# "It's okay, Your Honor... **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [November 23, 2006, 1:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/its-okay-your-honor/381540 "2006-11-23T13:34:55Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 13\ **Page:** 4
**Author:** ![DrDeth](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/b487fb/32.png) [@DrDeth](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DrDeth)\ **Post date:** [November 28, 2006, 9:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/its-okay-your-honor/381540/61 "2006-11-28T21:18:51Z")
A man was caught having sex with his goat. Jethro (we’ll call him) called his buddy who clerked for SCOTUS, and begged for a couple of good lawyer recommendations. His buddy had two suggestions- one was a killer during cross examination and final argument and wanted $50K, the other was the best in the world at jury selection, but only cost $25K. Jethro choose the cheaper lawyer. The DA brought the Sheriff, Deputies and a coupel next-door neighbors up, whose testimony was damning. Jethro’s $25K lawyer hardly cross-examined at all. Jethro figured he was royally fucked. The final argument were being said, and the DA thundered out: \*"…and to top this off, this man has his goat lick him clean after sex!" \* Jethro put his hands on his face and prepared for a long prison term, until he heard one juror mutter to another “Ya know, a _good_ goat’ll do thet for ya.” 😃 Dopers- if your apple pie tastes like pussy, I suggest you use a different type of canned apple filling. \*Don’t \* use the funny little oblong flat cans that come with keys, and pictures of men in So’westers on them. 😃 Or, wash your hands _much_ more carefully. ---
**Author:** ![gigi](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/a587f6/32.png) [@gigi](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/gigi)\ **Post date:** [November 28, 2006, 9:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/its-okay-your-honor/381540/62 "2006-11-28T21:48:11Z")
[QUOTE=lieu] I liked it better back when “Who’s fucked a deer?” was a rhetorical question. [/QUOTE] Or “Which deer do I need to fuck to get some service around here?” ---
**Author:** ![Mighty\_Girl](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/7bcc69/32.png) [@Mighty\_Girl](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mighty_Girl)\ **Post date:** [November 28, 2006, 10:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/its-okay-your-honor/381540/63 "2006-11-28T22:40:54Z")
[QUOTE=SandyHook] Just a cotton-pickin’ minute. I think we’re all assuming it was a female deer. [/QUOTE] Having \*\*gay \*\*sex with a dead animal? now, \*that \*is just sick! ---
**Author:** ![Cartooniverse](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cartooniverse/32/3084_2.png) [@Cartooniverse](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cartooniverse)\ **Post date:** [December 1, 2006, 2:39am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/its-okay-your-honor/381540/64 "2006-12-01T02:39:44Z")
[QUOTE=gigi] But what if there’s a tick up the deer’s hoo-hah, or the boy deer’s ho-hum, like on House, and it transfers itself? [/QUOTE] Is “ho-hummmmm” the sound a necrobeastialitist makes when having anal sex with a deceased buck? Ignorance fought, indeed !! 😃 **DrDeth** , is that a sardine can key in your pocket, or… ? ---
**Author:** ![Tuckerfan](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/eada6e/32.png) [@Tuckerfan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tuckerfan)\ **Post date:** [March 24, 2007, 8:18am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/its-okay-your-honor/381540/65 "2007-03-24T08:18:28Z")
This just in! [He’s been given **prob** ation!](http://www.allinfoaboutcrime.com/index.php?page=the_deer_john_032307) > [@](#): > > In Wisconsin, 20-year-old Bryan James Hathaway has pleaded guilty (misdemeanor mistreatment of an animal) to having sex with a dead deer. He was given 9 months probation (to run concurrently with time he’ll be in prison anyway on an unrelated conviction), and will undergo treatment at Minnesota’s Institute for Psychological and Sexual Health. He will also be evaluated to determine whether he should be registered as a sexual offender. Gee, ya think he _might_ be a sex offender? What tipped you off? ---
**Author:** ![twickster](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/ec9cab/32.png) [@twickster](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/twickster)\ **Post date:** [March 25, 2007, 1:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/its-okay-your-honor/381540/66 "2007-03-25T13:51:35Z")
Gotta admit I’d like to know what the “unrelated conviction” might involve. Well, no, on scond thought… ---
**Author:** ![danceswithcats](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/9e8a1a/32.png) [@danceswithcats](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/danceswithcats)\ **Post date:** [March 25, 2007, 5:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/its-okay-your-honor/381540/67 "2007-03-25T17:31:12Z")
[QUOTE=twickster] Gotta admit I’d like to know what the “unrelated conviction” might involve. Well, no, on scond thought… [/QUOTE] Felony disruption of hunting trips, and possession of a camouflage pegnior set without a permit. 😉 ---
**Author:** ![Bosda\_Di\_Chi\_of\_Tricor](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/bosda_di_chi_of_tricor/32/16845_2.png) [@Bosda\_Di\_Chi\_of\_Tricor](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bosda_Di_Chi_of_Tricor)\ **Post date:** [March 25, 2007, 7:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/its-okay-your-honor/381540/68 "2007-03-25T19:52:49Z")
[QUOTE=BrainGlutton] Rabbit season! [/QUOTE] [del]Fuck[/del] Duck Season! ---
**Author:** ![Cartooniverse](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cartooniverse/32/3084_2.png) [@Cartooniverse](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cartooniverse)\ **Post date:** [April 3, 2007, 3:09am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/its-okay-your-honor/381540/69 "2007-04-03T03:09:33Z")
[QUOTE=Tuckerfan] This just in! [He’s been given **prob** ation!](http://www.allinfoaboutcrime.com/index.php?page=the_deer_john_032307)Gee, ya think he _might_ be a sex offender? What tipped you off? [/QUOTE] Does that mean that he cannot go within 200 yards of other deer? ---
**Author:** ![Full\_Metal\_Lotus](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/df705f/32.png) [@Full\_Metal\_Lotus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Full_Metal_Lotus)\ **Post date:** [April 3, 2007, 3:28am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/its-okay-your-honor/381540/70 "2007-04-03T03:28:32Z")
If the dead buck was strapped to the fender of a vehicle, would that be BSDM Necrohomobeasiality? Just thinkin… FML ---
**Author:** ![Malacandra](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/45deac/32.png) [@Malacandra](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Malacandra)\ **Post date:** [April 3, 2007, 1:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/its-okay-your-honor/381540/71 "2007-04-03T13:03:07Z")
[QUOTE=SandyHook] Just a cotton-pickin’ minute. I think we’re all assuming it was a female deer. [/QUOTE] D’oh! ---
**Author:** ![Der\_Trihs](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/der_trihs/32/233_2.png) [@Der\_Trihs](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Der_Trihs)\ **Post date:** [April 3, 2007, 1:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/its-okay-your-honor/381540/72 "2007-04-03T13:23:00Z")
[QUOTE=Mindfield] “Doc, I got this terrible aching in my loins. I think that deer gave me something. Can deer get syphilis?” [/QUOTE] [Yes.](http://www.zwire.com/site/news.cfm?newsid=17169158&BRD=1815&PAG=461&dept_id=577521&rfi=6) > [@](#): > > One last word of advice when using scents and lures. Deer urine is just like any urine - it can contain communicable diseases just like humans, including gonorrhea and **syphilis** , to name a few. So don’t get it on you, especially if you have an open cut or abrasion. I’ve also heard of bears having syphilis. [QUOTE=pulykamell] At the risk of asking something stupid, if some guy wants to have sex with a dead deer or frozen chicken, why should I/we care? [/QUOTE] Well, that is potentially a way to discover new and exciting diseases the hard way. I do recall reading a story about a fellow who got in major trouble with his wife when she dragged him to the doctor to find out what made him sick, and it turned out he got it from screwing the sheep. On a more serious note, one theory for the origin of AIDS is that somebody in Africa decided to screw a HIV infected green monkey. ---
**Author:** ![Northern\_Piper](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/northern_piper/32/5304_2.png) [@Northern\_Piper](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Northern_Piper)\ **Post date:** [April 3, 2007, 2:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/its-okay-your-honor/381540/73 "2007-04-03T14:31:00Z")
[QUOTE=Tuckerfan] This just in! [He’s been given **prob** ation!](http://www.allinfoaboutcrime.com/index.php?page=the_deer_john_032307) [/QUOTE] So he got off, eh? [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/its-okay-your-honor/381540.md?page=3)