# It's our lifestyle! (Man walks woman on leash in mall) **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [May 27, 2015, 7:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/its-our-lifestyle-man-walks-woman-on-leash-in-mall/720979 "2015-05-27T19:59:02Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![GrumpyBunny](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/bc8723/32.png) [@GrumpyBunny](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/GrumpyBunny)\ **Post date:** [May 27, 2015, 7:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/its-our-lifestyle-man-walks-woman-on-leash-in-mall/720979/1 "2015-05-27T19:59:02Z")
The title says it all, really. [Some guy was seen walking his fiancee’ on a leash in the mall, and the world disapproves.](http://happyplace.someecards.com/weird-sex-stuff/a-man-was-seen-walking-a-woman-through-a-busy-mall-on-a-leash-heres-their-side-of-the-story/) So of course they came forward to tell their side of the story, and it boils down to, “It’s our lifestyle and it makes us happy.” > [@](#): > > He is 30-year-old Nathan Riely. She is 21, and prefers to be known as “Xena, Nathan’s puppy.” Despite all appearances, they claim that their relationship feels totally normal to them. Riely told the Daily News: > > - “The leash and collar are symbols of our bond to one another. The collar is like a ring for most couples. They use rings, we have a collar.”\* > > They both have a long-standing interest in BDSM culture, and bonded over it after meeting online. They were each looking for a partner in a “Puppy Play” relationship, in which the dominant person takes on the role of a master, and the submissive one acts like a dog. He even moved to New York to live this way with her. They claim that this arrangement does not extend to their sex life and they’re not looking for attention, it’s just what makes them happy. “This is the lifestyle I chose to do,” Xena told the Daily News Well, for starters, if you’re not looking for attention, you don’t walk another human being on a leash through a mall. Thoughts? ---
**Author:** ![Octarine](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/22d042/32.png) [@Octarine](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Octarine)\ **Post date:** [May 27, 2015, 8:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/its-our-lifestyle-man-walks-woman-on-leash-in-mall/720979/2 "2015-05-27T20:04:33Z")
Eh, live and let live. As long as what they’re doing doesn’t hurt anyone, I don’t get why everyone’s upset. Not saying I’d be friends with them, but these kinds of moral judgments tend to get really complicated really quickly. ---
**Author:** ![ZipperJJ](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/zipperjj/32/211_2.png) [@ZipperJJ](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ZipperJJ)\ **Post date:** [May 27, 2015, 8:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/its-our-lifestyle-man-walks-woman-on-leash-in-mall/720979/3 "2015-05-27T20:11:00Z")
I don’t think they’re looking for attention. They’re just taking their fetish to the next level for them, in a perfectly legal way. It was fun and sexy for him to boss her around in private but doing it where others can see? Woah mama! Same for people who have sex where they might get caught even though they could do it at home, or base jump in the middle of a city even though they could do it on a cliff. The public-ness of it adds to the thrill. ---
**Author:** ![Chronos](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/chronos/32/134_2.png) [@Chronos](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Chronos)\ **Post date:** [May 27, 2015, 8:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/its-our-lifestyle-man-walks-woman-on-leash-in-mall/720979/4 "2015-05-27T20:15:39Z")
When we see something like this, society should make certain that the “puppy” is in this of her own free will. But having once assured that… \. It’s a weird world out there. ---
**Author:** ![Czarcasm](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/czarcasm/32/4050_2.png) [@Czarcasm](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Czarcasm)\ **Post date:** [May 27, 2015, 8:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/its-our-lifestyle-man-walks-woman-on-leash-in-mall/720979/5 "2015-05-27T20:15:41Z")
What if it leads to more intimate displays of affection, like holding hands, hugging or kissing? ---
**Author:** ![QuickSilver](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/quicksilver/32/7832_2.png) [@QuickSilver](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/QuickSilver)\ **Post date:** [May 27, 2015, 8:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/its-our-lifestyle-man-walks-woman-on-leash-in-mall/720979/6 "2015-05-27T20:15:50Z")
This is exactly the kind of thing the religious right warned us all about when we went ahead and decided to okay gay marriage. Or something… ---
**Author:** ![dracoi](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/90db22/32.png) [@dracoi](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/dracoi)\ **Post date:** [May 27, 2015, 8:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/its-our-lifestyle-man-walks-woman-on-leash-in-mall/720979/7 "2015-05-27T20:27:58Z")
For me, this fits squarely within the category of “Things you really shouldn’t do, but you have a right to anyway.” ---
**Author:** ![Jophiel](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/jophiel/32/66_2.png) [@Jophiel](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jophiel)\ **Post date:** [May 27, 2015, 8:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/its-our-lifestyle-man-walks-woman-on-leash-in-mall/720979/8 "2015-05-27T20:28:29Z")
I thought this was a post-_50 Shades of Grey_ world where everyone went to the hardware store for their duct tape, baling wire and jumper cable sex toy needs. People see your leash and suddenly the world needs a fainting couch. ---
**Author:** ![Rick](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/9f8e36/32.png) [@Rick](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Rick)\ **Post date:** [May 27, 2015, 8:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/its-our-lifestyle-man-walks-woman-on-leash-in-mall/720979/9 "2015-05-27T20:39:22Z")
That is some collar! ---
**Author:** ![zoid](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/zoid/32/336_2.png) [@zoid](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/zoid)\ **Post date:** [May 27, 2015, 8:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/its-our-lifestyle-man-walks-woman-on-leash-in-mall/720979/10 "2015-05-27T20:49:50Z")
> [@Czarcasm](#): > > What if it leads to more intimate displays of affection, like holding hands, hugging or kissing? Surely at some point light petting is involved ---
**Author:** ![Atomic\_Alex](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/atomic_alex/32/175_2.png) [@Atomic\_Alex](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Atomic_Alex)\ **Post date:** [May 27, 2015, 8:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/its-our-lifestyle-man-walks-woman-on-leash-in-mall/720979/11 "2015-05-27T20:50:46Z")
> [@ZipperJJ](#): > > I don’t think they’re looking for attention. They’re just taking their fetish to the next level for them, in a perfectly legal way. It was fun and sexy for him to boss her around in private but doing it where others can see? Woah mama! > > Same for people who have sex where they might get caught even though they could do it at home, or base jump in the middle of a city even though they could do it on a cliff. The public-ness of it adds to the thrill. I realise we may be cutting with a very fine knife here but isn’t that pretty much the definition of ‘looking for attention’? Doing something outrageous where other people can see you so they can be outraged about it? Methinks they doth protest too much. Personally I’m somewhat uncomfortable with the whole dom/sub thing anyway but I’m not entirely sure I could articulate why. ---
**Author:** ![Macca26](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/13edae/32.png) [@Macca26](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Macca26)\ **Post date:** [May 27, 2015, 9:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/its-our-lifestyle-man-walks-woman-on-leash-in-mall/720979/12 "2015-05-27T21:08:53Z")
Why can’t the reason be, “I’m tired of having to hide what I like doing. Let’s just do it, and to hell with society.”? I’d bet they would still do it even if their walks outside resulted in zero comments or notice. It’s not about making other people outraged so much I’d say. For that sort of thing just the knowledge that it is in the public sphere is all that’s needed. Granted there are some attention seekers which don’t fit the above but there’s no reason to assume that these people are like that. I guess there’s no reason to assume that they’re _not_ attention-seekers either, but personally I’d rather just let them do whatever legal stuff they want without labeling them negatively unless I personally met them. ---
**Author:** ![Atomic\_Alex](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/atomic_alex/32/175_2.png) [@Atomic\_Alex](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Atomic_Alex)\ **Post date:** [May 27, 2015, 9:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/its-our-lifestyle-man-walks-woman-on-leash-in-mall/720979/13 "2015-05-27T21:23:40Z")
> [@Macca26](#): > > I’d bet they would still do it even if their walks outside resulted in zero comments or notice. So why do it in a mall then? If you’re doing something out of the social mainstream in a very public place then that suggests strongly to me that your doing it precisely because you want the attention, and its disenguous to act surprised when you then get that attention. “I’m just going to pop down to the mall honey, do you have the leash and collar?” This obviously isn’t something you just do casually, it takes a little preperation. ---
**Author:** ![Czarcasm](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/czarcasm/32/4050_2.png) [@Czarcasm](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Czarcasm)\ **Post date:** [May 27, 2015, 9:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/its-our-lifestyle-man-walks-woman-on-leash-in-mall/720979/14 "2015-05-27T21:47:25Z")
> [@Disposable Hero](#): > > So why do it in a mall then? If you’re doing something out of the social mainstream in a very public place then that suggests strongly to me that your doing it precisely because you want the attention, and its disenguous to act surprised when you then get that attention. > > “I’m just going to pop down to the mall honey, do you have the leash and collar?” > > This obviously isn’t something you just do casually, it takes a little preperation. A lot less preparation than it takes to to get into a lot of the clothes men and women wear to impress each other in public. ---
**Author:** ![Atomic\_Alex](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/atomic_alex/32/175_2.png) [@Atomic\_Alex](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Atomic_Alex)\ **Post date:** [May 27, 2015, 10:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/its-our-lifestyle-man-walks-woman-on-leash-in-mall/720979/15 "2015-05-27T22:09:35Z")
> [@Czarcasm](#): > > A lot less preparation than it takes to to get into a lot of the clothes men and women wear to impress each other in public. True, it may be more accurate to say that its something they were very specifically aware of what they were doing and the likely reaction they would get and that it took a little effort to set it up. Am I outraged at what they did? Not really, though I do find it distinctly odd. But for them to pretend its just normal behaviour and not attention-seeking, I think not. But I’ve already spent too much time considering their antics, so this will be my last post in this thread. ---
**Author:** ![gallows\_fodder](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/8c91f0/32.png) [@gallows\_fodder](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/gallows_fodder)\ **Post date:** [May 27, 2015, 10:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/its-our-lifestyle-man-walks-woman-on-leash-in-mall/720979/16 "2015-05-27T22:09:55Z")
I think it’s kind of gross for them to involve unwitting strangers in their sex life. ---
**Author:** ![joyfool](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/df788c/32.png) [@joyfool](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/joyfool)\ **Post date:** [May 27, 2015, 10:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/its-our-lifestyle-man-walks-woman-on-leash-in-mall/720979/17 "2015-05-27T22:10:25Z")
> [@zoid](#): > > Surely at some point light petting is involved I’m sure he throws her a bone. ---
**Author:** ![Wesley\_Clark](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/wesley_clark/32/20581_2.png) [@Wesley\_Clark](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Wesley_Clark)\ **Post date:** [May 27, 2015, 10:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/its-our-lifestyle-man-walks-woman-on-leash-in-mall/720979/18 "2015-05-27T22:16:00Z")
They both look way older than 21 and 30. I’m going to go out on a limb and assume drugs and alcohol are involved in their lives. This seems like attention seeking behavior. We all have fetishes, but we don’t advertise them at the mall. Well I don’t. Anymore. ---
**Author:** ![Aquadementia](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/aquadementia/32/555_2.png) [@Aquadementia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Aquadementia)\ **Post date:** [May 27, 2015, 10:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/its-our-lifestyle-man-walks-woman-on-leash-in-mall/720979/19 "2015-05-27T22:16:56Z")
I don’t know, people still get freaked out by a crossdresser using either restroom. ---
**Author:** ![billfish678](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/7bcc69/32.png) [@billfish678](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/billfish678)\ **Post date:** [May 27, 2015, 10:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/its-our-lifestyle-man-walks-woman-on-leash-in-mall/720979/20 "2015-05-27T22:17:19Z")
> [@gallows\_fodder](#): > > I think it’s kind of gross for them to involve unwitting strangers in their sex life. Hey, if it wasn’t for that I’d still be a virgin. [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/its-our-lifestyle-man-walks-woman-on-leash-in-mall/720979.md?page=2)