# It's not so much the CATS as it is the FUCKING **URL:** \ **Category:** The BBQ Pit\ **Created:** [May 9, 2001, 3:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/its-not-so-much-the-cats-as-it-is-the-fucking/64879 "2001-05-09T15:35:04Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![tiny\_ham](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/a183cd/32.png) [@tiny\_ham](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/tiny_ham)\ **Post date:** [May 9, 2001, 3:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/its-not-so-much-the-cats-as-it-is-the-fucking/64879/1 "2001-05-09T15:35:04Z")
Seems the cast of “Butt Fuck Sluts Go Nuts” has moved in to the apartment over the Jarbaby household, and they’re putting those floorboards to work. Hey, really I don’t mind. Sleep doesn’t matter much to me. I don’t mind that you can’t seem to separate into two human beings, functioning on several levels in separate rooms of the house, and I don’t mind that it sounds like you’ve got a mighty interesting sex life…because apparently you’re wearing fucking BLACK LEATHER JACK BOOTS around the bedroom and actually throwing each other against the wall between thrusts. Hey kids…to each their own. The problem is…_YOU’RE MAKING ME LOOK BAD_. Mr. Jarbaby is in AWE of the frequency and indeed TIMEFRAME that your intercourse occurs. You get up (ho ho) at 3:00 am and go at it until dawn, you do it in the middle of the afternoon, early sunday morning…whenever. You’re giving me too much to live up to, and I don’t have the schedule, blood iron content or frankly, desire to enter into a fucking circle jerk horserace with you. And to throw some salty, sticky icing on this cake? When you meet my husband in the hallway and introduce yourself, tossing your cute blonde hair over your shoulder and grinning…you’ve got the pussylips to say, “I hope our cats aren’t too loud.” your cats. **your cats** your cats are not too loud. jarbaby [sub]ok, what I mean to say is…I’m jealous[/sub] ---
**Author:** ![Diane](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/2acd7d/32.png) [@Diane](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Diane)\ **Post date:** [May 9, 2001, 3:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/its-not-so-much-the-cats-as-it-is-the-fucking/64879/2 "2001-05-09T15:57:48Z")
If they ever, um. . . . _break-up_, would you please slip Mr. Noisy Cats my phone number? ---
**Author:** ![Mearl\_Dox](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/65b543/32.png) [@Mearl\_Dox](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mearl_Dox)\ **Post date:** [May 9, 2001, 4:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/its-not-so-much-the-cats-as-it-is-the-fucking/64879/3 "2001-05-09T16:00:03Z")
How do you know that it’s not the cats? Cats can lead pretty interesting sex lives, after all. ---
**Author:** ![Airman\_Doors\_USAF](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/e36b37/32.png) [@Airman\_Doors\_USAF](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Airman_Doors_USAF)\ **Post date:** [May 9, 2001, 4:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/its-not-so-much-the-cats-as-it-is-the-fucking/64879/4 "2001-05-09T16:04:40Z")
Hey, when Mr. Jarbaby gets tired, I’ll be MORE than glad to step in and help out. 😉 ---
**Author:** ![MikeG](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/mikeg/32/4329_2.png) [@MikeG](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MikeG)\ **Post date:** [May 9, 2001, 4:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/its-not-so-much-the-cats-as-it-is-the-fucking/64879/5 "2001-05-09T16:07:10Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Diane \* > \*\*If they ever, um. . . . _break-up_, would you please slip Mr. Noisy Cats my phone number? \*\* …and I’ll take lil’ miss cute blonde hair if you don’t mind 😉 ::wishing he had a reason to be awake at 3am:: ---
**Author:** ![tiny\_ham](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/a183cd/32.png) [@tiny\_ham](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/tiny_ham)\ **Post date:** [May 9, 2001, 4:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/its-not-so-much-the-cats-as-it-is-the-fucking/64879/6 "2001-05-09T16:07:27Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Airman Doors, USAF \*Hey, when Mr. Jarbaby gets tired, I’ll be MORE than glad to step in and help out. 😉 ’ Mr. Jarbaby? What about me? My god, I need some rest people…and what about the laundry? And the dishes? And the bills and the dog needs walking? And what about my book, I have to work on my book! And make a new mix tape, and get back to the pool. I have to change the address on my Movieline subscription and make macaroni salad. I have to repot the ferns (if you know what I mean) and clean out the comic book box. Sheesh! I don’t have time to be on my back all day. As much as I’d enjoy it. jarbaby ---
**Author:** ![manhattan](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/manhattan/32/7_2.png) [@manhattan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/manhattan)\ **Post date:** [May 9, 2001, 4:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/its-not-so-much-the-cats-as-it-is-the-fucking/64879/7 "2001-05-09T16:08:08Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by jarbabyj \* > \*\* …you’re wearing fucking BLACK LEATHER JACK BOOTS around the bedroom and actually throwing each other against the wall between thrusts. > \*\* Uh huh. And you know the color of the boots how? Stop peeking, you perv. ---
**Author:** ![tiny\_ham](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/a183cd/32.png) [@tiny\_ham](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/tiny_ham)\ **Post date:** [May 9, 2001, 4:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/its-not-so-much-the-cats-as-it-is-the-fucking/64879/8 "2001-05-09T16:09:33Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by manhattan \* > > > [@](#): > > > > \*Originally posted by jarbabyj \* > > \*\* …you’re wearing fucking BLACK LEATHER JACK BOOTS around the bedroom and actually throwing each other against the wall between thrusts. > > \*\* > > Uh huh. And you know the color of the boots how? > > Stop peeking, you perv. AT LEAST MY VOYEURISM IS QUIET. jarbaby ---
**Author:** ![BoBettie](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/4af34b/32.png) [@BoBettie](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BoBettie)\ **Post date:** [May 9, 2001, 4:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/its-not-so-much-the-cats-as-it-is-the-fucking/64879/9 "2001-05-09T16:15:50Z")
from the song “Laid”, by James (great song) This bed is on fire With passionate love The neighbours complain about the noises above But she only comes when she’s on top My therapist said not to see you no more She said you’re like a disease without any cure She said I’m so obsessed that I’m becoming a bore, oh no Ah, you think you’re so pretty Caught your hand inside the till Slammed your fingers in the door Fought with kitchen knives and skewers Dressed me up in womens clothes Messed around with gender roles Dye my eyes and call me pretty Complete lyrics here: [http://james.wattyco.com/cgi-james/songfiner.pl](http://james.wattyco.com/cgi-james/songfiner.pl) Don’t worry- eventually they’ll slow down. Be glad for them! They sound like they’re having a blast 🙂 Zette ---
**Author:** ![Airman\_Doors\_USAF](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/e36b37/32.png) [@Airman\_Doors\_USAF](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Airman_Doors_USAF)\ **Post date:** [May 9, 2001, 4:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/its-not-so-much-the-cats-as-it-is-the-fucking/64879/10 "2001-05-09T16:23:23Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by jarbabyj \* > \*\* > > > [@](#): > > > > \*Originally posted by Airman Doors, USAF \*Hey, when Mr. Jarbaby gets tired, I’ll be MORE than glad to step in and help out. 😉 > > ’ > > Mr. Jarbaby? What about me? My god, I need some rest people…and what about the laundry? And the dishes? And the bills and the dog needs walking? And what about my book, I have to work on my book! And make a new mix tape, and get back to the pool. I have to change the address on my Movieline subscription and make macaroni salad. I have to repot the ferns (if you know what I mean) and clean out the comic book box. > > Sheesh! I don’t have time to be on my back all day. > > As much as I’d enjoy it. > > jarbaby \*\* If you’re really good, I’ll even help you write your book. Besides, you don’t need no stinkin’ rest. You’d probably wear me out. 😉 ---
**Author:** ![Munch](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/munch/32/5281_2.png) [@Munch](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Munch)\ **Post date:** [May 9, 2001, 4:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/its-not-so-much-the-cats-as-it-is-the-fucking/64879/11 "2001-05-09T16:26:23Z")
> [@](#): > > Mr. Jarbaby? What about me? My god, I need some rest people…and what about the laundry? And the dishes? And the bills and the dog needs walking? And what about my book, I have to work on my book! And make a new mix tape, and get back to the pool. I have to change the address on my Movieline subscription and make macaroni salad. I have to repot the ferns (if you know what I mean) and clean out the comic book box. I’m sorry, but I read this paragraph in the voice of The Simpson’s Professor Frink, glavins, shlim-shlams and all. :crickets: ---
**Author:** ![thinksnow](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/thinksnow/32/2849_2.png) [@thinksnow](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/thinksnow)\ **Post date:** [May 9, 2001, 5:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/its-not-so-much-the-cats-as-it-is-the-fucking/64879/12 "2001-05-09T17:07:06Z")
**Munch** , you dick, that was too damn funny! **Jarbaby** , they’ve been there how long and are how old? Don’t you remember the first few months of a relationship, or in a new place, where you’ve got to have sex in every room, against every wall and counter, just to check the structure? Coming home for a nooner then later, while trying to make dinner, throwing aside the table-top and going at it until prime-time and ordering pizza? Waking up in the middle of the night, not to get water or go pee, but because you _had to have them_? Having sex on the balcony because it was there? I remember those days from my youth (24-25). Fondly. I hope for a glipse of that again. You should consider yourself lucky that you can be reminded of the raw passion, the _ **need** _, young lovers have. (Not that either of y’all are either old or lacking passion, but you know what I mean.) Hell, ask if your cats can meet their cats. 😃 ---
**Author:** ![Diane](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/2acd7d/32.png) [@Diane](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Diane)\ **Post date:** [May 9, 2001, 5:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/its-not-so-much-the-cats-as-it-is-the-fucking/64879/13 "2001-05-09T17:35:01Z")
> [@](#): > > I remember those days from my youth (24-25). Speak for yourself, Snookums! I’m 39 years old and have yet to outgrow the need AND ABILITY for wall-bouncin’, all-night, back-scratchin’, monkey sex! Pshhhhaaaaaaw . . . . Could probably even teach the young’uns a thing or three. ---
**Author:** ![Airman\_Doors\_USAF](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/e36b37/32.png) [@Airman\_Doors\_USAF](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Airman_Doors_USAF)\ **Post date:** [May 9, 2001, 5:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/its-not-so-much-the-cats-as-it-is-the-fucking/64879/14 "2001-05-09T17:40:09Z")
Hey **Diane** , If that’s the case, then consider class in session! 😉 [sub]I’m just a horny little bastard today! :D[/sub] ---
**Author:** ![tiny\_ham](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/a183cd/32.png) [@tiny\_ham](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/tiny_ham)\ **Post date:** [May 9, 2001, 5:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/its-not-so-much-the-cats-as-it-is-the-fucking/64879/15 "2001-05-09T17:43:58Z")
thinksnow, do I remember that? I’m livin it! I’m 28! Let’s make it clear…I dig fucking the most, cats! I’ve already said that I’m jealous. I just don’t know where these people are finding the time. Don’t they have jobs and pets and responsibility and the like? I mean, last night for instance, I had to: shave my legs, watch Kerry Wood pitch, do six loads of laundry, clean up the kitchen, set up the new printer AND keep up with the Penguins game. WHEN WAS I SUPPOSED TO HAVE SEX? jarbaby ---
**Author:** ![manhattan](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/manhattan/32/7_2.png) [@manhattan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/manhattan)\ **Post date:** [May 9, 2001, 5:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/its-not-so-much-the-cats-as-it-is-the-fucking/64879/16 "2001-05-09T17:58:25Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by jarbabyj \* > \*\* I mean, last night for instance, I had to: shave my legs, watch Kerry Wood pitch, do six loads of laundry, clean up the kitchen, set up the new printer AND keep up with the Penguins game. > > WHEN WAS I SUPPOSED TO HAVE SEX? > > jarbaby \*\* During the spin cycle. On top of the washer. Hope that helps. ---
**Author:** ![Diane](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/2acd7d/32.png) [@Diane](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Diane)\ **Post date:** [May 9, 2001, 5:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/its-not-so-much-the-cats-as-it-is-the-fucking/64879/17 "2001-05-09T17:58:25Z")
Little?!?!? :eek: I can see what our first lesson will be. Jarbaby - With all that “laundry”, “shaving”, “pitching Woods”, and “Penguins” :::wink wink::: you couldn’t have figured something out? Sheesh! Kids these days! ---
**Author:** ![Airman\_Doors\_USAF](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/e36b37/32.png) [@Airman\_Doors\_USAF](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Airman_Doors_USAF)\ **Post date:** [May 9, 2001, 6:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/its-not-so-much-the-cats-as-it-is-the-fucking/64879/18 "2001-05-09T18:20:31Z")
Well, OK, I’m not so little, at least not in some areas, if you know what I mean. 😉 ---
**Author:** ![thinksnow](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/thinksnow/32/2849_2.png) [@thinksnow](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/thinksnow)\ **Post date:** [May 9, 2001, 7:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/its-not-so-much-the-cats-as-it-is-the-fucking/64879/19 "2001-05-09T19:34:08Z")
I was referring to a particular time in my life (when I was engaged and we were basically living together.) I was not saying that it is not still the case on occassion. As it happens, I move so often that I’ve not really been able to have the sort of relationship I had lo’ those years ago, but when I do, Katie bar the door, I…well, you can read what happens in my earlier post. Christ, I _was_ a Marine, a rugby player and a long-distance runner, I know I can manage a few hours a few times a day. The question is, can you? \ \ As for you, **jarbaby** , and your “WHEN WAS I SUPPOSED TO HAVE SEX?” Try this: [ul][li]have hubby _shave your legs_[_]Watch Kerry Wood pitch on your stomach, hubby behind you.[_]Have hubby carry you around, then lean against the machine while you\* do six loads of laundry\*.[_]Get naked, suds up the floor and counters and clean up the kitchen so to speak.[_]Take a break to _set up the new printer_,[_]then turn the tv toward the stairs so you can ride hubby and_keep up with the Penguins game. \*[/ul][/li] Problem solved. You’re welcome. ---
**Author:** ![Cat\_Whisperer](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cat_whisperer/32/4839_2.png) [@Cat\_Whisperer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cat_Whisperer)\ **Post date:** [May 9, 2001, 8:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/its-not-so-much-the-cats-as-it-is-the-fucking/64879/20 "2001-05-09T20:12:46Z")
::scribbling notes furiously - “turn tv, ride hubby, suds up kitchen…”:: [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/its-not-so-much-the-cats-as-it-is-the-fucking/64879.md?page=2)