# It's My Birthday **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [July 28, 2000, 8:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/its-my-birthday/27259 "2000-07-28T20:33:39Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 14\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![Lissa](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/85f322/32.png) [@Lissa](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lissa)\ **Post date:** [July 28, 2000, 8:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/its-my-birthday/27259/1 "2000-07-28T20:33:39Z")
Actually, it was yesterday . . . But I’m in a bit of a dillema. My mother-in-law sent a rather large check to me in a birthday card. I was, first of all, surprised she remembered my birthday, and then guilt-ridden over the check. I don’t even know when \* her \* birthday is. My mother-in-law is a darling. She’s always been very sweet to me, and I like her very much, as well as respecting her. I’m a bit shy around people I don’t know all that well, and I haven’t really talked to her all that much because of it. Since she lives some distance away, I’ve only met her face-to-face about five times. I’m terrified of doing the wrong thing, saying the wrong thing, or God forbid, offending her in some way. As I’ve said, she’s a very kind woman, but it’s hard for me to get to know people, and because of it I feel intimidated around her, and sort of avoid her because of it. So now I feel terrible, berating myself for being a bad daughter-in-law, especially in light of her generosity. I called her last night after I got the check, and stumbled out a thank-you (being shy renders me completely inarticulate), but, I feel like I should do something more. Hubby suggests asking her out to lunch, but the very idea makes me feel like hiding. I feel bad even keeping the check, but hubby says that if I don’t, she’ll be hurt, and that’s the LAST thing I’d ever want to do. I really wasn’t expecting all of this. What do you guys think? ---
**Author:** ![inoci](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/50afbb/32.png) [@inoci](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/inoci)\ **Post date:** [July 28, 2000, 8:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/its-my-birthday/27259/2 "2000-07-28T20:39:54Z")
first off, happy belated birthday. belated birthdays are the only ones i ever remember… keep the check, you might as well. also, the lunch thing sounds good, but it seems to me like maybe an invitation to dinner would be better. that was you’re on home turf, and you have backup in the form of the mother-in-law’s son. i’d offer more advice, but i already submitted this post. ---
**Author:** ![Mauve\_Dog](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/ad7895/32.png) [@Mauve\_Dog](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mauve_Dog)\ **Post date:** [July 28, 2000, 8:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/its-my-birthday/27259/3 "2000-07-28T20:40:14Z")
Well, first off, Belated Happy Birthday! As to the MiL situation: why not ask her out to lunch / dinner with you and your hubby? That way, your shyness shouldn’t be so much of a problem (for what it’s worth, I am very much the same way. Being around someone I know well helps to ease the tension and desire to hide under the table). She sounds like a sweet person, so I’m sure you don’t have anything to fear. ---
**Author:** ![Welfy](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/e56c9b/32.png) [@Welfy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Welfy)\ **Post date:** [July 28, 2000, 8:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/its-my-birthday/27259/4 "2000-07-28T20:45:44Z")
Happy birthday! _hands her a huge chocolate birthday cake_ ---
**Author:** ![Asmodeus](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/8dc957/32.png) [@Asmodeus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Asmodeus)\ **Post date:** [July 29, 2000, 12:25am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/its-my-birthday/27259/5 "2000-07-29T00:25:36Z")
Your mother-in-law sounds like a great person. She surely understands your feelings. If you feel bad about the check, use the money to buy her something, some flowers perhaps. Happy birthday! May this one be the best one you ever had yet pale in comparison to your next one. ---
**Author:** ![Danielinthewolvesden](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/ce7236/32.png) [@Danielinthewolvesden](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Danielinthewolvesden)\ **Post date:** [July 29, 2000, 12:25am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/its-my-birthday/27259/6 "2000-07-29T00:25:59Z")
happy B-Day. Don’t worry about the guilt thing, just remeber the next occasion with something nice, like flowers. ---
**Author:** ![Geek\_Mecha](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/ecae2f/32.png) [@Geek\_Mecha](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Geek_Mecha)\ **Post date:** [July 29, 2000, 3:57am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/its-my-birthday/27259/7 "2000-07-29T03:57:31Z")
Happy belated birthday! ---
**Author:** ![nashiitashii](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/7c8e57/32.png) [@nashiitashii](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/nashiitashii)\ **Post date:** [July 29, 2000, 4:09am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/its-my-birthday/27259/8 "2000-07-29T04:09:33Z")
Happy belated birthday. I suggest you do something nice for her as a sign of thanks, and also thank her in person for the gift. She obviously cares enough to make you happy, and I think she’d appreciate someone doing the same for her. ---
**Author:** ![Angkins](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/fbc32d/32.png) [@Angkins](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Angkins)\ **Post date:** [July 29, 2000, 4:42am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/its-my-birthday/27259/9 "2000-07-29T04:42:37Z")
Have you found out her birthday yet?? She deserves a _REALLY_ good gift this year!! ---
**Author:** ![DRY](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/a87d85/32.png) [@DRY](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DRY)\ **Post date:** [July 29, 2000, 7:33am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/its-my-birthday/27259/10 "2000-07-29T07:33:55Z")
Happy belated birthday! I agree that you should keep the money, your mother in law will be hurt if you don’t. I further agree that you should make every effort to find out her birthday, and spend some of that money on her. ---
**Author:** ![DVous\_Means](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/9fc29f/32.png) [@DVous\_Means](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DVous_Means)\ **Post date:** [July 29, 2000, 7:50am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/its-my-birthday/27259/11 "2000-07-29T07:50:34Z")
As someone who has a great MIL, I suggest that you get to know her. She obviously regards you fondly, so why not make the effort to get over your shyness. It’s much better that she’s on your side if things ever get tough. Remember, when all else turns to shit, you end up having to rely on your family for moral support. So it’s worth ensuring that you can trust each other implicitly. ---
**Author:** ![ChiefScott](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/58f4c7/32.png) [@ChiefScott](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ChiefScott)\ **Post date:** [July 29, 2000, 7:57am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/its-my-birthday/27259/12 "2000-07-29T07:57:00Z")
::Presenting large pitcher of Margeritas with floating tea candles:: Happy belated birthday, **Lissa**. ---
**Author:** ![Anniz](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/cc9497/32.png) [@Anniz](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Anniz)\ **Post date:** [July 29, 2000, 8:30am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/its-my-birthday/27259/13 "2000-07-29T08:30:07Z")
Gratulerar på födelsedagen = Happy birthday:) I say like some of the outhers, you should keep the check, she will feel hurted outherwise. ---
**Author:** ![Oncle\_Biere\_1](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/8e7dd6/32.png) [@Oncle\_Biere\_1](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Oncle_Biere_1)\ **Post date:** [July 29, 2000, 4:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/its-my-birthday/27259/14 "2000-07-29T16:13:10Z")
**More kegs on the way, Lissa!** You’d think I’d run out, but I own the brewery.