# It's our lifestyle! (Man walks woman on leash in mall) **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [May 27, 2015, 7:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/its-our-lifestyle-man-walks-woman-on-leash-in-mall/720979 "2015-05-27T19:59:02Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 8
**Author:** ![Fotheringay-Phipps](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/d9b06d/32.png) [@Fotheringay-Phipps](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Fotheringay-Phipps)\ **Post date:** [May 29, 2015, 3:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/its-our-lifestyle-man-walks-woman-on-leash-in-mall/720979/141 "2015-05-29T15:36:00Z")
> [@Malthus](#): > > This isn’t actually ‘another explaination’. It’s the same explaination. Namely, that these two are getting off on the (negative) attention they receive from others. I don’t know, it’s the thought that people are seeing them and realizing how dominant he is and how submissive she is. Not sure that’s the same thing as trying to attract attention. > [@](#): > > It is tasteless and selfish behaviour. From the viewpoint of those ‘others’, they have no interest in acting as an involuntary backdrop to these two folks’ kink. I’m sort of sympathetic to that, but it’s a fine line. A lot of people do things with the intention of “publically” doing them. The only difference is that those things are more “normal”. ---
**Author:** ![Anaamika](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/5f9b8f/32.png) [@Anaamika](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Anaamika)\ **Post date:** [May 29, 2015, 4:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/its-our-lifestyle-man-walks-woman-on-leash-in-mall/720979/142 "2015-05-29T16:34:36Z")
Every where we look there is violence. Everywhere in video games, movies, tv shows, books, magazines. 10 YOs are probably playing Call of Duty and lying to their parents about it. Even kids’ movies are full of violence. Try and tell me Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles doesn’t have violence in it. Cartoons have violence. But when it comes to sex, a much more natural thing, we all get the collective vapors. I have a really big problem with this Victorian idea that sex is nasty and grotty and must be hidden from the children but violence is just fine. I’m not saying you want to hold up Master and Doggy as an ideal for your kids. But displaying that different people show their love in different ways is better than Tom and Jerry beating each other up all the time. ---
**Author:** ![Fotheringay-Phipps](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/d9b06d/32.png) [@Fotheringay-Phipps](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Fotheringay-Phipps)\ **Post date:** [May 29, 2015, 4:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/its-our-lifestyle-man-walks-woman-on-leash-in-mall/720979/143 "2015-05-29T16:39:54Z")
I don’t really get the whole “kids” issue altogether. If the kids are old enough (e.g. teens) then just tell them straight. If they’re little kids, then just bluff it. Something like this: _“What are those people doing?”_ “They’re pretending to be a dog and its owner” _“I also want to do that”_ “Sorry, that’s not appropriate for a mall” _“But those people are doing it in a mall”_ “Some people are weird” Done. That’s how Calvin’s Dad would probably deal with it, and it’s good enough for me. ---
**Author:** ![QuickSilver](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/quicksilver/32/7832_2.png) [@QuickSilver](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/QuickSilver)\ **Post date:** [May 29, 2015, 4:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/its-our-lifestyle-man-walks-woman-on-leash-in-mall/720979/144 "2015-05-29T16:48:49Z")
> [@Fotheringay-Phipps](#): > > I don’t know, it’s the thought that people are seeing them and realizing how dominant he is and how submissive she is. Not sure that’s the same thing as trying to attract attention. You are parsing this argument so thin it only has one side. Of course they want goddamn attention. Else they’d leave their freak show at home and act normal in public. ---
**Author:** ![Shodan](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/9f8e36/32.png) [@Shodan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Shodan)\ **Post date:** [May 29, 2015, 4:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/its-our-lifestyle-man-walks-woman-on-leash-in-mall/720979/145 "2015-05-29T16:57:28Z")
> [@Fotheringay-Phipps](#): > > I don’t really get the whole “kids” issue altogether. If the kids are old enough (e.g. teens) then just tell them straight. If they’re little kids, then just bluff it. Something like this: > > _“What are those people doing?”_ > “They’re pretending to be a dog and its owner” > _“I also want to do that”_ > “Sorry, that’s not appropriate for a mall” > _“But those people are doing it in a mall”_ > “Some people are weird” > > Done. > > That’s how Calvin’s Dad would probably deal with it, and it’s good enough for me. I would cut to the last line as a first line. _What are those people doing, daddy?_ “They’re weirdos, honey.” Regards, Shodan ---
**Author:** ![Tibby](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/tibby/32/17030_2.png) [@Tibby](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tibby)\ **Post date:** [May 29, 2015, 5:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/its-our-lifestyle-man-walks-woman-on-leash-in-mall/720979/146 "2015-05-29T17:17:25Z")
> [@eclectic\_wench](#): > > ‘The Aristocrats!!’ My kids and I perform that act every once in a while—it’s really adorable. Sometimes our dog joins in too and some of the neighborhood kids. But, please learn to spell better. It’s spelled \*Aristo\*\*CATS. \*\*\* ---
**Author:** ![Boyo\_Jim](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/87869e/32.png) [@Boyo\_Jim](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Boyo_Jim)\ **Post date:** [May 29, 2015, 5:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/its-our-lifestyle-man-walks-woman-on-leash-in-mall/720979/147 "2015-05-29T17:32:06Z")
> [@Tibby or Not Tibby](#): > > My kids and I perform that act every once in a while—it’s really adorable. Sometimes our dog joins in too and some of the neighborhood kids. > But, please learn to spell better. It’s spelled \*Aristo\*\*CATS. \*\*\* I think you your family is performing a different act. ---
**Author:** ![Tibby](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/tibby/32/17030_2.png) [@Tibby](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tibby)\ **Post date:** [May 29, 2015, 6:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/its-our-lifestyle-man-walks-woman-on-leash-in-mall/720979/148 "2015-05-29T18:11:45Z")
> [@Boyo\_Jim](#): > > I think you your family is performing a different act. No, I don’t think so. When Nana’s big furry puss makes its grand entrance, the house comes down. It’s truly a delightful family-friendly production! ---
**Author:** ![LSLGuy](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/lslguy/32/5813_2.png) [@LSLGuy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/LSLGuy)\ **Post date:** [May 29, 2015, 6:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/its-our-lifestyle-man-walks-woman-on-leash-in-mall/720979/149 "2015-05-29T18:27:33Z")
Somehow, in this context folks saying “my family performs an act” has a strangely “Ewww” overtone. ---
**Author:** ![Tibby](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/tibby/32/17030_2.png) [@Tibby](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tibby)\ **Post date:** [May 29, 2015, 6:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/its-our-lifestyle-man-walks-woman-on-leash-in-mall/720979/150 "2015-05-29T18:54:51Z")
> [@LSLGuy](#): > > Somehow, in this context folks saying “my family performs an act” has a strangely “Ewww” overtone. Really? An _“ewww”_ overtone?? No, not at all! I do believe, if you were to caress my Nana’s puss, M_uffy_, you wouldn’t be saying _“ewww”_, you’d be saying, _“aww, what a sweet thing you are! I’ve got a tasty Snausage® I was going to give to the bitch next door, but, I’ll give it to you instead, if you’d like.”_ ---
**Author:** ![Princhester](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/3e96dc/32.png) [@Princhester](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Princhester)\ **Post date:** [May 30, 2015, 12:32am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/its-our-lifestyle-man-walks-woman-on-leash-in-mall/720979/151 "2015-05-30T00:32:30Z")
> [@GrumpyBunny](#): > > Well, back in the day, I knew some punks who would’ve found it hilarious to do that. Although they would’ve flipped the script and had the guy on the leash… Precisely. Plus as you well know, Malthus, BDSM may in a literal sense refer to anything involving bondage and discipline, but in practice it’s a term for engaging in bondage & discipline as part of a sexual act. That may happen later for this couple, but that isn’t what’s happening in the mall. And **Malthus** you are certain that they are doing this to gain negative attention but I think you may well be projecting. It wouldn’t surprise me at all to learn that they would very much like to get positive attention, or just any attention and don’t want negative attention. They _might_ want negative attention but I don’t think that’s as clear as you believe. Mostly, that’s just what you think because that’s what attention _you_ would give them. And **Tibby or Not Tibby** , you _really_ need to google “The Aristocrats!” because you clearly don’t know where the expression comes from and how unintentionally funny it is that you are saying your family performs the act in question. ---
**Author:** ![Bullitt](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/bullitt/32/5725_2.png) [@Bullitt](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bullitt)\ **Post date:** [May 30, 2015, 8:51am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/its-our-lifestyle-man-walks-woman-on-leash-in-mall/720979/152 "2015-05-30T08:51:09Z")
> [@Anaamika](#): > > But displaying that different people show their love in different ways is better than Tom and Jerry beating each other up all the time. That’s a stretch. ---
**Author:** ![Your\_Great\_Darsh\_Face](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/y/ac8455/32.png) [@Your\_Great\_Darsh\_Face](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Your_Great_Darsh_Face)\ **Post date:** [May 30, 2015, 9:12am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/its-our-lifestyle-man-walks-woman-on-leash-in-mall/720979/153 "2015-05-30T09:12:43Z")
> [@Anaamika](#): > > I have a really big problem with this Victorian idea that sex is nasty and grotty and must be hidden from the children but violence is just fine. I’m not saying you want to hold up Master and Doggy as an ideal for your kids. But displaying that different people show their love in different ways is better than Tom and Jerry beating each other up all the time. Excuse me, _nothing_ is better than Tom and Jerry beating each other up all the time. Although _Duck, Rabbit, Duck!_ also scales the same lofty heights. ---
**Author:** ![clairobscur](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/839c29/32.png) [@clairobscur](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/clairobscur)\ **Post date:** [May 30, 2015, 12:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/its-our-lifestyle-man-walks-woman-on-leash-in-mall/720979/154 "2015-05-30T12:51:07Z")
> [@Malthus](#): > > While of course one can never be one-hundred-percent sure of anyone’s motives for anything, not being mind-readers, one can make the quite reasonable assumption that someone who goes to a public mall to ‘display their lifestyle’ is doing it so others can see them doing it. > > Why so many here are trying so desperately to avoid admitting the bleeding obvious is a mystery to me. 😕 I already explained why it’s not necessarily because they want people to see it : it might be because they’d like to act this way freely. Think of something non weird and now acceptable that used not to be, for instance. Like youngsters making out in public in the 30s or gays holding hands in the 70s. Their main motivation wasn’t necessarily to be noticed or to cause a ruckus, but simply to do what they desired to do, damned be what people think. Regardless how weird/repulsive the practice, it might be exactly the same motivation here. If I had to bet money on it, I would indeed rather bet that they’re seeking the attention (because they like to be provocative, because it arouses them sexually, whatever), but you can’t know that for sure. I already mentioned that I myself refrain from (weird) practices that in an ideal (for me) world, I would carry out in public, not because of the attention, but because I would enjoy being able to do this whenever and wherever (alhough I _also_ understand the appeal of public shame wrt BDSM, but these are different things). As for why people are “avoiding the obvious”, that might because seemingly several of us responding here are into BDSM ourselves, and the “obvious” seems much less “obvious” to us as a result. ---
**Author:** ![Tibby](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/tibby/32/17030_2.png) [@Tibby](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tibby)\ **Post date:** [May 30, 2015, 1:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/its-our-lifestyle-man-walks-woman-on-leash-in-mall/720979/155 "2015-05-30T13:33:59Z")
> [@Princhester](#): > > …And **Tibby or Not Tibby** , you _really_ need to google “The Aristocrats!” because you clearly don’t know where the expression comes from and how unintentionally funny it is that you are saying your family performs the act in question. I appreciate the concern, **Princhester** , but here in the land of Disney, everybody is familiar with that show. I’m surprised the Aussie kids aren’t also familiar with it and put on their own productions. When you visit, we’ll put on a show just for you. My family does a lot of improvising—it’s really a hoot! You ought to see where Uncle Waldo sticks his beak. And, I won’t spoil the surprise of having you see what Scat Cat does! _Google, eh?, oh, what the heck…_ Oh, mercy, I do declare…I have the vapors! That’s almost as bad as seeing a man walk a woman on a leash. ---
**Author:** ![LSLGuy](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/lslguy/32/5813_2.png) [@LSLGuy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/LSLGuy)\ **Post date:** [May 30, 2015, 1:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/its-our-lifestyle-man-walks-woman-on-leash-in-mall/720979/156 "2015-05-30T13:53:54Z")
> [@Tibby or Not Tibby](#): > > …_Google, eh?, oh, what the heck…_ > > Oh, mercy, I do declare…I have the vapors! That’s almost as bad as seeing a man walk a woman on a leash. Do tell, do tell! ---
**Author:** ![puzzlegal](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/puzzlegal/32/3827_2.png) [@puzzlegal](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/puzzlegal)\ **Post date:** [May 30, 2015, 2:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/its-our-lifestyle-man-walks-woman-on-leash-in-mall/720979/157 "2015-05-30T14:34:56Z")
I’m in the “it’s rude of them to include random strangers in their sex lives, but i don’t see any need to outlaw that sort of thing” camp. > [@ITR\_champion](#): > > If I had small children, particularly girls, I would not want to have to explain the concept of BDSM to them until a much later age. “There are some men who enjoy raping, torturing, and humiliating women”? That seems likely to cause nightmares in a 7-year-old. So don’t. I have kids. I reared them in NYC. Every so often, they saw something weird. If I were paying attention that day, and my child asked, I might say “some adults like to play make believe”. But odds are, I would just shrug and say “some people are weird”. And yes, my kids accepted that sort of answer. > [@clairobscur](#): > > … > If I had to bet money on it, I would indeed rather bet that they’re seeking the attention (because they like to be provocative, because it arouses them sexually, whatever), but you can’t know that for sure… yeah, people really are weird, and maybe isn’t sexual to them, and maybe they weren’t seeking attention. But I’d be surprised if either of those were true. ---
**Author:** ![Melbourne](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/b5e925/32.png) [@Melbourne](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Melbourne)\ **Post date:** [May 31, 2015, 1:37am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/its-our-lifestyle-man-walks-woman-on-leash-in-mall/720979/158 "2015-05-31T01:37:55Z")
> [@NinjaChick](#): > > I think it’s incredibly disgusting and profoundly inappropriate. If you’re into fake bestiality or whatever this is, fine, but keep your weird sexual kinks in the bedroom. If you get off on other people being uncomfortable with your weird sexual kinks, tough crap. You’ve been reading too much 50-shades-of-grey, and not doing enough thinking. I’ve been an adolescent male, and even then relationships weren’t only about sex. ---
**Author:** ![GrumpyBunny](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/bc8723/32.png) [@GrumpyBunny](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/GrumpyBunny)\ **Post date:** [May 31, 2015, 4:08am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/its-our-lifestyle-man-walks-woman-on-leash-in-mall/720979/159 "2015-05-31T04:08:55Z")
> [@Tibby or Not Tibby](#): > > _Google, eh?, oh, what the heck…_ > > Oh, mercy, I do declare…I have the vapors! That’s almost as bad as seeing a man walk a woman on a leash. There’s an _ **entire movie** _ with variations on the joke! ---
**Author:** ![NinjaChick](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/71c47a/32.png) [@NinjaChick](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/NinjaChick)\ **Post date:** [May 31, 2015, 5:03am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/its-our-lifestyle-man-walks-woman-on-leash-in-mall/720979/160 "2015-05-31T05:03:06Z")
> [@Melbourne](#): > > You’ve been reading too much 50-shades-of-grey, and not doing enough thinking. > > I’ve been an adolescent male, and even then relationships weren’t only about sex. I have no idea what you’re talking about. And I’ve never read 50 Shades of Gray, thanks. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/its-our-lifestyle-man-walks-woman-on-leash-in-mall/720979.md?page=7) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/its-our-lifestyle-man-walks-woman-on-leash-in-mall/720979.md?page=9)