# It's our lifestyle! (Man walks woman on leash in mall) **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [May 27, 2015, 7:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/its-our-lifestyle-man-walks-woman-on-leash-in-mall/720979 "2015-05-27T19:59:02Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 12
**Author:** ![Miller](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/miller/32/481_2.png) [@Miller](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Miller)\ **Post date:** [June 3, 2015, 1:36am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/its-our-lifestyle-man-walks-woman-on-leash-in-mall/720979/221 "2015-06-03T01:36:41Z")
> [@Tibby or Not Tibby](#): > > Twenty years ago is not today. And 20 years into the future is not today. We deal with current issues as best we can. What else can we do? The part of my post you just quoted wasn’t only talking about twenty years ago. As for what we can do: we can try to establish a system of justice that’s based on solid logical reasoning and equal application of basic principles to all people. You want to ban public displays of fetishism because you think it’s gross. That guy over there wants to ban public displays of homosexuality, because he thinks it’s gross. How do you argue for what you want, and against what he wants, without contradicting yourself? ---
**Author:** ![Scumpup](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ce73a5/32.png) [@Scumpup](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Scumpup)\ **Post date:** [June 3, 2015, 1:40am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/its-our-lifestyle-man-walks-woman-on-leash-in-mall/720979/222 "2015-06-03T01:40:05Z")
Doc Cathode, You’re the guy saying public nudity laws are stupid and > **[Doc Cathode Apologizes Then Wallows In Self Pity](https://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?t=115253)** > > To begin at random, sexually explicit cd-roms are unfortunately already in the mail and on their way to certain female Dopers. I deeply regret this and intend no offense. It’s been a particularly bad week and seperating reality from halluination has... > **[Doper NSFW Picture Thread](https://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?t=482194)** > > Note, this thread has Admin approval. The two click rule is still in effect. This is NOT a joke. Following the below link will lead you to a nude picture of me. http: //www.flickr.com/photos/23569990@N08/2835756645/ ---
**Author:** ![DocCathode](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/doccathode/32/18773_2.png) [@DocCathode](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DocCathode)\ **Post date:** [June 3, 2015, 1:55am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/its-our-lifestyle-man-walks-woman-on-leash-in-mall/720979/223 "2015-06-03T01:55:35Z")
> [@Scumpup](#): > > Doc Cathode, You’re the guy saying public nudity laws are stupid and > [http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?t=115253](http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?t=115253) > > [Doper NSFW Picture Thread - Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share - Straight Dope Message Board](http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?t=482194) I thought anybody with half a brain could see the first thread was a joke. The events described in the op NEVER HAPPENED. I thought that was clear. The second thread was not what I’d describe as public. At the time, the SDMB was not searchable by Google or other search engines. Only Dopers could click the links. The links had to be copied and pasted. The whole thing is quite different from wandering around in public naked. And lest you think I forgot, what did your hypothetical have to do with anything? ---
**Author:** ![Teach-me-not](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/a4c791/32.png) [@Teach-me-not](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Teach-me-not)\ **Post date:** [June 3, 2015, 2:18am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/its-our-lifestyle-man-walks-woman-on-leash-in-mall/720979/224 "2015-06-03T02:18:38Z")
> [@Tibby or Not Tibby](#): > > Twenty years ago is not today. And 20 years into the future is not today. We deal with current issues as best we can. What else can we do? Guess I live 20 years into the future then. I don’t feel or get the ick that many posters upthread are feeling. Someone called the behaviour tacky and rude - I agree that it’s tacky, but it’s not rude to me. > [@Malthus](#): > > It just amazes me that so many here are so invested in denying the obvious - namely, that a pair acting out a doggie fantasy in a public mall are quite clearly seeking attention. If this post was referring to me, I am not denying anything; I am simply refusing to make a guess about what their intentions are. Language such as motive, intention, attention-seeking, etc. seems to me\* to presuppose that the couples’ action is an undesirable or problematic one, which I don’t agree with in the first place. However if you insist that I make a guess, then sure, attention-seeking is at the top of my list too… Followed by “I just want to stop hiding and to be myself in society”. \*I am going by the connotative meaning, rather than their legal (if any) or dictionary meanings. > [@Tibby or Not Tibby](#): > > because I’m not sure whether you welcome the behavior with open arms, or don’t really care to see it in public, but accept it because you figure if we live a free society you’ve got to take the good with the bad. I am one of those ambivalent types, so I will throw in my perspective. I don’t participate in, or wish to participate in, BDSM, but I do consume light Dom/sub stories on erotic websites. I think I am OK with this behaviour if they want to enact it in my mall. I wasn’t always like this: Five years ago, I would’ve been abashed and icked out. I will grant the possibility that my reaction is mellow only because the picture isn’t all that real to me, and that I will change my opinion once I see this IRL; there’s no way of ruling that out without an actual IRL demonstration. As for the other fetishes, I will judge when I come across the news report of a couple engaging in water sports in public. ---
**Author:** ![kayaker](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kayaker/32/441_2.png) [@kayaker](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kayaker)\ **Post date:** [June 3, 2015, 2:18am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/its-our-lifestyle-man-walks-woman-on-leash-in-mall/720979/225 "2015-06-03T02:18:43Z")
nm ---
**Author:** ![GrumpyBunny](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/bc8723/32.png) [@GrumpyBunny](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/GrumpyBunny)\ **Post date:** [June 3, 2015, 2:22am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/its-our-lifestyle-man-walks-woman-on-leash-in-mall/720979/226 "2015-06-03T02:22:27Z")
> [@Tibby or Not Tibby](#): > > And, who gets to make that interpretation, the dog walker, the dog, or the people having to witness the dog-woman? Because, to me it looks like the “dog” is in a subordinate position, not unlike an antebellum slave. You’re missing a very important point here. The “dog” is utterly unlike the antebellum slave, because the “dog” \*\*\*chooses \*\*\*to be in that position. And that’s normal for Dom/sub interactions; the sub agrees to the activity or situation, and can safeword out (or, in this case, get up and say “you know, this dog collar thing isn’t doing it for me. I’m outta here.”). Antebellum slaves didn’t have a safeword. ---
**Author:** ![Scumpup](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ce73a5/32.png) [@Scumpup](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Scumpup)\ **Post date:** [June 3, 2015, 2:33am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/its-our-lifestyle-man-walks-woman-on-leash-in-mall/720979/227 "2015-06-03T02:33:51Z")
> [@DocCathode](#): > > I thought anybody with half a brain could see the first thread was a joke. The events described in the op NEVER HAPPENED. I thought that was clear. > > The second thread was not what I’d describe as public. At the time, the SDMB was not searchable by Google or other search engines. Only Dopers could click the links. The links had to be copied and pasted. The whole thing is quite different from wandering around in public naked. > > And lest you think I forgot, what did your hypothetical have to do with anything? You are not a disinterested party when it comes to public displays, I think. ---
**Author:** ![Asimovian](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/asimovian/32/172_2.png) [@Asimovian](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Asimovian)\ **Post date:** [June 3, 2015, 3:56am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/its-our-lifestyle-man-walks-woman-on-leash-in-mall/720979/228 "2015-06-03T03:56:05Z")
> [@Scumpup](#): > > You are not a disinterested party when it comes to public displays, I think. Not a relevant discussion for this thread. Drop the hijack. ---
**Author:** ![Malthus](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/85f322/32.png) [@Malthus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Malthus)\ **Post date:** [June 3, 2015, 1:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/its-our-lifestyle-man-walks-woman-on-leash-in-mall/720979/229 "2015-06-03T13:22:58Z")
> [@Miller](#): > > Right - and some times there is zero intent. Yes - as I already said. Why belabour the point? > [@](#): > > So, how are you so completely certain that’s not the case with our dog walkers? I’m not. If you actually read my posts, I’ve said - several times now, I think - that one can never determine what motivates someone else with certainty. One can, however, make reasonable inferences without claiming “complete certainty”. Are you claiming it cannot be a reasonable inference that when someone chooses to walk their partner like a dog at a public mall, they are doing it for the attention they are sure to attract? Because if so, I respectfully disagree. That position is not reasonable. ---
**Author:** ![Malthus](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/85f322/32.png) [@Malthus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Malthus)\ **Post date:** [June 3, 2015, 1:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/its-our-lifestyle-man-walks-woman-on-leash-in-mall/720979/230 "2015-06-03T13:25:31Z")
> [@clairobscur](#): > > I also disagree with you on this point. I think you’re wrong also when assuming that gay people holding hands in public were necessarily trying to assert anything. Not everything done in public is a deeply thought of public proclamation. > > For instance, what about tourists wearing skimpy clothes in countries where such clothing is generally considered shocking? Do you believe every one of them is either enjoying the negative attention or making a deliberate public statement about the freedom to dress the way you want? > > Sometimes, people’s motivations are pretty straightforward, like in “I feel like doing this, and the hell with what those people will think”. I must merely, wearily repeat myself, as I already replied to Miller: “… Insofar as it is intended to have any meaning for observers …”. Why is this phrase evidently so hard to understand? ---
**Author:** ![Hershele\_Ostropoler](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/e47c2d/32.png) [@Hershele\_Ostropoler](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Hershele_Ostropoler)\ **Post date:** [June 3, 2015, 4:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/its-our-lifestyle-man-walks-woman-on-leash-in-mall/720979/231 "2015-06-03T16:01:46Z")
> [@Malthus](#): > > walking a partner like a dog on a leash simply isn’t the same thing at all. No-one - gay or straight - is going to look at that sight and think ‘aw, that public display of affection really brings home to me how those folks are just like us, in their own way - oh look, he’s let her off the leash and she’s slurping water from a decorative fountain just like a real dog! How adorable!’ [Note: this actually happened, according to the OP story]. > > At best, what they will be thinking is ‘what a freakshow’. I’m willing to believe they went to the mall to do some shopping. They likely went to the mall _en chienne_ to get attention, but if they hadn’t wanted to get attention they would still have gone to the mall. Just not _en chienne_ (I know, they weren’t going to the mall in Cheyenne, they were going to the mall in Staten Island) > [@Malthus](#): > > The notion that the average ‘person on the Clapham omnibus’ will, one day, find dog-walking a partner in public as normal and endearing as hand-holding is utterly delusional. Perhaps, but 50 years ago would one not have said that about gay couples holding hands? (Not entirely a rhetorical question, 50 years ago was before I was born.) ---
**Author:** ![Miller](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/miller/32/481_2.png) [@Miller](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Miller)\ **Post date:** [June 3, 2015, 5:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/its-our-lifestyle-man-walks-woman-on-leash-in-mall/720979/232 "2015-06-03T17:16:40Z")
> [@Malthus](#): > > Yes - as I already said. Why belabour the point? Because it’s not entirely clear what your position is. You started out saying that thinking that these people were doing this for anything other than attention was naive. When the comparison to gay people holding hands was brought up, you said it was totally different, because those people were making a political statement. So, you started off taking what seemed to be two absolute positions: the dog-walking couple _must_ have been doing it for attention, and gay couples holding hands were _only_ doing it as a statement. You’ve since started adding qualifiers, but without explicitly retracting your earlier statements, so I’m a little confused still about exactly what stance you’re taking here. ---
**Author:** ![John\_Bredin](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/96bed5/32.png) [@John\_Bredin](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/John_Bredin)\ **Post date:** [June 3, 2015, 5:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/its-our-lifestyle-man-walks-woman-on-leash-in-mall/720979/233 "2015-06-03T17:18:05Z")
> [@Battle\_Pope](#): > > Or at least an Elizabethan collar. You mean a [ruff](http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Ruff_%28clothing%29) [ruff](http://dictionary.reference.com/browse/ruff)?😛 ---
**Author:** ![Jennshark](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/8e8cbc/32.png) [@Jennshark](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jennshark)\ **Post date:** [June 3, 2015, 7:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/its-our-lifestyle-man-walks-woman-on-leash-in-mall/720979/234 "2015-06-03T19:25:21Z")
fy/ ---
**Author:** ![Hershele\_Ostropoler](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/e47c2d/32.png) [@Hershele\_Ostropoler](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Hershele_Ostropoler)\ **Post date:** [June 13, 2015, 5:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/its-our-lifestyle-man-walks-woman-on-leash-in-mall/720979/235 "2015-06-13T17:43:08Z")
So it turns out they’re [not exactly model citizens](http://www.silive.com/news/index.ssf/2015/06/what_am_i_gonna_do_sobs_leash.html), sexual fetishes aside. ---
**Author:** ![Weedy](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/weedy/32/301_2.png) [@Weedy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Weedy)\ **Post date:** [June 14, 2015, 11:17am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/its-our-lifestyle-man-walks-woman-on-leash-in-mall/720979/236 "2015-06-14T11:17:23Z")
> [@Hershele\_Ostropoler](#): > > So it turns out they’re [not exactly model citizens](http://www.silive.com/news/index.ssf/2015/06/what_am_i_gonna_do_sobs_leash.html), sexual fetishes aside. Not exactly hard-core criminals either. In the picture of her outside the courthouse, she looks like she’s from a Thurber cartoon. ---
**Author:** ![Drunky\_Smurf](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/drunky_smurf/32/449_2.png) [@Drunky\_Smurf](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Drunky_Smurf)\ **Post date:** [June 15, 2015, 3:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/its-our-lifestyle-man-walks-woman-on-leash-in-mall/720979/237 "2015-06-15T15:53:45Z")
> [@Weedy](#): > > Not exactly hard-core criminals either. Not exactly penguins either. ---
**Author:** ![puzzlegal](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/puzzlegal/32/3827_2.png) [@puzzlegal](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/puzzlegal)\ **Post date:** [June 15, 2015, 5:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/its-our-lifestyle-man-walks-woman-on-leash-in-mall/720979/238 "2015-06-15T17:04:14Z")
If I followed correctly, he has been charged with carrying a gun in NYC, where the laws are extremely strict. The gun was legally registered to him in a state with softer gun laws, and it was in a closed (maybe locked) box in his car. More an innocent mistake than criminal intent. ---
**Author:** ![madsircool](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/madsircool/32/3432_2.png) [@madsircool](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/madsircool)\ **Post date:** [June 15, 2015, 5:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/its-our-lifestyle-man-walks-woman-on-leash-in-mall/720979/239 "2015-06-15T17:06:15Z")
Since a mall is a place where lots of kids congregate, the rule should be that everyone should behave in a manner appropriate around kids. ---
**Author:** ![Macca26](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/13edae/32.png) [@Macca26](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Macca26)\ **Post date:** [June 15, 2015, 5:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/its-our-lifestyle-man-walks-woman-on-leash-in-mall/720979/240 "2015-06-15T17:13:21Z")
I think the only way you’re allowed to get a handgun through NYC is: 1. It has to be unloaded 2. It has to have a trigger lock on it 3. It then has to be placed inside a locked box 4. It can then only be kept in the trunk of your car 5. These conditions may not change for any reason. No looking at the gun, moving the gun, etc. It’s too bad that he did not follow all the rules to the letter. I was right in that she has some extreme anxiety issues that are ameliorated through the dog thing. She could use some therapy though and I hope she gets the help she needs. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/its-our-lifestyle-man-walks-woman-on-leash-in-mall/720979.md?page=11) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/its-our-lifestyle-man-walks-woman-on-leash-in-mall/720979.md?page=13)