’t know where the annoying commercials thread disappeared to… > > CREEPY! CREE-PY! That’s what the Pudding Face ads for Jello Pudding are. CREEEEEEEEEPY! I’ve said elsewhere that he reminds me of Smilin’ Bob, the Enzyte guy. \ ---
**Author:** ![Dante](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/dante/32/9673_2.png) [@Dante](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dante)\ **Post date:** [May 18, 2011, 12:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/its-may-its-may-the-merry-month-of-mini-rants/580336/304 "2011-05-18T12:39:22Z")
Actual Facebook status of one of my “friends”: _Hawking is a fraud. There is absolutely no scientific evidence to prove that heaven doesn’t exist._ Sigh… ---
**Author:** ![Morgyn](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/morgyn/32/3041_2.png) [@Morgyn](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Morgyn)\ **Post date:** [May 18, 2011, 2:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/its-may-its-may-the-merry-month-of-mini-rants/580336/305 "2011-05-18T14:55:54Z")
> [@Dante](#): > > Actual Facebook status of one of my “friends”: > > _Hawking is a fraud. There is absolutely no scientific evidence to prove that heaven doesn’t exist._ > > Sigh… You’d think they’d take your word for it. Or are they insisting on hearing from Virgil? ---
**Author:** ![Carol\_the\_Impaler](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/6a8cbe/32.png) [@Carol\_the\_Impaler](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Carol_the_Impaler)\ **Post date:** [May 18, 2011, 5:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/its-may-its-may-the-merry-month-of-mini-rants/580336/306 "2011-05-18T17:10:36Z")
I enrolled and paid quite a pretty penny for a class at my local university. This is an entirely web mediated class. It was supposed to start on Monday. I was supposed to get an email a week before from the professor with instructions on how to access the online system. So I was told by the registrar’s office. And that if I didn’t get one, to call the support desk. No email. Call support. They say to call the prof and make sure they’ve made the class available online. I email the prof. Her assistant emails back, here’s the link to the system, yes we show you enrolled. System says I’m not enrolled. Send an email back to the assistant. Not reponse. Call support again, you’re system says I’m not enrolled, prof says I am, gave me link blah blah. Nope, support bounces me back to the prof again. “We don’t show it’s been made available to students. Call your prof.” Jesus! Email the assistant. Get an out of office, she won’t be back for three weeks! Call the person she lists to contact in her absence. He never calls me back. Christ! Email the prof AGAIN. What the hell? (Put more nicely.) Please help, this class was to start on Monday, what do you need me to do? NOTHING. The online system has a note to profs that they are having a technical problem, if your students are reporting a problem, call the support desk. They’re trying to fix it. I get it. They’re migrating to an updated system. But I would really fucking appreciate it if someone from the prof’s office would maybe send me a syllabus? A required reading/book list? Or at the very least, return my email or my call. Aaaaaaaand, thinking I should check… My enrollment confirmation, the student site, the fucking class list says this class starts May 16th. One flyer found via one link on the department’s page says it starts July 11th! So, obviously, all this bullshit could have been avoided if some system somewhere noted this class starts in the fourth fucking session of the summer quarter. Or if, say, one single person told me this in the fifty-eleven calls and emails I’ve made over the last week. ---
**Author:** ![Cat\_Whisperer](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cat_whisperer/32/4839_2.png) [@Cat\_Whisperer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cat_Whisperer)\ **Post date:** [May 18, 2011, 8:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/its-may-its-may-the-merry-month-of-mini-rants/580336/307 "2011-05-18T20:38:29Z")
Deep, cleansing breaths, **Carol**. In…and hold…out…and hold… ---
**Author:** ![Chimera](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/8e8cbc/32.png) [@Chimera](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Chimera)\ **Post date:** [May 18, 2011, 11:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/its-may-its-may-the-merry-month-of-mini-rants/580336/308 "2011-05-18T23:11:21Z")
Most. Frustrating. Day. Ever. On this job. They keep putting out new versions of the programs we need to use, and installing new crap on our computers, and they can’t handle it. So I spend a significant chunk of my day and of each call waiting for my computer to respond. The corporate monkeys who run the IT department also keep changing the DNS and firewall crap, so that NOW, it takes 4-5 minutes to load some of the web pages we use multiple times per day. FUCK! And then I had FIVE, count them, FIVE, customers too damned stupid to own any piece of technology (seriously, I emailed one of them a link, she opened the email, clicked on the link and did what she needed to do, then when it became necessary to do it again, she wasted five full minutes of my time fucking around claiming not to know how to open the fucking email, or whether I was asking her to forward it, or what she should do) and two more who seemed to think that being obnoxious asses was the way to get things from us for free (the answer is NO). If I still smoked weed, I’d be baked off my ass about now. I sometimes miss those days. ---
**Author:** ![Morgyn](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/morgyn/32/3041_2.png) [@Morgyn](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Morgyn)\ **Post date:** [May 19, 2011, 12:24am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/its-may-its-may-the-merry-month-of-mini-rants/580336/309 "2011-05-19T00:24:19Z")
Why, _why_, \*\*WHY \*\*did I make a double batch of spaghetti sauce? ---
**Author:** ![Chimera](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/8e8cbc/32.png) [@Chimera](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Chimera)\ **Post date:** [May 19, 2011, 12:48am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/its-may-its-may-the-merry-month-of-mini-rants/580336/310 "2011-05-19T00:48:06Z")
So you can freeze some of it and eat it later? ---
**Author:** ![Carol\_the\_Impaler](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/6a8cbe/32.png) [@Carol\_the\_Impaler](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Carol_the_Impaler)\ **Post date:** [May 19, 2011, 12:53am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/its-may-its-may-the-merry-month-of-mini-rants/580336/311 "2011-05-19T00:53:04Z")
> [@Cat\_Whisperer](#): > > Deep, cleansing breaths, **Carol**. In…and hold…out…and hold… But I’m Carol the I_mpaler_!! Want! To! Impale!!! 😃 ---
**Author:** ![Morgyn](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/morgyn/32/3041_2.png) [@Morgyn](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Morgyn)\ **Post date:** [May 19, 2011, 12:54am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/its-may-its-may-the-merry-month-of-mini-rants/580336/312 "2011-05-19T00:54:43Z")
FOUR QUARTS for a single woman not given to entertaining? [harried look] This would require planning ahead. The extent of my planning this time was, “I feel like spaghetti” and taking a pound of ground bison and a pound of ground turkey out of the freezer because I couldn’t decide which meat I’d rather use, and then having to use both because They Were Defrosted and I hadn’t done anything else with one of them because I still couldn’t decide which I’d rather use in sauce. Yeah. Me and planning ahead, not so good. :smack: Plus, I’m now out of chopped garlic. Damnit. ---
**Author:** ![Chimera](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/8e8cbc/32.png) [@Chimera](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Chimera)\ **Post date:** [May 19, 2011, 12:54am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/its-may-its-may-the-merry-month-of-mini-rants/580336/313 "2011-05-19T00:54:54Z")
Impale, inhale. Same difference. 😉 ---
**Author:** ![Moonlitherial](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/4bbf92/32.png) [@Moonlitherial](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Moonlitherial)\ **Post date:** [May 19, 2011, 12:56am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/its-may-its-may-the-merry-month-of-mini-rants/580336/314 "2011-05-19T00:56:06Z")
> [@Carol\_the\_Impaler](#): > > But I’m Carol the I_mpaler_!! Want! To! Impale!!! > > 😃 You need to talk to **MrsWhatsit** Apparently she has identified the secret to reaching through the screen to strangle someone. I’m betting it could be modified to impale. ---
**Author:** ![Cat\_Whisperer](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cat_whisperer/32/4839_2.png) [@Cat\_Whisperer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cat_Whisperer)\ **Post date:** [May 19, 2011, 1:25am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/its-may-its-may-the-merry-month-of-mini-rants/580336/315 "2011-05-19T01:25:30Z")
So, apparently we’re back in “Bumblebees flying into my house for no apparent reason” season again. Seriously, I had about five or six bumblebees in my house last year, and I have another one exploring my sheer drapes as I type. I’ve GOT to put in a proper cat door. ---
**Author:** ![kaylasdad99](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kaylasdad99/32/3398_2.png) [@kaylasdad99](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kaylasdad99)\ **Post date:** [May 19, 2011, 1:40am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/its-may-its-may-the-merry-month-of-mini-rants/580336/316 "2011-05-19T01:40:24Z")
You do NOT want to deal with bumblebees big enough to push through a cat flap, though… ---
**Author:** ![SeaDragonTattoo](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/df705f/32.png) [@SeaDragonTattoo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SeaDragonTattoo)\ **Post date:** [May 19, 2011, 3:41am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/its-may-its-may-the-merry-month-of-mini-rants/580336/317 "2011-05-19T03:41:08Z")
My old apartment got wasps. I’m amazed that neither my cats or I never got stung. Current apartment gets ants. I’ll take the ants. ---
**Author:** ![curlcoat](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/ea5d25/32.png) [@curlcoat](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/curlcoat)\ **Post date:** [May 19, 2011, 3:43am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/its-may-its-may-the-merry-month-of-mini-rants/580336/318 "2011-05-19T03:43:35Z")
> [@Cat\_Whisperer](#): > > So, apparently we’re back in “Bumblebees flying into my house for no apparent reason” season again. Seriously, I had about five or six bumblebees in my house last year, and I have another one exploring my sheer drapes as I type. I’ve GOT to put in a proper cat door. Or teach the cats to chase the bumblebees back outside? ---
**Author:** ![purplehorseshoe](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/purplehorseshoe/32/2996_2.png) [@purplehorseshoe](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/purplehorseshoe)\ **Post date:** [May 19, 2011, 3:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/its-may-its-may-the-merry-month-of-mini-rants/580336/319 "2011-05-19T15:19:22Z")
Mr. Horseshoe’s grandmother died: funeral tomorrow. Much family-stuff. We both sat down last night on the couch, exhausted, and all we wanted to watch was some bubble-gum TV: something frothy and fun and entertaining. "Wanna watch “Glee?” “Sure!” \*\* DVR ensues \*\* So what was the new Glee title? “Funeral.” We were both sobbing heaps by the end of it. It … did not help. Gawd, we woulda been better off starting at HGTV for a while. Or, shit, VH1. ---
**Author:** ![born\_too\_late](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/ba9def/32.png) [@born\_too\_late](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/born_too_late)\ **Post date:** [May 19, 2011, 3:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/its-may-its-may-the-merry-month-of-mini-rants/580336/320 "2011-05-19T15:47:47Z")
Caveman acquaintances: Please learn how to eat. [ul] [li]Chew with your lips closed. Just think - all of your food would make it into your gullet instead of down the front of your shirt or on the floor, and your dining companions or office mates would not wince in disgust having to witness your vile and noisy maw at work.[/li][li]Don’t talk with your mouth full. You might be invited to more social occasions if you stopped coating people with glistening, partially chewed food.[/li][li]It’s not necessary to make extra noise when eating. Partially covered by the first tip, this includes eliminating the sluuuuuuuuurping of your hot beverage and the “_smack_-AAAAAAAHHHHHHHhhhhh” utterance that inevitably follows it. For most people, waiting until the beverage is cool enough to drink (or blowing on it) is the intelligent choice, and exhaling doesn’t require a theatrical production.[/li][/ul] Failing that, go eat somewhere where there’s not a captive audience. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/its-may-its-may-the-merry-month-of-mini-rants/580336.md?page=15) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/its-may-its-may-the-merry-month-of-mini-rants/580336.md?page=17)