# It's our lifestyle! (Man walks woman on leash in mall) **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [May 27, 2015, 7:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/its-our-lifestyle-man-walks-woman-on-leash-in-mall/720979 "2015-05-27T19:59:02Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 7
**Author:** ![Malthus](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/85f322/32.png) [@Malthus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Malthus)\ **Post date:** [May 29, 2015, 1:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/its-our-lifestyle-man-walks-woman-on-leash-in-mall/720979/121 "2015-05-29T13:59:08Z")
> [@Princhester](#): > > You may be right but then let’s put this in context; people go out in public in ways that display their sexuality all the damn time and do they want attention? They sure do. A young woman displaying her tits and ass through tight or minimal clothing is doing more to explicitly draw attention to her secondary \*sexual \*characteristics than this couple. The difference here is that this couple’s particular sexuality is weird, not that attention seeking through displaying sexuality is weird (assuming that’s what’s going on). Yeah, they are displaying their sexuality in a way that is wierd. Unlike (say) a woman wearing scanty clothing, they are not doing it to attract positive attention; unlike (say) two gay guys holding hands in a place where gay rights have not been established, they are not doing it to assert their rights to be treated equally to other couples. They are pretty clearly doing it to revel in the negative attention they know they will attract. In short, the _kind_ of attention they are seeking is tasteless and anti-social: it is selfish to ‘scare the horses’ just for your own kicks, involving bystanders in your kink. Not that I think acting in a way that is tasteless and anti-social ought to be illegal of anything - just subject to disapproval. Whatever the legalities, the owners of the Mall have every moral right to toss these doggies out on their ear. ---
**Author:** ![clairobscur](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/839c29/32.png) [@clairobscur](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/clairobscur)\ **Post date:** [May 29, 2015, 2:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/its-our-lifestyle-man-walks-woman-on-leash-in-mall/720979/122 "2015-05-29T14:00:10Z")
> [@DocCathode](#): > > I’d only be uncomfortable if race was part of their dynamic. I feel confident in saying that most doms/dommes are colorblind. There are a number of people who are into “race play”, in fact. Well, I don’t know any personnally, but it’s not difficult to find on the internet. Note that white Dominant/black submissive doesn’t seem more common than the contrary. Also, I don’t believe in your statement that Doms/Dommes are typically colorblind. Well, not anymore than the rest of the population. I think it’s a common mistake to attribute common traits to people into this lifestyle (typically positive traits). They’re exactly as flawed as other human beings, IMO, including wrt racism. ETA : and by the way, I don’t have an issue with race play. I don’t like it, but there are plenty of practices I don’t like anymore in BDSM (including pet play, in relation with this thread). Whatever floats your boat. ---
**Author:** ![Malthus](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/85f322/32.png) [@Malthus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Malthus)\ **Post date:** [May 29, 2015, 2:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/its-our-lifestyle-man-walks-woman-on-leash-in-mall/720979/123 "2015-05-29T14:03:11Z")
> [@Princhester](#): > > I don’t know why BDSM or sexual fetishism is even being mentioned in this context. Sure, that may be what underlies this couple’s behaviour but we only know that through our own assumptions not through what they are doing (publically). Oh come on. Did you even look at the pics? She’s wearing a massively spiked collar that is like a stereotype of BDSM gear. How is wearing a spiked collar and being made to walk like a dog on a leash not “bondage” and “discipline”? ---
**Author:** ![GrumpyBunny](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/bc8723/32.png) [@GrumpyBunny](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/GrumpyBunny)\ **Post date:** [May 29, 2015, 2:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/its-our-lifestyle-man-walks-woman-on-leash-in-mall/720979/124 "2015-05-29T14:04:55Z")
> [@2gigch1](#): > > Well my only thought on the issue of (social group du jour here) is that when the time comes for a social group to move from underground to above ground status the first members to do so tend to the the most outrageous, flamboyant, in-your-face types. > > Once these folks have broken the surface into the collective societal eye most people tend to regard these outliers as true representatives of the genre they espouse. Only later, as more members of that social caste reveal themselves to the world does the true nature of the individuals involved become understood. > > For example in the '70s many people thought [Paul Linde](http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Paul_Lynde) and [Charles Nelson Reilly](http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Charles_Nelson_Reilly) represented gay society. Only later as family, friends and coworkers emerged were many Americans likely to understand that “Hey, they’re like us.” > [@ITR\_champion](#): > > If I had small children, particularly girls, I would not want to have to explain the concept of BDSM to them until a much later age. “There are some men who enjoy raping, torturing, and humiliating women”? That seems likely to cause nightmares in a 7-year-old. Reading these quotes side by side is fascinating. ---
**Author:** ![GrumpyBunny](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/bc8723/32.png) [@GrumpyBunny](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/GrumpyBunny)\ **Post date:** [May 29, 2015, 2:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/its-our-lifestyle-man-walks-woman-on-leash-in-mall/720979/125 "2015-05-29T14:07:46Z")
> [@Malthus](#): > > Oh come on. Did you even look at the pics? She’s wearing a massively spiked collar that is like a stereotype of BDSM gear. How is wearing a spiked collar and being made to walk like a dog on a leash not “bondage” and “discipline”? Well, back in the day, I knew some punks who would’ve found it hilarious to do that. Although they would’ve flipped the script and had the guy on the leash… ---
**Author:** ![clairobscur](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/839c29/32.png) [@clairobscur](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/clairobscur)\ **Post date:** [May 29, 2015, 2:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/its-our-lifestyle-man-walks-woman-on-leash-in-mall/720979/126 "2015-05-29T14:09:29Z")
> [@Malthus](#): > > They are pretty clearly doing it to revel in the negative attention they know they will attract. > > In short, the _kind_ of attention they are seeking is tasteless and anti-social: it is selfish to ‘scare the horses’ just for your own kicks, involving bystanders in your kink. You don’t know that. A number of people into BDSM would like to be able to behave in public as they do behind closed doors. Not for the attention, but because it’s the way they live, and they’d find liberating not to be obligated to refrain themselves. If it were socially acceptable, I would do in public a number of things you would, no doubt, find equally shocking. These people can’t ignore that they’re going to shock the bystanders, and I’m hardly a supporter of shocking public behaviours. But you can’t assess that receiving negative attention is their main motivation. ---
**Author:** ![aceplace57](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/aceplace57/32/3500_2.png) [@aceplace57](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/aceplace57)\ **Post date:** [May 29, 2015, 2:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/its-our-lifestyle-man-walks-woman-on-leash-in-mall/720979/127 "2015-05-29T14:16:08Z")
I’d label the behavior a public disturbance. Like a food fight in the food court, or spreading out a blanket in the mall for a family picnic. It warrants being ejected from the property. No charges if they are cooperative and leave. The mall is not our personal playground. It’s a business service intended to facilitate shopping. ---
**Author:** ![Malthus](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/85f322/32.png) [@Malthus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Malthus)\ **Post date:** [May 29, 2015, 2:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/its-our-lifestyle-man-walks-woman-on-leash-in-mall/720979/128 "2015-05-29T14:16:41Z")
> [@clairobscur](#): > > You don’t know that. A number of people into BDSM would like to be able to behave in public as they do behind closed doors. Not for the attention, but because it’s the way they live, and they’d find liberating not to be obligated to refrain themselves. > > These people can’t ignore that they’re going to shock the bystanders, and I’m hardly a supporter of shocking public behaviours. But you can’t assess that this is their main motivation. While of course one can never be one-hundred-percent sure of anyone’s motives for anything, not being mind-readers, one can make the quite reasonable assumption that someone who goes to a public mall to ‘display their lifestyle’ is doing it so others can see them doing it. Why so many here are trying so desperately to avoid admitting the bleeding obvious is a mystery to me. 😕 ---
**Author:** ![Fotheringay-Phipps](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/d9b06d/32.png) [@Fotheringay-Phipps](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Fotheringay-Phipps)\ **Post date:** [May 29, 2015, 2:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/its-our-lifestyle-man-walks-woman-on-leash-in-mall/720979/129 "2015-05-29T14:17:22Z")
I disagree with the assumption of many here that these people must have been trying to attract attention, and think another explanation is just as likely if not more so. A lot of subs like to feel humiliated as part of their submissiveness. Going out in public as a sub is a way of really _really_ being humiliated by the submissive status. (And the converse goes for the Dom.) So in sense they’re capitalizing on people paying attention to them because that gives them that extra feeling. But it’s not like they’re trying to get anyone else to feel anything. They’re focused on what they themselves feel. ---
**Author:** ![Hershele\_Ostropoler](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/e47c2d/32.png) [@Hershele\_Ostropoler](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Hershele_Ostropoler)\ **Post date:** [May 29, 2015, 2:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/its-our-lifestyle-man-walks-woman-on-leash-in-mall/720979/130 "2015-05-29T14:18:20Z")
> [@Scumpup](#): > > I suspect if it had been a white man leading a black person around on a leash, the Dopers would be far less sanguine than when it is just two ugly white folks. On the other hand, it’s Staten Island, so the locals would heartily approve. > [@Tibby or Not Tibby](#): > > So what? Do you think all the kids watching the woman in the mall will understand that she WANTS to be treated like a dog? I’m not sure why you assume they wouldn’t. I think kids will be less traumatized, and indeed less interested, than their projecting parents. > [@ITR\_champion](#): > > If I had small children, particularly girls, I would not want to have to explain the concept of BDSM to them until a much later age. “There are some men who enjoy raping, torturing, and humiliating women”? That seems likely to cause nightmares in a 7-year-old. First. you don’t have to explain every little thing that crosses your line of sight. Your conversations with your hypothetical little daughters sound incredibly tedious. Second, that’s at best an incredibly narrow and misleading view of BDSM. Would you be more comfortable telling your daughters “There are some women who enjoy raping, torturing, and humiliating men”? That’s equally justifiable. ---
**Author:** ![Malthus](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/85f322/32.png) [@Malthus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Malthus)\ **Post date:** [May 29, 2015, 2:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/its-our-lifestyle-man-walks-woman-on-leash-in-mall/720979/131 "2015-05-29T14:22:44Z")
> [@Fotheringay-Phipps](#): > > I disagree with the assumption of many here that these people must have been trying to attract attention, and think another explanation is just as likely if not more so. > > A lot of subs like to feel humiliated as part of their submissiveness. Going out in public as a sub is a way of really _really_ being humiliated by the submissive status. (And the converse goes for the Dom.) > > So in sense they’re capitalizing on people paying attention to them because that gives them that extra feeling. But it’s not like they’re trying to get anyone else to feel anything. They’re focused on what they themselves feel. This isn’t actually ‘another explaination’. It’s the same explaination. Namely, that these two are getting off on the (negative) attention they receive from others. It is tasteless and selfish behaviour. From the viewpoint of those ‘others’, they have no interest in acting as an involuntary backdrop to these two folks’ kink. ---
**Author:** ![Bullitt](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/bullitt/32/5725_2.png) [@Bullitt](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bullitt)\ **Post date:** [May 29, 2015, 2:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/its-our-lifestyle-man-walks-woman-on-leash-in-mall/720979/132 "2015-05-29T14:24:40Z")
When I got my female dog, my first (and she’s now 11), I could never get used to the breeders and dog handlers using the B-word so casually. But now for this couple or any other who do this puppy play, do they use the B-word? Does he say, “She’s my B?” ---
**Author:** ![aceplace57](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/aceplace57/32/3500_2.png) [@aceplace57](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/aceplace57)\ **Post date:** [May 29, 2015, 2:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/its-our-lifestyle-man-walks-woman-on-leash-in-mall/720979/133 "2015-05-29T14:26:35Z")
The mall has a no pets policy. The man and his dog have to go. 😉 ---
**Author:** ![kayaker](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kayaker/32/441_2.png) [@kayaker](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kayaker)\ **Post date:** [May 29, 2015, 2:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/its-our-lifestyle-man-walks-woman-on-leash-in-mall/720979/134 "2015-05-29T14:48:12Z")
> [@aceplace57](#): > > The mall is not our personal playground. Actually, the dying malls around me would love it if people viewed malls as their personal playgrounds. ---
**Author:** ![eclectic\_wench](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/ac91a4/32.png) [@eclectic\_wench](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/eclectic_wench)\ **Post date:** [May 29, 2015, 2:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/its-our-lifestyle-man-walks-woman-on-leash-in-mall/720979/135 "2015-05-29T14:52:05Z")
> [@Tibby or Not Tibby](#): > > If you’re walking your child through the mall, on the way to the ice cream stand and you come upon a guy sporting an erection and moaning as his latex and leather-clad girlfriend vomits on his face, what are you going to say? ‘The Aristocrats!!’ ---
**Author:** ![Scumpup](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ce73a5/32.png) [@Scumpup](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Scumpup)\ **Post date:** [May 29, 2015, 3:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/its-our-lifestyle-man-walks-woman-on-leash-in-mall/720979/136 "2015-05-29T15:01:31Z")
Win. ---
**Author:** ![Bullitt](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/bullitt/32/5725_2.png) [@Bullitt](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bullitt)\ **Post date:** [May 29, 2015, 3:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/its-our-lifestyle-man-walks-woman-on-leash-in-mall/720979/137 "2015-05-29T15:14:38Z")
LOL! ---
**Author:** ![GrumpyBunny](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/bc8723/32.png) [@GrumpyBunny](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/GrumpyBunny)\ **Post date:** [May 29, 2015, 3:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/its-our-lifestyle-man-walks-woman-on-leash-in-mall/720979/138 "2015-05-29T15:16:02Z")
> [@eclectic\_wench](#): > > ‘The Aristocrats!!’ _applauds wildly_ ---
**Author:** ![HoneyBadgerDC](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/honeybadgerdc/32/1033_2.png) [@HoneyBadgerDC](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/HoneyBadgerDC)\ **Post date:** [May 29, 2015, 3:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/its-our-lifestyle-man-walks-woman-on-leash-in-mall/720979/139 "2015-05-29T15:18:37Z")
I have thought about putting a leash on my girl when she has a had a few too many drinks. ---
**Author:** ![kayaker](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kayaker/32/441_2.png) [@kayaker](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kayaker)\ **Post date:** [May 29, 2015, 3:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/its-our-lifestyle-man-walks-woman-on-leash-in-mall/720979/140 "2015-05-29T15:18:37Z")
> [@eclectic\_wench](#): > > ‘The Aristocrats!!’ Ticker-tape parade requested. ?do they still make ticker tape? [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/its-our-lifestyle-man-walks-woman-on-leash-in-mall/720979.md?page=6) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/its-our-lifestyle-man-walks-woman-on-leash-in-mall/720979.md?page=8)