# Its now time for girls to cover the dating expenses
**URL:** https://boards.straightdope.com/t/its-now-time-for-girls-to-cover-the-dating-expenses/552448
**Category:** In My Humble Opinion
**Created:** [September 2, 2010, 11:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/its-now-time-for-girls-to-cover-the-dating-expenses/552448 "2010-09-02T23:50:11Z")
**Posts on this page:** 20
**Page:** 1
### Author:  [@The\_Flying\_Dutchman](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/The_Flying_Dutchman)
#### Post date: [September 2, 2010, 11:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/its-now-time-for-girls-to-cover-the-dating-expenses/552448/1 "2010-09-02T23:50:11Z")
I’m not talking sharing either.
Or, we need soom affirmative action for the boys.
From [Time/CNN](http://www.time.com/time/business/article/0,8599,2015274,00.html)
> [@](#):
>
> But now there’s evidence that the ship may finally be turning around: according to a new analysis of 2,000 communities by a market research company, in 147 out of 150 of the biggest cities in the U.S., the median full-time salaries of young women are 8% higher than those of the guys in their peer group. In two cities, Atlanta and Memphis, those women are making about 20% more. This squares with earlier research from Queens College, New York, that had suggested that this was happening in major metropolises. But the new study suggests that the gap is bigger than previously thought, with young women in New York City, Los Angeles and San Diego making 17%, 12% and 15% more than their male peers, respectively. And it also holds true even in reasonably small areas like the Raleigh-Durham region and Charlotte in North Carolina (both 14% more), and Jacksonville, Fla. (6%).
We are talking single women without kids. You know the ones that get free drinks and dinners and jewellry and doors held open for them.
> [@](#):
>
> He attributes the earnings reversal overwhelmingly to one factor: education. For every two guys who graduate from college or get a higher degree, three women do. This is almost the exact opposite of the graduation ratio that existed when the baby boomers entered college.
This is simply quite scary and I’m not sure why, but it just can’t be a good thing.
I’m in my 60s, can you tell ?
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### Author:  [@TriPolar](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TriPolar)
#### Post date: [September 2, 2010, 11:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/its-now-time-for-girls-to-cover-the-dating-expenses/552448/2 "2010-09-02T23:52:56Z")
Women won’t feel obligated to have sex with a guy that they bought a meal for. This is a terrible idea.
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### Author:  [@AClockworkMelon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/AClockworkMelon)
#### Post date: [September 2, 2010, 11:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/its-now-time-for-girls-to-cover-the-dating-expenses/552448/3 "2010-09-02T23:56:48Z")
When I buy dinner for a woman I don’t do so because I want to create an obligation to sleep with me on her part. I do it because society mandates it. Most of the females I date make more than I do. Viva La Revolución!
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### Author:  [@Otara](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Otara)
#### Post date: [September 3, 2010, 12:23am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/its-now-time-for-girls-to-cover-the-dating-expenses/552448/4 "2010-09-03T00:23:19Z")
From the article:
“Here’s the slightly deflating caveat: this reverse gender gap, as it’s known, applies only to unmarried, childless women under 30 who live in cities. The rest of working women — even those of the same age, but who are married or don’t live in a major metropolitan area — are still on the less scenic side of the wage divide.”
Buying dinner is about showing you want to be a provider. Ie its not only about right now, its about the future with having kids when their own wages are going to drop dramatically.
Otara
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### Author:  [@Freudian\_Slit](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Freudian_Slit)
#### Post date: [September 3, 2010, 12:26am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/its-now-time-for-girls-to-cover-the-dating-expenses/552448/5 "2010-09-03T00:26:13Z")
Was it scary when men were outearning women? If not, why is this different? You’re afraid of empowered women?
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### Author:  [@TriPolar](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TriPolar)
#### Post date: [September 3, 2010, 12:29am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/its-now-time-for-girls-to-cover-the-dating-expenses/552448/6 "2010-09-03T00:29:09Z")
> [@Freudian\_Slit](#):
>
> Was it scary when men were outearning women? If not, why is this different? You’re afraid of empowered women?
I assume you are referring to the OP. I just think if you shell out for a lobster, she ought to put out later. Not based on any principle, it’s just better for me that way.
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### Author:  [@sleeping](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/sleeping)
#### Post date: [September 3, 2010, 12:44am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/its-now-time-for-girls-to-cover-the-dating-expenses/552448/7 "2010-09-03T00:44:09Z")
> [@AClockworkMelon](#):
>
> When I buy dinner for a woman I don’t do so because I want to create an obligation to sleep with me on her part. I do it because society mandates it. Most of the females I date make more than I do. Viva La Revolución!
> [@Otara](#):
>
> Buying dinner is about showing you want to be a provider. Ie its not only about right now, its about the future with having kids when their own wages are going to drop dramatically.
>
> Otara
Except, if you accept the tenets of feminism, one _should not_ be expected to pay for dinner simply because one is male and the counterpart is female; nor should the male necessarily be the primary provider.
I personally will always offer to pay for dinner, whether the other person is a potential romantic interest or just platonic friend–and especially if that person would have difficulty affording it because of their financial situation. However, if I’m having dinner with a woman I know will be able to afford paying for it–and she doesn’t–I probably won’t be going out with her again. It simply reflects poorly on her character.
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### Author:  [@Simplicio](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Simplicio)
#### Post date: [September 3, 2010, 12:51am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/its-now-time-for-girls-to-cover-the-dating-expenses/552448/8 "2010-09-03T00:51:28Z")
> [@sleeping](#):
>
> I personally will always offer to pay for dinner, whether the other person is a potential romantic interest or just platonic friend–and especially if that person would have difficulty affording it because of their financial situation. However, if I’m having dinner with a woman I know will be able to afford paying for it–and she doesn’t–I probably won’t be going out with her again. It simply reflects poorly on her character.
So wait, you always offer to pay for dinner, but if you think the person can afford paying for it on their own but they accept your offer anyways, you think it reflects poorly on them? Isn’t that like pretending to be generous to set up some really weird trap for people you go out with? Seems kinda perverse.
I usually accept whenever someone offers to pay for something and then just make an effort to pay for both of us for the next meal or movie or whatever. Partially just because it seems kinda impolite to turn down someones offer to pay, and partially because I always hate the weird “I’ll pay for it…no I want to pay…no I got it” conversation that enuses when both parties try and get the check.
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### Author:  [@Otara](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Otara)
#### Post date: [September 3, 2010, 1:02am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/its-now-time-for-girls-to-cover-the-dating-expenses/552448/9 "2010-09-03T01:02:25Z")
“Except, if you accept the tenets of feminism, one should not be expected to pay for dinner simply because one is male and the counterpart is female; nor should the male necessarily be the primary provider.”
I think feminism might be a bit less monolithic than you’re claiming.
Unfortunately men by and large still are, or you wouldnt be seeing that huge difference in incomes once children turn up. If women thought going dutch would fix that issue Im sure you’d see them do it in a heartbeat, but it wont.
Otara
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### Author:  [@AClockworkMelon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/AClockworkMelon)
#### Post date: [September 3, 2010, 1:03am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/its-now-time-for-girls-to-cover-the-dating-expenses/552448/10 "2010-09-03T01:03:20Z")
> [@sleeping](#):
>
> > [@AClockworkMelon](#):
> >
> > When I buy dinner for a woman I don’t do so because I want to create an obligation to sleep with me on her part. I do it because society mandates it. Most of the females I date make more than I do. Viva La Revolución!
>
> Except, if you accept the tenets of feminism, one _should not_ be expected to pay for dinner simply because one is male and the counterpart is female; nor should the male necessarily be the primary provider.
What do you mean by “except”? I agree entirely with what you said. I wish everyone went Dutch on dates.
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### Author:  [@Snowboarder\_Bo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Snowboarder_Bo)
#### Post date: [September 3, 2010, 1:07am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/its-now-time-for-girls-to-cover-the-dating-expenses/552448/11 "2010-09-03T01:07:58Z")
If I asked her out, I’m gonna pay.
Once we’re in an established relationship, and it’s clear she also wants to spend time with me, I appreciate if she tries to split costs, i.e. I buy dinner, she buys lunch; I pay for the movie, she gets the popcorn; that kind of thing.
A woman who isn’t willing to spend some of her money to cover the expenses we incur during our time together is a gold digger.
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### Author:  [@Starving\_Artist](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Starving_Artist)
#### Post date: [September 3, 2010, 1:18am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/its-now-time-for-girls-to-cover-the-dating-expenses/552448/12 "2010-09-03T01:18:54Z")
My experience has been that feminism prevails when it benefits the woman (pay rates, job opportunites, etc.), and that ‘sexist’ practices (paying for meals, opening doors, etc.) prevail when it benefits the woman.
It’s kind of like that toilet seat thing.
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### Author:  [@tomndebb](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/tomndebb)
#### Post date: [September 3, 2010, 1:24am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/its-now-time-for-girls-to-cover-the-dating-expenses/552448/13 "2010-09-03T01:24:57Z")
This is not really turning into a debate.
Off to IMHO.
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### Author:  [@tomndebb](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/tomndebb)
#### Post date: [September 3, 2010, 1:29am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/its-now-time-for-girls-to-cover-the-dating-expenses/552448/14 "2010-09-03T01:29:37Z")
> [@Starving\_Artist](#):
>
> My experience has been that feminism prevails when it benefits the woman (pay rates, job opportunites, etc.), and that ‘sexist’ practices (paying for meals, opening doors, etc.) prevail when it benefits the woman.
>
> It’s kind of like that toilet seat thing.
My experience is quite different. When I had dated women making more than I did, they tended to pick up the tab if they were the ones who sought the date and let me pick up the tab if I asked.
I never really encountered a woman who was feminist when that was in her favor and anti-feminist when that was in her favor. (Maybe you just wore a sign saying “Exploit me”? 😛 )
As to toilet seats: the LID needs to stay down so that the dog doesn’t drink from the bowl and nothing on a shelf above it (or a clumsy cat) can fall in.
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### Author:  [@Kobal2](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kobal2)
#### Post date: [September 3, 2010, 1:35am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/its-now-time-for-girls-to-cover-the-dating-expenses/552448/15 "2010-09-03T01:35:25Z")
> [@Otara](#):
>
> Buying dinner is about showing you want to be a provider.
It is ?! Well damn, I don’t want to provide for nobody, nobody told me nothing about providing ! I just wanted to be nice ! Do I gots to provide when I buy the guys another round, too ?!
Seriously, though, I think the modern dating scene goes along the lines drawn by \*\*Simplicio \*\*& \*\*Bo \*\*: boy pays on the first date out of tradition, then girl pays the next, and so forth. That or a tacit agreement to go Dutch from then on. Least that’s how it goes for me as well.
I guess you’re just out of touch, OP :). As an aside, I kind of doubt men ever bought single women drinks out of some feminist (or patriarchal) social onus :p.
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### Author:  [@Fried\_Dough\_Ho](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Fried_Dough_Ho)
#### Post date: [September 3, 2010, 1:38am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/its-now-time-for-girls-to-cover-the-dating-expenses/552448/16 "2010-09-03T01:38:09Z")
I am 46 years old and have had exactly six dates in two years. Only once was the meal purchased by the guy. In one case (a symphony concert), _I_ paid for the evening and the guy didn’t even bother to buy a drink.
At least in the town I live in (San Francisco) going dutch is the norm.
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### Author:  [@DianaG](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DianaG)
#### Post date: [September 3, 2010, 1:43am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/its-now-time-for-girls-to-cover-the-dating-expenses/552448/17 "2010-09-03T01:43:01Z")
Huh. And here I’ve just been going by “whoever does the asking does the paying”. If I ask a man out, I’m certainly not expecting him to pay. If a man asks me out, I’m prepared to pay, but I really shouldn’t have to, since it was his invitation and all.
I don’t especially care for going dutch. We’re all grownup professional people here, either of us should be able to afford an entire date. No reason for more than one of us to look at the check.
In an actual relationship, of course expenses are shared, equally if that’s feasible, proportionate to income if equally is NOT feasible. Every couple works that out for themselves, which is as it should be.
> [@Starving Artist](#):
>
> My experience has been that feminism prevails when it benefits the woman (pay rates, job opportunites, etc.), and that ‘sexist’ practices (paying for meals, opening doors, etc.) prevail when it benefits the woman.
And your experience is, as ever, utterly alien to those of us who have gone out into the world and moved amongst the people since 1958 or so.
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### Author:  [@Starving\_Artist](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Starving_Artist)
#### Post date: [September 3, 2010, 1:46am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/its-now-time-for-girls-to-cover-the-dating-expenses/552448/18 "2010-09-03T01:46:26Z")
> [@tomndebb](#):
>
> I never really encountered a woman who was feminist when that was in her favor and anti-feminist when that was in her favor. (Maybe you just wore a sign saying “Exploit me”? 😛 )
_“Yeah, yeah, yeah,
I wanna spread the news,
that if it feels this good gettin’ used,
you just keep on usin’ me
until you use me up.”_ 😉
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### Author:  [@Der\_Trihs](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Der_Trihs)
#### Post date: [September 3, 2010, 1:48am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/its-now-time-for-girls-to-cover-the-dating-expenses/552448/19 "2010-09-03T01:48:32Z")
> [@tomndebb](#):
>
> I never really encountered a woman who was feminist when that was in her favor and anti-feminist when that was in her favor. (Maybe you just wore a sign saying “Exploit me”? 😛 )
Maybe you were just lucky? Common sense to me says that given human nature there must be quite a few women like that out there.
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### Author:  [@Jenaroph](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jenaroph)
#### Post date: [September 3, 2010, 1:49am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/its-now-time-for-girls-to-cover-the-dating-expenses/552448/20 "2010-09-03T01:49:58Z")
> [@Starving\_Artist](#):
>
> My experience has been that feminism prevails when it benefits the woman (pay rates, job opportunites, etc.), and that ‘sexist’ practices (paying for meals, **opening doors** , etc.) prevail when it benefits the woman.
>
> It’s kind of like that toilet seat thing.
Your experience could be considered incomplete then; somewhere around here is a rather indignant thread from the last year or two containing a large number of posts from women who do not want doors opened for them.
And I could give less than a damn about the toilet seat, personally. It takes, what, 1.5 seconds to put it down? If I owned a dog who considered it a convenient drinking fountain I might care.
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