It's not your wedding, so shut the hell up.

[Elza_B]

@SisterCoyote

Red is an eye-catching color, and therefore (if, say, worn as a guest) “detracts” from the bride’s big day. If all your Jrs were in red, though, that would lower the distraction level (although, technically from a pagan standpoint, they should have been in white… ;)). In certain pagan traditions, and certain Asian ones, however, the bride wears red. In the case of the Asian traditions - I’m speaking specifically of the Chinese here - it’s because white is the color not of purity but of death…not exactly something you want to be evoking at the altar! I’m not sure where the White/Red/Black pagan thing comes from…Ireland, Brigid, I think…but in that tradition Red is the color of the “Mother” aspect of Maiden, Mother, Crone.

Anyway. Babbling.

I love this kind of babbling - feel free:). I do understand the pagan thing to a point - I remember reading that. And I definitely remember the Asian traditions (I’m an Asian culture junkie). I’d never even considered either of those.

I’m not sure what the significance of the bride wearing red is - I do remember the Pagan custom of the bridesmaids dressing in white to draw evil spirits away from the bride, but I’ve never heard the ‘bride wears red’ thing. That’s interesting - now you’ve got me curious. I guess I’ll do a bunch of research and see what I can find:).

And it only lowered the distraction level because they all sat down when they got up to the front. Otherwise, they were pretty darn cute little junior bridesmaids;). Of course, the fact that they’re my neices doesn’t have anything to do with that, no way, no how. Uh-uh!

E.

[Wile_E]

If you and the other bridesmaids take her aside and tell her to shut up, then you had better warn the bride and tell her that if bridesmaidzilla comes whining to her afterward that she needs to back you up. Otherwise, b’m’zilla will just go whining to the bride, bride folds and you’re back at square one with her likely being even worse because she knows she can get away with that shit.

[Cat_Whisperer]

Yup, this is a job for maid of honour if the bride isn’t going to put her foot down. And I agree with Wile E - tell (not ask) the bride in advance that MOH is going to have a chat with C for the good of the whole bridal party, so there aren’t any picture-ruining fistfights among the girls on the day of the wedding. This is the MOH’s job - looking after and out for her friend, the bride.

[Ashes_Ashes]

I confess, I was an evil maid of honor. When my sister was married she chose a fall color scheme-- burgundy, emerald green, rust, that sort of thing. Everybody got to choose their color and style of dress, heck Sis probably wouldn’t have cared if we’d decided on culottes. So a month before the wedding my sister asks if I’ve found anything, but I haven’t even looked. I didn’t look for another two weeks and my sister was sure I’d have nothing to wear. Finally, after my sister’s hair was mostly pulled out in frustration, I decided I’d never find anything and needed to have a dress made. I picked out a dress style with a fitted jacket top and flowy chiffon skirt in burgundy. When I went in for the first fitting later that week (I know, they were fast) they said they couldn’t get the chiffon in burgundy (ah, so they weren’t fast). I ended up having to get it in navy blue, not the most fall-like color. I looked like a businesswoman on top and some sort of military fairy on the bottom.

So really, karma bit me on the butt in record time.

The description of uneven bridesmaids and groomsmen reminds me of my cousin’s wedding, only in reverse. My cousin in law is tall 5’10" and she’s not even the tallest in her family. She has a huge family and decided on a huge, but tasteful, wedding with something like ten bridesmaids and 10 groomsmen. Most of her bridesmaids were family, and there’s a strong family resemblance. My cousin chose his groomsmen from among his friends, who are a rather diverse bunch with only their (rather short) height in common. So it looked like 10 very tall copies of the bride on one side and on the other side 10 groomsmen, apparently standing in a shallow trench, who couldn’t have looked more different from each other if they’d planned it. It was such an obvious difference that her uncle, the priest who married them, worked it into the service. It was a nice start to a really fun wedding.

[mza662]

it takes a special breed of person to run a wedding without a hitch my sister got married a few months ago and had everything planned down to the hair style her bridesmaids would be wearing, she was meticulous and knew how she wanted every last detail. i would have liked to have seen the aftermath of someone trying to argue with her about something but in the end it all went perfectly, but not everyone has the ability to do that kind of thing, myself included. maybe ill hire her as my wedding planner

[irishgirl]

I think the pagan White, Red, Black thing makes perfect sense.
White for the purity of the Maiden.
Red for the blood (periods and childbirth etc) of the Mother.
Black for the Crone (death and mourning and stuff).

There’s a phrase “the red luck” in Irish, meaning one is very, very lucky. I have heard explanations that it’s because you’ve got your period and you’re very, very lucky not to be pregnant!

[Rilchiam]

@Only Mostly Dead

I’ve already sworn to pull Queen Bitch aside at some point and remind her this is not her wedding, and that indeed not only do I seriously hate her selfish whiny shit (which has probably leaked its way into her fat head over the past four years anyway), but so does Only Mostly Missus (who more or less tells her so on a daily basis in fiendishly subtle ways that Queen Bitch’s crayola-sharp wit cannot even begin to grasp).

Bolding mine.

There may be long-standing issues between Queen and Missus that no one takes seriously, because, hey, she’s a kid/teenager, and they’re all like that. If she’s still in high school and Missus is of marrying age, Queen may have a lifetime of never being taken seriously and having everything always be about Missus. Missus may have a long-established pattern of putting Queen down in “fiendishly subtle ways” that she does indeed grasp, but that she can’t respond to directly.

Just a theory; YMMV.

[Only_Mostly_Dead]

@Rilchiam

Bolding mine.

There may be long-standing issues between Queen and Missus that no one takes seriously, because, hey, she’s a kid/teenager, and they’re all like that. If she’s still in high school and Missus is of marrying age, Queen may have a lifetime of never being taken seriously and having everything always be about Missus. Missus may have a long-established pattern of putting Queen down in “fiendishly subtle ways” that she does indeed grasp, but that she can’t respond to directly.

Just a theory; YMMV.

If only.

To bold in return, this has been the exact opposite case since I have known the family, and Queen Bitch, as “the baby” will likely always get her way. Only Mostly Missus is usually only too happy to have virtually nothing be about her. Except, of course, her own wedding day.

And note that you cut your bolding off prematurely. I did not say that I or Only Mostly Missus hate the sister. We hate her self-important, foot-stomping, moody, huffing-under-her-breath-at-everything primadonna whining. When she has rare moments of clarity that maybe the universe doesn’t revolve around her (usually in public situations where she is out of her “I know I can control these people” element), she’s a fine enough girl.

But I hold that none of this, whether you or I interpret the family correctly, gives the sister the least bit of reason to vocalize one objection on my fiancee’s wedding, and give her one iota more stress.

[Rilchiam]

Well, okay then. No offense meant.

[Only_Mostly_Dead]

@Rilchiam

Well, okay then. No offense meant.

Ditto.

Rereading my original post, I do see where there is an unintended hint of “Only Mostly Missus can often get her way” when I said the parents wouldn’t fight too much if Queenie was kicked out of the party. There’d be posturing, threats, and many many other words, but ultimately, sticking to her guns long enough, Only Mostly Missus would win only because unflagging reiteration that it’s not Queenie’s wedding, and she’s trying to make it about her desires, would eventually prevail.

It’s just so much harder to talk bricks and back-alleys when the bridesmaidzilla is family…

[swampbear]

MENTAL NOTE:

Always avoid being in alleys or “outback” with Draelin and Anaamika. :eek:

[irishgirl]

Heights are tricky, aren’t they! I’m 5ft even, my baby sister is 5’1’’, my other sister is 5’3’’. I’m wearing 3 1/2 inch heels, the girls got kitten heels, so we’ll all be between 5’2’’ and 5’4" on the day.

Irishfella and his best men are between 5’10 and 6ft…irishfella is 5’11’’, the best man who is signing the register is 6ft, and he’ll be walking back up the aisle with my MOH, the taller sister, and the shortest will be with my baby sister, who will also be the shortest on the day, so it should look alright.

Believe me, it took an enormous amount of effort to find me white size 34 (that’s a UK 1, a US 2) heels. The only shoes I was offered in bridal shops were designed for flowergirls and first communions and I was not getting married in anything designed with the under seven age group in mind!

[Draelin]

@swampbear

MENTAL NOTE:

Always avoid being in alleys or “outback” with Draelin and Anaamika. :eek:

As long as you’re wearing the right shoes, there’s no need to worry, swampy.

[taxi78cab]

Every time I read one of these threads, the idea of eloping just seems better and better.

[Canadiangirl]

I got married, at 37, for the first time, five years ago. I called my best friend, said I’m getting married…wear something nice (she has waaay better taste than I do), bought my dress at the Big Sisters Thrift for $20.00, in the box even, made homemade gifts for each couple attending, keeping in mind the wedding was mostly for my mom, half of 28 people were seniors, rest friends…had in a local hall, bought wine at local winery, had music, you could dance if you wanted to or you could just sit and yack.

Every single time we meet up with friends who were at wedding, all they talk about was how much fun they had (and, unfortunately, how much fun the bride had, translation: wwwaaaay too much wine but a good time nonetheless!.) My good friend sat next to my uncle who wsn’t supposed to drink (he’s 82 and is missing large parts of his intestines, etc…what the hell difference is it going to make?). Unfortunately my good friend didn’t know that and kept him well supplied with wine all night. Apparently he had a blast!

Rented a limo to take us to local park (it was really only becuase none of us had ever been in a limo before)…and that was it.

In contrast, one of hubby’s relatives had a greek wedding, 350 people, remembers absolutely none of it because there was just too friggin much to do…I personally remember the food, but not one single person. She was an absolute mess two weeks bfore the wedding, usual bridesmaid issues, etc.

I’ll take the small, tasteful party, thanks.

[Ike_Witt]

I’m really hoping that ‘C’ asks Draelin to be in her wedding. That should make for a few interesting stories.

[Draelin]

Okay, I informed the bride this morning that if there is even one more comment about shoes, I will be setting C straight, and she’s gotta back me up. She agreed, so we’re all set with that. (I can’t, however, help with her future-mother-in-law woes, but I can at least express sympathy.)

@Canadiangirl

I’ll take the small, tasteful party, thanks.

I’ve been to a lot of weddings in the last year, mostly family, and each time, my mother asks me what I’d like for my own wedding. (Sadly, however, we have both realized that it’s changed from when to if.) My parents will be happy to throw me the big fancy party (because my Wedding Nazi sister-in-law didn’t let Mom touch her wedding), but I have a lot of friends who would feel uncomfortable in such a setting. I don’t know what I want yet, other than I want the big foofy dress. I’d be happy with a kegger in the backyard–but then I’d be overdressed.

My bridesmaids, however, will be wearing whatever I damn well tell them to wear.

[TwoOnSunday]

Someone up top mentioned karma…

In a different thread, I posted about how I was forced to buy 2 dresses for the same wedding because the bride’s momzilla didn’t like the color or mismatched style choice her daughter made. I now have an ugly old lady dress in a plain color to wear to the actual wedding because the bride wouldn’t stand up to her mom. I was pretty irritated about it until I heard that the hotel she was having her wedding and reception in was bought out and is being torn down. With six months to go till the wedding, she has NO PLACE to have it.

Sure, it’s evil to be sort of happy about it, but I HATE THAT DAMN DRESS!

and her future husband too.

[Man_With_a_Cat]

I waited til I had time to reply here because I knew it’s take a while.

I met the future bus wife on a cruise. (everyone say awww…) It was her third cruise with her friend, who I’ll just refer to as **The Whore ** for simplicity’s sake. FBW was pretty wild in the “let’s get drunk and dance” sense, but not in the “let’s get drunk and screw” sense. Whereas her BFF, **The Whore ** took time to fall in love and screw her way through each cruise. THAT is a longer story than you all have time for and not relevant, so we skip on…

Trouble with **The Whore ** started as soon as it was obvious that FBW and I were hitting it off. Her role was to be the friend standing by for **The Whore’s ** emotional breakdowns and such, and here she was with her own man??? The gall. So, right off, there was attitude.

FBW lived in the city (Chicago), in fact, only blocks from my grandfather as it turned out, and I in a suburb about 20 minutes out. So, romance was possible, and likely even after the cruise ended.

Landing at the dock in Miami, I suggested to FBW that instead of going back to HER place, she come in the limo my friend’s and I had to my house, meet my folks and I’d run her home later. Yeah, it was that serious that fast. Hey, when it’s right, it’s right, right?

OOOH, but that pissed off **The Whore ** who was counting on FBW to come home with her, hold her hand and console her that the ship’s magician she left behind would truly love her forever as she would him. Tough beans you Whore.

The next several months were repeated variations on the same theme. “you’re never available to listen to my Whorish stories and be my closest buddy because you had to go fall in love and think of yourself before me, how could you…”

Fast forward through the engagement process, which I fucked up by not consulting with **The Whore ** when selecting a ring. Silly ass me, didn’t know it was her job.

Then, we failed to consult her about invitations, where to hold the thing, I mean holy shit we were so rude not letting her make all these decisions for us.

FBW sat with the bridesmaids and basically said, hey so long as it’s Cub Blue (I failed to screen for appropriate baseball fan-ness, her only shortcoming…), I care less what you wear, keep in mind it’ll be outdoors, and likely pretty hot, so maybe keep them short-ish. (I’ll screw this up, is it called tea-length?) Despite all the other bridesmaids at some point contemplating an alley trip for The Whore, they eventually decided on a style. Us fellas were going to be stylish in white, with that stupid blue trim.

Comes the big weekend, and my best man, who hailed from Minnesota was apparently supposed to be the chauffer to Whores, because I was chastised for not having him pick her up at 6 am to scoot her Whorish ass around while she got dressed and decorated.

So, finally there’s a ceremony. Indeed outside, and it’s 99 in the shade, had there been any shade. Reception immediately followed at the forest preserve. My guys, once all the official stuff was done, were given OK to lose the 20 lbs of polyester tux, and they all changed into some reasonable shorts, shirts. The women, who intentionally selected something they could wear in the heat, did not.

Except The Whore. Mere minutes after the ceremony, she was dressed in a fire engine red tube top and skin tight matching shorts, and Do Me Pumps.

I found out years later that at some point she rubbed cake on her thighs and had some of my guys lick it off. Eww.

Once it got to sundown, and evacuating the forest preserve time, and we still had 2 full kegs of Heineken left, my folks made the call to adjourn to their place. Most everyone did, but The Whore, who made no secert of the fact that she was not about to waste any more of her time today at this wedding.

For the sake of keeping this reasonably short ::too late goofball:: I’ll skip past the lawsuit when we didn’t pay her back some money we borrowed from her fast enough to suit her, and the late night phone calls from her brother threatening me, and the yapping about how “it’ll never last between them” (we’ll celebrate 20 this Labor day, while she sits very bitterly divorced).

Not a lot of people that I would revel in their misfortune, but that’s one.

About ten years ago, bus wife had a reunion at the roller rink she used to hang at. I dropped her and went to hang with a friend, arranging to meet later. She called from the bar they were all at, and told me to come RIGHT NOW, because The Whore was there.

In her heyday, **The Whore ** was never ‘pretty", but she was thin, had a decent enough body, knew how to show it off and cleaned up ok. The one I saw that night had added 25 pounds to her 5’0’, had baggy eyes, and generally looked like crap. While bus wife was prettier than the first day I met her.

I waited til I knew **The Whore ** was looking, and gave the wife the biggest hug and kiss I could.

“Never last” my ass.

[irishgirl]

TwoOnSunday-can I ask why you agreed to be in a wedding party when you don’t like the groom?

It just strikes me as a little “off” to agree to be a bridesmaid when you don’t like one of the people getting married.

mr bus guy-you’re awesome, and I’m glad it lasted!