# It's my vacation and I'll cry if I want to **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [November 7, 2005, 5:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/its-my-vacation-and-ill-cry-if-i-want-to/329928 "2005-11-07T17:46:07Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 13\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![TwoOnSunday](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/22d042/32.png) [@TwoOnSunday](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TwoOnSunday)\ **Post date:** [November 8, 2005, 3:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/its-my-vacation-and-ill-cry-if-i-want-to/329928/21 "2005-11-08T15:41:07Z")
The official reply… “I’m not sure how to say this without coming off as a total bitch, but I’d really prefer if Gabriela did not come along on the vacation. If you feel like she _needs_ to come, I guess she still can, but I think I’ll be flying out and staying by myself. We can grab dinner out there together or something. The trip is my opportunity to unwind and hang out with you and Sarah. I don’t see Gabby fitting in to that plan well. If this is about money, we can negotiate that as well, without having her come along. Oh, and next time, prior consultation would be greatly appreciated. Let me know.” I think there’s just enough “bitch” in there. ---
**Author:** ![DogMom](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/e9c0ed/32.png) [@DogMom](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DogMom)\ **Post date:** [November 8, 2005, 6:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/its-my-vacation-and-ill-cry-if-i-want-to/329928/22 "2005-11-08T18:05:16Z")
**kanicbird** , correct me if I’m wrong, but I’m getting the impression that you’re really asking “How can Person A do this without getting _called_ a crybaby by person B?” \ Depends on who you hang out with - if Person B is the kind of person who screws you over by taking the mutually-agreed upon situation (in this case, a vacation), changing it to suit _their_ whim, and then calls you a crybaby when you call them on their bad behavior, then no amount of negotiation, diplomacy, or anything _except giving in completely, putting all your wants, plans, and desires aside_ is going to change that. Short answer to the question I outlined above: Hang out with better friends, that don’t do that sort of thing. Like **Aangelica** said. Longer answer: So what? Who cares if you get called a crybaby? Either accept the fact that Person B is being immature and selfish, trying to make her bad behavior **your** problem and refuse to accept her attempted “guilt trip” on you, or just suck it up, have a crappy time and do everything her way, and go ahead and be a doormat all the time, just to keep from being called a crybaby. Person B does that sort of thing _because it works_ - being the Doormat for Person B continues this behavior; it _never_ stops it. ON preview, good on you, **TwoOnSunday**! Looks like a great way to handle it. ---
**Author:** ![swampbear](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/swampbear/32/467_2.png) [@swampbear](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/swampbear)\ **Post date:** [November 8, 2005, 6:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/its-my-vacation-and-ill-cry-if-i-want-to/329928/23 "2005-11-08T18:11:02Z")
That sounds good to me **TwoOnSunday**. I don’t see any bitchy in it at all. It states your position and gives her an option. That’s what I call a mature response and reasonable request on your part. ---
**Author:** ![ivylass](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/9de053/32.png) [@ivylass](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ivylass)\ **Post date:** [November 8, 2005, 6:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/its-my-vacation-and-ill-cry-if-i-want-to/329928/24 "2005-11-08T18:14:16Z")
> [@kanicbird](#): > > **What crybaby?** > > I agree it shouldn’t be an issue, but it can be very easially turned into this by person B. **TwoOnSunday** has no control over how her friend reacts. That’s her friend’s choice. She can’t go through life being afraid of how other people will take things. No one can. IMHO, **Two** , you were a bit _too_ nice. There’s no need to apologize or waffle, you were wronged and you have every right to be irked. Let us know what she says. ---
**Author:** ![TellMeI\_mNotCrazy](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/tellmei_mnotcrazy/32/3419_2.png) [@TellMeI\_mNotCrazy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TellMeI_mNotCrazy)\ **Post date:** [November 8, 2005, 7:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/its-my-vacation-and-ill-cry-if-i-want-to/329928/25 "2005-11-08T19:58:21Z")
> [@TwoOnSunday](#): > > I’ve always wondered what it would be like to vacation alone… I’ve traveled alone and I love it. I guess I’m something of a solitary person, which helps. I’m the person you’ll see eating alone in a restaurant, going to the movies alone, etc. Doesn’t bother me in the least. Traveling alone, for me, is highly liberating - I can do what I want, when I want, without having to compromise with anyone else. I will admit that there have been times when I’ve wished… gee, would be nice if there were someone here to yak to, but overall, it’s enjoyable for me. YMMV. ---
**Author:** ![TwoOnSunday](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/22d042/32.png) [@TwoOnSunday](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TwoOnSunday)\ **Post date:** [November 8, 2005, 10:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/its-my-vacation-and-ill-cry-if-i-want-to/329928/26 "2005-11-08T22:03:16Z")
It took her all day to formulate this: “I’m sorry. I was just being polite, because I know her job is stressful too. But I’ll tell her not to come. It’s not a big deal, for her not to come. How goes everything else?” Grr. Is she implying that I am being impolite? ---
**Author:** ![Maeglin](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/8baadc/32.png) [@Maeglin](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Maeglin)\ **Post date:** [November 8, 2005, 10:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/its-my-vacation-and-ill-cry-if-i-want-to/329928/27 "2005-11-08T22:28:10Z")
> [@TwoOnSunday](#): > > It took her all day to formulate this: > > “I’m sorry. I was just being polite, because I know her job is stressful too. But I’ll tell her not to come. It’s not a big deal, for her not to come. How goes everything else?” > > Grr. Is she implying that I am being impolite? Polite? I think she misspelled “thoughtless”. ---
**Author:** ![ivylass](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/9de053/32.png) [@ivylass](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ivylass)\ **Post date:** [November 8, 2005, 10:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/its-my-vacation-and-ill-cry-if-i-want-to/329928/28 "2005-11-08T22:52:13Z")
> [@TwoOnSunday](#): > > It took her all day to formulate this: > > “I’m sorry. I was just being polite, because I know her job is stressful too. But I’ll tell her not to come. It’s not a big deal, for her not to come. How goes everything else?” > > Grr. Is she implying that I am being impolite? Polite is offering to file something for a co-worker. Polite is saying thank you when she hands you something. Polite is holding a door open for someone. Asking someone to accompany you and a friend on a trip when you have not consulted friend is _definitely_ not polite. Let it go, don’t stew over it. You said no, she agreed, now go plan your trip. ---
**Author:** ![Ponder\_Stibbons](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ponder_stibbons/32/343_2.png) [@Ponder\_Stibbons](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ponder_Stibbons)\ **Post date:** [November 8, 2005, 11:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/its-my-vacation-and-ill-cry-if-i-want-to/329928/29 "2005-11-08T23:03:47Z")
Hey, since Gabs isn’t going now, can I come? 😉 ---
**Author:** ![Miss\_Violaceous](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/2bfe46/32.png) [@Miss\_Violaceous](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Miss_Violaceous)\ **Post date:** [November 8, 2005, 11:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/its-my-vacation-and-ill-cry-if-i-want-to/329928/30 "2005-11-08T23:14:20Z")
> [@TwoOnSunday](#): > > Grr. Is she implying that I am being impolite? I thought we already established that this chick wouldn’t be polite if it bit her in the ass. Her perception of your level of politeness has no correlation with your actual level of politeness. As others have said, you were quite polite and restrained in your response to her. ---
**Author:** ![Miss\_Violaceous](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/2bfe46/32.png) [@Miss\_Violaceous](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Miss_Violaceous)\ **Post date:** [November 8, 2005, 11:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/its-my-vacation-and-ill-cry-if-i-want-to/329928/31 "2005-11-08T23:15:34Z")
KNOW polite. Yeesh. ---
**Author:** ![Ghanima](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/9e8a1a/32.png) [@Ghanima](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ghanima)\ **Post date:** [November 8, 2005, 11:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/its-my-vacation-and-ill-cry-if-i-want-to/329928/32 "2005-11-08T23:28:09Z")
Actually, I thought the response was very neutral and problem-solving. I didn’t see any implied message in it at all, other than that she had gotten your message. I think it would be best to just drop the subject now that it’s taken care of. Good for you! Enjoy your fabulous vacation! ---
**Author:** ![swampbear](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/swampbear/32/467_2.png) [@swampbear](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/swampbear)\ **Post date:** [November 8, 2005, 11:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/its-my-vacation-and-ill-cry-if-i-want-to/329928/33 "2005-11-08T23:29:24Z")
She may be somewhat clueless **TwoOnSunday** but it looks like you got your point across. Good for you! Now, go enjoy that much deserved vacation. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/its-my-vacation-and-ill-cry-if-i-want-to/329928.md?page=1)