# It's Part of Me **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [June 24, 2011, 2:22am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/its-part-of-me/586656 "2011-06-24T02:22:32Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 4
**Author:** ![Lasciel](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/e79b87/32.png) [@Lasciel](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lasciel)\ **Post date:** [June 24, 2011, 4:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/its-part-of-me/586656/61 "2011-06-24T16:20:36Z")
> [@pakalolo](#): > > Again, he does not have to ask “permission” to move, he merely needs to ask for the wheelchair. They are not hiding his wheelchair from him or locking in away, if he really needed it and didn’t see the waiter, his date could have gotten it for him. I really suggest you re-think your position on this subject. Your opinions are coming across as very unsympathetic towards disabled people, as well as ignorant of the amount of social and emotional distress it causes people to be forced to be reliant on the good-feeling of others, whether they are your “date” or not. I even think the OP could handle these issues more tactfully, but your points make it seem that you are being deliberately obtuse about something that is a fairly universally-understood point about equality of access and mobility. ---
**Author:** ![DianaG](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/7ab992/32.png) [@DianaG](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DianaG)\ **Post date:** [June 24, 2011, 4:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/its-part-of-me/586656/62 "2011-06-24T16:23:13Z")
The OP in particular should probably never, ever be placed in a situation where his well-being is dependent on the good-feeling of the people around him. ---
**Author:** ![Living\_Well\_Is\_Best\_Revenge](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/6bbea6/32.png) [@Living\_Well\_Is\_Best\_Revenge](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Living_Well_Is_Best_Revenge)\ **Post date:** [June 24, 2011, 4:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/its-part-of-me/586656/63 "2011-06-24T16:24:36Z")
> [@DianaG](#): > > The OP in particular should probably never, ever be placed in a situation where his well-being is dependent on the good-feeling of the people around him. I think that is something we can all agree on. ---
**Author:** ![Lasciel](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/e79b87/32.png) [@Lasciel](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lasciel)\ **Post date:** [June 24, 2011, 4:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/its-part-of-me/586656/64 "2011-06-24T16:26:09Z")
> [@DianaG](#): > > The OP in particular should probably never, ever be placed in a situation where his well-being is dependent on the good-feeling of the people around him. Perhaps this is a large part of why he is so, erm, \*insistent \*about the subject? ---
**Author:** ![pakalolo](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/57b2e6/32.png) [@pakalolo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/pakalolo)\ **Post date:** [June 24, 2011, 4:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/its-part-of-me/586656/65 "2011-06-24T16:26:49Z")
> [@](#): > > Are you dense? SAME THING. Asking “permission” to go to the bathroom and asking someone to bring you your wheelchair are not the same. I guess we must agree to disagree here. ---
**Author:** ![Marley23](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/45deac/32.png) [@Marley23](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Marley23)\ **Post date:** [June 24, 2011, 4:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/its-part-of-me/586656/66 "2011-06-24T16:27:35Z")
> [@DianaG](#): > > I don’t disagree. He probably should have asked to be moved to such a seat, instead of simply refusing to give up his chair. I agree. > [@pakalolo](#): > > Again, he does not have to ask “permission” to move, he merely needs to ask for the wheelchair. They are not hiding his wheelchair from him or locking in away, if he really needed it and didn’t see the waiter, his date could have gotten it for him. By taking the chair, they would take away his ability to leave the table without assistance, whether it’s from a server or his date. That’s not something an able-bodied person has to put up with. This has already been explained to you. ---
**Author:** ![Hello\_Again](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/85e7bf/32.png) [@Hello\_Again](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Hello_Again)\ **Post date:** [June 24, 2011, 4:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/its-part-of-me/586656/67 "2011-06-24T16:40:10Z")
My analysis for what its worth: The restaurant was completely in the wrong, AND I have a strong feeling the OP was a complete tool about it. The date, most likely was embarassed by the antogonistic toolishness, and not the actual request to keep the wheelchair nearby. ---
**Author:** ![Guinastasia](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/guinastasia/32/5751_2.png) [@Guinastasia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Guinastasia)\ **Post date:** [June 24, 2011, 4:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/its-part-of-me/586656/68 "2011-06-24T16:43:43Z")
> [@pakalolo](#): > > He does not have to “ask for permission” to leave the table, he has to ask for his wheelchair. Not the same thing. > > Their insistence on moving his wheelchair was not “bizarre”, they explained it was violating the fire code. But they wouldn’t even allow it to be there folded up, where it wouldn’t be against the fire code. That doesn’t mean that the OP wasn’t a jackass over it. He doesn’t strike me as the most diplomatic person (which would probably get people to actually _listen_ to him), but that doesn’t make the restaurant in the right either. ---
**Author:** ![pakalolo](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/57b2e6/32.png) [@pakalolo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/pakalolo)\ **Post date:** [June 24, 2011, 4:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/its-part-of-me/586656/69 "2011-06-24T16:49:45Z")
> [@](#): > > But they wouldn’t even allow it to be there folded up, where it wouldn’t be against the fire code. I did not see that written by the OP, I think that was a suggestion by subsequent poster. I really don’t care enough anymore to go back and check. Anyway, I am going hiking now, on a non-handicapped accessible trail. How unsympathetic of me. ---
**Author:** ![Alka\_Seltzer](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/c89c15/32.png) [@Alka\_Seltzer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Alka_Seltzer)\ **Post date:** [June 24, 2011, 5:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/its-part-of-me/586656/70 "2011-06-24T17:21:20Z")
I vaguely suspect both parties could have been more tactful and accomodating, but it’s impossible to tell from here. ---
**Author:** ![Guinastasia](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/guinastasia/32/5751_2.png) [@Guinastasia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Guinastasia)\ **Post date:** [June 24, 2011, 5:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/its-part-of-me/586656/71 "2011-06-24T17:23:34Z")
> [@pakalolo](#): > > I did not see that written by the OP, I think that was a suggestion by subsequent poster. I really don’t care enough anymore to go back and check. > > Anyway, I am going hiking now, on a non-handicapped accessible trail. How unsympathetic of me. Right here: > [@jamiemcgarry](#): > > They wouldn’t even let me fold the chair up and have it right next to the table. ---
**Author:** ![Czarcasm](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/czarcasm/32/4050_2.png) [@Czarcasm](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Czarcasm)\ **Post date:** [June 24, 2011, 5:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/its-part-of-me/586656/72 "2011-06-24T17:35:27Z")
> [@Guinastasia](#): > > But they wouldn’t even allow it to be there folded up, where it wouldn’t be against the fire code. 1. I’m not finding the post where he said it was a folding wheelchair. 2. If there is such a fire code, would he consider apologizing to the management for the misunderstanding, or does he expect them to ignore the fire code to accommodate him? edited to add: ignore #1-just saw the answer. ---
**Author:** ![TruCelt](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/trucelt/32/523_2.png) [@TruCelt](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TruCelt)\ **Post date:** [June 24, 2011, 5:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/its-part-of-me/586656/73 "2011-06-24T17:45:21Z")
I had a similar problem with the stroller when Celtling was little. I slipped a disc in my back while pregnant, and couldn’t just carry her around like most Moms can. I also used the strolelr as a walker since I couldn’t manage both. There were many times when I just left a restaurant or place of business rather than review my medical history with some jerk who wouldn’t take “I’m sorry but it realy is a necessity for us.” for an answer. And what if there ahd been a fire? How would you/we have gotten out if our wheels were not close by? The most frustrating were the National Zoo and National Aquarium trips. One would think that National parks and the like would have some way to accomodate a handicapped Mom. Sory you had to go through that. But just think of all the money you saved finding out that the girl was just. way. wrong. for you. 😉 ---
**Author:** ![ReticulatingSplines](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/e274bd/32.png) [@ReticulatingSplines](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ReticulatingSplines)\ **Post date:** [June 24, 2011, 6:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/its-part-of-me/586656/74 "2011-06-24T18:05:55Z")
> [@TruCelt](#): > > Sory you had to go through that. But just think of all the money you saved finding out that the girl was just. way. wrong. for you. 😉 It’s HER fault that she felt embarrassed that her date was acting like an asshole? What was she supposed to do? Nod her head and throw forks at the staff? Just because one of them’s destined to eat Fromunda Cheese that day doesn’t mean they both should have to. ---
**Author:** ![DianaG](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/7ab992/32.png) [@DianaG](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DianaG)\ **Post date:** [June 24, 2011, 6:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/its-part-of-me/586656/75 "2011-06-24T18:19:11Z")
To be fair, nothing was said about fault. She IS wrong for him if she’s not willing to smile approvingly while he acts like an asshole, because he clearly expects that of her. ---
**Author:** ![ReticulatingSplines](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/e274bd/32.png) [@ReticulatingSplines](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ReticulatingSplines)\ **Post date:** [June 24, 2011, 6:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/its-part-of-me/586656/76 "2011-06-24T18:20:42Z")
> [@DianaG](#): > > To be fair, nothing was said about fault. She IS wrong for him if she’s not willing to smile approvingly while he acts like an asshole, because he clearly expects that of her. Fair enough. But I thought the tone of the statement seemed kind of disapproving towards her. ---
**Author:** ![aruvqan](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/aruvqan/32/2891_2.png) [@aruvqan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/aruvqan)\ **Post date:** [June 24, 2011, 6:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/its-part-of-me/586656/77 "2011-06-24T18:20:43Z")
> [@elfkin477](#): > > Jesus. You should write a letter to the editor warning people about this stupid policy. I wonder if they try to make off with people’s crutches and canes too. I have had places want to put my sticks somewhere else. I normally lean them either on the table in the empty space, or if we are in a booth I stick them along side the wall. I do have fairly expensive folding sticks, but they can be a pain in the arse to fold and unfold all the damned time [I got them so the stupid stewardess wont keep taking them away in an airplane. Yeah, lets see some dumb bunny remember I have got to have my sticks when the plane is on fire…] I got the flip up arms for my chair, beats the hell out of desk length or full length. I can sit at pretty much any height table with them. ---
**Author:** ![Farmer\_Jane](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/bbe5ce/32.png) [@Farmer\_Jane](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Farmer_Jane)\ **Post date:** [June 24, 2011, 6:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/its-part-of-me/586656/78 "2011-06-24T18:25:11Z")
A guy who uses a wheelchair wants to remain independent. And you guys have a problem with this? ---
**Author:** ![DianaG](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/7ab992/32.png) [@DianaG](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DianaG)\ **Post date:** [June 24, 2011, 6:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/its-part-of-me/586656/79 "2011-06-24T18:29:39Z")
Not at all. The only problem I have is that I can’t read in a vacuum, dammit. ---
**Author:** ![Smeghead](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/f1d935/32.png) [@Smeghead](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Smeghead)\ **Post date:** [June 24, 2011, 7:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/its-part-of-me/586656/80 "2011-06-24T19:41:23Z")
> [@Idle\_Thoughts](#): > > Let’s remember what forum we’re in and dial it down some. While I don’t intend to quibble with the mod instruction, I do want to point out that when the OP is asking this: > [@jamiemcgarry](#): > > But what do you all think? Am I just being an asshole yet again? he shouldn’t be surprised if some of the answers are “Yes, you were being an asshole”, which, when accounting for the usual veneer of Dope cleverness (or trying-to-be-cleverness) is essentially what was said in those quotes. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/its-part-of-me/586656.md?page=3) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/its-part-of-me/586656.md?page=5)