# It's our lifestyle! (Man walks woman on leash in mall) **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [May 27, 2015, 7:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/its-our-lifestyle-man-walks-woman-on-leash-in-mall/720979 "2015-05-27T19:59:02Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 6
**Author:** ![Morgenstern](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/f9ae1b/32.png) [@Morgenstern](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Morgenstern)\ **Post date:** [May 29, 2015, 1:08am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/its-our-lifestyle-man-walks-woman-on-leash-in-mall/720979/101 "2015-05-29T01:08:53Z")
I know many, many men who have been on short leashes all their married life. ---
**Author:** ![Scumpup](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ce73a5/32.png) [@Scumpup](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Scumpup)\ **Post date:** [May 29, 2015, 1:08am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/its-our-lifestyle-man-walks-woman-on-leash-in-mall/720979/102 "2015-05-29T01:08:55Z")
No threat of being scrapped? ---
**Author:** ![psychobunny](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/54ee81/32.png) [@psychobunny](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/psychobunny)\ **Post date:** [May 29, 2015, 1:14am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/its-our-lifestyle-man-walks-woman-on-leash-in-mall/720979/103 "2015-05-29T01:14:20Z")
ISTM that they are not doing anything legally wrong but since they are not a protected class, the mall has the option to ask them to leave. Personally, I don’t care what they do as long as they don’t frighten the horses. As an aside, if you object to consensual dominant/submissive relationships, should the Dugger parents be allowed out in public? ---
**Author:** ![2gigch1](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/2gigch1/32/3313_2.png) [@2gigch1](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/2gigch1)\ **Post date:** [May 29, 2015, 1:23am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/its-our-lifestyle-man-walks-woman-on-leash-in-mall/720979/104 "2015-05-29T01:23:22Z")
> [@monstro](#): > > They are perfectly entitled to do that in public. We are perfectly entitled to have opinions about them. As long as everyone is civil to one another, then it should be a big shrug fest. > > I guess people may worry about what children might think. But I fail to see why “some grownups enjoy playing make-believe out in public” wouldn’t suffice as an explanation. Came here to pretty much write this. ---
**Author:** ![GrumpyBunny](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/bc8723/32.png) [@GrumpyBunny](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/GrumpyBunny)\ **Post date:** [May 29, 2015, 1:43am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/its-our-lifestyle-man-walks-woman-on-leash-in-mall/720979/105 "2015-05-29T01:43:14Z")
> [@Sam\_Lowry](#): > > I don’t think they should hide their relationship; I’ve read about some BDSM relationships where they have special collars or whatever for going out in public so that they don’t draw as much attention to themselves. Some submissives wear collars to indicate that they’re taken, yes. Sometimes they look like “dog collars” with an O-ring and so on. Sometimes they look like a metal choker. Sometimes the submissive just wears a specific necklace or charm, or another piece of jewelry (such as a locking bracelet or anklet). Depends on the couple, and the actual daily needs of the submissive. It’s interesting that when I ran the same article past some fellow BDSM practitioners, the response was a giant eye roll and the suggestion that the couple in the OP were kind of being assholes. Most of the folks I know who are into those activities tend to keep things to appropriate locations. If you’re at a kink festival, fine. If you’re at a club, fine. If you’re in your own home, fine. But in public? Don’t frighten the horses. ---
**Author:** ![2gigch1](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/2gigch1/32/3313_2.png) [@2gigch1](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/2gigch1)\ **Post date:** [May 29, 2015, 2:23am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/its-our-lifestyle-man-walks-woman-on-leash-in-mall/720979/106 "2015-05-29T02:23:11Z")
Well my only thought on the issue of (social group du jour here) is that when the time comes for a social group to move from underground to above ground status the first members to do so tend to the the most outrageous, flamboyant, in-your-face types. Once these folks have broken the surface into the collective societal eye most people tend to regard these outliers as true representatives of the genre they espouse. Only later, as more members of that social caste reveal themselves to the world does the true nature of the individuals involved become understood. For example in the '70s many people thought [Paul Linde](http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Paul_Lynde) and [Charles Nelson Reilly](http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Charles_Nelson_Reilly) represented gay society. Only later as family, friends and coworkers emerged were many Americans likely to understand that “Hey, they’re like us.” ---
**Author:** ![joyfool](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/df788c/32.png) [@joyfool](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/joyfool)\ **Post date:** [May 29, 2015, 2:40am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/its-our-lifestyle-man-walks-woman-on-leash-in-mall/720979/107 "2015-05-29T02:40:52Z")
My opinion is they’re trying too hard. Not shocked, not nothing. I’d just shrug and move along. If my granddaughter was with me, I’d just say that some adults are into different things than others, then I’d ask her if she’d like to go get an ice cream. ---
**Author:** ![kayaker](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kayaker/32/441_2.png) [@kayaker](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kayaker)\ **Post date:** [May 29, 2015, 3:03am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/its-our-lifestyle-man-walks-woman-on-leash-in-mall/720979/108 "2015-05-29T03:03:06Z")
> [@DocCathode](#): > > First, visible erections are already banned in every mall I know of. Don’t give up. Try some of the smaller strip malls. ---
**Author:** ![Bouncer](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/9d8465/32.png) [@Bouncer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bouncer)\ **Post date:** [May 29, 2015, 3:20am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/its-our-lifestyle-man-walks-woman-on-leash-in-mall/720979/109 "2015-05-29T03:20:44Z")
Well that’s totally inappropriate! …She should be wearing the required emotional support companion vest! Some people, I swear… 😃 Regards, -Bouncer- ---
**Author:** ![mascaroni](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/dc4da7/32.png) [@mascaroni](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/mascaroni)\ **Post date:** [May 29, 2015, 3:26am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/its-our-lifestyle-man-walks-woman-on-leash-in-mall/720979/110 "2015-05-29T03:26:26Z")
> [@Tibby or Not Tibby](#): > > A clown stole my sense of fun, that’s who. A beady-eyed, whiskey-breathed, body-odored, puss-oozing, rancid toothed clown with big feet and a tiny hat stole my sense of humor many years ago. Why do you ask? I’m sorry, I was just doing my job… ---
**Author:** ![Princhester](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/3e96dc/32.png) [@Princhester](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Princhester)\ **Post date:** [May 29, 2015, 3:58am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/its-our-lifestyle-man-walks-woman-on-leash-in-mall/720979/111 "2015-05-29T03:58:32Z")
> [@Sam\_Lowry](#): > > I don’t have kids, so I’m genuinely asking, would it suffice as an explanation? I think when I was around 5 or whatever, that explanation would suffice, but after about 10 or so, I definitely would know that most adults don’t do make-believe like that in public. I have boys around this age. Basically, what **Miller** said. Sure, the 10 year old would know it’s really weird. But they would (quite rightly) be satisfied with the explanation that some people are really weird and their behaviour is almost beyond explaining. That’s all there is to it. It’s the simple truth. If they really wanted to question deeper you could raise the speculative amateur-psych points that have been raised here (lack of responsibility, being looked after etc). > [@Malthus](#): > > Edit: the notion that this doesn’t have a sexual component to it (or at least, that the attention-seekers weren’t fully intending people to think it does) has gotta go into the dictionary under the definition of “naive”. You may be right but then let’s put this in context; people go out in public in ways that display their sexuality all the damn time and do they want attention? They sure do. A young woman displaying her tits and ass through tight or minimal clothing is doing more to explicitly draw attention to her secondary \*sexual \*characteristics than this couple. The difference here is that this couple’s particular sexuality is weird, not that attention seeking through displaying sexuality is weird (assuming that’s what’s going on). ---
**Author:** ![Battle\_Pope](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/4bbf92/32.png) [@Battle\_Pope](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Battle_Pope)\ **Post date:** [May 29, 2015, 4:04am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/its-our-lifestyle-man-walks-woman-on-leash-in-mall/720979/112 "2015-05-29T04:04:08Z")
> [@Bouncer](#): > > Well that’s totally inappropriate! > > …She should be wearing the required emotional support companion vest! > > Some people, I swear… 😃 > > Regards, > -Bouncer- Or at least an Elizabethan collar. ---
**Author:** ![ITR\_champion](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/c67d28/32.png) [@ITR\_champion](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ITR_champion)\ **Post date:** [May 29, 2015, 4:56am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/its-our-lifestyle-man-walks-woman-on-leash-in-mall/720979/113 "2015-05-29T04:56:04Z")
> [@monstro](#): > > I guess people may worry about what children might think. But I fail to see why “some grownups enjoy playing make-believe out in public” wouldn’t suffice as an explanation. If I had small children, particularly girls, I would not want to have to explain the concept of BDSM to them until a much later age. “There are some men who enjoy raping, torturing, and humiliating women”? That seems likely to cause nightmares in a 7-year-old. ---
**Author:** ![Princhester](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/3e96dc/32.png) [@Princhester](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Princhester)\ **Post date:** [May 29, 2015, 5:02am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/its-our-lifestyle-man-walks-woman-on-leash-in-mall/720979/114 "2015-05-29T05:02:51Z")
> [@ITR\_champion](#): > > If I had small children, particularly girls, I would not want to have to explain the concept of BDSM to them until a much later age. “There are some men who enjoy raping, torturing, and humiliating women”? That seems likely to cause nightmares in a 7-year-old. What do you see as the relevance of your comment to the OP? ---
**Author:** ![Grumman](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/43a26b/32.png) [@Grumman](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Grumman)\ **Post date:** [May 29, 2015, 5:28am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/its-our-lifestyle-man-walks-woman-on-leash-in-mall/720979/115 "2015-05-29T05:28:21Z")
> [@Tibby or Not Tibby](#): > > Do you people who think BDSM and sexual fetishism in general is ok to display in public, so long as it’s legal, think there should be any boundaries at all? If so, at what point to you place the marker? Banning something _because_ it is somebody’s fetish is stupid. If these two were being actively obnoxious about it - if the woman was shouting “Bark!” or something like that - that would be something worth cracking down on. Crawling on hands and knees and wearing a lead? As long as she’s careful not to trip anyone up, I don’t care. > [@ITR\_champion](#): > > If I had small children, particularly girls, I would not want to have to explain the concept of BDSM to them until a much later age. “There are some men who enjoy raping, torturing, and humiliating women”? That seems likely to cause nightmares in a 7-year-old. _Fifty Shades of Grey_ is not an accurate depiction of BDSM, **ITR**. ---
**Author:** ![Princhester](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/3e96dc/32.png) [@Princhester](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Princhester)\ **Post date:** [May 29, 2015, 6:03am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/its-our-lifestyle-man-walks-woman-on-leash-in-mall/720979/116 "2015-05-29T06:03:01Z")
I don’t know why BDSM or sexual fetishism is even being mentioned in this context. Sure, that may be what underlies this couple’s behaviour but we only know that through our own assumptions not through what they are doing (publically). And when it comes to small children, it seems completely nonsensical to even mention the subject since unless you tell them that this couple may be doing what they are doing as part of something BDSM or sexual, they aren’t going to know. ---
**Author:** ![NinjaChick](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/71c47a/32.png) [@NinjaChick](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/NinjaChick)\ **Post date:** [May 29, 2015, 8:55am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/its-our-lifestyle-man-walks-woman-on-leash-in-mall/720979/117 "2015-05-29T08:55:18Z")
> [@Sam\_Lowry](#): > > I don’t have kids, so I’m genuinely asking, would it suffice as an explanation? I think when I was around 5 or whatever, that explanation would suffice, but after about 10 or so, I definitely would know that most adults don’t do make-believe like that in public. That people sometimes where costumes at parties or festivals, or maybe do make believe type stuff at Renaissance Fair type places, but this was different. I don’t know if I would have been able to pinpoint how it’s different, but I think I would have. > > I agree, I could understand if it was a sexual thing, but I don’t understand if it’s truly non-sexual. Like is she a furry or otherkin or whatever who believes/pretends that they are a dog? I read someone commenting somewhere else that when she was a goth teenager she used to do stuff like this, someone wearing a dog collar and someone else leading them around, but it was purely done to shock the squares. > > Assuming that they are lying and it is a sexual thing, I’m grossed out. I’m happy for people to do whatever they want in the privacy of their homes, you do you, but I think this is not cool. > > I don’t think they should hide their relationship; I’ve read about some BDSM relationships where they have special collars or whatever for going out in public so that they don’t draw as much attention to themselves. Something where someone might notice and ask, but the whole crowd at the mall won’t be watching them. And there’s ways of practicing dominance and submission as well that aren’t as attention grabbing as making someone walk on a leash. They don’t need to hide in a closet or pretend they’re 100% vanilla or be ashamed or anything. But they also don’t need to draw attention to themselves and try to shock people and make people feel super uncomfortable. _sigh_ Even though I know I’ll regret asking this: What’s an otherkin? ---
**Author:** ![Your\_Great\_Darsh\_Face](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/y/ac8455/32.png) [@Your\_Great\_Darsh\_Face](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Your_Great_Darsh_Face)\ **Post date:** [May 29, 2015, 10:08am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/its-our-lifestyle-man-walks-woman-on-leash-in-mall/720979/118 "2015-05-29T10:08:59Z")
[Here](http://lmgtfy.com/?q=otherkin) People whose particular brand of special snowflakeness revolves around not being human. ---
**Author:** ![Machine\_Elf](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/82dd89/32.png) [@Machine\_Elf](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Machine_Elf)\ **Post date:** [May 29, 2015, 12:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/its-our-lifestyle-man-walks-woman-on-leash-in-mall/720979/119 "2015-05-29T12:16:31Z")
> [@Princhester](#): > > I don’t know why BDSM or sexual fetishism is even being mentioned in this context. Because of the B and the D in BDSM. How is their activity _not_ bondage/discipline? ---
**Author:** ![JRDelirious](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/jrdelirious/32/9531_2.png) [@JRDelirious](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/JRDelirious)\ **Post date:** [May 29, 2015, 1:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/its-our-lifestyle-man-walks-woman-on-leash-in-mall/720979/120 "2015-05-29T13:28:16Z")
> [@NinjaChick](#): > > _sigh_ Even though I know I’ll regret asking this: What’s an otherkin? I believe we had a thread about it, and it has been mentioned in others. Ah, [here’s the one](http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?t=706604&highlight=otherkin). Now aren’t you glad you asked? [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/its-our-lifestyle-man-walks-woman-on-leash-in-mall/720979.md?page=5) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/its-our-lifestyle-man-walks-woman-on-leash-in-mall/720979.md?page=7)